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(io9)   God, what an asshole   (io9.com) divider line 175
    More: Interesting, Gomorrah, Israelites, conservatisms  
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21513 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Feb 2014 at 5:24 PM (44 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-02-14 02:39:07 PM  
I always loved the killing kids with bears story and the random gonna kill Moses story. I like to think that the bears story was really just some bald guy who was copying an early Torah and people made fun of him so he included his own fantasy of what he'd like to happen.
 
2014-02-14 02:44:03 PM  
It's like Earth is some Sadist version of The Sims..
 
2014-02-14 03:07:58 PM  
What an amazing way of twisting God's book to "support" a non-believers position.  What an insulting backhanded way of acknowledging WHY GOD DID WHAT HE DID!

#1: Eliseus was a prophet of God.  Think on that for a moment.  His job is to represent God in physical form on this plane of existence.If Eliseus didn't kill those children then it would give the appearance that God wasn't God.

See, its double standards like this- First he's God, then he's not God- that atheists and non-believers are hypocritical about.

#2: Turning Lots wife into salt.  Why did he do it?  Lots wife was punished by being turned into a pillar of salt for direct disobedience- she turned around, looked at the city and was killed for disobeying God.

You should begin to notice the beginning of a pattern developing here....

#3: "Hating ugly people".  No, the reason why God had that law was this:  God is so Holy, to present such people before him would be an insult.

#4: Trying to kill Moses?  Yes, God does not show favoritism- God told Moses "either circumsize your Sons or I will kill you".  Once again- disobedience!!

#5: Genocide?  God told the people of Israel to kill every man, woman and child of every nation they invaded- and he told them if any survived, they would "be a thorn in your side for eternity".  By disobeying God 4500 years ago you STILL have war in the middle east!  Just look at Syria!  Egypt! As a few examples!

#6: Abraham killing his own Son?  No, God wanted to test Abraham's faith- and Isaac wasn't a child at the time but actually a man around 40 years old.

#7:  Killing Egyptians was payback for their time as slaves, remember?

#8:  Onan directly disobeyed God by not inseminating his brothers wife to carry on the bloodline.  God killed him for coitus interruptus.  'Nuff said.

#9:  Sampson certainly had some problems- and God certainly used him as an "Agent Provocateur"- like burning the neighbors farms with torches tied to fox's tails.  Sampson also wasn't very bright- longer his hair, more powerful he became.

In the end, Sampson had lost his sight, his strength had come back, and his last living request was to suicide- and he did it by pulling down the support beams of the temple he was tied up in.  He killed 3,000 philistines and whats really cool?  They found this temple about 20 years ago complete with the bodies under the rubble exactly how the bible had described it.

#10: Now, why do you think God intentionally crippled Jacob in a wrestling match for life?  If you read how Jacob was a thief, a con artist, what you're really seeing is God intentionally crippling a life long bad guy so he couldn't be a bad guy anymore- what you're reading about is God's justice!!

Think on that.  Now compare that to our current legal system

You can study the last two on your own.
 
NFA [TotalFark]
2014-02-14 03:10:30 PM  
You guys are blasphemers!  Now go out there an dish up some unconditional love for the angry, vengeful, retaliatory guy upstairs.  Oh and have faith that he won't banish you to hell for all eternity on a whim.
 
2014-02-14 03:42:41 PM  

Trailltrader: He killed 3,000 philistines and whats really cool?

 They found this temple about 20 years ago complete with the bodies under the rubble exactly how the bible had described it.

Except the excavated Temple of Dagon at Tell Qasile could only hold about 30-35 people, tops, and it was north of Tel Aviz, not in Gaza where the Sampson story takes place, and they didn't find bodies. The temple at Gath that was excavated likewise could only hold about the same number of people and once again no bodies. The destruction of both of those have been linked to an earthquake. Ashkelon could conceivably be construed as part of Gaza way way back when, but it doesn't work either, because it wasn't a temple to Dagon. Never mind the fact that the central pillars are 8 feet apart so pushing against them would require Sampson to be a giant.

The only actual archeological evidence surrounding the Sampson story is a small carving found depicting a man with long hair fighting a lion, without context of any sort that dates to the 11th century BC, near Jerusalem.
 
2014-02-14 03:48:01 PM  

Trailltrader: God is so Holy, to present such people before him would be an insult.


Then f*ck him.
 
2014-02-14 04:27:13 PM  
Meh. Pagan. Don't care.
 
2014-02-14 04:29:31 PM  

Trailltrader: God is so Holy, to present such people before him would be an insult.


You mean the people He made that way?

Yeah, dick move. Fu*k that guy.

Everything else you said is bullsh*t, too. It all boils down to "God is a dick because he can be, and that's great!" Fu*k him and fu*k you for being okay with it.
 
2014-02-14 04:30:58 PM  
"Hey God, here's a blind baby."

"GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!"

I just don't think that God has that much in common with Leona Helmsley.
 
2014-02-14 04:33:28 PM  
 Yet this didn't stop God from trying to kill Moses when he ran into him at "a lodging place."  whorehouse.There is literally no explanation given in the Bible for God's decision to murder one of his chief supporters. The line is "At a lodging place whorehouse on the way, the Lord met Moses and was about to kill him."

It makes perfect sense if you get a little creative.
 
2014-02-14 04:33:42 PM  

Trailltrader: What an amazing way of twisting God's book to "support" a non-believers position.  What an insulting backhanded way of acknowledging WHY GOD DID WHAT HE DID!


Not sure if serious.
 
2014-02-14 04:34:18 PM  

naughtyrev: Except


I... I think someone just got told.

Not that it will make a difference.
 
2014-02-14 04:37:08 PM  
If Farkers/Farkettes excercise every time one of these threads came up. . .
 
2014-02-14 04:40:00 PM  
Come on, who could hate her?

www.cheapticketsmonster.com
 
2014-02-14 04:46:06 PM  

Trailltrader: #8:  Onan directly disobeyed God by not inseminating his brothers wife to carry on the bloodline.  God killed him for coitus interruptus.  'Nuff said.


www.thebricktestament.com


The Brick Testament illustrates it best.
 
2014-02-14 05:27:50 PM  
www.godsboard.com
 
2014-02-14 05:29:06 PM  
I like old testament Gawd. He is about what Id be like if I got his powers for a day or something.
 
2014-02-14 05:29:47 PM  
Methodist + voodoo is the only way to go.
 
2014-02-14 05:29:49 PM  
What did he ever do to you schlubby?

api.ning.com
 
2014-02-14 05:30:27 PM  
Another Ted Cruz thread?
 
2014-02-14 05:36:02 PM  

markie_farkie: It's like Earth is some Sadist version of The Sims..


FTFY
 
2014-02-14 05:36:31 PM  
I did all of that yesterday.
 
2014-02-14 05:40:59 PM  

Trailltrader: ...


Heh.

You realize that you've done the literary equivalent of tearing apart a harsh critique of the flaws of Alice Liddell or Captain Ahab?
 
2014-02-14 05:41:25 PM  
I had no idea about the bears thing. That just made my Valentine's Day magical.
 
2014-02-14 05:44:49 PM  
No wonder fundies are so dangerous and mental.

wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com
 
2014-02-14 05:44:54 PM  
"They wanted to rape angels."

Hosannas in extremis.
 
2014-02-14 05:45:43 PM  
static2.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-02-14 05:45:59 PM  
I love Old Testament God, who seems more in line with what I'd expect from such a being. He's not all love, love, love all the time, he's prone to getting pissed off at his pets, much the way you yell at your dog and make it cower in fear when it shiats on the rug. I also like to think God has a good sense of humor, just on a much vaster scale. He's obviously been trolling us for more than 2000 years.

It's like when you make your cat chase the laser pointer. "Hey, Michael, I bet I can make these dopes throw themselves into the river. Watch!"
 
2014-02-14 05:47:09 PM  
The stupid shiat "god" does in the Old Testament is one big reason I'm not Christian.

If you step outside our cultural position of assuming Yahweh/Jehovah as good, and look at it, the deity of the Israelites is actually pretty sadistic, arbitrary, capricious and downright evil.

The whole killing the Egyptian babies thing is where I just completely gave up.  Christians lose their shiat at abortion, saying it's killing babies. . .but they have no problem with their own deity killing every firstborn of an entire generation of Egyptians.

Oh, and Job too.  They have a nice list of 12, but #7 and #12 were always the deal breakers for me.  The great flood really bothered me too.

Sorry, the god of Abraham is an evil, sadistic farker, a backwater tribal patron deity who managed to, through good PR and amazing luck, get mistaken by a couple billion people as being the only god in existence.  I can't imagine anybody who reads that would WANT to worship him.

I'd rather worship Odin, or Athena, personally.
 
2014-02-14 05:47:54 PM  
Meh.  Been done a brazilian times.  Do an article on why Allah is an asshole, and Mohammed was a warlord pedophile using excerpts from the Quran, and I  might think you are open-minded and edgy.
 
2014-02-14 05:48:17 PM  
Oldie but a goody

i58.tinypic.com
 
2014-02-14 05:48:42 PM  
img4.joyreactor.com
 
2014-02-14 05:49:33 PM  

Trailltrader: [excuses]


This has to be the work of a Poe. No one could be this delusional.
 
2014-02-14 05:50:54 PM  
But he loves us, right?
 
2014-02-14 05:52:32 PM  

Trailltrader: What an amazing way of twisting God's book to "support" a non-believers position.  What an insulting backhanded way of acknowledging WHY GOD DID WHAT HE DID!

#1: Eliseus was a prophet of God.  Think on that for a moment.  His job is to represent God in physical form on this plane of existence.If Eliseus didn't kill those children then it would give the appearance that God wasn't God.

See, its double standards like this- First he's God, then he's not God- that atheists and non-believers are hypocritical about.

#2: Turning Lots wife into salt.  Why did he do it?  Lots wife was punished by being turned into a pillar of salt for direct disobedience- she turned around, looked at the city and was killed for disobeying God.

You should begin to notice the beginning of a pattern developing here....

#3: "Hating ugly people".  No, the reason why God had that law was this:  God is so Holy, to present such people before him would be an insult.

#4: Trying to kill Moses?  Yes, God does not show favoritism- God told Moses "either circumsize your Sons or I will kill you".  Once again- disobedience!!

#5: Genocide?  God told the people of Israel to kill every man, woman and child of every nation they invaded- and he told them if any survived, they would "be a thorn in your side for eternity".  By disobeying God 4500 years ago you STILL have war in the middle east!  Just look at Syria!  Egypt! As a few examples!

#6: Abraham killing his own Son?  No, God wanted to test Abraham's faith- and Isaac wasn't a child at the time but actually a man around 40 years old.

#7:  Killing Egyptians was payback for their time as slaves, remember?

#8:  Onan directly disobeyed God by not inseminating his brothers wife to carry on the bloodline.  God killed him for coitus interruptus.  'Nuff said.

#9:  Sampson certainly had some problems- and God certainly used him as an "Agent Provocateur"- like burning the neighbors farms with torches tied to fox's tails.  Sampson also wasn't very bright- longer his hair, more powerful he became.

In the end, Sampson had lost his sight, his strength had come back, and his last living request was to suicide- and he did it by pulling down the support beams of the temple he was tied up in.  He killed 3,000 philistines and whats really cool?  They found this temple about 20 years ago complete with the bodies under the rubble exactly how the bible had described it.

#10: Now, why do you think God intentionally crippled Jacob in a wrestling match for life?  If you read how Jacob was a thief, a con artist, what you're really seeing is God intentionally crippling a life long bad guy so he couldn't be a bad guy anymore- what you're reading about is God's justice!!

Think on that.  Now compare that to our current legal system

You can study the last two on your own.


Honestly can't tell if you're trolling.
 
2014-02-14 05:52:53 PM  

ElLoco: Trailltrader: ...

Heh.

You realize that you've done the literary equivalent of tearing apart a harsh critique of the flaws of Alice Liddell or Captain Ahab?


Alice was real. Her adventures weren't. But she was real.
 
2014-02-14 05:52:58 PM  
Interesting? Is the Obvious tag in purgatory?

/God sent himself to earth in order to sacrifice himself as his own son in order to absolve you of sins that he determined in order to save you from going to the hell that he created to punish people who aren't saved by him
//rrrrrriiiiiiiiight...
 
2014-02-14 05:53:51 PM  

meat0918: markie_farkie: It's like Earth is some Sadist version of The Sims..

FTFY


ecogamer.site88.net
 
2014-02-14 05:54:19 PM  
www.happletea.com
 
2014-02-14 05:58:20 PM  

Trailltrader: What an amazing way of twisting God's book to "support" a non-believers position.  What an insulting backhanded way of acknowledging WHY GOD DID WHAT HE DID!

#1: Eliseus was a prophet of God.  Think on that for a moment.  His job is to represent God in physical form on this plane of existence.If Eliseus didn't kill those children then it would give the appearance that God wasn't God.

See, its double standards like this- First he's God, then he's not God- that atheists and non-believers are hypocritical about.

#2: Turning Lots wife into salt.  Why did he do it?  Lots wife was punished by being turned into a pillar of salt for direct disobedience- she turned around, looked at the city and was killed for disobeying God.

You should begin to notice the beginning of a pattern developing here....

#3: "Hating ugly people".  No, the reason why God had that law was this:  God is so Holy, to present such people before him would be an insult.

#4: Trying to kill Moses?  Yes, God does not show favoritism- God told Moses "either circumsize your Sons or I will kill you".  Once again- disobedience!!

#5: Genocide?  God told the people of Israel to kill every man, woman and child of every nation they invaded- and he told them if any survived, they would "be a thorn in your side for eternity".  By disobeying God 4500 years ago you STILL have war in the middle east!  Just look at Syria!  Egypt! As a few examples!

#6: Abraham killing his own Son?  No, God wanted to test Abraham's faith- and Isaac wasn't a child at the time but actually a man around 40 years old.

#7:  Killing Egyptians was payback for their time as slaves, remember?

#8:  Onan directly disobeyed God by not inseminating his brothers wife to carry on the bloodline.  God killed him for coitus interruptus.  'Nuff said.

#9:  Sampson certainly had some problems- and God certainly used him as an "Agent Provocateur"- like burning the neighbors farms with torches tied to fox's tails.  Sampson also wasn't very bright- lon ...


Study it out people!
 
2014-02-14 06:04:28 PM  

naughtyrev: I always loved the killing kids with bears story and the random gonna kill Moses story. I like to think that the bears story was really just some bald guy who was copying an early Torah and people made fun of him so he included his own fantasy of what he'd like to happen.


One of the guys I work with is a pastor, and his comm entary on that is the english translation kind of screws it up, he says these were young punks making threats, not kids taunting a bald guy


Since I don't read hebrew, I'll wait to see if someone who does has a comment on that
 
2014-02-14 06:05:17 PM  

Trailltrader: What an amazing way of twisting God's book to "support" a non-believers position.  What an insulting backhanded way of acknowledging WHY GOD DID WHAT HE DID!


3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-02-14 06:06:26 PM  

Trailltrader: #3: "Hating ugly people". No, the reason why God had that law was this: God is so Holy, to present such people before him would be an insult.


But...aren't we created in Gods image?  Surely the Lord God made them <i>all</i>, even the ugly ones?
And now He turns around and hates them?

Just face it...either God's a dick, or He's way too busy running the Universe and sometimes slips up.  No need to apologise, though, because He's GOD!
 
2014-02-14 06:07:48 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-02-14 06:09:01 PM  
The stupid thing is that the author of that stupid webpage is thinking like an idiot human.

When God kills a righteous person, he's just inviting them into his home.  That's it.  It's no tragedy.  Many of you are just too stupid to realize that this pathetic life you cling to is meaningless in the grand scheme of existence.
 
2014-02-14 06:11:10 PM  
Well, now you've just pissed Him off.
 
2014-02-14 06:11:32 PM  
I'll give you this. I won't say there is no GOD.

I'll just say I don't think the picture and stories as espoused by GOD, Inc. is completely true.
 
2014-02-14 06:11:35 PM  

TOSViolation: The stupid thing is that the author of that stupid webpage is thinking like an idiot human.

When God kills a righteous person, he's just inviting them into his home.  That's it.  It's no tragedy.  Many of you are just too stupid to realize that this pathetic life you cling to is meaningless in the grand scheme of existence.


Yet you're still here.
 
2014-02-14 06:13:00 PM  

naughtyrev: Trailltrader: He killed 3,000 philistines and whats really cool? They found this temple about 20 years ago complete with the bodies under the rubble exactly how the bible had described it.

Except the excavated Temple of Dagon at Tell Qasile could only hold about 30-35 people, tops, and it was north of Tel Aviz, not in Gaza where the Sampson story takes place, and they didn't find bodies. The temple at Gath that was excavated likewise could only hold about the same number of people and once again no bodies. The destruction of both of those have been linked to an earthquake. Ashkelon could conceivably be construed as part of Gaza way way back when, but it doesn't work either, because it wasn't a temple to Dagon. Never mind the fact that the central pillars are 8 feet apart so pushing against them would require Sampson to be a giant.

The only actual archeological evidence surrounding the Sampson story is a small carving found depicting a man with long hair fighting a lion, without context of any sort that dates to the 11th century BC, near Jerusalem.


+1 subby

22 posts in, couldn't decide who to reply to.
calamity or Blues_X or naughtyrev (had to look up the bears story, had forgotten). But which post? FlashHarry? Impaler? markie_farkie? NFA? Lsherm?
I agree with you all

But you, sir(?), challenged me. I had forgotten the bears story and had to look it up. And your knowledge of antiquities is breathtaking.

Was raised Catholic back when mass was still in Latin, the message still the fire and brimstone of the Old Testament. I heard the joy coming out of a black Baptist church when I was 4 or 5. I drove my mother crazy constantly asking "But WHY can't we go to THAT church? THEIR God LIKES them!!!"

Believe in God, but damn, was turned off organized religion for years. I have gone to church occaisionally/at times consistantly in the last 15 or so years. But at Lutheran or Presby churches. It does make me a better person...I'm a kind and decent by most accounts, but many church people jump to help when needed, leading by example. I don't know how I could have survived, literally, without them a time or two.
 
2014-02-14 06:13:04 PM  

loonatic112358: naughtyrev: I always loved the killing kids with bears story and the random gonna kill Moses story. I like to think that the bears story was really just some bald guy who was copying an early Torah and people made fun of him so he included his own fantasy of what he'd like to happen.

One of the guys I work with is a pastor, and his comm entary on that is the english translation kind of screws it up, he says these were young punks making threats, not kids taunting a bald guy


Since I don't read hebrew, I'll wait to see if someone who does has a comment on that


Well, in that case they totally deserved to get ripped up by bears.
 
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