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(Daily Mail)   Guys, it's time we had the dude talk. That lump or wart on your junk, yeah man. It's time to get it checked out, cause we're all dudes here, and we don't like to get girly and talk emotions and junk. But, don't let your little dude get messed up   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 66
    More: Scary, penile cancers, disease-free, orchids, Wolverhampton  
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10351 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Feb 2014 at 3:09 AM (44 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



66 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2014-02-18 11:46:56 PM  
i.dailymail.co.uk

simg.sportsbybrooks.com
 
2014-02-18 11:54:54 PM  
She turned my newt into a toad
 
2014-02-19 12:30:11 AM  
Dude. Dick cancer??

Thank god I have all my shots.
 
2014-02-19 12:52:39 AM  
Penis Lump is the name of my Gary Glitter cover band.
 
2014-02-19 01:42:17 AM  
Do not GIS "lump on junk."
 
2014-02-19 02:18:23 AM  

twistedmetal: Penis Lump is the name of my Gary Glitter cover band.


You said the magic words! (I submitted this story earlier today and it got redlit)

Volunteers pack two million meals for hungry children around the world. Then celebrate with a Gary Glitter song

Sixth paragraph.
 
2014-02-19 03:14:57 AM  
I felt a lump "down there" a couple of years ago and decided to have my provider check it out. My female provider. After about ten minutes of rooting around we finally found it. Just a benign growth on the old testicular tubes. But what fun.
 
2014-02-19 03:19:36 AM  

zerkalo: I felt a lump "down there" a couple of years ago and decided to have my provider check it out. My female provider. After about ten minutes of rooting around we finally found it. Just a benign growth on the old testicular tubes. But what fun.


And your insurance provider probably took care of it.  Nicely done, sir.  Nicely done.
 
2014-02-19 03:21:34 AM  
I remember a very odd conversation I had with two young men that resulted in their both being treated for venereal warts.  I don't even remember how we got on the subject - we were all relatively young soldiers on Ft. Stewart, and they both were under the impression that there were only two types of VD - and weren't sure what they were.   So I proceeded to tell them (me being the NCO) about various other things that could crawl up their peckers should they not take precautions.   They stopped me at one point, and asked me to go back to venereal warts.  Could you describe those again sarge?    It turned out that they BOTH had exactly what I had described to them, verified by the medics the next day.   They also BOTH had been banging the same barmaid.   I made them call everyone that they had sexual contact with and explain the situation, and that they should also be checked out.   They did it from the pay phones, in the rain, so I didn't get to hear any of those conversations, but I bet they were interesting.
 
2014-02-19 03:40:02 AM  
Circumcision thread!
 
2014-02-19 03:40:37 AM  
"partial penectomy"

"partial penectomy"

"partial penectomy"
 
2014-02-19 03:43:13 AM  

Durboloid: They did it from the pay phones, in the rain, so I didn't get to hear any of those conversations, but I bet they were interesting.


♫ ♪ 
I'm at a payphone trying to call you
Cause there's a disease on my little dude.
Remember that time gone
By it was all wrong, wish I'd worn a rubber now, don't you?
♫ ♪
 
2014-02-19 03:51:41 AM  

Alien Robot: "partial penectomy"

"partial penectomy"

"partial penectomy"


BWA HAHAHAHAHAHA

That is the only like minds we shall ever experience
 
2014-02-19 03:53:47 AM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-02-19 03:58:10 AM  

zerkalo: I felt a lump "down there" a couple of years ago and decided to have my provider check it out. My female provider. After about ten minutes of rooting around we finally found it. Just a benign growth on the old testicular tubes. But what fun.


Huh.  I've had reasonably attractive female health care providers feel me up, and all I ever got was slightly embarrassed.  The entire process is just so non-sexual.
 
2014-02-19 04:01:44 AM  
I came straight here after reading the comments on the cancer kid story. This isn't goddamned right.
 
2014-02-19 04:02:29 AM  

maram500: I came straight here after reading the comments on the cancer kid story. This isn't goddamned right.


This ain't right because I'm laughing my ass off about d!ck cancer.
 
2014-02-19 04:02:51 AM  
So this guy hid his dong from his wife for a YEAR (because he thought he had a wart) and after the partial penectomy he complains that the sexual side of his marriage is over. Uh, guy, maybe if you'd been more forthcoming *ahem* about the problem, y'all could have worked through it together? OTOH, if the wife just shrugged when he moved into the spare room, perhaps the sexual side of his marriage was already over.

I can't imagine hiding something like that from a spouse. One, it's just a wart. Two, you can be infected without symptoms for years, so it's not like it's a sure sign of infidelity. Three, maybe you'd want to give your S.O. a heads up so they could be on the lookout for symptoms of their own? Just a thought. Jeez.
 
2014-02-19 04:06:44 AM  
That mobile site hates my phone so hard.
 
2014-02-19 04:19:54 AM  
Soo...we still think scirkscumcisions help in some way?
 
2014-02-19 04:35:13 AM  

zerkalo: I felt a lump "down there" a couple of years ago and decided to have my provider check it out. My female provider. After about ten minutes of rooting around we finally found it. Just a benign growth on the old testicular tubes. But what fun.


My exit medical from the Navy was done by a female doc. She said: drop the shorts. I complied. Of all the things I have imagined while masturbating, that was NOT one of them, ever.
 
2014-02-19 04:38:38 AM  
I caused myself 3 weeks of an anxiety freak out due to a strange lump next to my ball sack. totally freaked out. went to the doctor and it was just a cyst. meh.
 
2014-02-19 04:59:55 AM  
its okay, im married, im pretty much done with it anyway.
 
2014-02-19 05:02:23 AM  
My cousin got testicular cancer that spread, luckily he was able to get it treated without chemo, but he lost a testicle.

My mom wanted to send flowers after he got it removed, but I convinced her that he might be feeling like less of a man, and flowers are a little girly, so we put together a basket of his favorite beers and an xbox game to play while he was recovering.

She nixed my porn mag idea though.
 
2014-02-19 05:03:48 AM  

Durboloid: I remember a very odd conversation I had with two young men that resulted in their both being treated for venereal warts.


You must have REALLY bad breath.
 
2014-02-19 05:07:13 AM  

Teknowaffle: She nixed my porn mag idea though.


Buzzkill.
 
2014-02-19 05:18:10 AM  

E5bie: So this guy hid his dong from his wife for a YEAR (because he thought he had a wart) and after the partial penectomy he complains that the sexual side of his marriage is over. Uh, guy, maybe if you'd been more forthcoming *ahem* about the problem, y'all could have worked through it together? OTOH, if the wife just shrugged when he moved into the spare room, perhaps the sexual side of his marriage was already over.

I can't imagine hiding something like that from a spouse. One, it's just a wart. Two, you can be infected without symptoms for years, so it's not like it's a sure sign of infidelity. Three, maybe you'd want to give your S.O. a heads up so they could be on the lookout for symptoms of their own? Just a thought. Jeez.


Came here to say this.^^

Sounds like he had a guilty conscience.  That screaming phone call to the mistress on the ride home from the doctor must have been epic.

I remember years ago reading an article about AIDS rates in Japan.  The husbands contracted HIV on a sex tour in Asia but continued having unprotected sex with their wives.  When asked, one husband said he never told his wife he tested HIV+ and he didn't use condoms because "Well, then she'd have gotten suspicious."  Classy, sir.  Classy.  Let your wife and the mother of your children suffer along with you.
 
2014-02-19 05:22:47 AM  

E5bie: Durboloid: They did it from the pay phones, in the rain, so I didn't get to hear any of those conversations, but I bet they were interesting.

♫ ♪ 
I'm at a payphone trying to call you
Cause there's a disease on my little dude.
Remember that time gone
By it was all wrong, wish I'd worn a rubber now, don't you?
♫ ♪


Condoms don't provide good protection against HPV
 
2014-02-19 05:48:53 AM  

Teknowaffle: My cousin got testicular cancer that spread, luckily he was able to get it treated without chemo, but he lost a testicle.

My mom wanted to send flowers after he got it removed, but I convinced her that he might be feeling like less of a man, and flowers are a little girly, so we put together a basket of his favorite beers and an xbox game to play while he was recovering.

She nixed my porn mag idea though.


Huh, my twin brother lost a nut to it and for his present I sent him essentially the same thing - two computer games and some bourbon.  I did include a Strawberry Shortcake card with the note "Don't worry, you'll get past this.  People would notice a change in a less feminine man, but you're all good."

My mother was PISSED, but he thought it was funny.  Plus, it was the 80's, so being ridiculously insensitive was the norm.
 
2014-02-19 06:17:17 AM  

Alien Robot: "partial penectomy"

"partial penectomy"

"partial penectomy"


"He is considering reconstructive surgery" and probably suicide.
 
2014-02-19 06:22:57 AM  

Lsherm: Teknowaffle: My cousin got testicular cancer that spread, luckily he was able to get it treated without chemo, but he lost a testicle.

My mom wanted to send flowers after he got it removed, but I convinced her that he might be feeling like less of a man, and flowers are a little girly, so we put together a basket of his favorite beers and an xbox game to play while he was recovering.

She nixed my porn mag idea though.

Huh, my twin brother lost a nut to it and for his present I sent him essentially the same thing - two computer games and some bourbon.  I did include a Strawberry Shortcake card with the note "Don't worry, you'll get past this.  People would notice a change in a less feminine man, but you're all good."

My mother was PISSED, but he thought it was funny.  Plus, it was the 80's, so being ridiculously insensitive was the norm.


Nice.
 
2014-02-19 06:32:15 AM  
I think, henceforth, this should be Fark's annual Junk Awareness Day.

Contrary to popular belief, I am wholly in favor in of good junk.
 
2014-02-19 06:38:13 AM  
"Cancer of the prick. It's true, I'm in the medical books and eveything.."
 
2014-02-19 06:47:57 AM  
Looks like the Dailymail server succumbed to penis cancer.
 
2014-02-19 06:53:22 AM  

RoyBatty: [i.imgur.com image 292x299]


Stopped by for this, leaving satisfied, Bubba.
 
2014-02-19 06:57:14 AM  
Reminds of the time when I got a staph infection on the right side of my waist. At first I thought it was an odd place for a zit (that happened to hurt like hell), but then I thought it was a spider bite after it just kept getting bigger and bigger and eventually opened up on its own. I finally went to the university med. clinic when it got to the point I where I could stick the tip of my pinky finger inside the abscess. They told my it was staph and couldn't give me anything for the pain as they squeezed and scraped all the dead flesh out of the wound, which hurt, hurt, HURT like a motherfarker.

Two or three months later I ran into a friend at a party who says to me "Hey dude, remember how you were telling me about that staph infection on your hip? Well, I got one on my dick." In cartoon-like fashion, I reflexively sprayed him with all the beer in my mouth. I'll never forget the look on his face as the droplets of beer beaded together and ran down his nose, cheeks, chin... When I was finally able to collect myself and apologize, I asked him how they took care of his infection, and how bad did it hurt? He said he couldn't really describe the intensity of the pain because the second they started to squeeze the infection, he "passed the fark out".
 
2014-02-19 07:00:58 AM  
Get your Gardasil shots
 
2014-02-19 07:03:23 AM  
This is just Big Circ trying to scare all the poor Gentiles into cutting their crowns.  First it was because they retained smegma, now they give us cancer......
 
2014-02-19 07:05:19 AM  
"The sexual side of my marriage has ended."

It did that when you got married, man.
 
2014-02-19 07:19:29 AM  
Men who smoke are also more likely to get penile cancer

I think they may be doing it wrong...
 
2014-02-19 07:35:48 AM  
That's worse than ass cancer!

i.chzbgr.com
 
2014-02-19 07:35:56 AM  
Is this where I tell everyone how I had a MRSA infection on my ballsack?
 
2014-02-19 07:39:54 AM  
When the HPV vaccine was first announced, I was in favor of inoculating pretty much everyone. I was informed that it was women who were at risk for cervical cancer and that men did not need to be inoculated against the virus. I thought this was an odd response because I didn't think genital warts and penile cancer were acceptable health outcomes. I'm happy to have been vindicated.

If you have a son and doctors tell you he doesn't need the HPV vaccine, tell them to fark the fark off and vaccinate your kid.
 
2014-02-19 08:23:50 AM  
TITCANCERTITCANCERTITCANCERTITCANCERTITCANCERTITCANCERTITCANCERTITCAN C ERTITCANCER
TITCANCERTITCANCERTITCANCERTITCANCERTITCANCERTITCANCERTITCANCERTITCAN C ERTITCANCER
TITCANCER
ballcancerTITCANCERTITCANCERTITCANCERTITCANCERTITCANCERT ITCANCERTITCANCER
 
2014-02-19 08:30:22 AM  

DittoToo: Circumcision thread!

"...and decreasing rates of childhood circumcision"


www.godlikeproductions.com
 
2014-02-19 08:31:00 AM  
I'm a man, I do manly things. Like go out in the woods to be alone with other men and polish each other's guns, then shoot our load into a bear. But talk about emotions? Like tell a woman I love her? Fark no, I ain't gay.
 
2014-02-19 08:34:51 AM  

Deacon Blue: zerkalo: I felt a lump "down there" a couple of years ago and decided to have my provider check it out. My female provider. After about ten minutes of rooting around we finally found it. Just a benign growth on the old testicular tubes. But what fun.

Huh.  I've had reasonably attractive female health care providers feel me up, and all I ever got was slightly embarrassed.  The entire process is just so non-sexual.


You sir had the wrong doctor...

kathieontherun.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-02-19 08:36:36 AM  
Just get em frozen off, it's no big deal
 
2014-02-19 08:40:28 AM  
I they wish the had that thing looked at earlier.

A lot earlier.

Not there yet:

img.fark.net
 
2014-02-19 09:10:12 AM  

anuran: E5bie: Durboloid: They did it from the pay phones, in the rain, so I didn't get to hear any of those conversations, but I bet they were interesting.

♫ ♪ 
I'm at a payphone trying to call you
Cause there's a disease on my little dude.
Remember that time gone
By it was all wrong, wish I'd worn a rubber now, don't you?
♫ ♪

Condoms don't provide good protection against HPV


Fine. Step on my rhymes with piddly ol' facts. They provide SOME protection, according to the CDC, last I checked.

♫ ♪
If happily ever after did exist,
I wouldn't be itching here like this.
Yeah, drunken booty calls are total shiat,
I can't count all the pustules on my dick.
♫ ♪
You might want to get checked...
♫ ♪
 
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