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(Estately)   This map shows you which foreign country each U.S. state would hook up with when drunk. Or something like that   (blog.estately.com) divider line 129
    More: Interesting, United States, Current sea level rise, Democratic Republic of Congo, Peach State, Finland, Olympic medals, Alabama, Tibet  
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17320 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Feb 2014 at 4:41 PM (43 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



129 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-02-17 03:38:32 PM  
I'm sure this thread will be full of people chiming in about their respective states, so I'll start:

The criteria used for Virginia is unmitigated bullsh*t.  Probably for Afghanistan too.
 
2014-02-17 03:41:55 PM  
I would not hit the horn of Africa, Djibouti is too small.
 
2014-02-17 03:42:57 PM  

vernonFL: I would not hit the horn of Africa, Djibouti is too small.


In Djibouti, Horn of Africa hits you!
 
2014-02-17 04:13:23 PM  
Anticipating something bad, I still wasn't ready for North Korea.  COME ON.  South Carolina:
1. Has very beautiful parts, especially the coastal areas and upstate mountains
2. Has residents that are anything but starving
3. People actually like coming here both to visit and live

However, there is no question that our state is corrupt and the government seems to like keeping people stupid.

With Pennsylvania, they missed an obvious connection between the Turkmenistani "Door to Hell" and Centralia, PA.
 
2014-02-17 04:15:39 PM  
All the cities look the same from the gutter
 
2014-02-17 04:22:30 PM  
Idaho - Ireland because potatoes.

Gee, how creative.
 
2014-02-17 04:29:59 PM  
Given how different North and South Florida are, with Central Florida serving as a DMZ, I'd say we have more in common with the Koreas.
 
2014-02-17 04:34:47 PM  
i102.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-17 04:43:03 PM  
I would just like to commend whoever put this together for actually including semi-coherent explanations for each one.
 
2014-02-17 04:46:45 PM  

jaylectricity: I would just like to commend whoever put this together for actually including semi-coherent explanations for each one.


My 8 year old cousin says "You're welcome."
 
2014-02-17 04:47:17 PM  
MA = Tanzania?!  Witch trials 200 years ago = witch trials today?

CT = Grenada, at least they were both involved in the nutmeg trade
 
2014-02-17 04:48:02 PM  
What in the shiat did my weary eyes just have the displeasure of gazing upon FFS?
 
2014-02-17 04:49:45 PM  
Kansas gets Russia because a few old coots don't like gay people? Gay guys may be annoying with the lisping and whatnot; but, lesbians are alright. Especially blonde lesbians; with big boobs.
 
2014-02-17 04:51:11 PM  

thamike: I'm sure this thread will be full of people chiming in about their respective states, so I'll start:

The criteria used for Virginia is unmitigated bullsh*t.  Probably for Afghanistan too


I concur

/still representin' the 540
 
2014-02-17 04:56:03 PM  
I stopped reading at Alabama=Finland since most people in Alabama couldn't find Finland on a map of Finland.
 
2014-02-17 04:56:17 PM  
I'm in Oklahoma, which that blog equates to Thailand.

I've been to Thailand, and although both Oklahoma and Thailand may incarcerate women at higher than average rates the comparison stops there.  The women in Thailand are a lot better looking, have their teeth, and rarely, if ever, tip the scales over 105lbs.
 
2014-02-17 04:57:22 PM  
The mapping for WA actually makes sense, so I'll buy it.

Gary-L: The women in Thailand are a lot better looking, have their teeth, and rarely, if ever, tip the scales over 105lbs.


But most of them are dudes, if the internet has taught me anything.
 
2014-02-17 04:59:02 PM  
Georgia linked with Italy because of peaches? Georgia produces less peaches than SC, Alabama and California.

There is one county in South Carolina produces more peaches than the entire state of Georgia.

California poops on everyone in terms of total output.


Wisconsin tied with England because of Cheese?

England makes some nice cheeses but wouldn't France, Italy or Switzerland be a more accurate match?
 
2014-02-17 04:59:28 PM  

crab66: jaylectricity: I would just like to commend whoever put this together for actually including semi-coherent explanations for each one.

My 8 year old cousin says "You're welcome."


Ah...no wonder I could relate.
 
2014-02-17 05:00:17 PM  
no "unlikely" or "stupid" tag for this?
 
2014-02-17 05:00:38 PM  
I lost brain cells reading that. Curse you, subby.
 
2014-02-17 05:03:26 PM  

factoryconnection: Anticipating something bad, I still wasn't ready for North Korea.  COME ON.  South Carolina:
1. Has very beautiful parts, especially the coastal areas and upstate mountains
2. Has residents that are anything but starving
3. People actually like coming here both to visit and live


I find that last one hard to believe.  South Carolina has very little snow, so how would its citizens ever get any coffee to drink?  And, based on #2, SC would be terrible for bird-watchers.
 
2014-02-17 05:03:37 PM  
No matter which country Massachusetts hooked up with, Massachusetts would just wind up taking the country for a ride, drive the car off a pier then walk away as the country drowned in the water.
 
2014-02-17 05:03:50 PM  
(In best Zoidberg voice)Your article is bad and you should feel bad subby.
 
2014-02-17 05:04:50 PM  
That is the worst thing I have read in a long time. Subby should feel bad, the author should feel worse.
 
2014-02-17 05:07:19 PM  

Lucky LaRue: [i102.photobucket.com image 319x234]


Well, if Charles Nelson Reilly said it, then it must be true.  He was a mighty man, the kind of man you'd never disrespect.
 
2014-02-17 05:07:35 PM  
It doesn't surprise me that NoDaks drink more than Czech's, there isn't anything else to do.
 
2014-02-17 05:07:54 PM  
Michigan is with Panama because they both have a city named Colon?  That's pretty damn weak, even by blog standards.  Obviously the most logical choice would be Japan because cars, or some Pacific island nation because water.  But Panama?  Come on...
 
2014-02-17 05:09:43 PM  
images3.wikia.nocookie.net

Ha ha Washington
NTTATWWT
 
2014-02-17 05:09:56 PM  

Gary-L: I'm in Oklahoma, which that blog equates to Thailand.

I've been to Thailand, and although both Oklahoma and Thailand may incarcerate women at higher than average rates the comparison stops there.  The women in Thailand are a lot better looking, have their teeth, and rarely, if ever, tip the scales over 105lbs.


Assuming they are really women, though...
 
2014-02-17 05:10:21 PM  

bluenote13: I stopped reading at Alabama=Finland since most people in Alabama couldn't find Finland on a map of Finland.


You're being unfair.  I personally believe that Alabama Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, uh, people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, our education over here in the Alabama should help the Alabama, uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future.
 
2014-02-17 05:12:20 PM  
Alabama = Finland

Common Bond: Athletes / Winning


Winning what, exactly?

I'm glad the first comparison was retarded so I knew right away not to waste any more time.
 
2014-02-17 05:13:21 PM  

thamike: I'm sure this thread will be full of people chiming in about their respective states, so I'll start:

The criteria used for Virginia is unmitigated bullsh*t.  Probably for Afghanistan too.


I have to disagree.  When I saw it, my first thought was "Alex, what is: overrun with government contractors?".

I do agree that many of the commonality points are tenuous at best, but at least we're finding out a lot of bad qualities of states and countries.
 
2014-02-17 05:13:25 PM  
In other news, obscure blogger on obscure website trolls everybody in United States simultaneously.

/Never left his basement and a good time was had by all.
 
2014-02-17 05:13:44 PM  
YAY!  We have the highest traffic fatality rating in the states.
 
2014-02-17 05:14:06 PM  

ciberido: bluenote13: I stopped reading at Alabama=Finland since most people in Alabama couldn't find Finland on a map of Finland.

You're being unfair.  I personally believe that Alabama Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, uh, people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, our education over here in the Alabama should help the Alabama, uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future.


static1.wikia.nocookie.net

Why you draggin' me into this, y'all?

 
2014-02-17 05:14:15 PM  

CleanAndPure: Georgia linked with Italy because of peaches? Georgia produces less peaches than SC, Alabama and California.

There is one county in South Carolina produces more peaches than the entire state of Georgia.

California poops on everyone in terms of total output.

encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com


Really thinks California peaches are great.
 
2014-02-17 05:15:26 PM  

factoryconnection: Anticipating something bad, I still wasn't ready for North Korea.  COME ON.  South Carolina:
1. Has very beautiful parts, especially the coastal areas and upstate mountains
2. Has residents that are anything but starving
3. People actually like coming here both to visit and live

However, there is no question that our state is corrupt and the government seems to like keeping people stupid.

With Pennsylvania, they missed an obvious connection between the Turkmenistani "Door to Hell" and Centralia, PA.


And back in the day Pittsburgh was called "Hell with the Lid Off".
 
2014-02-17 05:17:35 PM  
Minnesota is Peru, because it is snowy here, and Peru is a large producer of cocaine, a substance which looks like snow.
i0.kym-cdn.com
 
2014-02-17 05:18:29 PM  

Jument: The mapping for WA actually makes sense, so I'll buy it.

Gary-L: The women in Thailand are a lot better looking, have their teeth, and rarely, if ever, tip the scales over 105lbs.

But most of them are dudes, if the internet has taught me anything.


And their junk is pixelated too
 
2014-02-17 05:18:56 PM  

AbiNormal: It doesn't surprise me that NoDaks drink more than Czech's, there isn't anything else to do.


Fun fact: people from the Czech Republic love country music.  You haven't lived until you've heard a cover of a Kenny Rogers song performed in Czech --- Ideally while inside a bar full of drunken Czechs who can laugh at your amazement and befuddlement.

I'm really not sure whether that makes the Czech Republic more or less like North Dakota, however.
 
2014-02-17 05:19:59 PM  
No slut states that would get gangbanged?
 
2014-02-17 05:22:48 PM  
Common Bond:  Head Cheese / Bing Drinking

WTF is "Bing Drinking?"

On a serious note, we don't binge drink.  We're professionals.
 
2014-02-17 05:23:39 PM  

ciberido: AbiNormal: It doesn't surprise me that NoDaks drink more than Czech's, there isn't anything else to do.

Fun fact: people from the Czech Republic love country music.  You haven't lived until you've heard a cover of a Kenny Rogers song performed in Czech --- Ideally while inside a bar full of drunken Czechs who can laugh at your amazement and befuddlement.

I'm really not sure whether that makes the Czech Republic more or less like North Dakota, however.


It does. Nodaks love to have people from warm states come up in the winter and experience the cold flat hell that is the Great Plains and laugh at them.
 
2014-02-17 05:24:48 PM  
That was dumb. Michigan is like Panama because we both have a city named Colon? Really?! That's IT?!?!

Get it right! We're most like Canada. Hockey. Tim Horton's. Northern accents. Snow! Poutine (well, French fries and gravy, anyway). Moose.

Panama. Phooey.
 
2014-02-17 05:25:50 PM  

CleanAndPure: Georgia linked with Italy because of peaches? Georgia produces less peaches than SC, Alabama and California.

There is one county in South Carolina produces more peaches than the entire state of Georgia.

California poops on everyone in terms of total output.


Wisconsin tied with England because of Cheese?

England makes some nice cheeses but wouldn't France, Italy or Switzerland be a more accurate match?


No those cheese heads can put up a real fight.
 
2014-02-17 05:27:02 PM  

HairyNevus: Minnesota is Peru, because it is snowy here, and Peru is a large producer of cocaine, a substance which looks like snow.
[i0.kym-cdn.com image 680x626]


It works better if you catch the movie reference.
 
2014-02-17 05:36:02 PM  

wxboy: Michigan is with Panama because they both have a city named Colon?  That's pretty damn weak, even by blog standards.  Obviously the most logical choice would be Japan because cars, or some Pacific island nation because water.  But Panama?  Come on...


Panama for Michigan would have made enough sense for me to go along with if they'd done a Panama Canal/Soo Locks important lock systems for shipping comparison, but yeah, cities with the same name is just stupid.  You could pick at least a half dozen different countries based on that criteria.
 
2014-02-17 05:36:50 PM  

blatz514: Common Bond:  Head Cheese / Bing Drinking

WTF is "Bing Drinking?"


It's where you google a liquor to find out what kind of shot to do.
 
2014-02-17 05:38:16 PM  
10 out of 10 troll points awarded to the obscure blogger from Internetistan.

PERFECT SCORE!
 
2014-02-17 05:39:37 PM  
Pennsylvania hates New York? When did this happen.
 
2014-02-17 05:40:54 PM  

Diogenes: Idaho - Ireland because potatoes.

Gee, how creative.


They also both start with an I and are in-bred.
 
2014-02-17 05:43:11 PM  
Texas would hook up with China? But they took our jorbs!
 
2014-02-17 05:44:05 PM  

Jument: The mapping for WA actually makes sense, so I'll buy it.

Gary-L: The women in Thailand are a lot better looking, have their teeth, and rarely, if ever, tip the scales over 105lbs.

But most of them are dudes, if the internet has taught me anything.


Touche
 
2014-02-17 05:45:47 PM  
Oh, carelessly cobbled fanciful twaddle.  You are the packing peanuts of journalism.
 
2014-02-17 05:48:07 PM  
Australians using large quantities of recreational drugs you say?
 
2014-02-17 05:48:18 PM  

uncleacid: Pennsylvania hates New York? When did this happen.


Those loudmouths get all of the attention
 
2014-02-17 05:54:34 PM  

Diogenes: Idaho - Ireland because potatoes.

Gee, how creative.


Nevermind the tremendous amounts of memory chips and sugar produced.  Or that it's likely the yogurt you ate today came from here.
 
2014-02-17 05:56:37 PM  
That is the most tenuous set of comparisons ever made. There are maybe 2 or 3 comparisons that can be defended, but only on the basis that "if this country MUST be included, then this state is one of the better ones to compare it to". Honestly, a decent link can be made between the Appilachean states and countries in the mountainy parts of South America. Many people wouldn't believe it if you told them, but there are some decent similarities in the ethos of the areas (especially when you look at the "we're not the richest place, but this is still a nice place to be" mindset).
And no US state I have been to is comparable to Russia. Russia is huge and has massive variety of everything, it is more similar to the US as a whole than to any state. MAYBE you could claim similarity to both Dakotas because they produce lots of oil/gas too if my memory is correct, have a lot of land, and can often be quite cold in winter but OK at other times. But that ignores everything related to culture.

Anyway, that article fails. Can't believe it got greenlit.
 
2014-02-17 05:58:06 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-02-17 06:03:14 PM  
TFA takes stupid to a whole new level.
 
2014-02-17 06:10:05 PM  

lilbjorn: TFA takes stupid to a whole new level.


TFA has nothing on TFD
 
2014-02-17 06:14:26 PM  
They missed out on the obvious California-India connection with relatively high numbers of vegetarians and a large population.
 
2014-02-17 06:18:23 PM  
Missouri is Georgia because of caves and wine.

Kansas is Russia because of homophobia.

That basically illustrates the two states completely. Who doesn't love drinking and spelunking?
 
2014-02-17 06:23:17 PM  
I was hoping for Estonia but I'll take Chile
 
2014-02-17 06:27:35 PM  
Miss Vietnam Florida looks oddly like Freida Farkho married to the muralist. Florida will do things like that to you.
 
2014-02-17 06:27:48 PM  
"Alabama = Finland"

Absolutely stopped reading there.
 
2014-02-17 06:29:31 PM  

Bonzo_1116: They missed out on the obvious California-India connection with relatively high numbers of vegetarians and a large population.


West Virginia Bhopal as the Carbide plants there are built on the same plan and make the same chemicals that murdered lots of poor people
 
2014-02-17 06:31:57 PM  
They have Michigan as Panama because both have a city named Colon....and they fail to see that Michigan is divided by water as is Panama by the canal?????????? Great choice but incredibly dizzbrained reason by missing the obvious.
 
2014-02-17 06:34:49 PM  
Well, that was.

The Germans have a word for that sort of thing: scheißdrekunlustigblog.
 
2014-02-17 06:35:02 PM  
West Virginia born from the Civil War.......what is left of Cambodia survived the autogenocide of the mid-70s.
 
2014-02-17 06:41:33 PM  
Maine = Canada

Amen brother.
 
2014-02-17 06:51:49 PM  
TFA starts out pants-on-head stupid:  Little old Alabama may not be highly ranked for literacy and overall health, but their college football teams sure win some B.C.S. championships. Between Auburn and Alabama, the two schools have won four of the last five. Finland is also no athletic slouch, having won 300 Olympic medals, the most per capita of any country (one for every 18,023 people!)

I assume it didn't improve; that was enough for me to stop reading. Alabamans and Finns have nothing in common. NOTHING. Watching football =/= competing in Olympic sports. Nor does Alabama's topography in any way resemble Finland.
 
2014-02-17 06:52:29 PM  
Indiana comparable to Boliva because both involve culturally primative, overly religious tribalistic morons who'd like to build a gold throne. Judges agree that the analogy stands.
 
2014-02-17 06:56:36 PM  

mbillips: TFA starts out pants-on-head stupid:  Little old Alabama may not be highly ranked for literacy and overall health, but their college football teams sure win some B.C.S. championships. Between Auburn and Alabama, the two schools have won four of the last five. Finland is also no athletic slouch, having won 300 Olympic medals, the most per capita of any country (one for every 18,023 people!)

I assume it didn't improve; that was enough for me to stop reading. Alabamans and Finns have nothing in common. NOTHING. Watching football =/= competing in Olympic sports. Nor does Alabama's topography in any way resemble Finland.


Could be worse.  Look at the state that follows Alabama Alabama.

/yes, I said Alabama twice...
 
2014-02-17 06:56:50 PM  
Washington: strangely the picture of Cheech and Chong looks a little bit like Ron Jeremy and younger Zombie Castro.
 
2014-02-17 07:00:28 PM  

bluenote13: I stopped reading at Alabama=Finland since most people in Alabama couldn't find Finland on a map of Finland.


Later stinky!  See you in Helsinki!
 
2014-02-17 07:07:44 PM  
This is the dumbest goddam thing I've ever read, and I've been on fark for a long time, so that's saying a lot.
 
2014-02-17 07:11:08 PM  

thamike: I'm sure this thread will be full of people chiming in about their respective states, so I'll start:

The criteria used for Virginia is unmitigated bullsh*t.  Probably for Afghanistan too.


I couldn't get past the first one. The compared Derpansas with Finland.

nope
 
2014-02-17 07:18:58 PM  
Announcer: You are entering a page a click away from a site in the vicinity of a link.  The kind of place where there might be a map, or some kind of text. These are just examples; it could also be something much better. Prepare to enter: The Sucky Blog.
 
2014-02-17 07:19:54 PM  
Oregon = Jamaica  more likely due to dreadlocks.  Here we call the owners of such "Trustifarians".
 
2014-02-17 07:22:46 PM  
Somebody has way too much spare time and way too much drugs.

/yes, that is possible
 
2014-02-17 07:30:19 PM  
A lot of sucky countries are going to be really POed when they discover which Southern State they've been matched up with.

Especially Finland, which isn't a sucky country unless you hate chopping wood, talking with real people, ballroom dancing lessons, and cellphones.

Please, give Maine to Finland. Canada's a big country, we can give this game a pass. And they do like word-burning stoves!

What the Hell do Kentucky and France have in common apart from the Colonel's secret recipe?

I just looked. French fries! Of course. You have to have them with the fried chicken.
 
2014-02-17 07:33:01 PM  
Mainers know that nothing makes you feel warmer and safer than three or four cords of neatly cut and stacked well-seasoned wood in the wood shed or basement, with a good mixture of kindling, cheap softwood, and solid and scented hardwood for those really long cold nights. A big chunk of birch will get you through anything short of an ice age.
 
2014-02-17 07:38:11 PM  
List is fail- Florida would totally hit Australia, Greece or the Philippines.
 
2014-02-17 07:45:26 PM  

Gary-L: I'm in Oklahoma, which that blog equates to Thailand.

I've been to Thailand, and although both Oklahoma and Thailand may incarcerate women at higher than average rates the comparison stops there.  The women in Thailand are a lot better looking, have their teeth, and rarely, if ever, tip the scales over 105lbs.


As someone who has been to a Hooter's in Oklahoma, I can vouch that Thailand is not an apt comparison. Maybe Bulgaria..
 
2014-02-17 07:46:40 PM  
SOUTH KOREA?!??! FARK!

Their speedskaters are the fuel for so much of my rage this Olympics.

The rest of the population is cool, though.
 
2014-02-17 07:54:48 PM  
I feel stupiderer for even clicking that link.
 
2014-02-17 07:57:27 PM  
Here, let me show you how this is properly done:

The Failed States:

North Korea = North Carolina (They're both undemocratic and completely in the dark for the last 60 years.)

Myanmar = Tennessee (Tennessee has "fainting goats". Myanmar makes goats faint.)

Cambodia = West Virginia (The skulls are piling up but there's no brains in any of them.)

Afghanistan = Virginia (You'll never get out of it alive.)

Yemen = Arkansas  Just don't go there! You know they're going to try to kill you.

Seychelles = Louisiana (It would be nicer if it weren't for the crazy, the coups, and the State being mostly  underwater and sinking faster than Atlantis.)

Iran = South Carolina, home state of Steve Colbert who works with Jon Stewart who is big in Egypt

Vietnam = Florida (It's those Asian cockroaches, isn't it?

Not totally failed states:

France = Kentucky (Hey, at least their chicken isn't as greasy as Turducken. On the other hand, they eat their French Fries with mayonnaise, just like the South. Weirdos.)

Mexico = Alabama (It's not all as bad as Americans make it sound but I still wouldn't want to live there!)

China = Texas (They're both too farking big for their bloody britches and nobody trusts them, especially to write school text books.)

India = Caliifornia (It's not that bad if you're rich, worship about 400,000,000 strange gods and don't live near the slums.)

Thailand = Oklahoma (Bits of it are yummy but you'll regret it later.)

Italy = Georgia (Ah, the peaches are sweet, but the rest of the state is full of hillbillies and squid and hillbilly squid.)
 
2014-02-17 08:06:19 PM  

Kevin72: They have Michigan as Panama because both have a city named Colon....and they fail to see that Michigan is divided by water as is Panama by the canal?????????? Great choice but incredibly dizzbrained reason by missing the obvious.


No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, yes.

They're not both states with cities named Colon. They are colons!

And that's not water!

Bazinga!

Forgive me. I have cousins in Michigan.

They are listed in the US Census as Italians. And they spelled their names wrong. Apparently they don't recognize Old Colonial American names there.

Michigan. It's Canada's penis and America's glove. No glove, no love, eh?
 
2014-02-17 08:07:55 PM  
I don't look anything like Maine...freaking Bushes.
 
2014-02-17 08:10:16 PM  

HairyNevus: Minnesota is Peru, because it is snowy here, and Peru is a large producer of cocaine, a substance which looks like snow.
[i0.kym-cdn.com image 680x626]


That might explain their weird choice of Governor (Jesse Ventura) and President (that Japanese dictator, whozitt) respectively.
 
2014-02-17 08:15:05 PM  

uncleacid: Pennsylvania hates New York? When did this happen.


This.  My entire life here, I've thought we hated New Jersey, not New York...
 
2014-02-17 08:20:17 PM  
Meh. The temperence ladies were amusing, though.
 
2014-02-17 08:24:24 PM  

abmoraz: uncleacid: Pennsylvania hates New York? When did this happen.

This.  My entire life here, I've thought we hated New Jersey, not New York...

I thought Pennsylvania hated Philadelphia.

 
2014-02-17 08:31:45 PM  
FTA: "Montana = Papua New Guinea
Common Bond: Stubby Buildings".

See, I would have put mountain dwelling cannibal tribes as the similarity.
 
2014-02-17 08:33:36 PM  

ciberido: AbiNormal: It doesn't surprise me that NoDaks drink more than Czech's, there isn't anything else to do.

Fun fact: people from the Czech Republic love country music.  You haven't lived until you've heard a cover of a Kenny Rogers song performed in Czech --- Ideally while inside a bar full of drunken Czechs who can laugh at your amazement and befuddlement.

I'm really not sure whether that makes the Czech Republic more or less like North Dakota, however.


Prague Saloon Amerika. Bad: We're going to a tourist trap. Worse: Bouncer on steroids in full leather covered in tats. Gay tourist trap, friends are clueless. Fark: Staight retirement home townie bar with live band and dancing.

The Minnie Driver scene from Goldeneye was never the same...
 
2014-02-17 08:39:39 PM  
Waste of everything.
 
2014-02-17 08:40:14 PM  

brantgoose: Here, let me show you how this is properly done:

The Failed States:

North Korea = North Carolina (They're both undemocratic and completely in the dark for the last 60 years.)

Myanmar = Tennessee (Tennessee has "fainting goats". Myanmar makes goats faint.)

Cambodia = West Virginia (The skulls are piling up but there's no brains in any of them.)

Afghanistan = Virginia (You'll never get out of it alive.)

Yemen = Arkansas  Just don't go there! You know they're going to try to kill you.

Seychelles = Louisiana (It would be nicer if it weren't for the crazy, the coups, and the State being mostly  underwater and sinking faster than Atlantis.)

Iran = South Carolina, home state of Steve Colbert who works with Jon Stewart who is big in Egypt

Vietnam = Florida (It's those Asian cockroaches, isn't it?

Not totally failed states:

France = Kentucky (Hey, at least their chicken isn't as greasy as Turducken. On the other hand, they eat their French Fries with mayonnaise, just like the South. Weirdos.)

Mexico = Alabama (It's not all as bad as Americans make it sound but I still wouldn't want to live there!)

China = Texas (They're both too farking big for their bloody britches and nobody trusts them, especially to write school text books.)

India = Caliifornia (It's not that bad if you're rich, worship about 400,000,000 strange gods and don't live near the slums.)

Thailand = Oklahoma (Bits of it are yummy but you'll regret it later.)

Italy = Georgia (Ah, the peaches are sweet, but the rest of the state is full of hillbillies and squid and hillbilly squid.)


I think you switched Virginia and Alabama.
Virginia is... I don't know. The northern part is great, it's the southern parts that suck. It's a reverse Korean Peninsula. Is there any country like that? Where the good stuff is in the north, and the craps in the south. Wait, I just discribed the US. Damn.
/Richmond seems alright.
 
2014-02-17 08:51:24 PM  

brantgoose: A lot of sucky countries are going to be really POed when they discover which Southern State they've been matched up with.

Especially Finland, which isn't a sucky country unless you hate chopping wood, talking with real people, ballroom dancing lessons, and cellphones.

Please, give Maine to Finland. Canada's a big country, we can give this game a pass. And they do like word-burning stoves!

What the Hell do Kentucky and France have in common apart from the Colonel's secret recipe?

I just looked. French fries! Of course. You have to have them with the fried chicken.



i1.ytimg.com

Don't forget the French dressing, while you're at it.
 
2014-02-17 08:53:32 PM  

mainstreet62: SOUTH KOREA?!??! FARK!

Their speedskaters are the fuel for so much of my rage this Olympics.


If it makes you feel any better, they're very angry at American speedskaters.  Have been for years.  They're still fuming about events that happened years ago.
 
2014-02-17 09:15:22 PM  

CleanAndPure: Wisconsin tied with England because of Cheese?

England makes some nice cheeses but wouldn't France, Italy or Switzerland be a more accurate match?


Because they'd have to be REALLY drunk to be slumming it with us here...
 
2014-02-17 09:21:18 PM  

uncleacid: Pennsylvania hates New York? When did this happen.


Everyone hates New York
 
2014-02-17 09:46:08 PM  

great_tigers: uncleacid: Pennsylvania hates New York? When did this happen.

Everyone hates New York


And NY hates everyone, so suck it.
 
2014-02-17 09:46:32 PM  
Wisconsin... You know: fish, chips, cup 'o tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary farking Poppins......
 
2014-02-17 10:00:32 PM  
Yes, Alabama's social and religious sensibilities would certainly find favour in Finland.
 
2014-02-17 10:14:28 PM  
That's so stupid and pointless it might as well be a Buzzfeed article.
 
2014-02-17 10:27:26 PM  
TIL: Brunei is the one country in the world that no one likes or respects.
 
2014-02-17 11:19:53 PM  

CleanAndPure: Georgia linked with Italy because of peaches? Georgia produces less peaches than SC, Alabama and California.

There is one county in South Carolina produces more peaches than the entire state of Georgia.

California poops on everyone in terms of total output.


Wisconsin tied with England because of Cheese?

England makes some nice cheeses but wouldn't France, Italy or Switzerland be a more accurate match?


The what now? England makes nice cheeses? When did this happen? English cheese might be a slightly higher quality of plastic then the us is used to but cheese it is not.

Also Italy and Swiss? Pure bunglers compared to the Dutch. Only the French are surpass is in cheese making and that's only because they focus on runny smelly cheeses that no decent god fearing man would ever hold truck with.
 
2014-02-17 11:42:50 PM  

equusdc: ciberido: AbiNormal: It doesn't surprise me that NoDaks drink more than Czech's, there isn't anything else to do.

Fun fact: people from the Czech Republic love country music.  You haven't lived until you've heard a cover of a Kenny Rogers song performed in Czech --- Ideally while inside a bar full of drunken Czechs who can laugh at your amazement and befuddlement.

I'm really not sure whether that makes the Czech Republic more or less like North Dakota, however.

Prague Saloon Amerika. Bad: We're going to a tourist trap. Worse: Bouncer on steroids in full leather covered in tats. Gay tourist trap, friends are clueless. Fark: Staight retirement home townie bar with live band and dancing.

The Minnie Driver scene from Goldeneye was never the same...


If I found myself on my deathbed tomorrow, one of my biggest regrets would be never having been to any part of what was at one time known as Czechoslovakia.  The few Czech people I've known have been cool --- but really all I know about that part of the world is what I've been told, plus a few photographs.  I would very much have liked to have seen it.

Then again, I'm not dying of anything right at the moment, so maybe I will get there someday.

(If anyone cares to know, the Czech bar in question was in Ulaan Baatar.)
 
2014-02-18 12:05:14 AM  

culculhen: The what now? England makes nice cheeses? When did this happen? English cheese might be a slightly higher quality of plastic then the us is used to but cheese it is not.


upload.wikimedia.org

But the shops are so clean.
 
2014-02-18 12:47:22 AM  
Finland is the world leader in education, but it's paired with Alabama because of Athletes/Winning. I think Alabama should be paired with Charlie Sheen, becuase, you know...winning.

Lets look at 2 colleges recent winnings in a single sport and compare it to 300 medals in a multitude of sports, seems like a good comparison.
 
2014-02-18 12:58:28 AM  
Apparently Mt Rainier is either in Maine or Canada.
 
2014-02-18 01:18:31 AM  

redsquid: List is fail- Florida would totally hit Australia, Greece or the Philippines.


As a recent Florida transplant from CT, I approve.

Especially the Greek. Just the thought of it makes our flaccid looking state start arching towards Virginia.

/PhilGreekAus. Just saying.
 
2014-02-18 01:31:26 AM  

bighairyguy: When I saw it, my first thought was "Alex, what is: overrun with government contractors?".


Yeah, and that would have been a good joke, but when you go to the source material...

static2.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-02-18 01:41:12 AM  
I had no idea what RI stood for but now that I know - I am all for the Australian comparison *passes the dutchie too the left hand side*
 
2014-02-18 02:35:13 AM  
Truth be told, Maryland would probably hit it with Belgium while sober. Beer, old bay and crabs are just made for each other. Lager goes better than a trappist tripple, but pick your battles, ya know?
 
2014-02-18 06:57:43 AM  
I just had the thought that someone out there might think this article was the funniest thing ever. That made me sad.
 
2014-02-18 07:20:35 AM  

wxboy: Michigan is with Panama because they both have a city named Colon?  That's pretty damn weak, even by blog standards.  Obviously the most logical choice would be Japan because cars, or some Pacific island nation because water.  But Panama?  Come on...


Before I even clicked I thought Michigan would be compared to some middle eastern country just because of Dearborn.
 
2014-02-18 07:26:55 AM  

brantgoose: Kevin72: They have Michigan as Panama because both have a city named Colon....and they fail to see that Michigan is divided by water as is Panama by the canal?????????? Great choice but incredibly dizzbrained reason by missing the obvious.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, yes.

They're not both states with cities named Colon. They are colons!

And that's not water!

Bazinga!

Forgive me. I have cousins in Michigan.

They are listed in the US Census as Italians. And they spelled their names wrong. Apparently they don't recognize Old Colonial American names there.

Michigan. It's Canada's penis and America's glove. No glove, no love, eh?


I live in Michigan and had to look up where Colon is.
It's a little town of 1,100 + so close to the Indiana border you can see Ft. Wayne on the southern skyline (not really).
Yes they have a Magic festival - every small town in Michigan seems to have some kind of tourist draw festival.
Witness the Cherry Festival in Traverse City, the Posen Potato festival, and the Mesick Mushroom festival to name a few.
I guess Panama is a good enough choice by the criteria of similar city names -  we also have Hell, MI so it could've been worse.

/A frozen Hell this morning...
//I hadn't heard the particular combination of penis - glove combined into one metaphor. I'm totally stealing that.
/// My first non-Caturday post, Yay.
 
2014-02-18 07:31:12 AM  

Mr. Magi: brantgoose: Kevin72: They have Michigan as Panama because both have a city named Colon....and they fail to see that Michigan is divided by water as is Panama by the canal?????????? Great choice but incredibly dizzbrained reason by missing the obvious.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, yes.

They're not both states with cities named Colon. They are colons!

And that's not water!

Bazinga!

Forgive me. I have cousins in Michigan.

They are listed in the US Census as Italians. And they spelled their names wrong. Apparently they don't recognize Old Colonial American names there.

Michigan. It's Canada's penis and America's glove. No glove, no love, eh?

I live in Michigan and had to look up where Colon is.
It's a little town of 1,100 + so close to the Indiana border you can see Ft. Wayne on the southern skyline (not really).
Yes they have a Magic festival - every small town in Michigan seems to have some kind of tourist draw festival.
Witness the Cherry Festival in Traverse City, the Posen Potato festival, and the Mesick Mushroom festival to name a few.
I guess Panama is a good enough choice by the criteria of similar city names -  we also have Hell, MI so it could've been worse.

/A frozen Hell this morning...
//I hadn't heard the particular combination of penis - glove combined into one metaphor. I'm totally stealing that.
/// My first non-Caturday post, Yay.



The bologna festival in Yale, Michigan was always fun. Yes there is a Yale, MI and they celebrate bologna.
 
2014-02-18 08:14:36 AM  
Washington DC = Best Korea
 
2014-02-18 09:00:54 AM  

jaylectricity: blatz514: Common Bond:  Head Cheese / Bing Drinking

WTF is "Bing Drinking?"

It's where you google a liquor to find out what kind of shot to do.


I know the term for doing that for beer is Leinengoogling. Is there a good term for internet-booze-searching? Hmm.
 
2014-02-18 09:55:32 AM  
So the first one already made me want to stop, but I scrolled to NJ cuz I'm curious.

NJ=Poland because Jersey Shore.


Da fuq?
 
2014-02-18 11:18:15 AM  

Onkel Buck: The bologna festival in Yale, Michigan was always fun. Yes there is a Yale, MI and they celebrate bologna


My parents have friends from Yale, I'll have to ask them about that.
 
2014-02-18 11:53:06 AM  

Gary-L: I'm in Oklahoma, which that blog equates to Thailand.

I've been to Thailand, and although both Oklahoma and Thailand may incarcerate women at higher than average rates the comparison stops there.  The women in Thailand are a lot better looking, have their teeth, and rarely, if ever, tip the scales over 105lbs.


Oklahoma City and Bangkok are both well-known for rampant prostitution, too.
 
2014-02-18 11:58:05 AM  

wxboy: Michigan is with Panama because they both have a city named Colon?  That's pretty damn weak, even by blog standards.  Obviously the most logical choice would be Japan because cars, or some Pacific island nation because water.  But Panama?  Come on...


Yeah that was pretty lame. You could also go with Greece because of the financial condition of Detroit.
 
2014-02-18 12:08:49 PM  
You have no idea what your map is about and I have no idea what this pic is about.


Your map = this pic

img.fark.net
 
2014-02-18 01:14:42 PM  

dbrunker: You have no idea what your map is about and I have no idea what this pic is about.


Your map = this pic

[img.fark.net image 360x500]


That pic is Rhode Island.
 
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