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(New Musical Express)   The twenty-four most horrendously unromantic song lyrics of all time   (nme.com) divider line 106
    More: Sappy, lyrics  
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4970 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 14 Feb 2014 at 8:30 PM (23 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-02-14 08:17:12 PM
 
2014-02-14 08:18:38 PM
New Order - Every Second Counts

Every second counts
When I am with you
I think you are a pig
You should be in a zoo
 
2014-02-14 08:30:28 PM
Cold Play:

splftf
fark u
tsdfg
anal too
 
2014-02-14 08:37:22 PM
♫ Elbow deep inside the borderline,show me that you love me and that we belong together. Shoulder deep within the borderline. Relax,turn around and take my hand ♫
 
2014-02-14 08:39:40 PM
Dan Bern's "Jerusalem":

When I tell you that I love you, don't test my love.
Accept my love.
Don't test my love.
'Cause maybe I don't love you all that much.
 
2014-02-14 08:41:19 PM
No "Love The One You're With"?
 
2014-02-14 08:41:57 PM
What what in the butt?
 
2014-02-14 08:49:23 PM
MacArthur Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again


This has to be the stupidest lyric ever.
 
2014-02-14 08:51:30 PM

doglover: What what in the butt?


Im pretty sure declaring that song unromantic counts as a hate crime against the gays.
 
2014-02-14 08:53:19 PM
Uh you can piss up a rope
And feel the pissy dribble
You can piss up a rope
And watch me giggle
For the last 6 months
I been packin' your bag
You can wash my balls
With a warm, wet rag
Till my balls feel smooth
And soft like silk
I'm sick of your mouth
And your 2 percent milk
And I'm no dope
But I've lost all hope
So hit the farkin' road and 
Piss up a rope
 
2014-02-14 08:58:43 PM
I ain't gonna squash it 
And you don't need to wash it!
- Frank Zappa
 
2014-02-14 08:58:50 PM
Your looks are laughable
Un-photographable
Yet, you're my favorite work of art

Is your figure less than Greek?
Is your mouth a little weak?
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?

/obvious
 
2014-02-14 08:59:55 PM
I was expecting to see Nine Inch Nails "Closer" on there...Slayer's "Dead Skin Mask" was pretty unromantic as well.
 
2014-02-14 09:02:35 PM
Gang of Four's "Anthrax" which in one channel compares love to disease, and in the other channel breaks down why every pop group sings about love in the same way.  Great one for the headphones.
 
2014-02-14 09:04:35 PM

TuteTibiImperes: I ain't gonna squash it 
And you don't need to wash it!
- Frank Zappa


Not to mention
"Give me your dirty love
Like some tacky little pamphlet in your Daddy's bottom drawer
Give me your dirty love
I don't believe you never seen that book before"
 
2014-02-14 09:06:41 PM
t was a rainy night when
he came into sight
Standing by the road, no umbrella,
no coat
So I pulled up along side and
I offered him a ride
He accepted with a smile
so we drove for a while
I didn't ask him his name,
this lonely boy in the rain
Fate tell me it's right,
is this love at first sight

All I wanna do is make love to you
Say you will
You want me too
All I wanna do is make love to you
I've got lovin' arms to hold on to

So we found this hotel,
it was a place I knew well
We made magic that night.
Oh, he did everything right
He brought the woman out of me,
so many times, easily
And in the morning when he woke all
I left him was a note
I told him
"I am the flower you are the seed"
We walked in the garden
we planted a tree
Don't try to find me,
please don't you dare
Just live in my memory,
you'll always be there

All I wanna do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All I wanna do is make love to you
I've got lovin' arms to hold on to

Oh, oooh, we made love
Love like strangers
All night long
We made love

Then it happened one day,
we came round the same way
You can imagine his surprise
when he saw his own eyes
I said "please, please understand
I'm in love with another man
And what he couldn't give me
was the one little thing that you can"

All I wanna do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All I wanna do is make love to you
Say you will, you want me too

All night long
All night long
All night long
All night long
 
2014-02-14 09:09:07 PM
I'd advise against "Strange Fruit" if you're wantin' to get cozy.
 
2014-02-14 09:14:59 PM
takin the retards to the zoo
 
2014-02-14 09:17:57 PM
No REM?
 
2014-02-14 09:22:57 PM

theflatline: t was a rainy night when
he came into sight
Standing by the road, no umbrella,
no coat
So I pulled up along side and
I offered him a ride
He accepted with a smile
so we drove for a while
I didn't ask him his name,
this lonely boy in the rain
Fate tell me it's right,
is this love at first sight

All I wanna do is make love to you
Say you will
You want me too
All I wanna do is make love to you
I've got lovin' arms to hold on to

So we found this hotel,
it was a place I knew well
We made magic that night.
Oh, he did everything right
He brought the woman out of me,
so many times, easily
And in the morning when he woke all
I left him was a note
I told him
"I am the flower you are the seed"
We walked in the garden
we planted a tree
Don't try to find me,
please don't you dare
Just live in my memory,
you'll always be there

All I wanna do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All I wanna do is make love to you
I've got lovin' arms to hold on to

Oh, oooh, we made love
Love like strangers
All night long
We made love

Then it happened one day,
we came round the same way
You can imagine his surprise
when he saw his own eyes
I said "please, please understand
I'm in love with another man
And what he couldn't give me
was the one little thing that you can"

All I wanna do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All I wanna do is make love to you
Say you will, you want me too

All night long
All night long
All night long
All night long


I've always referred to that as 'The Slut Song'.
 
2014-02-14 09:25:06 PM

John Buck 41: theflatline: t was a rainy night when
he came into sight
Standing by the road, no umbrella,
no coat
So I pulled up along side and
I offered him a ride
He accepted with a smile
so we drove for a while
I didn't ask him his name,
this lonely boy in the rain
Fate tell me it's right,
is this love at first sight

All I wanna do is make love to you
Say you will
You want me too
All I wanna do is make love to you
I've got lovin' arms to hold on to

So we found this hotel,
it was a place I knew well
We made magic that night.
Oh, he did everything right
He brought the woman out of me,
so many times, easily
And in the morning when he woke all
I left him was a note
I told him
"I am the flower you are the seed"
We walked in the garden
we planted a tree
Don't try to find me,
please don't you dare
Just live in my memory,
you'll always be there

All I wanna do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All I wanna do is make love to you
I've got lovin' arms to hold on to

Oh, oooh, we made love
Love like strangers
All night long
We made love

Then it happened one day,
we came round the same way
You can imagine his surprise
when he saw his own eyes
I said "please, please understand
I'm in love with another man
And what he couldn't give me
was the one little thing that you can"

All I wanna do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All I wanna do is make love to you
Say you will, you want me too

All night long
All night long
All night long
All night long

I've always referred to that as 'The Slut Song'.


It really is.  She could have found a sperm bank instead of farking random hitchhikers until she got preggo.
 
2014-02-14 09:25:24 PM
Deadly as the viper
Peering from its coil
The poison there is coming to the boil
Ticking like a time bomb
The fuse is running short
on the verge of snapping if it's caught
And all the pressure that's been building up
For all the years it bore the load
The cracks appear, the frame starts to distort
Ready to explode
Jawbreaker

- Judas Priest
 
2014-02-14 09:27:18 PM
Why don't we do it in the road...

No one will be watching us...

Why don't we do it in the road...
 
2014-02-14 09:31:27 PM
♫ Spotcheck Billy got down on his hands & knees
He said "Hey momma, hey let me check your oil alright?"
She said "No, no honey, not tonite,
Comeback Monday, yeah you comeback Tuesday, then I might." ♫
 
2014-02-14 09:38:43 PM
Elenore gee I think you're swell
and you really do me well
you're my pride and joy
etcetra.....
 
2014-02-14 09:44:48 PM
They had to work hard to make them not all rap songs.
 
2014-02-14 09:48:26 PM
Singin in the rain

Just singin in the rain

What a glorious feeling

I'm happy again...
 
2014-02-14 09:49:05 PM
Morrissey is so damn romantic...

You're the one for me, fatty
You're the one I really, really love
And I will stay
Promise you'll say if I'm in your way

TuteTibiImperes: I ain't gonna squash it
And you don't need to wash it!
- Frank Zappa


I got me three beers and a fistful of downs, and I'm gonna get ripped, so f*ck you clowns!
 
2014-02-14 09:50:15 PM
Any such list fails without Buckcherry's "Crazy biatch".
 
2014-02-14 09:51:01 PM

fusillade762: New Order - Every Second Counts

Every second counts
When I am with you
I think you are a pig
You should be in a zoo


I always wondered if Bernard improvised the lyrics there, as he cracks up a little when he sings it.
 
2014-02-14 09:53:53 PM
 
2014-02-14 09:54:48 PM

Delay: Cold Play:

splftf
fark u
tsdfg
anal too


...singin'...ooooo!
 
2014-02-14 09:56:21 PM
Queen-Get Down, Make Love

Get down make love
Get down make love
Get down make love
Get down make love -
You take my body -
I give you heat
You say you're hungry
I give you meat
I suck your mind
You blow my head
Make love -
Inside your bed - everybody get down make love

Now if that isn't romantic/first date material...
 
2014-02-14 09:58:38 PM
♫ Smell Yo Dick... ♫
 
2014-02-14 09:59:58 PM
Do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now
 
2014-02-14 10:01:31 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: ♫ Spotcheck Billy got down on his hands & knees
He said "Hey momma, hey let me check your oil alright?"
She said "No, no honey, not tonite,
Comeback Monday, yeah you comeback Tuesday, then I might." ♫



My baby called me up
She said, "Why don't you ever take me out?
Pick me up in your brand new car,
Shake the shortchange from your old fruit jar"
So I put on my dancin' shoes
Headed straight for the rhythm 'n blues
The music was hot, but my baby was not

I've got a rocket in my pocket
Finger in the socket
No way for you to stop it...
 
2014-02-14 10:05:10 PM

phaseolus: MaudlinMutantMollusk: ♫ Spotcheck Billy got down on his hands & knees
He said "Hey momma, hey let me check your oil alright?"
She said "No, no honey, not tonite,
Comeback Monday, yeah you comeback Tuesday, then I might." ♫


My baby called me up
She said, "Why don't you ever take me out?
Pick me up in your brand new car,
Shake the shortchange from your old fruit jar"
So I put on my dancin' shoes
Headed straight for the rhythm 'n blues
The music was hot, but my baby was not

I've got a rocket in my pocket
Finger in the socket
No way for you to stop it...


Ol' Lowell did have a way with words, didn't he?
 
2014-02-14 10:07:33 PM

TuteTibiImperes: Deadly as the viper
Peering from its coil
The poison there is coming to the boil
Ticking like a time bomb
The fuse is running short
on the verge of snapping if it's caught
And all the pressure that's been building up
For all the years it bore the load
The cracks appear, the frame starts to distort
Ready to explode
Jawbreaker

- Judas Priest


I love Judas Priest. "Worth Fighting For" from "Angel of Retribution" is a fantastic song, with the exception of the following lyric: "I am driven by a thirst to quench myself of love"
 
2014-02-14 10:07:35 PM
Better examples would be Two out of Three (ain't bad) or Paradise by the Dashboard Light.  Women love those songs, but I don't think they have any idea what the lyrics are.
 
2014-02-14 10:16:57 PM
we're on a road movie to berlin
 
mhd
2014-02-14 10:17:00 PM
Before her surrender she had no life
Now she's a slave, not a wife
Her only sorrow is for women who live with lies
She's taken off her disguise

Woman, be my slave
That's your reason to live
Woman, be my slave
The greatest gift I can give
Woman, be my slave
-- Manowar, probably after reading too many Gor novels

Also, pretty much anything from Rammstein, WASP or every prog rock band ever.
 
2014-02-14 10:17:10 PM

mjbok: Better examples would be Two out of Three (ain't bad) or Paradise by the Dashboard Light.  Women love those songs, but I don't think they have any idea what the lyrics are.


Meat Loaf has some great ones.  How about one of his oldies:

Now I think I'm gonna have to leave you
Because I'm feeling much too weak to share
And the pie, oh it's cut in too many pieces
The flavor that I crave is no longer there

from 'More than you Deserve'
 
2014-02-14 10:25:15 PM
For the win: Pantera, "Good Friends and a Bottle of Pills"

I farked your girlfriend last night.
While you snored and drooled, I farked your love.
She called me Daddy.
And I called her baby when I smacked her ass.
I called her sugar when I ate her alive till daylight.
And I slept with her all over me,
from forehead to ribcage I dripped her ass.
Sometimes I thought you might be spying,
living out some brash fantasy, but no.
You were knocked out.
But we were all knocked out you know.
In a way
I serve too many masters.
We didn't know you'd break the bottle
that the magic came in to use those jagged shards
to cut our wrists and neck.
And you'd do it too, you're that kind of dude.
But you wouldn't know what you were doing
because I didn't,
your girlfriend could have been a burn victim,
an amputee, a dead body.
But god damn I wanted to fark.
I'm losing what's left of my farking mind,
I serve too many farking masters.
(I told you. I told you motherfarker)
 
2014-02-14 10:25:15 PM
And more Little Feat, courtesy of Paul Barrerre:

You're a dream, and that's all that I ask for
So well now, I'm wonderin' just how I'm gonna tell it to you
Skin it back (skin it back)
Somethin' real, somethin' to feel

all regarding how he's going to tell the girl that he's uncircumcised
 
2014-02-14 10:26:46 PM
I couldn't choose just one stanza:


A flower lady's daughter
As sweet as holy water
Said: "I'm the school reporter
Please teach me", well I taught her.

Two fingered levi'd sister
Said, "Peace", I stopped I kissed her.
Said, "I'm a male resister",
I smiled and just unzipped her.

High diving chinese trender
Black hair and black suspender
Said, "Please me no surrender
Just love to feel your Fender".

All of you know that the girls of the road
Are like apples you stole in your youth.
All of you know that the girls of the road
Been around but are versed in the truth.

Stone-headed Frisco spacer
Ate all the meat I gave her
Said would I like to taste hers
And even craved the flavour

"Like marron-glaced fish bones
Oh lady hit the road!"

All of you know that the girls of the road
Are like apples you stole in your youth.
All of you know that the girls of the road
Been around but are versed in the truth
 
2014-02-14 10:27:14 PM
Not a song lyric, but one of  the most unromantic movie ever made: Cries and Whispers

In one of the more tender scenes a woman sticks a razor blade in her vagina.

/First and last date.
//No. I am not kidding.
 
2014-02-14 10:28:52 PM

TuteTibiImperes: Deadly as the viper
Peering from its coil
The poison there is coming to the boil
Ticking like a time bomb
The fuse is running short
on the verge of snapping if it's caught
And all the pressure that's been building up
For all the years it bore the load
The cracks appear, the frame starts to distort
Ready to explode
Jawbreaker

- Judas Priest


Every Judas Priest song is implicitly about gay sex. Only "The Green Manalishi", a Fleetwood Mac cover, is explicitly about gay sex but it's implicitly about the music industry.
 
2014-02-14 10:36:37 PM
Mr. Nice Guy by Mr. Bungle


There's nothin' that I wouldn't do for you
'Cuz I'm pottie, trained like a great dane
Have a nice day

Incubus in disguise, Lord of the flies
A pile of shiat dressed up to appetize
The main course, degradation a la mode
You accept the invitation
I know how to treat a lady

I'm a fountain of love like Christ
So shower in the golden jewelry of my balls
Eagerly you suck it down like a pig in a toilet
In a vacuum, in a tornado, in a black hole

Turbulent, whirlpool

Like yin and yen, the doggie is my best friend
I think I need a foxy terrier
With a capital T that rhymes with D
That stands for derrire
To bark for me and keep me company

You look so nice
With your nose in the dirt
You're my puppy
Bend over and lick yourself

And when you sleep, I'm sitting on your chest
Say it's a dog's life so you do what you gotta do, do
Doggie biatch, let me drill my own hole
I don't need a seed to grow my dick weed
I'm the one you want, the one you get
Shiat sucking, butt farking nerd

I'm a sadist, I'm a geek, I'm a coprophagist
I shiat, you eat my poop, you shiat, I eat your poop
I shiat, an infinite push pull
Hedonism trading fours
You scratch my back I'll scratch yours

Incubus, succubus

Like Dick and Jane, the K9 method is farking insane
It's love, it's dog eat dog, eat dog
With a capital D that rhymes with tree
That stands for pee pee
Your knight in shining armor
Ain't no nice guy at all

I am the devil who's under the skin
I hide in the smile and aim for the quim
God is my tactic and nature's my game
Forget all your opinions, baby
Because I will always win, lesbian

The ritual, I urinate chivalry
Instinctual 'cuz I'm such a gentleman
You look so nice with your nose in the dirt
 
2014-02-14 10:44:46 PM

TuteTibiImperes: mjbok: Better examples would be Two out of Three (ain't bad) or Paradise by the Dashboard Light.  Women love those songs, but I don't think they have any idea what the lyrics are.

Meat Loaf has some great ones.  How about one of his oldies:

Now I think I'm gonna have to leave you
Because I'm feeling much too weak to share
And the pie, oh it's cut in too many pieces
The flavor that I crave is no longer there

from 'More than you Deserve'


None of the examples they used could potentially (by name or misheard lyrics) be interpreted to be in any way romantic.
 
2014-02-14 10:45:40 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQ7KO5yIMhw
 
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