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(Some Guy)   A real man doesn't ask for directions. A real man wouldn't get lost in a mall either   (panarabiaenquirer.com) divider line 49
    More: Satire, Dubai, shopping trolley, Dubai mall  
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3709 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Feb 2014 at 2:00 PM (39 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



49 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-02-19 12:20:38 PM  
Really rugged men do not go to the mall.  Real men do not venture far into the bowels of a mall; I can be spotted sitting on a bench outside the pizza place while my wife explores the mall.
 
2014-02-19 12:32:17 PM  
I believe the Purgatory is a mall from which you can never escape. Hell is the same thing except it's always the week before Christmas.
 
2014-02-19 12:47:54 PM  

Sybarite: I believe the Purgatory is a mall from which you can never escape. Hell is the same thing except it's always the week before Christmas.


It's the week before Christmas and you're always directly in between a Cinnabon and a Mongolian bbq place, so you have to smell both together.
 
2014-02-19 01:17:01 PM  

exick: Sybarite: I believe the Purgatory is a mall from which you can never escape. Hell is the same thing except it's always the week before Christmas.

It's the week before Christmas and you're always directly in between a Cinnabon and a Mongolian bbq place, so you have to smell both together.


Let us not forget the muzak.  The Christmas muzak.
 
2014-02-19 02:03:40 PM  

Sybarite: I believe the Purgatory is a mall from which you can never escape. Hell is the same thing except it's always the week before Christmas.


And your feet hurt and there's always one more store she has to go to.
 
2014-02-19 02:07:54 PM  

cgraves67: Sybarite: I believe the Purgatory is a mall from which you can never escape. Hell is the same thing except it's always the week before Christmas.

And your feet hurt and there's always one more store she has to go to.


And you're carrying her purse
 
2014-02-19 02:11:33 PM  
That was the stupidest story to be found in and "enquirer" magazine since bat boy.
 
2014-02-19 02:12:58 PM  
satire tag?

guess it's not amusing

that's ironic
 
2014-02-19 02:13:44 PM  
Welcome to the food court, where everyone is guilty.
 
2014-02-19 02:14:16 PM  

Prey4reign: Really rugged men do not go to the mall.  Real men do not venture far into the bowels of a mall; I can be spotted sitting on a bench outside the pizza place while my wife explores the mall.


Our big mall has a bar.  And NTN trivia.  Shop all you want sweetheart, blatz is having a few beers.
 
2014-02-19 02:14:40 PM  

offacue: cgraves67: Sybarite: I believe the Purgatory is a mall from which you can never escape. Hell is the same thing except it's always the week before Christmas.

And your feet hurt and there's always one more store she has to go to.

And you're carrying her purse


And the kids, stroller, and bags. Thankfully, she's got your balls in her purse, but oh wait, we've already established you're carrying that. Thank god you left your dignity at the door, you might get overwhelmed.
 
2014-02-19 02:15:15 PM  
I got lost in a mall in Indianapolis just a gew weeks ago. There were escalators everywhere and not a map to be found. I sat in one spot, texted my teenage cousin to come help, she found me and returned me back to safety. I never should've wandered off alone in the first place.
 
2014-02-19 02:18:55 PM  

Anne.Uumellmahaye: I got lost in a mall in Indianapolis just a gew weeks ago. There were escalators everywhere and not a map to be found. I sat in one spot, texted my teenage cousin to come help, she found me and returned me back to safety. I never should've wandered off alone in the first place.


I don't know how long a "gew week" is, but I'm pretty sure...

www.somegif.com
 
2014-02-19 02:20:00 PM  
I lose my bearings in a Walmart every once in a while.
 
2014-02-19 02:23:00 PM  

FDR Jones: I lose my bearings in a Walmart every once in a while.


That happens to me whenever I go into a Bass Pro. I just want to buy a few things for my wife, but I black out and wake up in the parking lot with 3 guns, a bunch of camouflaged clothes, and a bass boat.
 
2014-02-19 02:23:06 PM  

Crass and Jaded Mother Farker: Anne.Uumellmahaye: I got lost in a mall in Indianapolis just a gew weeks ago. There were escalators everywhere and not a map to be found. I sat in one spot, texted my teenage cousin to come help, she found me and returned me back to safety. I never should've wandered off alone in the first place.

I don't know how long a "gew week" is, but I'm pretty sure...


I'm gewish, it's all good.
 
2014-02-19 02:23:09 PM  
Not that I understand being lost in a mall for over a month, but it is four large stories with 3 Starbucks...
 
2014-02-19 02:24:13 PM  
Why would a man need directions in a mall, especially on a Friday night?  Just follow some middle school girls around.
/didn't even go to the mall at Christmas last year
//subby's submission is not real
 
2014-02-19 02:24:17 PM  
That poor devil.  I avoid malls, for this very reason.  Hell, I got lost in a Whole Foods store.  Had to ask staff where the exit was, then I bought some free-range soy beans or something, just to avoid guilt when I finally checked out and left.

/gnaws on some then puts the rest in the dog's bowl.
 
2014-02-19 02:24:42 PM  
WTF are we doing here?
 
2014-02-19 02:25:29 PM  
Splu'h, malls are intentionally easy to get lost in
 
2014-02-19 02:29:43 PM  
This
farm1.staticflickr.com
and this
upload.wikimedia.org
got nuthin.  Just like Sartre
 
2014-02-19 02:32:52 PM  
judging by the comments in TFA, a lot of their readers do not understand sarcasm.
 
2014-02-19 02:36:37 PM  
This is why I never go to the mall. They are dangerous. You can be killed by sales-crazed kept housewives at any moment.
 
2014-02-19 02:38:59 PM  
Why the frack would you ever go to the mall with your wife? She can't drive or something? On the rare occasions I go shopping with my wife, we split up and set a time to meet.

Real men don't need to ask for directions in a mall, because there's a big honking map that you can use near each entrance. I get lost inside them, sure, but it's not that hard to get unlost. Sure as heck doesn't require asking the guy handing out Szechuan chicken on toothpicks.
 
2014-02-19 02:39:06 PM  
According to Zento, he lost his partner three months into their drift because she refused to eat any more Baskin Robbins.
For days, I felt like dying. I couldn't take it anymore. Another pop-up Swatch stand very nearly finished me off...
Even when going for the supposedly salad options or leaving the sliced gherkin in the burger...


Fun with non sequitirs, people, nothing to see here, move along.

And so begins the first experiment with a computer generated news "story". Unfortunately, the finished product is not yet ready for prime time.
 
2014-02-19 02:43:11 PM  
i.imgur.com


Knows how he feels.
 
2014-02-19 02:45:06 PM  

cgraves67: FDR Jones: I lose my bearings in a Walmart every once in a while.

That happens to me whenever I go into a Bass Pro. I just want to buy a few things for my wife, but I black out and wake up in the parking lot with 3 guns, a bunch of camouflaged clothes, and a bass boat.


The last time that happened to me I had to call my buddy for a bottle...and bail money....
 
2014-02-19 02:46:47 PM  

offacue: cgraves67: Sybarite: I believe the Purgatory is a mall from which you can never escape. Hell is the same thing except it's always the week before Christmas.

And your feet hurt and there's always one more store she has to go to.

And you're carrying her purse


While she tries on lingerie.  The boring kind.
 
2014-02-19 02:47:21 PM  
Ford Fiesta, never go to the mall without one.
/Baddies in a Corvette are just one of the many dangers that lurk at the mall

img.fark.net
 
2014-02-19 02:49:26 PM  

Anne.Uumellmahaye: Crass and Jaded Mother Farker: Anne.Uumellmahaye: I got lost in a mall in Indianapolis just a gew weeks ago. There were escalators everywhere and not a map to be found. I sat in one spot, texted my teenage cousin to come help, she found me and returned me back to safety. I never should've wandered off alone in the first place.

I don't know how long a "gew week" is, but I'm pretty sure...

I'm gewish, it's all good.


Oh, you're from Gewidia?
 
2014-02-19 02:50:53 PM  
Once when the all you can eat place opened 24 hours a day I spent six weeks there.

/moisten towelettes can be used for a bath
 
2014-02-19 03:13:32 PM  

SlothB77: judging by the comments in TFA, a lot of their readers do not understand sarcasm.


heh.  Click on the cat chewing article for real clueless assblistering.
 
2014-02-19 03:30:48 PM  
The longest week of my life was the night my flight out of LAX was delayed for 6 hours.
 
2014-02-19 03:35:44 PM  
"Even when going for the supposedly salad options or leaving the sliced gherkin in the burger, we've never known anyone to have lasted longer than seven months eating purely fast food,"

I know people who've lived their whole life on it.
 
2014-02-19 03:37:21 PM  
Just how big is this mall?  I know Dubai's mall is supposed to be the biggest in the world, but still,
if it's that attractive to foreign tourists, they should have a concierge or someone who can speak
languages other than, presumably, Arabic (this is the UAE).  Just try getting that kind of service
at an American mall, like the one in Minneapolis.  They probably wouldn't even know the poor
guy was speaking Italian, and they'd bring a Spanish-speaking interpreter (Spanish and Italian do
sound somewhat alike).
 
2014-02-19 03:41:19 PM  

offacue: cgraves67: Sybarite: I believe the Purgatory is a mall from which you can never escape. Hell is the same thing except it's always the week before Christmas.

And your feet hurt and there's always one more store she has to go to.

And you're carrying her purse


As much as you seem to carry that thing around, is it really "her" purse still?
 
2014-02-19 03:55:35 PM  

Prey4reign: Really rugged men do not go to the mall.  Real men do not venture far into the bowels of a mall; I can be spotted sitting on a bench outside the pizza place while my wife explores the mall.


And then promptly questioned by the police for being a potential pedophile.
 
2014-02-19 04:13:12 PM  
A US mall is just an outlet for the same 17 chinese and bangladeshi factories with different labels. The Dubai mall might actually have something interesting, although nothing on the rack will fit this linebacker.
 
2014-02-19 04:42:31 PM  
Am I stating the obvious?  or did no one else really catch that this was just the same story of the guy who claimed to be adrift on the Pacific for 13 months.  I mean, word for word, all they did was substitute some key phrases.  That's some mighty lazy satire there, Lou.

"Alvarenga said that he and a teenage companion were blown off-course by northerly winds and then caught in a storm, eventually losing use of their engines.

 According to Anjenette Kattil of the Marshall Islands Ministry of Foreign Affairs, Alvarenga said that four weeks into their drift, he lost the young man because he refused to eat raw birds. There are no details on what Alvarenga did with the young man's body.
Alvarenga told the Telegraph his companion's death had him contemplating suicide.

"For four days, I wanted to kill myself. But I couldn't feel the desire; I didn't want to feel the pain. I couldn't do it," he is quoted as saying."

versus this less than imaginitave article:

"Zento is believed to have entered the mall for what was to be a one-day expedition with a fellow Italian last January, but was blown off course by crowds for a shopping festival and eventually became waylaid by a visit the Dubai Aquarium.

According to Zento, he lost his partner three months into their drift because she refused to eat any more Baskin Robbins.

"For days, I felt like dying. I couldn't take it anymore. Another pop-up Swatch stand very nearly finished me off," he is quoted as saying "
 
2014-02-19 04:55:52 PM  
I believed every word of that (it was in Dubai, after all) but then I saw the tag.
 
2014-02-19 05:36:01 PM  
i141.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-19 08:35:54 PM  

Prey4reign: Really rugged men do not go to the mall.

Real men do not venture far into the bowels of a mall; I can be spotted sitting on a bench outside the pizza place while my wife explores the mall.

If it has a Cinnebon, I'll go there....
 
2014-02-19 09:08:12 PM  
Sounds more legit than that other guys story.
 
2014-02-19 10:38:13 PM  
I can imagine a homeless person trying this, so it going over a lot of people's heads that the article is a joke isn't all that surprising.
 
2014-02-20 12:12:15 AM  

Prey4reign: Really rugged men do not go to the mall.  Real men do not venture far into the bowels of a mall; I can be spotted sitting on a bench outside the pizza place while my wife explores the mall.


I used to hang out on those benches, til people started freaking out and security was all like, "put your clothes on you weirdo, where the hell do you think you are!" and I was like, "chill man, I'm just trying to relax", and they were like, "we're gonna call the cops, you freak!", and blah blah blah... So I don't go to that mall anymore. Uptight people just get me down.
 
2014-02-20 12:46:29 AM  

Nana's Vibrator: Why would a man need directions in a mall, especially on a Friday night?   Just follow some middle school girls around.

img.fark.net
 
2014-02-20 02:22:55 PM  
i'm satired of this shiat
 
2014-02-20 03:43:38 PM  
New Oldsmobiles are in early this year
 
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