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(KLTV Tyler)   Great. Not only can you not spank your kids anymore, but it's also apparently illegal to burp them too   (kltv.com) divider line 52
    More: Stupid, ETX News, burps  
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8461 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Feb 2014 at 4:17 PM (31 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-02-14 04:20:30 PM
He burp babby with fist?
 
2014-02-14 04:20:57 PM
Burp is open hand on the back lightly.......firm pat, pat pat pat.....
not THUMP THUMP like you're doing a Heimlich.

There's got to be more to the story....

the baby suffered brain injury and had a seizure.

/someone should burp this mutherfarker with a silverback gorilla
 
2014-02-14 04:21:06 PM
cdn2.holytaco.com

/hot
 
2014-02-14 04:22:46 PM
So he shook the baby.
 
2014-02-14 04:24:09 PM
How did he get the baby to burp?  Swinging it against a tree trunk?
 
2014-02-14 04:24:35 PM
An arrest affidavit says Schwope told Alamo Heights police that he might have slapped the baby too hard while burping him

www.bloodygoodhorror.com
 
2014-02-14 04:25:16 PM
Just a bit too much enthusisasm.
 
2014-02-14 04:28:41 PM
I don't think it qualifies as burping if you use the child to hammer in a loose nail.
 
2014-02-14 04:29:24 PM
Who told subby that you can't spank your kids anymore? I get the outlandish, troll-tastic lies that you see in 90% of the Politics headlines, but do you really have to stoop that low on the main tab?

Fark, thy standards are slipping - ever since the Foobies and Music tabs went away..
 
2014-02-14 04:32:16 PM

papatex: [cdn2.holytaco.com image 300x300]

/hot


http://www.audiosparx.com/sa/display/sounds.cfm/sound_group_iid.2902

The internet is *belch* disgusting
 
2014-02-14 04:34:24 PM

happydude45: Who told subby that you can't spank your kids anymore? I get the outlandish, troll-tastic lies that you see in 90% of the Politics headlines, but do you really have to stoop that low on the main tab?

Fark, thy standards are slipping - ever since the Foobies and Music tabs went away..


www.gifcrap.com
 
2014-02-14 04:35:16 PM

ChipNASA: Burp is open hand on the back lightly.......firm pat, pat pat pat.....
not THUMP THUMP like you're doing a Heimlich.


Actually I mostly didn't burp my kids by patting them but with a mini-Heimlich involving a slight shoulder jostle to the stomach. If you watch infants being burped you often see them being jostled up and down while being patted and I think the jostle is the effective part.
 
2014-02-14 04:37:41 PM

blatz514: An arrest affidavit says Schwope told Alamo Heights police that he might have slapped the baby too hard while burping him

[www.bloodygoodhorror.com image 758x429]


Guess what?

Today I realized that the "You don't say" guy is Nicolas Cage!
 
2014-02-14 04:38:16 PM

sendtodave: oday I realized that the "You don't say" guy is Nicolas Cage!


Welcome to the hive.
 
2014-02-14 04:41:27 PM

sendtodave: blatz514: An arrest affidavit says Schwope told Alamo Heights police that he might have slapped the baby too hard while burping him

[www.bloodygoodhorror.com image 758x429]

Guess what?

Today I realized that the "You don't say" guy is Nicolas Cage!


awesomegifs.com
 
2014-02-14 04:43:42 PM
Just give the baby a beer, he will burp himself.
 
2014-02-14 04:44:56 PM
My super power is the ability to get a burp out of any baby. And it has nothing to do with patting them on the back. You set them on your knee, and you bounce. And you bounce. And you bounce. Within 2-3 minutes, you will be rewarded with a tremendous burp, and a grateful baby.
 
2014-02-14 04:54:43 PM

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: My super power is the ability to get a burp out of any baby. And it has nothing to do with patting them on the back. You set them on your knee, and you bounce. And you bounce. And you bounce. Within 2-3 minutes, you will be rewarded with a tremendous burp, and a grateful baby.


Just put them in the clothes dryer with an old sneaker or a few tennis balls.
 
2014-02-14 04:55:42 PM

papatex: [cdn2.holytaco.com image 300x300]

/hot


s29.postimg.org
Mine's hotter
 
2014-02-14 04:59:07 PM

KidneyStone: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: My super power is the ability to get a burp out of any baby. And it has nothing to do with patting them on the back. You set them on your knee, and you bounce. And you bounce. And you bounce. Within 2-3 minutes, you will be rewarded with a tremendous burp, and a grateful baby.

Just put them in the clothes dryer with an old sneaker or a few tennis balls.


No, that's how you get the dingleberries off of a cat
 
2014-02-14 05:06:11 PM

Smeggy Smurf: KidneyStone: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: My super power is the ability to get a burp out of any baby. And it has nothing to do with patting them on the back. You set them on your knee, and you bounce. And you bounce. And you bounce. Within 2-3 minutes, you will be rewarded with a tremendous burp, and a grateful baby.

Just put them in the clothes dryer with an old sneaker or a few tennis balls.

No, that's how you get the dingleberries off of a cat


If that works for cats, I'm gonna have to find a human sized one.
 
2014-02-14 05:06:37 PM

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: My super power is the ability to get a burp out of any baby. And it has nothing to do with patting them on the back. You set them on your knee, and you bounce. And you bounce. And you bounce. Within 2-3 minutes, you will be rewarded with a tremendous burp, and a grateful baby.


My wife never could get our daughter to burp. I took on the cheesy nickname "burp king" during her burping stage. Wife would breast feed, I'd burp. Not only could I get the burps, but I could usually do it without the spit-up. For me the key was having baby straddling my knee, facing away from me, leaning on my hand. A little bouncing of the knee and "bop bop bop" on the back and she'd let one rip within a couple minutes. This position also helped ensure that when spit-up did flow, it shot away from me.
 
2014-02-14 05:10:01 PM

blatz514: Smeggy Smurf: KidneyStone: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: My super power is the ability to get a burp out of any baby. And it has nothing to do with patting them on the back. You set them on your knee, and you bounce. And you bounce. And you bounce. Within 2-3 minutes, you will be rewarded with a tremendous burp, and a grateful baby.

Just put them in the clothes dryer with an old sneaker or a few tennis balls.

No, that's how you get the dingleberries off of a cat

If that works for cats, I'm gonna have to find a human sized one.


Do NOT GIS human sized dingleberries
 
2014-02-14 05:16:05 PM

HairBolus: ChipNASA: Burp is open hand on the back lightly.......firm pat, pat pat pat.....
not THUMP THUMP like you're doing a Heimlich.

Actually I mostly didn't burp my kids by patting them but with a mini-Heimlich involving a slight shoulder jostle to the stomach. If you watch infants being burped you often see them being jostled up and down while being patted and I think the jostle is the effective part.


I don't do the back pat much when I burp a kid. My neice burped best by just lightly rubbing in a circle on her back and a slight jostle. I think the rubbing or light patting relaxes them while the jostle does the work too.

As for the guy in the article, does he really think anyone is that stupid? To cause brain damage and seizures you either shook the kid or banged your hand full force against the kid's back repeatedly. The more likely story: Dad has no clue what he's doing. It's his first night with the kids on his own. Toddler is acting like a toddler, baby doesn't stop crying, and he snaps when he hits the boiling point on his frustration. Dude likely lost it and did a terrible thing, but it was no accident.
 
2014-02-14 05:29:14 PM
How the hell did the guy burp the baby? power bomb it?
 
2014-02-14 05:35:17 PM

HairBolus: ChipNASA: Burp is open hand on the back lightly.......firm pat, pat pat pat.....
not THUMP THUMP like you're doing a Heimlich.

Actually I mostly didn't burp my kids by patting them but with a mini-Heimlich involving a slight shoulder jostle to the stomach. If you watch infants being burped you often see them being jostled up and down while being patted and I think the jostle is the effective part.


Hell, just moving them from horizontal to vertical and back a couple times usually does the trick.

As for the subject of this article... even really enthusiastic burping of a baby wouldn't cause a brain injury.  He shook the kid and is trying to find a way to argue that it was accidental.  First night alone with a baby, I can sort of understand how it happened.  A howling baby really does test your impulse control.
 
2014-02-14 05:41:17 PM
I've never understood the parents who are just hell bent on making that baby burp. Ever thought that maybe if you can't get the baby to burp, the baby doesn't farking have to burp? I never burped mine. Breastfed babies take in very little air while feeding. They don't need to burp. If there's a gas bubble, it will come out on it's own without all the slapping, rubbing and jostling about that people seem so excited to do.

Bottle fed babies, I don't know. Maybe they need it. I have no experience with that sort of thing.
 
2014-02-14 05:47:53 PM
An arrest affidavit says Schwope told Alamo Heights police that he might have slapped the baby too hard while burping him. Police say the incident happened in November as Schwope watched the baby overnight, for the first time by himself, while the mother worked.


Well, new dad, maybe the guy is just clueless and really bad with kids, i mean some people dont always know their own strength or how fragile babies can be...


The suspect's 3-year-old son was also home.

Oh, not his first kid. Idiot.
 
2014-02-14 05:48:00 PM

Mumblypeg: He burp babby with fist?


How is babby burped?  Thaey should take babby away from instain father.
 
2014-02-14 06:08:02 PM

poison_amy: I've never understood the parents who are just hell bent on making that baby burp. Ever thought that maybe if you can't get the baby to burp, the baby doesn't farking have to burp? I never burped mine. Breastfed babies take in very little air while feeding. They don't need to burp. If there's a gas bubble, it will come out on it's own without all the slapping, rubbing and jostling about that people seem so excited to do.

Bottle fed babies, I don't know. Maybe they need it. I have no experience with that sort of thing.


Wife breastfed, and we still needed to burp the girls every now and then, but usually all it took was a little walking around with them on your shoulder and jostling them a little bit. Or the "ride a little horsie" song while you bounce them on your knee.

Trouble is, they get big as horses and still want the knee-bouncing.
 
433 [TotalFark]
2014-02-14 06:12:22 PM
HawgWild: [www.gifcrap.com image 148x160]

what you did there.  i saw it :)
 
2014-02-14 06:14:39 PM

happydude45: poison_amy: I've never understood the parents who are just hell bent on making that baby burp. Ever thought that maybe if you can't get the baby to burp, the baby doesn't farking have to burp? I never burped mine. Breastfed babies take in very little air while feeding. They don't need to burp. If there's a gas bubble, it will come out on it's own without all the slapping, rubbing and jostling about that people seem so excited to do.

Bottle fed babies, I don't know. Maybe they need it. I have no experience with that sort of thing.

Wife breastfed, and we still needed to burp the girls every now and then, but usually all it took was a little walking around with them on your shoulder and jostling them a little bit. Or the "ride a little horsie" song while you bounce them on your knee.

Trouble is, they get big as horses and still want the knee-bouncing.


"Tell me again, Mr. happydude, how you managed to shatter your femur?..."
 
2014-02-14 06:29:10 PM

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: My super power is the ability to get a burp out of any baby. And it has nothing to do with patting them on the back. You set them on your knee, and you bounce. And you bounce. And you bounce. Within 2-3 minutes, you will be rewarded with a tremendous burp, and a grateful baby.


Never tried yours because I had two ways that always worked:
1. Gently position the baby over your chest/shoulder and slowly walk up and down the stairs
2. Drape the baby face down over your forearm, grabbing his thigh with your hand, and his head was outside of and near your elbow.  I called this the football carry and you gently swing the kid.

As you say, jostling.
 
2014-02-14 06:32:53 PM

poison_amy: I've never understood the parents who are just hell bent on making that baby burp. Ever thought that maybe if you can't get the baby to burp, the baby doesn't farking have to burp? I never burped mine. Breastfed babies take in very little air while feeding. They don't need to burp. If there's a gas bubble, it will come out on it's own without all the slapping, rubbing and jostling about that people seem so excited to do.


My breast-fed kids occasionally needed burping. Their need was indicated by exhibiting mild distress and then relief after the burp. Of course if you want the kid to grow up self-reliant and not turn into sissies you should let the damn kids figure out how to burp on their own. Also kids can develop burp addiction. Once an infant has learned that you can relieve them of air overpressure they will demand that you do it every time. This encourages demanding behavior while the little farktards should be trained to be grateful for what attention you give them and not ask for more.
 
2014-02-14 06:36:09 PM
You don't slap a baby to burp them. They pretty much do fine on their own, just give them a little rock and a few soft pats and it'll come up on its own.

/why no, I don't have kids
 
2014-02-14 06:53:52 PM
This guy must have done a whole lot more than burp the kid. I've burped all five of my kids when they were babies and there is no way in hell you can cause those kind of injuries while doing it.
 
2014-02-14 07:30:34 PM
Texas politician using this as proof that women shouldn't work outside the home in 3..2..1..
 
2014-02-14 08:00:21 PM
hey, try this (i did)  just hold the kid up and they will burp!!!!!
yep just like little people all by themselves
 
2014-02-14 09:30:27 PM

sendtodave: blatz514: An arrest affidavit says Schwope told Alamo Heights police that he might have slapped the baby too hard while burping him

[www.bloodygoodhorror.com image 758x429]

Guess what?

Today I realized that the "You don't say" guy is Nicolas Cage!


He's unrecognizable when he's actually acting.
 
2014-02-14 09:40:50 PM

Ker_Thwap: So he shook the baby.


So much this. He's just trying to lie his way out of it.
 
2014-02-14 10:33:43 PM

blatz514: Smeggy Smurf: KidneyStone: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: My super power is the ability to get a burp out of any baby. And it has nothing to do with patting them on the back. You set them on your knee, and you bounce. And you bounce. And you bounce. Within 2-3 minutes, you will be rewarded with a tremendous burp, and a grateful baby.

Just put them in the clothes dryer with an old sneaker or a few tennis balls.

No, that's how you get the dingleberries off of a cat

If that works for cats, I'm gonna have to find a human sized one.


Human sized cat? Dryer? Dingleberry?
 
2014-02-14 11:48:01 PM

HairBolus: ChipNASA: Burp is open hand on the back lightly.......firm pat, pat pat pat.....
not THUMP THUMP like you're doing a Heimlich.

Actually I mostly didn't burp my kids by patting them but with a mini-Heimlich involving a slight shoulder jostle to the stomach. If you watch infants being burped you often see them being jostled up and down while being patted and I think the jostle is the effective part.


I figured out how to burp them by lining them up juuuuust right on my knee and tapping my foot once. If you were careful with the prep, one small tap would do the trick.
 
2014-02-14 11:51:30 PM
poison_amy:  Ever thought that maybe if you can't get the baby to burp, the baby doesn't farking have to burp?

It's easy to tell, just shake 'em real hard. If you hear 'em slosh, they need burped.

/kidding
 
2014-02-15 12:11:07 AM

Smeggy Smurf: KidneyStone: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: My super power is the ability to get a burp out of any baby. And it has nothing to do with patting them on the back. You set them on your knee, and you bounce. And you bounce. And you bounce. Within 2-3 minutes, you will be rewarded with a tremendous burp, and a grateful baby.

Just put them in the clothes dryer with an old sneaker or a few tennis balls.

No, that's how you get the dingleberries off of a cat


I thought the lipstick took care of that.
 
2014-02-15 12:23:57 AM

Ker_Thwap: So he shook the baby.


Yep.
 
2014-02-15 12:25:03 AM

Gyrfalcon: blatz514: Smeggy Smurf: KidneyStone: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: My super power is the ability to get a burp out of any baby. And it has nothing to do with patting them on the back. You set them on your knee, and you bounce. And you bounce. And you bounce. Within 2-3 minutes, you will be rewarded with a tremendous burp, and a grateful baby.

Just put them in the clothes dryer with an old sneaker or a few tennis balls.

No, that's how you get the dingleberries off of a cat

If that works for cats, I'm gonna have to find a human sized one.

Human sized cat? Dryer? Dingleberry?


Alcohol was involved.  Don't ask questions and don't GIS anything related to it.
 
msP
2014-02-15 01:32:09 AM

sendtodave: blatz514: An arrest affidavit says Schwope told Alamo Heights police that he might have slapped the baby too hard while burping him

[www.bloodygoodhorror.com image 758x429]

Guess what?

Today I realized that the "You don't say" guy is Nicolas Cage!


Holy shiat! Me too.

/Always be cagein'
 
2014-02-15 02:30:16 AM

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: My super power is the ability to get a burp out of any baby. And it has nothing to do with patting them on the back. You set them on your knee, and you bounce. And you bounce. And you bounce. Within 2-3 minutes, you will be rewarded with a tremendous burp, and a grateful baby.


You want to take some sort of educational class on the road for retarded, shiatty dads? Might save some kids.
 
2014-02-15 04:17:29 AM

Smeggy Smurf: Gyrfalcon: blatz514: Smeggy Smurf: KidneyStone: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: My super power is the ability to get a burp out of any baby. And it has nothing to do with patting them on the back. You set them on your knee, and you bounce. And you bounce. And you bounce. Within 2-3 minutes, you will be rewarded with a tremendous burp, and a grateful baby.

Just put them in the clothes dryer with an old sneaker or a few tennis balls.

No, that's how you get the dingleberries off of a cat

If that works for cats, I'm gonna have to find a human sized one.

Human sized cat? Dryer? Dingleberry?

Alcohol was involved.  Don't ask questions and don't GIS anything related to it.


Uh, thanks for the warning.
 
2014-02-15 11:43:07 AM

HairBolus: poison_amy: I've never understood the parents who are just hell bent on making that baby burp. Ever thought that maybe if you can't get the baby to burp, the baby doesn't farking have to burp? I never burped mine. Breastfed babies take in very little air while feeding. They don't need to burp. If there's a gas bubble, it will come out on it's own without all the slapping, rubbing and jostling about that people seem so excited to do.

My breast-fed kids occasionally needed burping. Their need was indicated by exhibiting mild distress and then relief after the burp. Of course if you want the kid to grow up self-reliant and not turn into sissies you should let the damn kids figure out how to burp on their own. Also kids can develop burp addiction. Once an infant has learned that you can relieve them of air overpressure they will demand that you do it every time. This encourages demanding behavior while the little farktards should be trained to be grateful for what attention you give them and not ask for more.


Could you adopt me?
 
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