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Volcanic activity in Alaska may be an optical aleutian, UAW gets Das Boot, and white zinfandel goes on sale in the UK: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 2/9 - 2/15
Posted by Unfreakable at 2014-02-17 2:13:35 PM (0 comments) | Permalink

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1667 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Feb 2014 at 2:55 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Happy Presidents President's Presidents' Day, everybody! Enjoy the headlines.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2014-02-09 to Sat 2014-02-15:

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  White zinfandel goes on sale in the UK  

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  "Two year contract" takes on whole new meaning as NSA helps US military take out terrorists by taking out their cell phones. No word on whether it would have been easier to just give them AT&T service  

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  OW, My balls  

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  Ken Burns launches iPad app, which will allow the user to slowly pan across all photos stored on the device while Morgan Freeman describes them  

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  Hundreds of people flock to small town to view statue of the Virgin Mary that "weeps" oil. Sounds like a bad seal  

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  Since giving students As, Bs, Cs, Ds, and Fs can be seen as "demoralizing," Florida is considering dropping the grading scale in favor of a radically new one which will still irritate parents when their child gets a crocodile in math  

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  National Corvette Museum loses eight cars into sink hole described as "massive", but likely smaller than average  

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  How do you get your dog to go WOOF? Douse her with tick spray and then have her walk by an open flame  

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  ♫ Not a small girl after all, not a small girl after all, not a small girl after all, not a smaaaalll, small girl ♪  

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  _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ /// | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |  

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  Man spends four hours in the snow writing a giant valentine to his fiancee. No word on how many gallons of beer that required  


Sports:

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  Sam: I Am  

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  Browns quarterback Brandon Weeden says he wants out of Cleveland, making it official: NOBODY wants Brandon Weeden to be in Cleveland  

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  Tampa Bay pitcher Alex Cobb proposes to his girlfriend with the help of a dolphin. Once again, a Rays pitcher needs a closer to seal the victory  


Geek:

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  Unrest possible at remote Alaska volcano, but scientists caution it may just be an optical aleutian  

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  Bill Gates says he is not a big gamer. Which is pretty obvious since he has a job, a wife and several billion dollars  

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  Woman creates cologne that makes men more appealing to cows. E-I-E-I-OOH  


Entertainment:

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  Lil' Kin  

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  "Juno" star Ellen Page announces that Michael Cera has permanently ruined men for her  

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  Leonardo DiCaprio says he has an atrocious singing voice, often buries his head between the thighs of a supermodel and weeps because he can't sing  


Politics:

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  Hamas deploys crack troops to Israeli border. Funny, I always thought hash was more Middle Eastern  

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  "I EXPECT A GREAT DEAL OF CONTINUITY IN THE FOMC'S APPROACH TO MONETARY POLICY" says Yellen  

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  Openly gay Republican running for election launches campaign ad featuring both his partner and his cognitive dissonance  


Business:

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  Western Union (stop) profit down 27% (stop) as revenues slip (stop)  

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  UAW gets Das Boot  

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  Marco... Marco... Marco
· · ·

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