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(Daily Express)   Having your eight-year-old drive you home because you are way too drunk to drive is a decision that really only makes sense when you're drunk   ( divider line
    More: Dumbass  
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2396 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Feb 2014 at 10:06 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

18 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
2014-02-17 10:12:23 AM  
Mom, dad?
2014-02-17 10:12:47 AM  
Hell, I drove a cab when I was 7. Made learning math and counting more meaningful in 2nd grade.
2014-02-17 10:13:54 AM  

outtatowner: Mom, dad?

I was 10
2014-02-17 10:19:32 AM  
I was 11...
2014-02-17 10:24:55 AM  
God speed little soldier.
2014-02-17 10:29:24 AM  
And telling him to grab the gun under his seat because you spotted the bright, flashing colored lights on the alien space craft kicks the stupid up another notch.
2014-02-17 10:38:51 AM
2014-02-17 10:44:06 AM  
Nice. Not only did you leave him alone at home, where he is unsupervised, but then you make him ride his bike in traffic, risking his life, then, let him drive your car because you are too sotted to do it yourself, thereby putting everyone elses lives at risk.

/You sir, are a colossal asshole of the ninth degree.
2014-02-17 10:58:10 AM  
I guaranteed I've been drunker than almost any of you at some point. I've been wheeled out of almost every theme park in Florida. I've been hospitalized with a .5 BAC. And I've never made decisions like that.
2014-02-17 11:00:20 AM  
Spent a day out on the boat fishing with my uncle, who was a drill sergeant at Ft. Benning. He drank beer until he was stumbling drunk and even tossed a pony Miller my way during the trip. Get back to the dock and pull the boat in and he decides I have to drive us home. He had a four-speed truck. I bucked and jumped the whole way to his house in the thing. His driveway was across the other lane of traffic and I had to sit idling waiting for traffic to turn left into his drive. Revved the engine, dropped the clutch, and the truck jumped across the road and landed nose first in the embankment on the other side of the ditch next to his driveway. He flew through the windshield (because why would you wear your seatbelt with a mildly tipsy 10-year-old driving your truck?) and the boat flew off the trailer and into the back of the truck. He picked himself up off the hood of the truck, cursed, then sent me for his tractor to pull the whole mess out of the ditch. Bonus: he told my dad HE crashed the truck. Best. Day. Ever.
2014-02-17 11:00:55 AM
2014-02-17 12:08:32 PM  
With the way some people drive an 8 yr old couldn't do worse.
2014-02-17 12:12:22 PM  

a_burlap_sack_of_kittens: obligitory

It's Poland, you drunkard!
2014-02-17 12:28:41 PM  
Having your eight-year-old drive you home because you are way too drunk to drive is a decision that really only makes sense when you're drunk

or Frank
2014-02-17 05:41:01 PM  

stoicjohn: God speed little soldier.

older brother couldn't drive a stick shift..
2014-02-17 06:27:01 PM  

Rattrap007: stoicjohn: God speed little soldier.
older brother couldn't drive a stick shift..

Those walls on the sides are a bad bad thing.
2014-02-17 09:13:53 PM  
Car's not going to drive itself; kid's not going to babysit himself.
2014-02-17 11:51:19 PM  
I was about 9 when my older cousin drove me to the mall, met with some friends of his, then proceeded to get shiat-faced in the parking lot. He decided he was in no shape to drive, so he put me behind the wheel of his F-150 and had me drive his drunk ass home.

A few years later, he was working at a mortuary and they had a cement crypt for a baby casket - apparently the crypt was cracked or otherwise unusable, so he took it home and made a barbecue pit out of it.

He also used to swing by the cemetaries and pilfer the flowers from the graves and take them to my gramma, who always said he was, "Such a thoughtful boy..."

Cousin Bobby never claimed to be right in the head.
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