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(io9)   God, what an asshole   (io9.com) divider line 48
    More: Interesting, Gomorrah, Israelites, conservatisms  
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21498 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Feb 2014 at 5:24 PM (22 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-02-14 06:07:48 PM
8 votes:
img.fark.net
2014-02-14 05:48:17 PM
7 votes:
Oldie but a goody

i58.tinypic.com
2014-02-14 03:48:01 PM
7 votes:

Trailltrader: God is so Holy, to present such people before him would be an insult.


Then f*ck him.
2014-02-14 05:47:09 PM
6 votes:
The stupid shiat "god" does in the Old Testament is one big reason I'm not Christian.

If you step outside our cultural position of assuming Yahweh/Jehovah as good, and look at it, the deity of the Israelites is actually pretty sadistic, arbitrary, capricious and downright evil.

The whole killing the Egyptian babies thing is where I just completely gave up.  Christians lose their shiat at abortion, saying it's killing babies. . .but they have no problem with their own deity killing every firstborn of an entire generation of Egyptians.

Oh, and Job too.  They have a nice list of 12, but #7 and #12 were always the deal breakers for me.  The great flood really bothered me too.

Sorry, the god of Abraham is an evil, sadistic farker, a backwater tribal patron deity who managed to, through good PR and amazing luck, get mistaken by a couple billion people as being the only god in existence.  I can't imagine anybody who reads that would WANT to worship him.

I'd rather worship Odin, or Athena, personally.
2014-02-14 04:29:31 PM
5 votes:

Trailltrader: God is so Holy, to present such people before him would be an insult.


You mean the people He made that way?

Yeah, dick move. Fu*k that guy.

Everything else you said is bullsh*t, too. It all boils down to "God is a dick because he can be, and that's great!" Fu*k him and fu*k you for being okay with it.
2014-02-14 03:42:41 PM
5 votes:

Trailltrader: He killed 3,000 philistines and whats really cool?

 They found this temple about 20 years ago complete with the bodies under the rubble exactly how the bible had described it.

Except the excavated Temple of Dagon at Tell Qasile could only hold about 30-35 people, tops, and it was north of Tel Aviz, not in Gaza where the Sampson story takes place, and they didn't find bodies. The temple at Gath that was excavated likewise could only hold about the same number of people and once again no bodies. The destruction of both of those have been linked to an earthquake. Ashkelon could conceivably be construed as part of Gaza way way back when, but it doesn't work either, because it wasn't a temple to Dagon. Never mind the fact that the central pillars are 8 feet apart so pushing against them would require Sampson to be a giant.

The only actual archeological evidence surrounding the Sampson story is a small carving found depicting a man with long hair fighting a lion, without context of any sort that dates to the 11th century BC, near Jerusalem.
2014-02-14 03:07:58 PM
5 votes:
What an amazing way of twisting God's book to "support" a non-believers position.  What an insulting backhanded way of acknowledging WHY GOD DID WHAT HE DID!

#1: Eliseus was a prophet of God.  Think on that for a moment.  His job is to represent God in physical form on this plane of existence.If Eliseus didn't kill those children then it would give the appearance that God wasn't God.

See, its double standards like this- First he's God, then he's not God- that atheists and non-believers are hypocritical about.

#2: Turning Lots wife into salt.  Why did he do it?  Lots wife was punished by being turned into a pillar of salt for direct disobedience- she turned around, looked at the city and was killed for disobeying God.

You should begin to notice the beginning of a pattern developing here....

#3: "Hating ugly people".  No, the reason why God had that law was this:  God is so Holy, to present such people before him would be an insult.

#4: Trying to kill Moses?  Yes, God does not show favoritism- God told Moses "either circumsize your Sons or I will kill you".  Once again- disobedience!!

#5: Genocide?  God told the people of Israel to kill every man, woman and child of every nation they invaded- and he told them if any survived, they would "be a thorn in your side for eternity".  By disobeying God 4500 years ago you STILL have war in the middle east!  Just look at Syria!  Egypt! As a few examples!

#6: Abraham killing his own Son?  No, God wanted to test Abraham's faith- and Isaac wasn't a child at the time but actually a man around 40 years old.

#7:  Killing Egyptians was payback for their time as slaves, remember?

#8:  Onan directly disobeyed God by not inseminating his brothers wife to carry on the bloodline.  God killed him for coitus interruptus.  'Nuff said.

#9:  Sampson certainly had some problems- and God certainly used him as an "Agent Provocateur"- like burning the neighbors farms with torches tied to fox's tails.  Sampson also wasn't very bright- longer his hair, more powerful he became.

In the end, Sampson had lost his sight, his strength had come back, and his last living request was to suicide- and he did it by pulling down the support beams of the temple he was tied up in.  He killed 3,000 philistines and whats really cool?  They found this temple about 20 years ago complete with the bodies under the rubble exactly how the bible had described it.

#10: Now, why do you think God intentionally crippled Jacob in a wrestling match for life?  If you read how Jacob was a thief, a con artist, what you're really seeing is God intentionally crippling a life long bad guy so he couldn't be a bad guy anymore- what you're reading about is God's justice!!

Think on that.  Now compare that to our current legal system

You can study the last two on your own.
2014-02-14 06:49:21 PM
3 votes:
God gives man freewill and and then punishes him for using it, can't get more assholeish then that.
2014-02-14 06:11:35 PM
3 votes:

TOSViolation: The stupid thing is that the author of that stupid webpage is thinking like an idiot human.

When God kills a righteous person, he's just inviting them into his home.  That's it.  It's no tragedy.  Many of you are just too stupid to realize that this pathetic life you cling to is meaningless in the grand scheme of existence.


Yet you're still here.
2014-02-14 07:56:22 PM
2 votes:
You do not need to go into all the vicious, nasty crap that's in the bible to see how much of a dick god is.

All you need to do is look at hell.

Civilized people believe that punishment should fit the crime. Minor crime, minor punishment.
Civilized people believe that torture is immoral.
Civilized people believe that criminals should be able to pay their dues and possibly rehabilitate.

God doesn't believe in any of those things.

Any crime? Go to hell.
When do you get out? Never.
How are you treated? Eternal torture.
Any attempt at rehabilitation, parole, anything? Fark no! Eternal torture!!

But he loves you!!

More like he is a sadistic bastard who loves eternally torturing people.

The inventor of hell was truly a sadistic, sick bastard. This is your god.
2014-02-14 06:15:35 PM
2 votes:
i.imgur.com
2014-02-14 06:06:26 PM
2 votes:

Trailltrader: #3: "Hating ugly people". No, the reason why God had that law was this: God is so Holy, to present such people before him would be an insult.


But...aren't we created in Gods image?  Surely the Lord God made them <i>all</i>, even the ugly ones?
And now He turns around and hates them?

Just face it...either God's a dick, or He's way too busy running the Universe and sometimes slips up.  No need to apologise, though, because He's GOD!
2014-02-14 05:52:32 PM
2 votes:

Trailltrader: What an amazing way of twisting God's book to "support" a non-believers position.  What an insulting backhanded way of acknowledging WHY GOD DID WHAT HE DID!

#1: Eliseus was a prophet of God.  Think on that for a moment.  His job is to represent God in physical form on this plane of existence.If Eliseus didn't kill those children then it would give the appearance that God wasn't God.

See, its double standards like this- First he's God, then he's not God- that atheists and non-believers are hypocritical about.

#2: Turning Lots wife into salt.  Why did he do it?  Lots wife was punished by being turned into a pillar of salt for direct disobedience- she turned around, looked at the city and was killed for disobeying God.

You should begin to notice the beginning of a pattern developing here....

#3: "Hating ugly people".  No, the reason why God had that law was this:  God is so Holy, to present such people before him would be an insult.

#4: Trying to kill Moses?  Yes, God does not show favoritism- God told Moses "either circumsize your Sons or I will kill you".  Once again- disobedience!!

#5: Genocide?  God told the people of Israel to kill every man, woman and child of every nation they invaded- and he told them if any survived, they would "be a thorn in your side for eternity".  By disobeying God 4500 years ago you STILL have war in the middle east!  Just look at Syria!  Egypt! As a few examples!

#6: Abraham killing his own Son?  No, God wanted to test Abraham's faith- and Isaac wasn't a child at the time but actually a man around 40 years old.

#7:  Killing Egyptians was payback for their time as slaves, remember?

#8:  Onan directly disobeyed God by not inseminating his brothers wife to carry on the bloodline.  God killed him for coitus interruptus.  'Nuff said.

#9:  Sampson certainly had some problems- and God certainly used him as an "Agent Provocateur"- like burning the neighbors farms with torches tied to fox's tails.  Sampson also wasn't very bright- longer his hair, more powerful he became.

In the end, Sampson had lost his sight, his strength had come back, and his last living request was to suicide- and he did it by pulling down the support beams of the temple he was tied up in.  He killed 3,000 philistines and whats really cool?  They found this temple about 20 years ago complete with the bodies under the rubble exactly how the bible had described it.

#10: Now, why do you think God intentionally crippled Jacob in a wrestling match for life?  If you read how Jacob was a thief, a con artist, what you're really seeing is God intentionally crippling a life long bad guy so he couldn't be a bad guy anymore- what you're reading about is God's justice!!

Think on that.  Now compare that to our current legal system

You can study the last two on your own.


Honestly can't tell if you're trolling.
2014-02-14 05:49:33 PM
2 votes:

Trailltrader: [excuses]


This has to be the work of a Poe. No one could be this delusional.
2014-02-14 05:47:54 PM
2 votes:
Meh.  Been done a brazilian times.  Do an article on why Allah is an asshole, and Mohammed was a warlord pedophile using excerpts from the Quran, and I  might think you are open-minded and edgy.
2014-02-14 04:33:42 PM
2 votes:

Trailltrader: What an amazing way of twisting God's book to "support" a non-believers position.  What an insulting backhanded way of acknowledging WHY GOD DID WHAT HE DID!


Not sure if serious.
2014-02-14 04:27:13 PM
2 votes:
Meh. Pagan. Don't care.
2014-02-15 12:24:30 PM
1 votes:

ThrobblefootSpectre: That seems to imply this "Yahweh" actually exists


No, it doesn't.

What it implies is that the god in the book question (Yahweh of the Old Testament) is the god worshiped by all three of those religions.  Saying "somebody should critique Allah if they want to be edgy" is farking idiotic... this piece IS critiquing Alllah.

ThrobblefootSpectre: Not being religious myself,


Hey man, I'm an atheist (and have been since I was born), but I don't feel that means that I need to walk through my life completely ignorant about religion.

ThrobblefootSpectre: It's sort of like trying to argue that since humans and squirrels are grouped together as mammals, they are the same creature. Or since Saturn and Jupiter are both classed as gas giants, they are the same planet.


You're even worse at analogy than you are at counting to three.

ThrobblefootSpectre: And cut the stupid insults. lol :)


You could have left the "Islam is off-limits in the Liberal MSM Lamestream Media" shtick out of the discussion in the first place, but you were so intent on injecting it, you opted to make yourself look like a farking moron in the process.  You reap what you sow.
2014-02-15 02:42:21 AM
1 votes:

Z-clipped: ThrobblefootSpectre: Meh.  Been done a brazilian times.  Do an article on why Allah is an asshole, and Mohammed was a warlord pedophile using excerpts from the Quran, and I  might think you are open-minded and edgy.

Umm... do you know why they refer to Judaism, Christianity, and Islam as "the Abrahamic religions?


I don't know why they invented a new word to group the religions, it's much easier to just classify Christianity and Islam as sects of Judaism (along with Samaritanism, and a handful of other religions).
2014-02-15 01:43:23 AM
1 votes:

Trailltrader: What an amazing way of twisting God's book to "support" a non-believers position.  What an insulting backhanded way of acknowledging WHY GOD DID WHAT HE DID!

#1: Eliseus was a prophet of God.  Think on that for a moment.  His job is to represent God in physical form on this plane of existence.If Eliseus didn't kill those children then it would give the appearance that God wasn't God.

See, its double standards like this- First he's God, then he's not God- that atheists and non-believers are hypocritical about.

#2: Turning Lots wife into salt.  Why did he do it?  Lots wife was punished by being turned into a pillar of salt for direct disobedience- she turned around, looked at the city and was killed for disobeying God.

You should begin to notice the beginning of a pattern developing here....

#3: "Hating ugly people".  No, the reason why God had that law was this:  God is so Holy, to present such people before him would be an insult.

#4: Trying to kill Moses?  Yes, God does not show favoritism- God told Moses "either circumsize your Sons or I will kill you".  Once again- disobedience!!

#5: Genocide?  God told the people of Israel to kill every man, woman and child of every nation they invaded- and he told them if any survived, they would "be a thorn in your side for eternity".  By disobeying God 4500 years ago you STILL have war in the middle east!  Just look at Syria!  Egypt! As a few examples!

#6: Abraham killing his own Son?  No, God wanted to test Abraham's faith- and Isaac wasn't a child at the time but actually a man around 40 years old.

#7:  Killing Egyptians was payback for their time as slaves, remember?

#8:  Onan directly disobeyed God by not inseminating his brothers wife to carry on the bloodline.  God killed him for coitus interruptus.  'Nuff said.

#9:  Sampson certainly had some problems- and God certainly used him as an "Agent Provocateur"- like burning the neighbors farms with torches tied to fox's tails.  Sampson also wasn't very bright- longer his hair, more powerful he became.

In the end, Sampson had lost his sight, his strength had come back, and his last living request was to suicide- and he did it by pulling down the support beams of the temple he was tied up in.  He killed 3,000 philistines and whats really cool?  They found this temple about 20 years ago complete with the bodies under the rubble exactly how the bible had described it.

#10: Now, why do you think God intentionally crippled Jacob in a wrestling match for life?  If you read how Jacob was a thief, a con artist, what you're really seeing is God intentionally crippling a life long bad guy so he couldn't be a bad guy anymore- what you're reading about is God's justice!!

Think on that.  Now compare that to our current legal system

You can study the last two on your own.

 

Oh dear.

1. God isn't real you mouth-breathing reprobate.

2. God is supposed to have killed a woman for glancing around. There is no, "I told you not to" that would make that acceptable to moral people.

3. Riiiight. "I love everyone! Ew, what's wrong with your face (that I'm supposed to have crafted)? Gross, fark off!"

4. Slavery and murder. Pretty much what one would expect of some of the most vile people on Earth. And their simplistic and corrupt religion.

5. fark's sake, you are actually saying "See? We were right about committing atrocities, the final solution!" Do you really have so little grasp of irony?

6. Well that man should have cracked his dad's skull open with a rock because the insane old cooter was a danger to everyone around him. Spreading falsehood with his lying jackal's tongue.

7. Shouldn't black people be lining up around the block to kill like 40% of white Americans then?

8. fark off, each of us is in charge of our own genitals. Not your imaginary friend.

9. Good grief, magic is not real. Do your handlers know you're loose?

10. Ohhhhhh, so God was busy letting the Jews rape and murder children but he had to get busy quick-like to deal with that "bad guy con artist".

Your beliefs are evil. You are evil. You and every other xtian are chickenhawks attempting to spread ignorance and misery and all of you deserve to be driven into the sea. You disgusting, stupid, frequently child-molesting monsters.

I can't believe we as a society haven't just started burning you people at the stake.
2014-02-15 01:16:53 AM
1 votes:

Tsar_Bomba1: Well... that's the last time I'll click on a iO9 link.

Good job Fark... good job.


Why's that?

Were you made uncomfortable by someone challenging your story book?
2014-02-15 12:51:31 AM
1 votes:

Silverstaff: Sorry, the god of Abraham is an evil, sadistic farker, a backwater tribal patron deity who managed to, through good PR and amazing luck, get mistaken by a couple billion people as being the only god in existence. I can't imagine anybody who reads that would WANT to worship him.


Actually, one of the main reasons early Xianity spread so quickly through the Roman Empire was the fact that there were just too many damn gods that the average citizen had to pray to, donate money to, make sacrifices to, and just generally acknowledge the existence of in a given day.  Especially considering that a lot of the numerous Emperors were being deified after they died.  The gods were just piling up too fast for people to keep up.
2014-02-14 10:49:17 PM
1 votes:

genner: impaler: Trailltrader: What an amazing way of twisting God's book to "support" a non-believers position.  What an insulting backhanded way of acknowledging WHY GOD DID WHAT HE DID!

Not sure if serious.

Your surprised that this ticked some people off?
Not sure if serious......


The religious are idiots and they are holding humanity back and have been for thousands of years.  ET is laughing at our little rock while thinking about how his species was able to move past religion in a fraction of the time it will take humans to do it.  Most of you are part of the problem and I hope you drop dead before having children.
2014-02-14 09:55:49 PM
1 votes:
For some reading about a spiritual tradition which doesn't ask you to close your eyes to Jehovah's evil, try here.

It doesn't just acknowledge Jehovah's evil; it incorporates it into its theology. It also acknowledges biological evolution; and asks what kind of a vicious creator would subject suffering creatures to it. It wonders of doctrines like "karma" why a benevolent creator would permit such a malevolent system, which has as its primary virtue the perpetuation of evil through infinity.

Buy it. Don't buy it. It makes for interesting reading if nothing more. Dr. Hoeller is erudite, level headed, interesting, and easy to read. If you're interested in Gnosticism, I would stay away from most of the other nutjobs calling themselves Gnostics these days. Start with Dr. Hoeller.

I've also enjoyed this blog, written by someone obviously familiar with ancient scripture and its historical context.
2014-02-14 09:33:38 PM
1 votes:

cnocnanrionnag: " God is so Holy, to present such people before him would be an insult. "

Congratulations.  The above 14 words are the most succinct explanation of everything that is wrong with religion ever written.



Remember: God loves you unconditionally. But don't go near him if you have a limp ... he finds that repulsive. But he loves you. Unless you do something wrong then it's eternal torture.

Of course he still loves you even then. He peeks in on you every 1,000,000,000 centuries or so, gives you a big smile and says "You're doing great! Only infinite more years to go!!".
2014-02-14 08:44:39 PM
1 votes:
Threads like this make me wonder if there are people who white knight other fictional characters to this extent.  Like, are there people who defend everything Joffrey does in the Game of Thrones series?  Or that believe it's real (like guys, they TOTALLY just found a beheaded skeleton in a castle in England, and we ALL know who that is!)
2014-02-14 08:28:05 PM
1 votes:
" God is so Holy, to present such people before him would be an insult. "

Congratulations.  The above 14 words are the most succinct explanation of everything that is wrong with religion ever written.

Thanks for sharing.
2014-02-14 08:01:57 PM
1 votes:
I have found that it is possible to put a huge speed bump out there without getting much further along than the chapters of Genesis immediately following the expulsion of Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden.

God made Adam and Eve. Adam and EVE eat from one of Two forbidden trees. Adam and Eve get served an eviction notice.
Adam and Eve go forth to toil in the fields.
Have 2 sons Cain and Able.

Adam+Eve+Cain+Able= Four people in the whole of Creation.

But when the time comes, Cain and Able go trotting off to NOD to acquire wives?

Where is Nod and who created it? Another Deity? God in the Bible doesn't mention any side projects.
1st Commandment says "...no other gods before Me." Doesn't say anything about alongside or behind. Maybe a AA Class Deity, working his/her way up to the major league.

Personal belief: that there probably is a Creator/Deity of some type out there. Just not how the Bible and the various churches portray Him/Her.
Fine, with me. God in what ever form taken and I get along great. Have absolutely No use for organized religions.
They seem to have subtracted God from the mix somehow.
2014-02-14 07:59:15 PM
1 votes:

Trailltrader: What an amazing way of twisting God's book to "support" a non-believers position.  What an insulting backhanded way of acknowledging WHY GOD DID WHAT HE DID!

#1: Eliseus was a prophet of God.  Think on that for a moment.  His job is to represent God in physical form on this plane of existence.If Eliseus didn't kill those children then it would give the appearance that God wasn't God.

See, its double standards like this- First he's God, then he's not God- that atheists and non-believers are hypocritical about.

#2: Turning Lots wife into salt.  Why did he do it?  Lots wife was punished by being turned into a pillar of salt for direct disobedience- she turned around, looked at the city and was killed for disobeying God.

You should begin to notice the beginning of a pattern developing here....

#3: "Hating ugly people".  No, the reason why God had that law was this:  God is so Holy, to present such people before him would be an insult.

#4: Trying to kill Moses?  Yes, God does not show favoritism- God told Moses "either circumsize your Sons or I will kill you".  Once again- disobedience!!

#5: Genocide?  God told the people of Israel to kill every man, woman and child of every nation they invaded- and he told them if any survived, they would "be a thorn in your side for eternity".  By disobeying God 4500 years ago you STILL have war in the middle east!  Just look at Syria!  Egypt! As a few examples!

#6: Abraham killing his own Son?  No, God wanted to test Abraham's faith- and Isaac wasn't a child at the time but actually a man around 40 years old.

#7:  Killing Egyptians was payback for their time as slaves, remember?

#8:  Onan directly disobeyed God by not inseminating his brothers wife to carry on the bloodline.  God killed him for coitus interruptus.  'Nuff said.

#9:  Sampson certainly had some problems- and God certainly used him as an "Agent Provocateur"- like burning the neighbors farms with torches tied to fox's tails.  Sampson also wasn't very bright- lon ...


You have a farked up religion bud.
2014-02-14 07:38:15 PM
1 votes:
Please ignore, phone (l)user testing/ learning
bold
italics
2014-02-14 07:28:44 PM
1 votes:

BATMANATEE: So, Old Testament god is essentially the biatchy popular girl from high school, but with the power to destroy anything and everything on a whim. God is an omnipotent Heather. I think I'll stick to science fiction.


Well even though everything we know about science says that the universe is trillions of years old, God had a major change of heart within 2,000 years and is now less of a dick. To us on Earth anyway.
2014-02-14 07:20:42 PM
1 votes:

BATMANATEE: So, Old Testament god is essentially the biatchy popular girl from high school, but with the power to destroy anything and everything on a whim. God is an omnipotent Heather. I think I'll stick to science fiction.


To me, God sounds more like a belligerent, alcoholic father. In fact, the whole Old Testament makes more sense if you think of God wearing a stained wife-beater and holding a bottle of PGA
2014-02-14 07:13:24 PM
1 votes:
AND He demands a starship as well.

img.4plebs.org
2014-02-14 07:11:19 PM
1 votes:
So, Old Testament god is essentially the biatchy popular girl from high school, but with the power to destroy anything and everything on a whim. God is an omnipotent Heather. I think I'll stick to science fiction.
2014-02-14 07:08:04 PM
1 votes:
God put two naked people in a garden so he could watch them.
He kicked them out when they started wanting some clothes.

That's not just pervy, that's scumbag pervy.
2014-02-14 07:05:36 PM
1 votes:
This is always fun to mess with fundamentalists about. The Old Testament reads like a bad D&D session with the author godmoding (see what I did there?) for everything.

You mocked my God? He murders your whole village!
You disobeyed the rules? God murders your family!
You didn't get that chick preggers? God KILLS you!

Plus, the guy was HUGE about taking credit and bragging about it. He talked to prophets all the time, sent messages, and made it known supposedly that he was it.

Fast forward to today, God... um, yeah. They claim he causes bad weather because he's pissed, but also lights giant Jesus on fire too.

Sorry, guys, the fear of your impotent, invisible, make-believe sky wizard gets hard to maintain.
2014-02-14 06:27:57 PM
1 votes:
Uncomfortable question for Christians # 7,633,011.

Jesus says in John that he's being crucified to "eject the prince of this world." That passage is widely interpreted to refer to Satan.

Paul states that the evil "god of this world" has blinded people to the truth. Also widely read to refer to Satan.

So when did Jehovah hand over the keys?

Throughout the Old Testament, Jehovah is pretty clearly the "god of this world." At no point does it mention Jehovah handing the world over to Satan.

So when and why did it happen? Did Satan successfully oust Jehovah? Did Jehovah just decide he was going to be a d*ck (an eminently plausible motive given his overall character)?

Or does the evil god of this world Jesus died to eject refer to Jehovah Elohim?

You fear a devil able to deceive the whole world.

What if that devil is really named "Jehovah?"
2014-02-14 06:18:01 PM
1 votes:
Ezekiel 5:10: the demon Jehovah sentences some idolaters to "eat their children;" more degenerately still, for their "children to eat their parents."

To Jehovah's apologists:

Let's think about that. Daddy makes little Sophie, six years old, bow down in front of a carved figurine to worship it. Little Sophie obeys.

Jehovah's massive ego takes a hit. That's the sole harm here--a blow to Jehovah's self-image. Nobody got hurt. Nothing was stolen. Heck, nobody even (gasp!) had sex.

So Jehovah makes Little Sophie eat her own daddy.

Let's say as a loyal Jehovah religionist, Jehovah honors you by picking you to deliver Sophie her dinner. You grab up one steaming hot plate of Jehovah's justice in the form of "daddy au fromage."

You walk into Sophie's little hut. You find her kneeling on the bare dirt floor, her empty blue eyes lost in the dying embers of a scullery fire the last one of the Lord's servants built when he came to deliver Sophie her dinner.

She somehow lucked into a small shred of very rare, precious purple ribbon. She's used it to tie her dark hair back into a pony tail. Other than that, she's a picture of poverty.

She's an orphan now, can't take care of herself. She's rail thin, having put off eating daddy for as long as she possibly could.

But now, she's starved and trembling. She can't hold out any longer. Jehovah knows it. You know it. She knows it.

You smile warmly at her. Why shouldn't you? You're just doing Jehovah's will. Surely she'll appreciate that.

"Why?" she bleats pathetically, her dust covered face streaked with little dry riverbeds of the tears she can no longer muster for having cried so long.

Can you even imagine? This little hussy can't even show basic gratitude to one of the Lord's servants doing his will.

For reasons unknown to you, you bite back your impulse to scold her for this affront. It's your conscience, of course. But having worshiped Jehovah for so long, rationalizing away so many of his atrocities, you've lost most conscious awareness of it.

"Why?" she pleads again.

She understands Jehovah is mad at her for bowing to a carved figurine. But she just can't figure out WHY he's so mad. She didn't hurt anyone! She just pretended a silly chunk of wood was magical!

Her little hands shaking, she takes the plate from you. Her stomach in knots, she takes a piece of wood and shoves the meat around a little, trying to muster the will to take a bite, putting off the inevitable for just a few more moments.

Now.

Explain it to her. Explain Jehovah's "justice" to her in a way that makes sense. Help her feel Jehovah's "love" for her with every morsel of her dinner.
2014-02-14 06:13:00 PM
1 votes:

naughtyrev: Trailltrader: He killed 3,000 philistines and whats really cool? They found this temple about 20 years ago complete with the bodies under the rubble exactly how the bible had described it.

Except the excavated Temple of Dagon at Tell Qasile could only hold about 30-35 people, tops, and it was north of Tel Aviz, not in Gaza where the Sampson story takes place, and they didn't find bodies. The temple at Gath that was excavated likewise could only hold about the same number of people and once again no bodies. The destruction of both of those have been linked to an earthquake. Ashkelon could conceivably be construed as part of Gaza way way back when, but it doesn't work either, because it wasn't a temple to Dagon. Never mind the fact that the central pillars are 8 feet apart so pushing against them would require Sampson to be a giant.

The only actual archeological evidence surrounding the Sampson story is a small carving found depicting a man with long hair fighting a lion, without context of any sort that dates to the 11th century BC, near Jerusalem.


+1 subby

22 posts in, couldn't decide who to reply to.
calamity or Blues_X or naughtyrev (had to look up the bears story, had forgotten). But which post? FlashHarry? Impaler? markie_farkie? NFA? Lsherm?
I agree with you all

But you, sir(?), challenged me. I had forgotten the bears story and had to look it up. And your knowledge of antiquities is breathtaking.

Was raised Catholic back when mass was still in Latin, the message still the fire and brimstone of the Old Testament. I heard the joy coming out of a black Baptist church when I was 4 or 5. I drove my mother crazy constantly asking "But WHY can't we go to THAT church? THEIR God LIKES them!!!"

Believe in God, but damn, was turned off organized religion for years. I have gone to church occaisionally/at times consistantly in the last 15 or so years. But at Lutheran or Presby churches. It does make me a better person...I'm a kind and decent by most accounts, but many church people jump to help when needed, leading by example. I don't know how I could have survived, literally, without them a time or two.
2014-02-14 06:11:32 PM
1 votes:
I'll give you this. I won't say there is no GOD.

I'll just say I don't think the picture and stories as espoused by GOD, Inc. is completely true.
2014-02-14 05:52:58 PM
1 votes:
Interesting? Is the Obvious tag in purgatory?

/God sent himself to earth in order to sacrifice himself as his own son in order to absolve you of sins that he determined in order to save you from going to the hell that he created to punish people who aren't saved by him
//rrrrrriiiiiiiiight...
2014-02-14 05:48:42 PM
1 votes:
img4.joyreactor.com
2014-02-14 05:44:49 PM
1 votes:
No wonder fundies are so dangerous and mental.

wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com
2014-02-14 05:40:59 PM
1 votes:

Trailltrader: ...


Heh.

You realize that you've done the literary equivalent of tearing apart a harsh critique of the flaws of Alice Liddell or Captain Ahab?
2014-02-14 04:46:06 PM
1 votes:

Trailltrader: #8:  Onan directly disobeyed God by not inseminating his brothers wife to carry on the bloodline.  God killed him for coitus interruptus.  'Nuff said.


www.thebricktestament.com


The Brick Testament illustrates it best.
NFA [TotalFark]
2014-02-14 03:10:30 PM
1 votes:
You guys are blasphemers!  Now go out there an dish up some unconditional love for the angry, vengeful, retaliatory guy upstairs.  Oh and have faith that he won't banish you to hell for all eternity on a whim.
2014-02-14 02:44:03 PM
1 votes:
It's like Earth is some Sadist version of The Sims..
2014-02-14 02:39:07 PM
1 votes:
I always loved the killing kids with bears story and the random gonna kill Moses story. I like to think that the bears story was really just some bald guy who was copying an early Torah and people made fun of him so he included his own fantasy of what he'd like to happen.
 
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