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(Omaha World Herald)   The story of the Nebraska man who created one of the most delicious, versatile condiments known to mankind, ranch dressing   (omaha.com) divider line 94
    More: Hero, ranch dressing, Nebraska, Clorox, Nebraska Man, Hidden Valley  
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7215 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Feb 2014 at 3:32 AM (27 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



94 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-02-15 12:41:05 AM
My four-year-old thanks you sir!

/she has literally bypassed the food and gone straight for the ranch
 
2014-02-15 12:59:51 AM
That article will make you not want to eat ranch dressing again,
 
2014-02-15 01:32:44 AM
I once worked at a bowling alley snack bar where our patrons (not known for their sophisticated palates) could have ranch as a possible sauce for their chicken strips.  One week the order came in wrong and we got a tub of creamy Caesar, which we served as "ranch" because.... well, why not?  I preferred the Caesar anyway.

When that was exhausted we went back to real ranch, but the customers must have complained.  The next time we got a shipment of "ranch dressing" was Caesar, and it remained Caesar the rest of the time I worked there.
 
2014-02-15 01:34:00 AM
Original Ranch Dressing (the dry mix kind) is frikkin delicious; but I don't think it's the same as it used to be. That could just be me, though

/but you keep that sh*t away from my hot wings
//gimme some bleu cheese dresing for those
 
2014-02-15 01:39:39 AM

Chariset: I once worked at a bowling alley snack bar where our patrons (not known for their sophisticated palates) could have ranch as a possible sauce for their chicken strips.  One week the order came in wrong and we got a tub of creamy Caesar, which we served as "ranch" because.... well, why not?  I preferred the Caesar anyway.

When that was exhausted we went back to real ranch, but the customers must have complained.  The next time we got a shipment of "ranch dressing" was Caesar, and it remained Caesar the rest of the time I worked there.


When you're facin' a 4-7-10 split, and you've just finished your seventh luke-warm Budweiser, them strips is just the thing to make the ball slip off your fingers real sweet. The dressing isn't important

/arcs that ball right off into the left gutter every time
//or so I've heard
 
2014-02-15 03:33:39 AM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Original Ranch Dressing (the dry mix kind) is frikkin delicious; but I don't think it's the same as it used to be. That could just be me, though

/but you keep that sh*t away from my hot wings
//gimme some bleu cheese dresing for those


I think you're right. I remember my grandmother making the powder mix in the 70s and I don't think the flavor is the same. Of course the mix is much better than the bottled stuff.
 
2014-02-15 03:34:07 AM
Ranch is for when the only two choices are Ranch or French.
 
2014-02-15 03:37:00 AM

DrPainMD: Ranch is for when the only two choices are Ranch or French.


*fistbump*
 
2014-02-15 03:40:12 AM
Ketchup = 20 calories per serving.

Ranch dressing = 120 calories per serving.

"The new ketchup"
 
2014-02-15 03:40:51 AM
i.imgur.com
Approves.
 
2014-02-15 03:41:17 AM
*narrows eyes*

Looks for The English Major.
 
2014-02-15 03:47:50 AM
Thanks Omaha!
 
2014-02-15 03:50:20 AM

log_jammin: Ketchup = 20 calories per serving.

Ranch dressing = 120 calories per serving.

"The new ketchup"


img.fark.net

KRANCH

*similarly looking for The English Major*
 
2014-02-15 03:54:57 AM

gameshowhost: KRANCH


Ranchup
 
2014-02-15 04:01:40 AM

gameshowhost: log_jammin: Ketchup = 20 calories per serving.

Ranch dressing = 120 calories per serving.

"The new ketchup"



KRANCH

*similarly looking for The English Major*


LOL well played sir...
 
2014-02-15 04:07:03 AM
img.fark.net

A man's dressing.
 
2014-02-15 04:07:09 AM
Still needs Louisiana hot sauce, or Sriracha.
 
2014-02-15 04:09:40 AM
Ranch is not a condiment: it's a blandifying fatty food lubricant. Blech.
 
2014-02-15 04:10:56 AM
Foul swill.

And the article says people use it on burgers?

Mother of god.
 
2014-02-15 04:16:35 AM

Pattuq: [img.fark.net image 259x194]

A man's dressing.


French dressing for lightweights

/vile sweet swill best suited for deterring garden pests
//or making sure there are no snails and slugs in your salad
///living
 
2014-02-15 04:18:09 AM

log_jammin: gameshowhost: KRANCH

Ranchup


Retchup
 
2014-02-15 04:18:56 AM
Sriracha = the new ketchup.

/debate over.
 
2014-02-15 04:19:51 AM
Tiger Sauce.

/that is all
 
2014-02-15 04:20:14 AM

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: log_jammin: gameshowhost: KRANCH

Ranchup

Retchup


You win.
 
2014-02-15 04:24:11 AM

inclemency: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: log_jammin: gameshowhost: KRANCH

Ranchup

Retchup

You win.


yup
 
2014-02-15 04:27:30 AM
If only they could figure out how to deep fry ranch dressing, the southern states would declare him a saint!
 
2014-02-15 04:30:08 AM
Kind of a cool ranch story
 
2014-02-15 04:31:27 AM

Pointy Tail of Satan: If only they could figure out how to deep fry ranch dressing, the southern states would declare him a saint!


Oh, now you've done it

/coming next Fall to a state fair near you
//on a stick
 
2014-02-15 04:32:39 AM

Pointy Tail of Satan: If only they could figure out how to deep fry ranch dressing, the southern states would declare him a saint!


Do it like they do butter: freeze, bread, fry.

Just ask Paula: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/paula-deen/paulas-fried-butter-ball s-recipe.html#!

Let the South burn.
 
2014-02-15 04:44:06 AM
Ranch dressing: helping people pretend they like vegetables for decades.
 
2014-02-15 04:46:10 AM

inclemency: Just ask Paula: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/paula-deen/paulas-fried-butter-ball s-recipe.html#!


holy shiat

just the thought of eating that makes me feel like gagging...
 
2014-02-15 04:51:14 AM

log_jammin: inclemency: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: log_jammin: gameshowhost: KRANCH

Ranchup

Retchup

You win.

yup


No you don't. This matter was settled years ago. :P
 
2014-02-15 04:57:13 AM

Chariset: I once worked at a bowling alley snack bar where our patrons (not known for their sophisticated palates) could have ranch as a possible sauce for their chicken strips.  One week the order came in wrong and we got a tub of creamy Caesar, which we served as "ranch" because.... well, why not?  I preferred the Caesar anyway.

When that was exhausted we went back to real ranch, but the customers must have complained.  The next time we got a shipment of "ranch dressing" was Caesar, and it remained Caesar the rest of the time I worked there.


img.fark.net
 
2014-02-15 04:58:04 AM

The more you eat the more you fart: Sriracha = the new ketchup.

/debate over.


Siracha is like bacon was a couple of years ago.  The internet won't stop talking about it.  It isn't great. Hardly warrants a second thought, but the farking internet won't stop yakking about it.
 
2014-02-15 04:58:17 AM

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: log_jammin: gameshowhost: KRANCH

Ranchup

Retchup


Jack from Jack In The Box here, try my new Sour-d'oh Retchep Chicken Sandwich
 
2014-02-15 05:00:22 AM

log_jammin: Ketchup = 20 calories per serving.

Ranch dressing = 120 calories per serving.

"The new ketchup"


Had a hard time gaining back weight after an operation, could have been in a comercial with flies buzzing around my head. One of the things I did was put ranch on everything I possibly could.
It worked.
 
2014-02-15 05:03:31 AM

shtychkn: Kind of a cool ranch story


I see what you did there, dude.
 
2014-02-15 05:03:34 AM

DrPainMD: Ranch is for when the only two choices are Ranch or French.


Ranch is for when you need to fake a cumshot.
 
2014-02-15 05:07:13 AM

gameshowhost: log_jammin: inclemency: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: log_jammin: gameshowhost: KRANCH

Ranchup

Retchup

You win.

yup

No you don't. This matter was settled years ago. :P


Times change, sweetie ;-)
 
2014-02-15 05:09:19 AM

RatMaster999: DrPainMD: Ranch is for when the only two choices are Ranch or French.

Ranch is for when you need to fake a cumshot.


Or for tossing a salad?
 
2014-02-15 05:24:27 AM
Blend your ranch with a can of chipotle peppers--Chipotle Ranch is pretty awesome.
 
2014-02-15 05:33:28 AM

log_jammin: inclemency: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: log_jammin: gameshowhost: KRANCH

Ranchup

Retchup

You win.

yup


Thirded.
 
2014-02-15 05:35:47 AM

lindalouwho: gameshowhost: log_jammin: inclemency: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: log_jammin: gameshowhost: KRANCH

Ranchup

Retchup

You win.

yup

No you don't. This matter was settled years ago. :P

Times change, sweetie ;-)


*boos, hisses*  :-P
 
2014-02-15 05:38:29 AM

gameshowhost: lindalouwho: gameshowhost: log_jammin: inclemency: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: log_jammin: gameshowhost: KRANCH

Ranchup

Retchup

You win.

yup

No you don't. This matter was settled years ago. :P

Times change, sweetie ;-)

*boos, hisses*  :-P


BTW, The Engish Major never changes!  He is a pillar of 80s musical tastes, and I will back his musical bona fides until, un... UNTIL... the universe turns into a bowl of delicious gazpacho.
 
2014-02-15 05:39:06 AM
engish? teeheeuhhh oops
 
2014-02-15 05:47:37 AM

gameshowhost: gameshowhost: lindalouwho: gameshowhost: log_jammin: inclemency: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: log_jammin: gameshowhost: KRANCH

Ranchup

Retchup

You win.

yup

No you don't. This matter was settled years ago. :P

Times change, sweetie ;-)

*boos, hisses*  :-P

BTW, The Engish Major never changes!  He is a pillar of 80s musical tastes, and I will back his musical bona fides until, un... UNTIL... the universe turns into a bowl of delicious gazpacho.


I do understand the some things, and some people, can't change. It's ok; calm yourself.

/oooooh gazpacho!
//yummy!
 
2014-02-15 06:13:04 AM

Badafuco: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: log_jammin: gameshowhost: KRANCH

Ranchup

Retchup

Jack from Jack In The Box here, try my new Sour-d'oh Retchep Chicken Sandwich


I don't know...this thing IS pretty tasty.

awkwardfamilyphotos.com
 
2014-02-15 06:15:09 AM
a plumbing contractor who buys a tourist ranch is a "cowboy" and because he invents an MSG-laden fat delivery vehicle he is a 'hero.'

/ stop planet, want to get off.
 
2014-02-15 06:25:27 AM
Was having dinner with a group of friends. One lady in the group asked for the caesar salad with ranch dressing.
 
2014-02-15 06:28:14 AM
 Henson sold the brand and product to Clorox

Hmmm.
 
2014-02-15 06:44:44 AM
dorothy lynch-mob?
 
2014-02-15 06:52:41 AM
And to you, ranch dressing guy:

meansheets.files.wordpress.com

We salute you, you magnificent bastard!
 
2014-02-15 07:03:45 AM

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: log_jammin: gameshowhost: KRANCH

Ranchup

Retchup


Brilliant
 
2014-02-15 07:09:08 AM
The dressing really took off in 1983, when, despite high dairy content, Clorox came up with a shelf-stable bottled version that was good for up to 150 days.

And it pays not too think too much about this, given that it is manufactured by a company that make BLEACH.
 
2014-02-15 07:25:51 AM

Errk: That article will make you not want to eat ranch dressing again,


Pretty much:  They sold the mix of salt, monosodium glutamate, dehydrated garlic, parsley and onions, black pepper and calcium stearate.

Not to mention:

Day_Old_Dutchie: The dressing really took off in 1983, when, despite high dairy content, Clorox came up with a shelf-stable bottled version that was good for up to 150 days.

And it pays not too think too much about this, given that it is manufactured by a company that make BLEACH.

--
Mayo for burgers, peanut butter for celery, and Italian (or Balsamic vinaigrette) dressing for salads. Is it so hard to use more than one condiment? *looks at ketchup/sriracha fanboys*
 
2014-02-15 07:33:54 AM
Ranch dressing is vile.
 
2014-02-15 07:41:33 AM
I only put real Hidden Valley Ranch on my pizza.
 
2014-02-15 07:56:18 AM
I missed something.  When did this guy, who invented the most delicious condiment ever...
upload.wikimedia.org
... lower his standards and make that white pap called "ranch dressing"?
 
2014-02-15 08:00:52 AM

log_jammin: inclemency: Just ask Paula: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/paula-deen/paulas-fried-butter-ball s-recipe.html#!

holy shiat

just the thought of eating that makes me feel like gagging...


It gives you a case of the retchups?
 
2014-02-15 08:38:09 AM
Uhm, Hello?  Anyone remember me? Hello? Yeah, it's me, Mustard Man.

img.fark.net
 
2014-02-15 08:38:35 AM

inclemency: Foul swill.

And the article says people use it on burgers?

Mother of god.


It is common in Norway.
 
2014-02-15 08:54:07 AM

Genevieve Marie: *narrows eyes*

Looks for The English Major.


GOOD MORNING
 
2014-02-15 09:00:06 AM
fark a ranch dressing. Reminds me of Texas. Those idiots put that crap on everything.
 
2014-02-15 09:07:15 AM

R Kelly's Doo Doo Butter: The more you eat the more you fart: Sriracha = the new ketchup.

/debate over.

Siracha is like bacon was a couple of years ago.  The internet won't stop talking about it.  It isn't great. Hardly warrants a second thought, but the farking internet won't stop yakking about it.


I actually think its farkin great.

Plus, i've been using it for years. I have quite a hot sauce collection. Lol
 
2014-02-15 09:09:42 AM
Stop putting it on pizza.
 
2014-02-15 09:13:24 AM

HairyNevus: Errk: That article will make you not want to eat ranch dressing again,

Pretty much:  They sold the mix of salt, monosodium glutamate, dehydrated garlic, parsley and onions, black pepper and calcium stearate.

Not to mention:
Day_Old_Dutchie: The dressing really took off in 1983, when, despite high dairy content, Clorox came up with a shelf-stable bottled version that was good for up to 150 days.

And it pays not too think too much about this, given that it is manufactured by a company that make BLEACH.
--
Mayo for burgers, peanut butter for celery, and Italian (or Balsamic vinaigrette) dressing for salads. Is it so hard to use more than one condiment? *looks at ketchup/sriracha fanboys*


Hey, there's nothing wrong with MSG.  Calcium stearate should never be in food.

And while sriracha is great, that in no way stops me from having a cabinet full of different hot sauces, because you've got to pick the right hot sauce for the food.

And ranch dressing sucks.  Hot wings are to be served with blue cheese, salads are to be served with any number of dressings that aren't ranch, and astroglide makes a much better lube.
 
2014-02-15 09:17:04 AM
Fresh buttermilk ranch using the cheap packet of hidden valley seasoning is 20x better than any pre-bottlwd stuff.

Try it folks.
 
2014-02-15 09:23:05 AM
I'll just leave this thought here

Green Chile Ranch Dressing
 
2014-02-15 09:24:55 AM

StoPPeRmobile: Stop putting it on pizza.


It comes in handy...  http://youtu.be/UQ3MRkdF9Sk
 
2014-02-15 10:08:54 AM

StoPPeRmobile: Stop putting it on pizza.


Uck. Kids would coat their rectangle of school pizza in ranch back in the day. Horrifying. They'd frost that biatch like a gross little flat cake.
 
2014-02-15 10:37:39 AM

Mentalpatient87: StoPPeRmobile: Stop putting it on pizza.

Uck. Kids would coat their rectangle of school pizza in ranch back in the day. Horrifying. They'd frost that biatch like a gross little flat cake.


I never coat, but a few drops is tasty.

With all the cheese there is no nesd for the creamy fat of ranch though. The seasoning would be fine.
 
2014-02-15 10:39:31 AM

steklo: Uhm, Hello?  Anyone remember me? Hello? Yeah, it's me, Mustard Man.

[img.fark.net image 378x504]


Yes, we see you over there mustardbaiting.
 
2014-02-15 10:57:50 AM
I prefer Vaunnies Mustardayonnaise.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVBsCCV6NG4
 
2014-02-15 11:02:37 AM

Day_Old_Dutchie: The dressing really took off in 1983, when, despite high dairy content, Clorox came up with a shelf-stable bottled version that was good for up to 150 days.

And it pays not too think too much about this, given that it is manufactured by a company that make BLEACH.


Clorox is the only thing that removes ranch stains.
 
2014-02-15 11:07:17 AM
Dorothy Lynch is far superior, so far as Nebraska-based dressings go.
 
2014-02-15 11:08:32 AM
Sorry but I dont want to dump garlic&onion flavored horse semen on everything I eat.
 
2014-02-15 11:14:46 AM
Loving this thread for the amount of people who think MSG is some sort of dangerous chemical.
 
2014-02-15 11:29:17 AM
I dont understand why the subject of the article woke up one morning and went, "You know, mayonnaise isn't quite disgusting enough. I wonder what I could make that is unequivocally more vile than mayo.".
 
2014-02-15 11:39:45 AM

Pointy Tail of Satan: If only they could figure out how to deep fry ranch dressing, the southern states would declare him a saint!


What would they dip it in?
 
2014-02-15 11:46:55 AM

Superjew: Loving this thread for the amount of people who think MSG is some sort of dangerous chemical.


Well, break it down to its constituent chemicals:

1. Mono, which gives you mono.

2. Sodium, a deadly salt.

3. Glutamate, which is just a polite way of saying "Butt".

/science, biatches!
 
2014-02-15 12:04:54 PM

Superjew: Loving this thread for the amount of people who think MSG is some sort of dangerous chemical.


My tally is zero.  How many do you see?
 
2014-02-15 12:06:52 PM
Everyone thinks were a flyover, but without us you be missing Ranch, Kool Aid, Cliff Notes and Marlon Brando (who probably had too much Ranch).
 
2014-02-15 12:37:35 PM
Seeing as how I just mixed a up gallon and a half of fresh Ranch for service tonight, I'm really getting a kick.

/Yes, I live in the south.
 
2014-02-15 12:44:16 PM
Ranch is vile puss for people who think Olive Garden is great.
 
2014-02-15 01:07:03 PM
Lovers of Sriracha can go shove it. It's Ranch that is the Condiment of the Gods!

Ever tried using Ranch on a fish sandwich instead of Tartar Sauce?
 
2014-02-15 01:23:11 PM

Todd300: Tiger Sauce.

/that is all


Grill your salmon with tiger sauce for glaze.  Awesome.

Also, I think that ranch-dressing hatred is primarily based in politics or holier-than-thou gastronomic hipsterisms.  I applaud any product that can make an inedible food edible on principal.
 
2014-02-15 02:09:20 PM
They left out the sad part, that the original Hidden Valley Ranch was destroyed by Balsamic extremists.
 
2014-02-15 02:16:57 PM
Ranch dressing is second only to mayonnaise as the WORST condiment ever created.
 
2014-02-15 02:36:22 PM

TV's Vinnie: Lovers of Sriracha can go shove it. It's Ranch that is the Condiment of the Gods!

Ever tried using Ranch on a fish sandwich instead of Tartar Sauce?


[nope.gif]
 
2014-02-15 03:42:14 PM
 
2014-02-15 04:47:34 PM

bratface: http://www.uncledans.com/about/


[www.uncledans.com image 218x300]


Hmm...  Two people claim to have invented Ranch Dressing...

Was it the guy that was selling a House Dressing on a Ranch in the 1950s or the Guy who got a patent on the name Classic Ranch in the 1960s?

Wonder why Dan called it Ranch Dressing?  Probably because it was already becoming a popular brand out of this "Hidden Valley Ranch".
 
2014-02-15 09:18:34 PM

toejam: I prefer Vaunnies Mustardayonnaise.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVBsCCV6NG4


I'm a Matostard guy myself.
 
2014-02-15 09:23:12 PM
I meant Mayostard.
 
2014-02-16 05:17:14 AM
Ranch and mayo are the devil.

/I don't eat my wings with blue cheese either
//whoever said mayo only on burgers is dumb
 
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