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(Paste Magazine)   Ten literary characters who should have stayed single   (pastemagazine.com) divider line 49
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6184 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 17 Feb 2014 at 1:12 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



49 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-02-17 01:18:39 AM  
Wow, that was incredibly boring.
 
2014-02-17 01:30:22 AM  
Who are "Oedipus and the heroes of nine books I'm never going to read"?
 
2014-02-17 01:31:01 AM  
/suck it, Trebek
 
2014-02-17 01:31:05 AM  
Every farking Jane Austin character ever.
 
2014-02-17 01:36:56 AM  
The take-home point from Oedipus Rex is that love can be costly to "oneself and the people for which one cares most"?

Paste is what the writer has been eating.
 
2014-02-17 01:38:54 AM  
I think I liked Saint Mary better when she was single. I mean she had a one-night stand with God but still decided to stay married to that Joseph douchebag. How the hell can a guy expect to compete with God over how to pleasure a woman?
 
2014-02-17 01:45:59 AM  
Jude the Obscure.
 
2014-02-17 01:47:11 AM  
The coont from Gatsby seems to be missing from this list.
 
2014-02-17 02:03:07 AM  

Sliding Carp: Jude the Obscure.


Who?
 
2014-02-17 02:04:13 AM  

asimplescribe: The coont from Gatsby seems to be missing from this list.


Many years ago I was accused of misogyny for not feeling particularly sorry for her.
 
2014-02-17 02:06:49 AM  
Thanks for letting us know your blog sucks, subby.
 
2014-02-17 02:09:42 AM  
If the characters had all stayed single, those literary works would have been rather uninteresting.

/have read one on the list
//saw the movie of another
 
2014-02-17 02:27:48 AM  
Edmure Tully and Robb Stark noticeably absent from list.
 
2014-02-17 02:29:05 AM  

Chariset: Sliding Carp: Jude the Obscure.

Who?


Damn!

/beat me to it
//well done
 
2014-02-17 02:40:16 AM  
Is it tragic enough to say Katniss Everdeen?
 
2014-02-17 02:58:00 AM  

Chariset: Sliding Carp: Jude the Obscure.

Who?


I prefer Tess Of The D'Urbervilles.  When the book on tape Robert hardy performed gets twisted up it sounds amazing.

/obscure reference for Jude the Obscure
 
2014-02-17 03:21:08 AM  
Oblomov shoulda stood in bed
 
2014-02-17 03:22:17 AM  
I'm just gonna assume Humbert Humbert is at the top of this list and go on about my day.
 
2014-02-17 03:51:04 AM  

cyberspacedout: If the characters had all stayed single, those literary works would have been rather uninteresting.

/have read one on the list
//saw the movie of another


Madam Bovary was rather uninteresting with the marriage.  You could have had the Mongols ride over the horizon on triceratops, wielding lightsabers, and that book would still have qualified as anesthesia in most jurisdictions.
 
2014-02-17 04:08:53 AM  
I always thought Samantha should have never married DarrIn. Besides his being mortal, he was pretty much a tight ass binge drinker. You always knew that Sam was a tiger in the sack and that she and Serena would have been having hot  sister-on-sister scissor action if not for Durwood. No doubt about it, NEITHER of the DarrIns should have ever married. They were both Dicks!

Dick York
1.bp.blogspot.com

Dick Sargent
endablog2.files.wordpress.com
York Sargent
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com


Sergeant York
 2.bp.blogspot.com

Gary Cooper
thehayride.com

 FARK
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-02-17 04:45:21 AM  

HotWingAgenda: I'm just gonna assume Humbert Humbert is at the top of this list and go on about my day.


Surely you mean Charlotte and Dolores Haze.
 
2014-02-17 05:00:44 AM  
Clark Kent?
 
2014-02-17 05:05:00 AM  
Francis Macomber.

/ Read all but one of the books on that list
/ I like reading
 
2014-02-17 05:16:12 AM  
What about Pip, from Great Expectations?
 
2014-02-17 05:18:45 AM  
For it to be considered literature, people have to actually READ the books in question.
 
2014-02-17 05:42:54 AM  
This is really "10 books about relationships that I have read where I have strong shipper opinions about the protagonists".
 
2014-02-17 07:10:16 AM  

proteus_b: What about Pip, from Great Expectations?


You know he was all up in Miss Havisham's bloomers.
 
2014-02-17 07:15:52 AM  

Chariset: Sliding Carp: Jude the Obscure.

Who?


Oh you've never heard of him. He's out there on the edge of the scene.

/hipster
 
2014-02-17 07:36:05 AM  
Came to vote for Jude and also the guy from Of Human Bondage.  Mildred is evil.

\oh, you didn't know I got pregnant?
\\well, I aborted him anyway
 
2014-02-17 07:54:28 AM  
www.jonathanrosenbaum.net
 
2014-02-17 08:13:08 AM  
Jane Eyre?
 
2014-02-17 08:18:16 AM  

asimplescribe: The coont from Gatsby seems to be missing from this list.


Why should Daisy have been single? She was getting what she wanted, a high class life. Gatsby was the idiot for pining away for her and thinking that he could make everything like they used to have. Though she was a coont. Gatsby takes the blame for a hit and run she committed, ends up being murdered for it and Daisy couldn't even be bothered to show up at his funeral. I ended up hating everyone in that book except for Nick and that love blinded fool, Gatz.

Klaumbaz: Is it tragic enough to say Katniss Everdeen?


Tragic? Yes. Though I don't agree with you. I think Katniss really needed Peeta. If she had gone off and alone after the war, she would have probably blown her brains out if Peeta hadn't been there to be her anchor. She was suffering from PTSD horribly and the only person who would have known what she had gone through would have been Peeta who had been through the games, through torture, had his family slaughtered and had no one else in the world except for Katniss. She needed someone like him to show that you could go through all that and still be willing to get up in the morning. That there was a reason to get up in the morning.
 
2014-02-17 08:19:41 AM  
Sometimes I don't see links because any headline that starts with a number is now mentally filtered as (Featured Partner).

That being said, if Adam from Genesis had hooked up with Lilith more, we'd all be a bunch of Cronenbergs.
 
2014-02-17 08:43:24 AM  
John Watson?
 
2014-02-17 09:17:26 AM  

proteus_b: What about Pip, from Great Expectations?


Clicked the link thinking: "Pip and Jay Gatsby right off, I wonder who else?"

Maybe Perrin from The Wheel of Time?
 
2014-02-17 09:50:49 AM  
Gregor Samsa
 
2014-02-17 10:17:22 AM  
Jack Torrance
 
2014-02-17 10:47:42 AM  
Once more the Fark comments are much better than the article.

Bravo!
 
2014-02-17 12:43:18 PM  
Every Single Character Ever Written  Frank/April Wheeler fromRevolutionary Road  by Richard Yates
 
2014-02-17 12:56:06 PM  
guess I should read more, or not date literary protagonists
 
2014-02-17 01:17:40 PM  
List fails without Romeo & Juliet.
 
2014-02-17 01:29:42 PM  
List fails without Reed Richards/Sue Storm.


what?
 
2014-02-17 01:41:54 PM  
No Martin Eden?  I think he dumped her before offing himself though. Sorry, spoiler.
 
2014-02-17 02:37:13 PM  
The only one on the list I know anything about is The Age of Innocence and it was the movie I saw with Daniel Day-Lewis and Michelle Pfeiffer.

Throughout the movie I was torn between feeling sorry for Newland Archer and being pissed off at him and everyone in the movie.
 
2014-02-17 02:40:43 PM  

Zarquon's Flat Tire: proteus_b: What about Pip, from Great Expectations?

Clicked the link thinking: "Pip and Jay Gatsby right off, I wonder who else?"

Maybe Perrin from The Wheel of Time?


nope.  at times i expected him to ask rand to take his junk off with the one power so he could wear it around his neck and solve his problems in as sufficiently blunt manner as possible, but i thought alot of his strength characterwise came from other people.  that's the thing about the three of the guys, people pushed perrin up, mat pulled people along, and rand was in the middle blowin' shiat up.  :)
 
2014-02-17 02:59:33 PM  
Um, Macbeth?
 
2014-02-17 04:01:50 PM  

justanothersumguy: John Watson?


Yes!  Luckily Conan Doyle knew this and kept eliminating his wives.  I'm betting Mary Watson in the BBC adaptation is a dead woman walking.
 
2014-02-17 04:31:31 PM  
The coont from Gatsby seems to be missing from this list.

just watched the Redford/Farrow version, terrible compared to the Leonardo version.

Mia Farrow is horrible
 
2014-02-17 05:07:42 PM  

nuqneh: justanothersumguy: John Watson?

Yes!  Luckily Conan Doyle knew this and kept eliminating his wives.  I'm betting Mary Watson in the BBC adaptation is a dead woman walking.


I doubt it.  She is already about to pop.  Either she dies immediately at the start of Season 4 or she is golden.  Killing her and the baby could not end any way other than John gargling with his gun (even if he is the Everyman character, he is severely damaged as-is).  And killing her without killing the baby creates Homes & Watson &Watson Jr., which would be retarded.  Besides, it would be much easier to keep her as a modern background character.  Considering the ease of transportation in and around London, along with cellphone ubiquity, John spending copious amounts of time at Baker Street is much more believable than Watson decamping there in the Victorian era.  Doyle basically had to whack Victorian Mrs. Watsonii to justify why he kept wandering into Sherlock's den every day at 10am - nowadays, popping round to 221B like that isn't as big a deal.

/Plus one (and only one) day (not show) of John bjorning Hamish McWatson around with Sherlock would set up some great gags.
 
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