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(Esquire)   And the worst Valentine's Day gift of all time is:   (esquire.com) divider line 80
    More: Silly, Valentine's Day, American dollars, blood donors  
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9932 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Feb 2014 at 12:21 PM (45 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



80 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-02-14 12:22:52 PM  
Herpes?
 
2014-02-14 12:23:14 PM  
And the least funny blog of all time is:
 
2014-02-14 12:23:42 PM  
Total Fark?
 
2014-02-14 12:24:08 PM  
Syphilis!
 
2014-02-14 12:24:46 PM  
A hooker?
 
2014-02-14 12:26:10 PM  
Now she can properly make her man a sandwich.

It's better than giving her a bowling ball.
 
2014-02-14 12:26:13 PM  
Human Centipeded?
 
2014-02-14 12:26:17 PM  
"The jar - very sturdy."

I may have cracked smile.
 
2014-02-14 12:26:25 PM  
UFIA?
 
2014-02-14 12:26:36 PM  
The HIV?
 
2014-02-14 12:26:43 PM  
www.americangrocery.co.uk

www.starmoviesasia.tv
 
2014-02-14 12:26:57 PM  
Crabs ?
 
2014-02-14 12:27:52 PM  
Oh my wife will be getting a little "mayo" for Valentine's, if you know what I mean. And I mean "by the time she's back from driving the sitter home I'll probably have fallen asleep, and she'll have to settle for a sandwich".
 
2014-02-14 12:28:10 PM  
It's not the gift, it's the delivery.  Give her the jar of mayonnaise, and wait.

"The jar - very sturdy."

Broad smile: "It's not mayonnaise."
 
2014-02-14 12:28:44 PM  
The clap?
 
2014-02-14 12:28:54 PM  
Gee, I was going to say a handshake. But with syphilis in the running, that just sounds weak.
 
2014-02-14 12:29:00 PM  
It has to be difficult to be a gay man writing articles for an ostensibly hetero audience, at least when you're assigned something relationshippy instead of fashion oriented.
 
2014-02-14 12:29:08 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-02-14 12:29:09 PM  
i141.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-14 12:29:37 PM  
Tongue kiss from grandma?
 
2014-02-14 12:29:49 PM  
Oh, come on. Mayonnaise is incredibly romantic. It's from "Officer and a Gentleman". It was Richard Gere's character's nickname. Love lift us up where we belong. Richard Gere. Debra Winger. 1982. Come on.
 
2014-02-14 12:31:40 PM  
thumbs.dreamstime.com


/the box is to hold souvenirs after the clown is...finished
 
2014-02-14 12:32:34 PM  
Better than the gift from Jack McGurn to Bugs Moran gang in Chicago. Number one with a bullet..
 
2014-02-14 12:33:01 PM  
Anal warts?
 
2014-02-14 12:33:07 PM  

b0rg9:


Power is an aphrodisiac. So, if you don't have a girlfriend, you are less desirable than Hitler, and effectively powerless.
 
2014-02-14 12:33:32 PM  
Are you telling me that it's NOT a clue she needs to go to the clinic?
 
2014-02-14 12:33:52 PM  
A Hot Cocoa Sampler Box?
 
2014-02-14 12:34:01 PM  
A strap-on in a box.
 
2014-02-14 12:35:14 PM  
Coffee grounds.
 
2014-02-14 12:35:52 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-02-14 12:36:03 PM  
Death.
 
2014-02-14 12:36:22 PM  
A box of prunes.
 
2014-02-14 12:37:25 PM  
I was going to say VD, but I see we've already covered that quite well. Bonus points if you're married and give it to your spouse. THAT makes for an awkward conversation....
 
2014-02-14 12:39:02 PM  
In all seriousness, when I was in high school, I was dating a super crazy chick. I tried breaking up with her once, only to cave and take her back when she attention whored it up and "tried to kill herself". After couple weeks I couldn't take it anymore, I wanted out, and really wanted to drive the point home, so I broke up with her on Valentine's Day.

I gave her a card telling her we were done, and an almost-wilting yellow rose. She never talked to me again, which is how it needed to be.
 
2014-02-14 12:40:27 PM  
I beg to differ:

misanthropology101.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-02-14 12:42:34 PM  

that one guy from that one place: In all seriousness, when I was in high school, I was dating a super crazy chick. I tried breaking up with her once, only to cave and take her back when she attention whored it up and "tried to kill herself". After couple weeks I couldn't take it anymore, I wanted out, and really wanted to drive the point home, so I broke up with her on Valentine's Day.

I gave her a card telling her we were done, and an almost-wilting yellow rose. She never talked to me again, which is how it needed to be.


the tried to kill herself part sucks.  been there, too.  the only advice i would ever give anyone in this situation is that, if they said they would kill themselves, they're bluffing for attention. don't be manipulated.  people who are going to kill themselves kill themselves.  you can't save them.  they don't give you a warning.  if you ever get a warning, it's all for attention.

/ what i don't say is that, though this person does not want to kill themselves, they may harm themselves and whoops.  but, still, there's nothing you can do.  don't negotiate with terrorists.
 
2014-02-14 12:42:54 PM  

b0rg9: [i.imgur.com image 540x720]


static1.fjcdn.com

(NSFW language)
http://youtu.be/cuyxIEmpmbc
 
2014-02-14 12:43:11 PM  
To give to women.... a $50 gift card to this site
 
2014-02-14 12:43:54 PM  
valleypatriot.com
 
2014-02-14 12:44:46 PM  
Mayo? The instrument?
 
2014-02-14 12:45:03 PM  
I have to say the current SO was less than appreciative of this years gifts:


ecx.images-amazon.com


s2.hubimg.com


l
 
2014-02-14 12:45:33 PM  
FTFA: Here's the plan: Save your real gift for 48 hours from now. At about noon, give her the gift of mayonnaise...

Are you men farking crazy?
 
2014-02-14 12:47:58 PM  
What if it's artisan , craft, organic, local mayonnaise?

3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-02-14 12:51:14 PM  

Cold_Sassy: FTFA: Here's the plan: Save your real gift for 48 hours from now. At about noon, give her the gift of mayonnaise...

Are you men farking crazy?


Some of us are
(but don't tell her I said that)
;)
 
2014-02-14 12:51:35 PM  

Cold_Sassy: FTFA: Here's the plan: Save your real gift for 48 hours from now. At about noon, give her the gift of mayonnaise...

Are you men farking crazy?


jury's out
 
2014-02-14 12:52:13 PM  
Raid Crack & Crevice

/check her for crabs, please.
 
2014-02-14 12:52:39 PM  
Can't believe this isn't already in here:

thisiswhyimsingle.com
 
2014-02-14 12:53:00 PM  
I was going to go with pennies, but that's pretty bad too. :P
 
2014-02-14 12:53:27 PM  
Getting the same heart-shaped box of chocolates from your husband that he gives his girlfriend. That is a Valentine's day to remember.
 
2014-02-14 12:53:43 PM  

mr lawson: Cold_Sassy: FTFA: Here's the plan: Save your real gift for 48 hours from now. At about noon, give her the gift of mayonnaise...

Are you men farking crazy?

jury's out


Yeah, I forgot suicidal.
 
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