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(Fork)   Bad Valentine's Day love poem thread. Come do your worst. Roses are red   (fork.com) divider line 508
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2169 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Feb 2014 at 11:33 AM (43 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-02-14 01:20:00 PM  
We climb into bed
You turned out the light.
Can we please do anal?
Cause your cooter ain't tight.

Now that you're drunk
On Old Milwaukee
Let's see how you look
After bukkake.

I've looked up at Mars
I've looked up at Venus
But I never saw a girl
With that big a peenus

I knew you were so impressed
When you saw my Beemer.
Maybe now you'll let me
Give you a Cleveland Steamer

Instead of staying in
Weeping all alone
How I 'bout I give you
The ol' rusty trombone?

What we're doing is OK.
Trust me, I'm a professional.
So why not get back on your knees
Here in the confessional.
 
2014-02-14 01:20:51 PM  
My young friends let me give you advice,
If you want to stay good with your guy.
Delete phone histories
and keep it a mystery.
Who you're out porking,
while he's streaming porn at night
 
2014-02-14 01:21:53 PM  
Roses are red
I watched your mom
Do DVDA
On redtube dot com
 
2014-02-14 01:25:28 PM  
My favorite has always been the one from a Steve Martin movie.

Will you be my Valentine?

Think about it a bit.

If you will, that's OK.

If not, who gives a shiat?
 
2014-02-14 01:26:12 PM  

memtastic: megarian: Woah. It got all gunty up in here.

What have I missed on Fark
Been gone since December
Woah. It got all gunty up in here.
Yup, that's what I remember.


Hehehe
 
2014-02-14 01:26:43 PM  
Roses are red
Poppies are orange
Sorry about the herpes
 
2014-02-14 01:26:51 PM  
Roses are red, violets are blue.
Go ahead and scream, no-one can hear you anyways, just like all my other vicitms.
 
2014-02-14 01:28:36 PM  
Roses are red
My darling dreamer,
How would you like
A Cleveland Steamer?
 
2014-02-14 01:28:57 PM  
Roses are red
heroin is addictive
lets go score some more heroin
you may have to blow the guy
 
2014-02-14 01:30:52 PM  
I just got another greenlight
despite my best effort
to screw up the headline
and insult the admins
 
2014-02-14 01:33:08 PM  
Roses are red
violets are blue
I should probably warn you
my dick is barbed like a cat
 
2014-02-14 01:33:56 PM  
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I'm horny.
You're ugly and smelly.
I'll need more alcohol.
 
2014-02-14 01:34:54 PM  
I may be drunk
but I seem to remember
you're the suicide bomber.
Who blew up the bus last November.
 
2014-02-14 01:39:15 PM  
Honey, I've missed you
Come here and give me a kiss
You taste like smegma
 
2014-02-14 01:43:46 PM  
She danced through the ballroom
With beauty and grace
She's got a great body
Butterface
 
2014-02-14 01:46:12 PM  
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I got checked for herpes,
So should you.
 
2014-02-14 01:47:46 PM  
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You have nice tits
Let's screw


Roses are red
Violets are purple
Where is my acid
Dishwasher monkeys
 
2014-02-14 01:55:59 PM  

megarian: Roses are red
Violets are violet
get it right
goddamnit



Roses are pink
Violet is a stripper
You should be ashamed
Of rhyming with orange.
 
2014-02-14 02:02:50 PM  
Your eyes are so pretty
Your smile's kinda cute
I hope you are a size 16
So I can finish my skin suit.

Red are the roses
Green is the clover
I'm tired of the front door
Time to flip you over.

Just because you cheated on me
I don't think you're a sinner.
I hope you really liked him
Cause I cooked him up for dinner.

I'll never forget when you took my hand
Such happiness I found.
Now I'll always hold your hand
While the rest is underground.

I love you like the NRA
Loves shooting guns
So let me stick my "pistol"
In between your buns.

Our love is a song
That just must be sung
So open your mouth
And I'll coat your tongue.

I'm not a necrophiliac!
We have manners in Oklahoma!
I didn't screw the dead girl
Just the one that's in a coma.

My love for you is epic
My love for you is deep
My love for you is kind of sick
Because you are a sheep.

I never dated a woman
Over six feet tall.
So tell me if I heard you right.
You said your name's RuPaul?
 
2014-02-14 02:05:35 PM  
Roses are red
Pickles are green
I like your legs
And what's in between.
 
2014-02-14 02:08:17 PM  
*golf clap*
 
2014-02-14 02:09:07 PM  
She bought me a car,
I bought her a Winneabago.
We traveled far, towing mine
and driving her any which-way-we'd-go.

When at last we quarreled,
she made such a fuss
hiat me with a bar,
and threw me under her bus.

(got nothing')
 
2014-02-14 02:11:24 PM  
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I got so excited
I came on your shoe.
 
2014-02-14 02:12:19 PM  
Birds are animals
Bees are bugs
It would sure be swell
If you'd whip out your jugs
 
2014-02-14 02:13:58 PM  
Roses are combustible
Violets grow upwards.
I'll have another slice of cantaloupe
Because we're already married.
 
2014-02-14 02:15:31 PM  

dopekitty74: beverly8: Langston: beverly8: SmackLT: Dammit, nothing rhymes with anal

banal.

your jokes were tired,
lame and banal
so shut the fark up
and give me some anal.

there you go.

Banal rhymes with wall and tall

your jokes were tired,
lame and banal
so shut the fark up
and lick my left ball

damnit, that's what I get for having only read the word.

I just pronounce shiat,
as I see fit
then someone catches me
and reveals me for a twit.

Don't feel too bad, i read it that way too, now what were you saying about plowing some poo?


the guy seemed stumped,
and seemed to need aid,
describing an act of the rump,
for which many are paid

I tried to oblige,
and failed as well,
in rhyming this act,
which makes ones ass hurt like hell
 
2014-02-14 02:19:43 PM  
The Roses have faded.
They say we are jaded.
The Mariachis serenaded,
Us anyway.

They say we are older.
The long nights are colder.
But you can cry on my shoulder.
Anyday.

Forever we'll sleep.
Before shiat gets too deep.
The last promise we'll keep.
Never pray.
 
2014-02-14 02:20:50 PM  
Roses are Red,
Olives have pits,
You have Great Legs,
But I'd rather look at your Tits
 
2014-02-14 02:23:16 PM  
I thought we'd have a couple drinks
Then maybe we'd go dancin'
I didn't think I'd end up interviewed
By NBC's Chris Hansen.

I'd give you the stars
And the moon  If I could
But I don't have no cash
So I'll give you some wood

I think you're really smart
I think you're really funny
I also think I lost my watch
In your gaping cunny.

I met the girl of my dreams today
I don't know how to reach her
She doesn't look at me that way
'Cause I'm her third grade teacher.
 
2014-02-14 02:26:29 PM  
Roses are red
Violets are scarlet
I only loved you
'Cause you're a harlot


/lame, came up with it in high school years ago
 
2014-02-14 02:36:24 PM  
Roses are expensive
So I cancelled my order
As for your ring,
try looking in Mordor.
 
2014-02-14 02:37:25 PM  
Roses are flowers
Ultraviolets are visible only to bees.
I'll be the captain of your heart
Until such time as I fart.
 
2014-02-14 02:38:48 PM  
met her in a bar, figured she'd do
didn't use protection, gave her my goo
now she feels bad
says i'm gonna be called "dad"
joke's on her, i was snipped in '02!
 
2014-02-14 02:42:16 PM  
Roses are red
Violets are purple
Let's drink some beer
 
2014-02-14 02:43:02 PM  

exatron: O! Perjuddigously, my application for the mating season burbles in peat.

Though four months remain, its crust fertobbles.

For it has been filled out in triplicate. In triplicate. In triplicate.

In triplicate. In triplicate.


www.whoateallthepies.tv
 
2014-02-14 02:44:52 PM  
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
I'll put some on grave
When I'm through with you
 
2014-02-14 02:45:27 PM  
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
I'll put some on your grave
When I'm through with you
 
2014-02-14 02:45:39 PM  

ferretman: exatron: O! Perjuddigously, my application for the mating season burbles in peat.

Though four months remain, its crust fertobbles.

For it has been filled out in triplicate. In triplicate. In triplicate.

In triplicate. In triplicate.

[www.whoateallthepies.tv image 310x319]


How'd you find a picture of my ex?
 
2014-02-14 02:57:37 PM  
Sometimes, the classics are best... such as this one from the overly attached girlfriend
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=LDWJn3IwiaM
 
2014-02-14 03:08:05 PM  
Your bank account is fed,
so don't look so blue.
I poked holes in the condom,
now I'm drinking for two.
 
2014-02-14 03:15:09 PM  
We've spent over twenty valentines days together
And if the fates are kind we'll spend at least twenty more.
Whether we're together in bed, out on the town,
Or just quietly holding hands and watching a silly movie,
You know when to say nothing, when to speak,
And what I need to hear, when I need to hear it.
Happy Valentines Day, Mom.
 
2014-02-14 03:16:19 PM  
Roses are red,
take me in your mouth.
 
2014-02-14 03:17:10 PM  
Rose's was red,
Violet's was black and blue.
What color will yours be
When I'm done with you?
 
2014-02-14 03:36:46 PM  
To you I say this
The one I love most of all
Please poop on my face.
 
2014-02-14 03:38:22 PM  
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose c*ck was so long you should suck it.
Does that make you horny, baby?
 
2014-02-14 03:39:16 PM  
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Vaccinate your kids
Or I'm coming for you.
 
2014-02-14 03:41:33 PM  
In my dreams
You're all I sees;
Boobs, butt and knees
You're my main squeeze

/Steve Dallas
 
2014-02-14 03:42:14 PM  
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Let me get the suction tube
And I'll start the Abortion.
 
2014-02-14 03:47:47 PM  
Roses are red
I hear Sochi sucks
Turn off the TV
I don't give a ____
 
2014-02-14 03:49:14 PM  
Mods are often drunk,
Mods are always dumb.
Don't be in such a funk,
because one if them's still a slut.
 
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