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(Fork)   Bad Valentine's Day love poem thread. Come do your worst. Roses are red   (fork.com) divider line 207
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2154 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Feb 2014 at 11:33 AM (22 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-02-14 10:13:30 AM
29 votes:
Roses are red
And so are your lips
Probably because of the psychology of makeup-makers because the lips are used as a symbol of a woman's vagina, which becomes redder, fuller and plumper when aroused and engorged with blood. By painting the lips red, it symbolizes that the woman is aroused and interested in a mate and is using it as a signal to attract attention to that fact.
Something about your nips.
2014-02-14 10:10:40 AM
13 votes:
I loved her 'til morning,
and sighed, as I kissed her,
"it's too bad I'm married
to your biatch of a sister."
2014-02-14 10:18:57 AM
10 votes:
We made love so sweetly,
for hour after hour.
I think I completely
used five pounds of flour.
2014-02-14 10:12:26 AM
8 votes:
This haiku is bad.
Valentine's day is now hear.
I misspelled a word.
2014-02-14 10:10:35 AM
8 votes:
Roses are red.
Blood is redder.
Hey, do you like
Eddie Vedder?

Roses are red
Roses are blue
Goddamn GMO
makes flowers confusing too.
2014-02-14 10:18:28 AM
7 votes:
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

One fine ass.
Two incredible tits.
Three moist holes.

Wait, where are you going?
2014-02-14 10:09:34 AM
7 votes:
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I have the clap, and now you do too.
2014-02-14 11:37:40 AM
6 votes:
Roses are red
Poetry's iffy
But at least the dog
Really loves Jiffy
2014-02-14 10:49:41 AM
6 votes:
Labia are red
Your balls are blue
You're alone today
Sucks to be you
2014-02-14 10:22:46 AM
6 votes:
Roses are red
Your lips are blue
Aw sh*t killed another one
2014-02-14 11:56:23 AM
5 votes:
Hey I just farked you
And this is crazy
But there's the kitchen
So sandwich maybe?
2014-02-14 11:50:27 AM
5 votes:
Between your ass cheeks
My nose it did meet,
Sweet mother of Christ
WHAT THE F*CK DID YOU EAT?
2014-02-14 11:48:16 AM
5 votes:
I love you too much
It's caused quite a fog
Why am I front of a daycare,
Having sex with your dead dog?
2014-02-14 11:40:31 AM
5 votes:
In the polls
I'm takin' a lickin'
But I still have you
So hold still, chicken
2014-02-14 11:33:36 AM
5 votes:
Red is the rose
And blue is the sky
Bite the pillow, my darling
I'm going in dry
2014-02-14 11:17:42 AM
5 votes:
Roses are red
my penis is blue
this cockring won't come off
JESUS CHRIST JUST PLEASE CALL 911!
2014-02-14 10:13:08 AM
5 votes:
Roses are red
Black are my Crocs
Please let me smell
Your sweet tampon box
2014-02-14 12:13:51 PM
4 votes:
Roses are red
Brown is my palm
I went elbow deep
In the ass of your mom
2014-02-14 12:08:51 PM
4 votes:
Grasses are green
Like the color of money
I'm voting up my own poems
Coz nobody else thinks they're funny.

:-/
2014-02-14 11:40:49 AM
4 votes:
Blood is quite red,
I'm sorry for the violence.
Now please go to sleep,
So I can masturbate in silence.
2014-02-14 11:36:28 AM
4 votes:
I see my love approaching;
my heart races, as she knocks.
She need not try resisting...
Thin Mints cost four bucks a box!
2014-02-14 11:35:27 AM
4 votes:
Here come the liters
to enjoy your wit
or maybe they'll say
What the f*ck is this sh*t
2014-02-14 10:45:09 AM
4 votes:
Your hands were too exciting,
your mouth too wet and warm.
I couldn't hold out any longer...
Sorry about your Girl Scout uniform.
2014-02-14 10:32:17 AM
4 votes:
I'm not much for poems
I hope this goes well
Please put on the lotion
While you're in my well
2014-02-14 10:28:51 AM
4 votes:
I've something to ask you
And it might seem a bit hokey
While I touch myself
Will you come over and choke me?
2014-02-14 10:27:19 AM
4 votes:
Roses are red,
These poems ring so hollow,
When we get to my car,
Will you spit or will you swallow?
2014-02-14 10:22:01 AM
4 votes:
Roses are red
So is your poo
If it wasn't for anal
I'd have nothing to do.
2014-02-14 10:19:09 AM
4 votes:
The roses are dead,
The violets are too,
I'm not ashamed to tell you,
I wish you were too.

(no it hasnt been a good v-day)
2014-02-14 01:43:46 PM
3 votes:
She danced through the ballroom
With beauty and grace
She's got a great body
Butterface
2014-02-14 01:13:29 PM
3 votes:
There once was an old man from Wooster
Who said to his wife as he goosed her
It used to be grand
But now look at my hand
You're not wiping as clean as you used ter.
2014-02-14 12:53:18 PM
3 votes:
Unarmored I go
into your deep dungeon
prepared to retreat
so we don't have childre...
oops, skeet skeet skeet
2014-02-14 12:21:36 PM
3 votes:
Roses are red
Just like Fark's ire
Eat a bowl of dicks
And die in a fire
2014-02-14 11:58:21 AM
3 votes:
Roses are red
You're hung like an elf
Forever alone
Go f*ck yourself
2014-02-14 11:48:27 AM
3 votes:
I may be single today
but I have to remember
that a blow job from you
was like my dick in a blender
2014-02-14 11:45:10 AM
3 votes:
Roses are red
Wine is too
Are you feeling sleepy?
Roofies'll do that to you.
2014-02-14 11:44:49 AM
3 votes:
I got you a dildo,
It's red, white, and blue
Time to see what this country
Can do for you.
2014-02-14 11:43:39 AM
3 votes:
Your roses are red,
My roses are redder,
I submitted this thread earlier,
But my headline was better.
2014-02-14 11:43:33 AM
3 votes:
How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways.
I love thee so much
that I haven't rolled on you for selling your prescriptions meds for grass
I love thee so much
I have never mentioned your ever widening ass
I love thee so much
that I claim two of you on my federal tax
I love thee so much
Uh...  Three.  Three ways, I guess.
2014-02-14 11:38:27 AM
3 votes:
Roses are black
Violets are black
Everything's black
I can't see

-Stevie Wonder
2014-02-14 11:33:16 AM
3 votes:
Roses are yellow.
Yes, they are too!
Guess what this means?
Friendzone for you!
2014-02-14 11:32:24 AM
3 votes:
Rose are gay.
Violets are gayer.
fark writing poems.
lets listen to Slayer.
2014-02-14 11:28:01 AM
3 votes:
Roses are red,
The grass is green.
What the f*ck do you mean
You just turned 16????
2014-02-14 11:10:01 AM
3 votes:
It's cold in the winter
It's cold in our bed
I still can't wait to get in her
though she's several days dead.
2014-02-14 11:08:30 AM
3 votes:
This year for V-day,
I received tons of sex tapes
There's only one problem:
They were from Bathia_Mapes
2014-02-14 11:07:10 AM
3 votes:
Roses are red
The snow outside is sticking
Which of you TFettes
Wants my special deep dicking?
2014-02-14 10:58:31 AM
3 votes:
Roses are red,
I work hard for a reason,
I made a snowman,
Made entirely of semen.
2014-02-14 10:47:48 AM
3 votes:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is your ass, damn that shiat's fine.
2014-02-14 10:45:48 AM
3 votes:
Roses are red
Titties have sprinkles
I touch myself
while watching you tinkle.
2014-02-14 10:43:36 AM
3 votes:
I have free candy
Just get in the van
I said I had candy
Don't know why you ran
2014-02-14 10:33:20 AM
3 votes:

Al_Ed: I feel like I should make an ee cummings joke...


Roses. roses roses
red red            red
r
   e
       d
redredredred
red roses
(violet.)
2014-02-14 10:31:23 AM
3 votes:
Roses are red,
these feelings are torture,
my love for you,
wont be stopped by a restraining order.
2014-02-14 10:28:46 AM
3 votes:
Roses are red,
This conversation is glacial.
Get on your knees,
And I'll give you a facial.
2014-02-14 10:23:31 AM
3 votes:
Roses are red
Violets are purple.
I don't know the rest, but you're mother's a whore
2014-02-14 10:21:55 AM
3 votes:
Now that I gave in
And we threesome'd with my brother
I assume you're down
For you, me and your mother?
2014-02-14 10:20:49 AM
3 votes:
Roses are red
You're a stupid c*nt
2014-02-14 10:16:34 AM
3 votes:
friends may come
and friends may go
and friends may peter out, you know

but we'll be friends
through thick and thin
peter out..or peter in
2014-02-14 02:02:50 PM
2 votes:
Your eyes are so pretty
Your smile's kinda cute
I hope you are a size 16
So I can finish my skin suit.

Red are the roses
Green is the clover
I'm tired of the front door
Time to flip you over.

Just because you cheated on me
I don't think you're a sinner.
I hope you really liked him
Cause I cooked him up for dinner.

I'll never forget when you took my hand
Such happiness I found.
Now I'll always hold your hand
While the rest is underground.

I love you like the NRA
Loves shooting guns
So let me stick my "pistol"
In between your buns.

Our love is a song
That just must be sung
So open your mouth
And I'll coat your tongue.

I'm not a necrophiliac!
We have manners in Oklahoma!
I didn't screw the dead girl
Just the one that's in a coma.

My love for you is epic
My love for you is deep
My love for you is kind of sick
Because you are a sheep.

I never dated a woman
Over six feet tall.
So tell me if I heard you right.
You said your name's RuPaul?
2014-02-14 01:11:57 PM
2 votes:
img.photobucket.com
2014-02-14 12:47:58 PM
2 votes:
Roses are red
genocide is terrible
but forget all of that
let's declaw this gerbil
2014-02-14 12:28:43 PM
2 votes:
It took some time to love you
It took a while to care
but it took no time at all
to remove your underwear
2014-02-14 12:22:28 PM
2 votes:
I walked into the bathroom once
while your sister took a shower
And though I should have walked away
I stayed perhaps an hour.
2014-02-14 12:21:24 PM
2 votes:
Roses are red
so is my sack
your cat likes dangly things
2014-02-14 12:15:09 PM
2 votes:
Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
Thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes,
And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts
With my blurglecruncheon, see if I don't!
2014-02-14 12:11:32 PM
2 votes:
Roses are red
And so is this blister
It might be from your mom
Or maybe your sister
2014-02-14 12:10:46 PM
2 votes:
I made you a cake
and I made you a sweater
and I made you a cage
and a mask made of leather.
2014-02-14 12:02:54 PM
2 votes:

IAmYourBrainOnDrugs: I saw this one on a friend's twitter feed.  (I think it's his.  Just saying; I didn't write this.  But I love it.)

Roses are red
violets are blue
I have a gun
get in the van


How bout...

Roses are red
And isn't that dandy?
Get in the van
Don't worry, there's candy
2014-02-14 11:56:41 AM
2 votes:
I'm afraid I don't love you
I think you're quite lousy
Huh, that one glass
sure made me drowsy
2014-02-14 11:53:52 AM
2 votes:
Welcome to Chuck E. Cheese
I hope you have fun.
I just ask that you clean the cum
From the ballpit when you're done.
2014-02-14 11:53:38 AM
2 votes:
Now that we're married
I must get this off my chest
I once slept with your mother
and came on her breasts
2014-02-14 11:49:41 AM
2 votes:
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Long after all the sores ease:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one that went by your mom's house,
And that is why I have herpes.
2014-02-14 11:43:27 AM
2 votes:
I love looking at you
while we're a farkin'
You might be facedown
But I kept the milk carton
2014-02-14 11:42:50 AM
2 votes:
Roses are red
Violets are violet
Seriously, the colour
is named after the goddamn flower
Goddamn.
2014-02-14 11:40:14 AM
2 votes:
Happy Valentine's Day!
Here's my turgid member
You know that you owe me
We haven't farked since December
2014-02-14 11:39:29 AM
2 votes:
img.fark.net
2014-02-14 11:38:46 AM
2 votes:
f.kulfoto.com
2014-02-14 11:37:30 AM
2 votes:
Roses are red
Violets are bluish
If it wern't for Christmas
We'd all be Jewish
2014-02-14 11:36:04 AM
2 votes:
Stop your b*tching
I'm going to bed
Later on when you snore
Is when I'll get head
2014-02-14 11:33:33 AM
2 votes:
Roses are red,
F*cking you is nifty
Could you please give
Me change for a fifty.
2014-02-14 11:28:05 AM
2 votes:

Tziva: James!: It's cold in the winter
It's cold in our bed
I still can't wait to get in her
though she's several days dead.

oh god why isn't there voting


Once it's full green
I'll bask in your flattery
each vote is a handjob
and my knob's ready to get splattery
2014-02-14 11:26:43 AM
2 votes:
I first saw you in September
We met in the month of May
And I will always love you
Though you keep trying to run away
2014-02-14 11:26:38 AM
2 votes:
Roses are red,
Hearses are black,
You may be dead
But you're still good in the sack.

//I'm so sorry, I'm very wrong in the head today, been up since 5AM.
2014-02-14 11:21:16 AM
2 votes:
We waited for the holiday
to get all freaky deaky
but things got sort of out of hand
and now my butt hole's leaky.
2014-02-14 11:07:41 AM
2 votes:
Your body quivers with excitement;
your skin slides warm, against mine.
But could you please contain your flatus,
at least while we sixty-nine?
2014-02-14 11:07:30 AM
2 votes:

Spoon over Marin: KingoftheCheese: Roses are red
This thread has gone green
I think we all need to thank
Our buddy Chris Ween

Oh, KOTC, you put admins to shame
Even though his rhymes suck, you should have thanked James!


I didn't do it
I'm not to blame
though seeing this greened
...Oh god, I came.
2014-02-14 11:04:25 AM
2 votes:
www.i-am-bored.com
2014-02-14 11:03:18 AM
2 votes:
Roses are red
This thread has gone green
I think we all need to thank
Our buddy Chris Ween
2014-02-14 11:01:12 AM
2 votes:
Roses are red
and I'll see you later
because after all
restraining orders are just paper
2014-02-14 10:55:29 AM
2 votes:
I know we broke up
but today I am lonely
How about one last pity fark
at the very least blow me.
2014-02-14 10:55:00 AM
2 votes:
Roses are red,
This thread is funny.
I can't wait to be
Balls deep in your cunny.
2014-02-14 10:49:43 AM
2 votes:
You family is cool,
Especially your uncle Cletus,
They have cornered the market
On having diabeetus.
2014-02-14 10:38:22 AM
2 votes:
So beautiful and sexy,
your love's like no other.
I'm moaning so loudly...
hope we don't wake your mother.
2014-02-14 10:37:10 AM
2 votes:
I heard you were pregnant.
When are you due?
Would it be creepy
To request BIE from you?
2014-02-14 10:36:20 AM
2 votes:
18 years,
Is a long time to love,
Please come hiking with me,
And I'll give you a shove.
2014-02-14 10:31:54 AM
2 votes:
We made love for hours;
I pled, "darling don't leave me."
But I know you must go now.
Your money's laying on the teevee.
2014-02-14 10:27:36 AM
2 votes:
When I look at you I think of all the times
that you forgot to shut the blinds.
MBK [TotalFark]
2014-02-14 10:26:22 AM
2 votes:
Your hair is brown
and your nipples are pink
Come here girl
Let me put it in your stink
2014-02-14 10:24:34 AM
2 votes:
My love for you is deep and strong
My devotion as sturdy as the trees
But I would say, if there were any regrets
It'd be all those STDs
2014-02-14 10:22:00 AM
2 votes:

megarian: Roses are red
You're a stupid c*nt


I found purple roses.
They are quite nice.
Apes enjoy grooming,
Can I check you for lice?
2014-02-14 10:14:58 AM
2 votes:
Roses are red.
F*ck you.
2014-02-14 10:13:31 AM
2 votes:
Roses are red,
This thread is sketchy
When I see your face,
I get all wretchy.
2014-02-14 10:12:54 AM
2 votes:
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
If it weren't for you
My dick would rust
2014-02-14 10:11:30 AM
2 votes:
skybreaker is hung
With pretty nice balls
He's always up for it
When duty calls
2014-02-14 04:06:57 PM
1 votes:
Rose's are red.
Violet's are blue.
If I get half a chance,
I'll look at yours too
2014-02-14 03:39:16 PM
1 votes:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Vaccinate your kids
Or I'm coming for you.
2014-02-14 03:08:05 PM
1 votes:
Your bank account is fed,
so don't look so blue.
I poked holes in the condom,
now I'm drinking for two.
2014-02-14 02:44:52 PM
1 votes:
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
I'll put some on grave
When I'm through with you
2014-02-14 02:36:24 PM
1 votes:
Roses are expensive
So I cancelled my order
As for your ring,
try looking in Mordor.
2014-02-14 02:05:35 PM
1 votes:
Roses are red
Pickles are green
I like your legs
And what's in between.
2014-02-14 01:20:00 PM
1 votes:
We climb into bed
You turned out the light.
Can we please do anal?
Cause your cooter ain't tight.

Now that you're drunk
On Old Milwaukee
Let's see how you look
After bukkake.

I've looked up at Mars
I've looked up at Venus
But I never saw a girl
With that big a peenus

I knew you were so impressed
When you saw my Beemer.
Maybe now you'll let me
Give you a Cleveland Steamer

Instead of staying in
Weeping all alone
How I 'bout I give you
The ol' rusty trombone?

What we're doing is OK.
Trust me, I'm a professional.
So why not get back on your knees
Here in the confessional.
2014-02-14 01:18:07 PM
1 votes:
My young friends let me give you advice
If you want to stay good with your wife
delete browser histories
 and keep it a mystery
what your each watching
when she's out at night
2014-02-14 01:07:16 PM
1 votes:

TheSwizz: Hey I just farked you
And this is crazy
But there's the kitchen
So sandwich maybe?


*snerk*

You are gifted!
2014-02-14 12:56:21 PM
1 votes:
Roses are red
Stinkweed smells bad
Kinda like
your maxi pad
2014-02-14 12:54:59 PM
1 votes:
Roses are red,
Carnations are pinker
I can fit three fingers
right in your sphyncter
2014-02-14 12:53:58 PM
1 votes:

Tziva: Sir Cumference the Flatulent:

NOW ONE IN GERMAN


Ich habe getroffen
Ein Mädchen, die Uschi
Ich möchte gern reinstecken
Mein Schwanz in ihre Muschi.

(I'm better in English)
2014-02-14 12:50:24 PM
1 votes:
Roses are red.
Sorry I finished early.
2014-02-14 12:48:35 PM
1 votes:
Roses are Red
Your crimes are heinous
Tonight on your bed
It's going in your anus

For of this one deed
makes you squirm about
I give you my seed
All up in your snout

All this because
of one wonderful drug
with chloroform
Cloth, and a backwards hug

Locked in the trunk
To show all my love
Off the cliff you go
With a little shove

She died out of love
Was all they could say
Little did they know
I was actually gay.

Wait...

Am I doing this wrong? Should I not have done that?
2014-02-14 12:47:12 PM
1 votes:
Roses are Red
And they are smelly
Can I get some ass?
I got KY Jelly.
2014-02-14 12:45:38 PM
1 votes:
Roses are red
You're a dumb biatch
Your prose is worse than
Hemorrhoid itch
2014-02-14 12:45:33 PM
1 votes:
She offered her honor,
he honored her offer,
and then all night long,
he was on her and off her.
2014-02-14 12:44:50 PM
1 votes:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Just like fine wine
you are old
2014-02-14 12:43:52 PM
1 votes:
I'd love to stick it in your deal
if you will allow it
but if not I'll buy a doll
and cry your name while I plow it.
2014-02-14 12:37:37 PM
1 votes:
Roses are red
Violets are Blue
It's dark in this cave.
You've been killed by a grue.
2014-02-14 12:37:28 PM
1 votes:
We met be the moonlight,
as I was taking a swim.
You laughed ever so gently,
DAMNIT, THERE WAS SHRINKAGE!
2014-02-14 12:36:23 PM
1 votes:
I saw you out across the way
your hair done just so
I'd never seen a gal so fair
so I jerked off in the snow.
2014-02-14 12:34:27 PM
1 votes:
My style is impetuous,
my defense is impregnable.
I'm just ferocious,
I want to eat your children.
2014-02-14 12:30:16 PM
1 votes:

megarian: Woah. It got all gunty up in here.


What have I missed on Fark
Been gone since December
Woah. It got all gunty up in here.
Yup, that's what I remember.
2014-02-14 12:28:25 PM
1 votes:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Your mom does rough anal,
Your sister does, too.
2014-02-14 12:28:13 PM
1 votes:
Roses are red
You must admit
The way you write poems
Ain't worth a shiat
2014-02-14 12:20:31 PM
1 votes:
You're such a great gal
Our love it is biatchin'
Now take off your shoes
And get back in the kitchen

/republican valentine
2014-02-14 12:18:30 PM
1 votes:
Safe words and ball gags and hot wax that's dripping
Squelches and squishes and your brand new nip ring

Chemical concotions you probably shouldn't drink
These are a few of my favorite things...
2014-02-14 12:13:39 PM
1 votes:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You jill off on Tinychat
I like to watch when you do
2014-02-14 12:13:27 PM
1 votes:
Roses are red,
Violets are purple
Come over here,
I'll give you a nurple
2014-02-14 12:12:16 PM
1 votes:
Roses are Red
Your Heart is black
I was only with you
Because I liked the way you drained my ball sack
2014-02-14 12:09:56 PM
1 votes:

Chris Ween: Roses are too expensive
And they die too soon to.
I'd rather buy you lingerie
and model it for you.


Roses are red
They give girls great bliss
I can honestly say
I can fap to this
2014-02-14 12:07:57 PM
1 votes:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have asperger's,
So goodbye.
2014-02-14 12:06:27 PM
1 votes:
Roses are too expensive
And they die too soon to.
I'd rather buy you lingerie
and model it for you.
2014-02-14 12:06:06 PM
1 votes:
Roses are red
Violets are violet
Oranges are orange
Guess what color periwinkles are?
2014-02-14 12:05:11 PM
1 votes:
Roses are Red, Violets are bluer.
I would go down on you, but you smell like a sewer.
2014-02-14 12:04:39 PM
1 votes:
Rose's are red.
Violet's are blue.
Hyacinth's are big.
and Daisy's are ignored by Onslow, because he's bone-idle.
2014-02-14 12:03:06 PM
1 votes:
Roses are red, dead flesh is green. When the dead start to rise, you're on my team.
2014-02-14 12:02:13 PM
1 votes:
Your love is like a fire
Burning in my groin
Always burning, burning
Burning in my groin

Your love is like a salmon
Swimming around my groin
Always swimming, swimming
Swimming around my groin

Your love is like a firecracker
Exploding near my groin
Always exploding, exploding
Exploding near my groin
2014-02-14 11:59:18 AM
1 votes:
Our romance died away just as
Our love-making was starting
The very instant you touched my dick
I came and started farting
2014-02-14 11:59:12 AM
1 votes:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,

Omae Wa Mo, Shindeiru.

media.tumblr.com


/Not mine, can't take credit.
2014-02-14 11:56:39 AM
1 votes:
What rhymes with chloroform?
2014-02-14 11:55:21 AM
1 votes:
I once had a love
But I gave my love blisters
Use lubrication
2014-02-14 11:54:55 AM
1 votes:
Roses are red
violets are blue
Why don't you shut your whore mouth
2014-02-14 11:54:34 AM
1 votes:
Single and horny
Tonight I will scour
My local pub
Sprinkling fat girls with flour
2014-02-14 11:54:31 AM
1 votes:
My favorite jazz bassist was the great Charles Mingus.
Its the only word I could think of that rhymes with pussy eating.
2014-02-14 11:54:31 AM
1 votes:
Today is great
for finding a date
I swear to you, officer
I didn't know she was eight.
2014-02-14 11:53:12 AM
1 votes:
2014-02-14 11:52:41 AM
1 votes:
CatherineM made an offer
The liters they slack
I guess they don't know
About mattress back
2014-02-14 11:50:22 AM
1 votes:
So glad that you're gone
I write you this ballad
You're now all alone
And laughing at salad
2014-02-14 11:50:06 AM
1 votes:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
It's really been an exhausting week,
What say we just lay on the sofa and fall asleep watching the Olympics again.
2014-02-14 11:48:41 AM
1 votes:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I can't afford to buy you a valentines
And pay for the kid's oral surgery too.
2014-02-14 11:47:29 AM
1 votes:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I bought you this jewelry
Now you pretty much have to
2014-02-14 11:46:21 AM
1 votes:
Your mom is a slut
And likes to get plastered
That is the reason
That you are a bastard
2014-02-14 11:45:49 AM
1 votes:
This Haiku is so
I come on Valentine's Day
On your face and tits
2014-02-14 11:45:48 AM
1 votes:
"Roses are red,
but flowers are banal,
We used to go out,
And you used to do anal."
2014-02-14 11:43:11 AM
1 votes:
I know that you're sleepy
and have a headache
but do you mind if I fark you
when you're not awake?
2014-02-14 11:43:04 AM
1 votes:
Cologne by Ralph Lauren
Your shirt by Armani
Help remove the grenade
Stuck in my poonani

/apologies to Ali G
2014-02-14 11:41:31 AM
1 votes:
happy valentines day,
we're all gonna get laid.
but with people from the internet,
so now we have aids.
2014-02-14 11:41:02 AM
1 votes:
Love songs on the lute
Are played with a plectrum
Now busy your tongue
By rimming my rectum.
2014-02-14 11:40:01 AM
1 votes:
Roses are red
violets are blue
your sister's not bad
and neither are you
2014-02-14 11:39:55 AM
1 votes:
Violets are cool
Roses are thorny
I can settle for an internet 7
Do me, I'm horny
2014-02-14 11:39:33 AM
1 votes:
roses are red,
presents have bows.
now that it's green,
this thread is dildos.
2014-02-14 11:39:26 AM
1 votes:
Roses are orange
Violets are blue
I do all the movie posters
Coming to a theater near you.
2014-02-14 11:39:17 AM
1 votes:
I believe brevity is the soul of wit:

Oh, god, you're so hot,
I want to fill you up with dick snot.
2014-02-14 11:38:17 AM
1 votes:
Elmo is red
Grover is blue
Watch your cartoons
While Daddy deep-dicks you.
2014-02-14 11:37:39 AM
1 votes:
Carnal apple, Woman filled, burning moon
Ball-gag banana, Man stuck, spasmed poon
ER trip embarrassing, Doctors laughing
Thanks Obama
2014-02-14 11:35:30 AM
1 votes:
I adore watching
The curves of your back.
But could you do something
About that stench in your crack?
2014-02-14 11:35:20 AM
1 votes:
I see you sitting there
Playing with your hair
It always makes me chuckle
When I see your mooseknuckle
2014-02-14 11:30:12 AM
1 votes:
Roses are red,
Your vag I must hunt.
Do me a favor,
And lift up your gunt.
2014-02-14 11:25:32 AM
1 votes:

Spoon over Marin: James!: We waited for the holiday
to get all freaky deaky
but things got sort of out of hand
and now my butt hole's leaky.

You have your self to blame
For the uncomfortable nookie
I warned you not to eat
that pack of fat free cookies


Indian food
but in the end food
will never end good
butt stuff.
2014-02-14 11:24:59 AM
1 votes:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Please will you let me
Anally violate you
(I brought lots of lube)
2014-02-14 11:23:53 AM
1 votes:

James!: We waited for the holiday
to get all freaky deaky
but things got sort of out of hand
and now my butt hole's leaky.


You have your self to blame
For the uncomfortable nookie
I warned you not to eat
that pack of fat free cookies
2014-02-14 11:23:39 AM
1 votes:
Your love has left me aching,
and so deeply infatuated.
But I do regret this burning,
every time I've urinated.
2014-02-14 11:21:53 AM
1 votes:

KingoftheCheese: Roses are red
This thread has gone green
I think we all need to thank
Our buddy Chris Ween


I'm not to blame
So your thanks I can't take,
But just like a TFette's climax
My modesty is all fake
2014-02-14 11:18:42 AM
1 votes:
It's our special day
so I got you these flowers
In return I expect you
to blow me for two hours
2014-02-14 11:18:35 AM
1 votes:
Roses are red
Waffles are blue
I f*cked your mom
And your sister too
2014-02-14 11:14:20 AM
1 votes:
Has cupid's arrow found it's target?
Is that this aching, deep in my heart?
Ne'er before, have I felt such agony...

...never mind, 'twas just a fart.
2014-02-14 11:11:15 AM
1 votes:
Roses are red
This thread is green
Cuz subby was sucking
Some modmin's peen
2014-02-14 11:10:46 AM
1 votes:
My palms are sweaty
My balls are blue
I'm needing a woman
To make some snu-snu
2014-02-14 11:07:05 AM
1 votes:
Roses are red
Your heart is black
Please be mine
Let's go smoke crack
2014-02-14 11:04:32 AM
1 votes:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You will be with Ron
When I murder you

And I'm not going to lie
Its a sad way to go
When the police chase me
In my Ford Bronco

They will question me once
And I will deny it
They may question me twice
But the bloody glove still will not fit

I got away with murder
You may think I did it
But I'm a free man
So who gives a shiat
2014-02-14 11:04:18 AM
1 votes:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You should go to the doctor
Because so is your poo
2014-02-14 10:58:44 AM
1 votes:
I'll be with you forever,
and not just for a little while.
Pay no mind to those naysayers
who can't see past "pedophile."
2014-02-14 10:54:28 AM
1 votes:
When I think of Gravy
I feel a little funny
Now get on Tinychat
And out of your butt pull a bunny
2014-02-14 10:49:42 AM
1 votes:
Roses are red
You're a stone cold fox
Bend over so I can
Tongue punch your fart box.
MBK [TotalFark]
2014-02-14 10:46:07 AM
1 votes:
Mods need to learn
That they serve us
Or else we'd go to reddit
and get as big as a bus
2014-02-14 10:36:35 AM
1 votes:

Spoon over Marin: Chris Ween: Spoon over Marin: Roses are red
this thread should go green
Why not?
AHEM, Chris Ween

If you want a Green thread,
For everyone to have read
Hit the button to report
Instead of a random poetic retort

I was making a rhyme
Now don't be a dick
Unless this one time
You're using a schtick


When in need of a thread
Don't talk to a Mod
Unless the goal is red
Then I'm a god.
2014-02-14 10:35:11 AM
1 votes:

Chris Ween: Spoon over Marin: Roses are red
this thread should go green
Why not?
AHEM, Chris Ween

If you want a Green thread,
For everyone to have read
Hit the button to report
Instead of a random poetic retort


I was making a rhyme
Now don't be a dick
Unless this one time
You're using a schtick
2014-02-14 10:33:00 AM
1 votes:

Spoon over Marin: Roses are red
this thread should go green
Why not?
AHEM, Chris Ween


If you want a Green thread,
For everyone to have read
Hit the button to report
Instead of a random poetic retort
2014-02-14 10:28:47 AM
1 votes:

MBK: Your hair is brown
and your nipples are pink
Come here girl
Let me put it in your stink


Like dis if U cry every time!
2014-02-14 10:28:02 AM
1 votes:

Adjective Bird Whiskey: My love for you is deep and strong
My devotion as sturdy as the trees
But I would say, if there were any regrets
It'd be all those STDs


When I am in a rut
I like to tell interesting trivia
Like how it can linger in the gut
And reinfect you with chlamydia
2014-02-14 10:25:27 AM
1 votes:
Cheesy poems? Here's the card I made for my wife this year.

i431.photobucket.com
2014-02-14 10:25:19 AM
1 votes:
I spanked your ass
I pulled your hair
I shot it on your face
I know this is only our first date
But I really need my space
2014-02-14 10:25:11 AM
1 votes:
Such beauty to look at,
so precious to hold.
Please, lover, do help me
stick it in the right fold.
2014-02-14 10:23:28 AM
1 votes:
Roses are red
These poems are banal
I'd like to know
If you're down for some anal.

Violets are blue,
Roses are red.
You'd look really good
Tied up in my bed.
2014-02-14 10:21:37 AM
1 votes:
Shut up meg.
2014-02-14 10:21:28 AM
1 votes:

the_rev: We made love so sweetly,
for hour after hour.
I think I completely
used five pounds of flour.


Oh my god, that is the funniest thing ever.  I did I spittake.  Kudos.
2014-02-14 10:20:34 AM
1 votes:
Roses are red
this thread should go green
Why not?
AHEM, Chris Ween
2014-02-14 10:20:23 AM
1 votes:
Ayn Rand says
that A=A
I think she's a lez
Who like the vajay.
2014-02-14 10:20:16 AM
1 votes:
Roses are red,
let's take her down a peg,
everyone together now,
"SHUT UP MEG"
MBK [TotalFark]
2014-02-14 10:20:16 AM
1 votes:
oh no, megarian is here
quick hide your rear
she got a new peg
that looks like a wooden leg
2014-02-14 10:18:06 AM
1 votes:
Farkers are sexist
Wimmin be shoppin'
I'd appreciate it much
If you'd get my nuts a-poppin
2014-02-14 10:14:58 AM
1 votes:
Roses are red,
orchids are black.
Swear to god,
the hooker gave the money back.
2014-02-14 10:14:06 AM
1 votes:
You leave me so breathless;
you're charming and cute.
I never have loved
a more fine prostitute.
 
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