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(Guardian)   Top 10 sexiest works of art EVER. Sure, if you're into getting oral from an octopus while a kid with wings looks on as the Gimp waits by a ladder in the basement. And who isn't? (not safe for work, ready for critics)   (theguardian.com) divider line 88
    More: Unlikely, ladders, basements, young artists, art  
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14451 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Feb 2014 at 9:28 AM (31 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



88 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-02-14 08:50:55 AM
img.fark.net

*fap*
 
2014-02-14 09:21:26 AM
i do love that the Japanese have been into tentacle porn for at least two centuries.
 
2014-02-14 09:22:36 AM
Japanese:  F*cked up porn fetishes since 1814.
 
2014-02-14 09:36:00 AM
What, no Tom of Finland's, "Hello there, sailor"?
 
2014-02-14 09:36:29 AM
I do believe they're missing a few classics such as:

Backdoor Sluts 9
Shaving Ryan's Privates
Flying Cumshots and Other Slippery Stuff 3
 
2014-02-14 09:40:44 AM
Went to the Norton Museum in Palm Beach and unexpectedly walked right into this sculpture (NSFW):

shape-and-colour.com/2008/05/16/murakamis-my-lonesome-cowboy-15-mill io n/
 
2014-02-14 09:40:51 AM
List fails without:

www.theregister.co.uk

I mean, c'mon!
 
2014-02-14 09:41:35 AM
I think Back Door Cum Sluts 35 really should have made this list.
 
2014-02-14 09:42:49 AM
Olympia by Manet? A picture of a naked whore. What's not to like?
 
2014-02-14 09:45:11 AM

Lucky LaRue: Japanese:  F*cked up porn fetishes since 1814.


If it is excreted by the human body, its a safe bet the Japanese have a pr0n video of 17 "school girls" either eating it or bathing in it.
 
2014-02-14 09:49:56 AM
That fur cup, man. That's deep.
 
2014-02-14 09:52:00 AM
snltranscripts.jt.org

And, this is for real, his name is spelled T-I-T-I-A-N.
 
2014-02-14 09:53:17 AM
List fails without Vargas.
 
2014-02-14 09:54:02 AM
I've always been a fan of Rosetti's work...He had a thing for zaftig redheads too.
 
2014-02-14 09:54:14 AM

FlashHarry: i do love that the Japanese have been into tentacle porn for at least two centuries.


Basically what I came to say. I thought it was a relatively new thing
 
2014-02-14 09:56:06 AM
"Okay, while the first whore is undressing, the second one is starting to work on the school boy.  Meanwhile, the Japanese woman is re-enacting scenes from 'Legend of the Overfiend' with a pair of octopuses and a literally fur-lined teacup.  The special effects crew starts making out with the model, but you can't see much of this part due to all the smoke, so we do a quick cut over to where they're letting loose the gimp.  He's stalking over to the office where the CEO is screwing his secretary on the table and two teenage kids are frozen in mid-makeout session.  Finally the whole scene dissolves to a single woman masturbating in front of the camera, and then finally she gets pissed on from offscreen while her naked infant son watches."

"So what do you call this act?"

"The Aristocrats!"
 
2014-02-14 09:57:37 AM
I thought the headline was trying to be funny. Turns out it was all there. Should have been called the 10 least sexiest works of art. That enormous black chick from American Horror sucking off John Goodman would be hotter than any of those.
 
2014-02-14 10:00:20 AM

GeeksAreMyPeeps: FlashHarry: i do love that the Japanese have been into tentacle porn for at least two centuries.

Basically what I came to say. I thought it was a relatively new thing


Centuries of feeling the octopus arm wiggle on the way down has given more than a few people ideas, I'd wager.
 
2014-02-14 10:02:22 AM
Tittyan.
 
2014-02-14 10:02:23 AM
The author of this article obviously hasn't heard of X-Art I guess.

/it's art
//says so in the name and everything
 
2014-02-14 10:08:59 AM
Good evening. I'd like to talk to you tonight about the place of the nude in my bed ... IN ... in the history of my bed ... ART! Art. In the history of art. I'm sorry. The nude in the history of tart... call-girl... I'm sorry. I'll start again... Bum ... oh what a giveaway!
 
2014-02-14 10:10:26 AM
List fails without Courbet.
 
2014-02-14 10:20:23 AM
Haven't seen the Gimp in sooo long
 
2014-02-14 10:22:37 AM

Cerebral Ballsy: Went to the Norton Museum in Palm Beach and unexpectedly walked right into this sculpture (NSFW):

shape-and-colour.com/2008/05/16/murakamis-my-lonesome-cowboy-15-mill io n/



$13.5 million...
God I hate modern art.
 
2014-02-14 10:26:06 AM
He left out this:
http://www.musee-rodin.fr/en/collections/sculptures/kiss  NSFW
This is erotic, some of those were just weird.
 
2014-02-14 10:26:14 AM
There's a subtle difference between 'sexy' and 'explicit'. Some of these fall into the latter category.
 
2014-02-14 10:26:29 AM
An octopus has a beak, not a mouth, so if you're getting oral sex from one it's going to hurt really, really bad. Now if it's using its arms to stimulate you that might be pleasurable, but that's not oral sex either.

/Japanese are wierd
 
2014-02-14 10:30:44 AM
www.theonecar.com
This is just pure pornography. It's filth.
 
2014-02-14 10:31:35 AM

Tillmaster: There's a subtle difference between 'sexy' and 'explicit'. Some of these fall into the latter category.


Hence the NSFW warning in the headline.
 
2014-02-14 10:31:55 AM
no.

Paintings and sculpture of over weight women that looked like my grandmother - just no

Not sexy - not even e-rotic no

Not that they aren't art because they are but erratic art?  No.


yes, I'm aware of that
 
2014-02-14 10:32:38 AM

Bendal: An octopus has a beak, not a mouth, so if you're getting oral sex from one it's going to hurt really, really bad. Now if it's using its arms to stimulate you that might be pleasurable, but that's not oral sex either.

/Japanese are wierd


Well, they do have that ring of muscle that surrounds and covers the beak when they aren't feeding.

squid.tepapa.govt.nz
 
2014-02-14 10:40:01 AM
Gee, I don't have the weirdest boner right now.
 
2014-02-14 10:45:33 AM
I really thought it was those bombs that farked Japan in their collective heads but I guess not.
 
2014-02-14 10:50:03 AM
Sooooo.....

It's a fur cup.

Did it really need to be linked, not shown inline?  Am I missing anything?  Is a stretched visual metaphor really all that sexy or outrageous?
 
2014-02-14 10:52:33 AM
Hmm...
 
2014-02-14 10:55:31 AM
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-02-14 11:01:44 AM

Skleenar: Sooooo.....

It's a fur cup.

Did it really need to be linked, not shown inline?  Am I missing anything?  Is a stretched visual metaphor really all that sexy or outrageous?


They're just sparing people's sensitivity to art, surrealism isn't everybody's cup of fur.
 
2014-02-14 11:01:59 AM
Can anyone explain to me why so many 'Old Masters' portrayed women basically as pallid, kinda fat slugs? I mean, they tend to look overfed. Sickly. Small boobs too.
 
2014-02-14 11:06:46 AM

DreamSnipers: He left out this:
http://www.musee-rodin.fr/en/collections/sculptures/kiss  NSFW
This is erotic, some of those were just weird.


That isn't a kiss. It's a guy playing the ocarina.
 
2014-02-14 11:07:11 AM

Rik01: Can anyone explain to me why so many 'Old Masters' portrayed women basically as pallid, kinda fat slugs? I mean, they tend to look overfed. Sickly. Small boobs too.


Giving birth was a dangerous endeavor back then for both the mother and the kid. So I guess they found women who looked like good breeding stock to be more attractive. Can't explain the lack of love for boobies though.
 
2014-02-14 11:08:56 AM

Skleenar: Sooooo.....

It's a fur cup.

Did it really need to be linked, not shown inline?  Am I missing anything?  Is a stretched visual metaphor really all that sexy or outrageous?


Because everything has always been the way it is now.
 
2014-02-14 11:09:54 AM
Mugato: Can't explain the lack of love for boobies though. modern fetishes.
 
2014-02-14 11:14:33 AM

Rik01: Can anyone explain to me why so many 'Old Masters' portrayed women basically as pallid, kinda fat slugs? I mean, they tend to look overfed. Sickly. Small boobs too.


um... because the the idea of beauty has changed throughout the years?
 
2014-02-14 11:16:48 AM

Rik01: Can anyone explain to me why so many 'Old Masters' portrayed women basically as pallid, kinda fat slugs? I mean, they tend to look overfed. Sickly. Small boobs too.


Not sure about the unimpressive boobs other than they didnt have implants so DD+ boobs just didnt exist

As far as pale and thick being trendy,

in the era when food was not in abundence and only the 1%ers could afford to eat enough to get fat, being fat was considered hot(as opposed to now when even the poors can afford to eat well enough to be fat and its a sign of poor self control)

When like 90%+ of the population busted thier arse in a field farming food without machinery most of the population had a tan and only the wealthy got to stay inside and pale.

Anyways culture has an awful lot to do with what people consider hot. I mean prior to rap going main stream a girl having a big ass was generally not considered a good thing.
 
2014-02-14 11:23:24 AM

Tyrone Slothrop: List fails without Vargas.


This.
 
2014-02-14 11:24:30 AM
this is sexy?

img.fark.net

//needs a waxing
 
2014-02-14 11:26:58 AM

yakmans_dad: Mugato: Can't explain the lack of love for boobies though. modern fetishes.


First of all, a fetish is an attraction to something non-sexual. Bodices in the 1700s that accentuated the breasts and the first breast implant in the 1800s, while being "modern" in the geological sense, attraction to breasts isn't exactly exactly new.
 
2014-02-14 11:32:34 AM
I submit for your approval the 1895 work Flaming June by Sir Frederic Leighton.  (Sexy, but SFW...)
 
2014-02-14 11:38:08 AM

yakmans_dad: DreamSnipers: He left out this:
http://www.musee-rodin.fr/en/collections/sculptures/kiss  NSFW
This is erotic, some of those were just weird.

That isn't a kiss. It's a guy playing the ocarina.


I see what you did there, wink wink nudge nudge say no more...
 
2014-02-14 11:43:04 AM

Mugato: I thought the headline was trying to be funny. Turns out it was all there. Should have been called the 10 least sexiest works of art. That enormous black chick from American Horror sucking off John Goodman would be hotter than any of those.


Care to share links , Mugato?
 
2014-02-14 11:50:54 AM
I have a poster of Bouguereau's A Young Girl Defending Herself against Eros.

Sure, it is kinda old school with a pretty naked woman and a cupid, but the facial expressions tend to imply that "no" will soon become "yes". (detail cropped to show no tits)

img.fark.net
 
2014-02-14 11:55:04 AM

yakmans_dad: Skleenar: Sooooo.....

It's a fur cup.

Did it really need to be linked, not shown inline?  Am I missing anything?  Is a stretched visual metaphor really all that sexy or outrageous?

Because everything has always been the way it is now.


I understand why this image was never shown in 1920's web pages.  What I'm asking is why was it treated like a NSFW image in this web page.


Actually, this is the first time I have ever heard that this artwork was in any way a sexual innuendo. I'm no student of art history, but I have seen this artwork before and to my recollection none of the glosses on it touched on this particular aspect of the work. I can certainly see how it could have been intended as a visual metaphor, but I guess I am missing the link that makes it anything more than a distant allusion, and far less shocking than most great masters' nudes.
 
2014-02-14 12:00:51 PM

HairBolus: Bouguereau


Bouguereau had a way with flesh.  Reproductions (like looking at pictures of his paintings on the internet) do not do him justice.
 
2014-02-14 12:02:58 PM

Mugato: Rik01: Can anyone explain to me why so many 'Old Masters' portrayed women basically as pallid, kinda fat slugs? I mean, they tend to look overfed. Sickly. Small boobs too.

Giving birth was a dangerous endeavor back then for both the mother and the kid. So I guess they found women who looked like good breeding stock to be more attractive. Can't explain the lack of love for boobies though.


They loved big butts and they could not lie.
 
2014-02-14 12:03:03 PM

FlashHarry: i do love that the Japanese have been into tentacle porn for at least two centuries.


I'm torn... It's not my thing, even in the slightest, but there's no denying that it's striking, and not necessarily in a 'Ewww!' kind of way, it's weird. Gotta give the artists' some props, they can actually make this seem possible.
 
2014-02-14 12:27:59 PM

Mugato: yakmans_dad: Mugato: Can't explain the lack of love for boobies though. modern fetishes.

First of all, a fetish is an attraction to something non-sexual. Bodices in the 1700s that accentuated the breasts and the first breast implant in the 1800s, while being "modern" in the geological sense, attraction to breasts isn't exactly exactly new.


Breasts are nutritional.
 
2014-02-14 12:37:35 PM
I bought a postcard of this painting the first time I was in Florence. I still love it:

Dante and Beatrice

img.fark.net
 
2014-02-14 12:43:55 PM

ThighsofGlory: Mugato: Rik01: Can anyone explain to me why so many 'Old Masters' portrayed women basically as pallid, kinda fat slugs? I mean, they tend to look overfed. Sickly. Small boobs too.

Giving birth was a dangerous endeavor back then for both the mother and the kid. So I guess they found women who looked like good breeding stock to be more attractive. Can't explain the lack of love for boobies though.

They loved big butts and they could not lie.


When a girl walked in with an itty, bitty waist, and a round thing in their face, they got sprung.
Or so I've heard...
 
2014-02-14 12:50:59 PM

HairBolus: I have a poster of Bouguereau's A Young Girl Defending Herself against Eros.

Sure, it is kinda old school with a pretty naked woman and a cupid, but the facial expressions tend to imply that "no" will soon become "yes". (detail cropped to show no tits)

[img.fark.net image 850x344]


I've never seen that before, but I really like it.
 
2014-02-14 01:25:32 PM
Tranny gang bang No.7
 
2014-02-14 01:26:46 PM

Mugato: Rik01: Can anyone explain to me why so many 'Old Masters' portrayed women basically as pallid, kinda fat slugs? I mean, they tend to look overfed. Sickly. Small boobs too.

Giving birth was a dangerous endeavor back then for both the mother and the kid. So I guess they found women who looked like good breeding stock to be more attractive. Can't explain the lack of love for boobies though.


I don't think, at anytime in history, you have to be a blob to have a kid.

I don't find a woman who appears like she would have a hard time standing up, a prime example of "good breeding stock".
 
2014-02-14 01:31:09 PM

Nogale: I bought a postcard of this painting the first time I was in Florence. I still love it:

Dante and Beatrice

[img.fark.net image 760x522]


What's with the hat?  Is he trying to pass himself off as a Canadian?
 
2014-02-14 01:46:11 PM

Delta1212: GeeksAreMyPeeps: FlashHarry: i do love that the Japanese have been into tentacle porn for at least two centuries.

Basically what I came to say. I thought it was a relatively new thing

Centuries of feeling the octopus arm wiggle on the way down has given more than a few people ideas, I'd wager.


If you like the feeling of getting tickled, wait til you get ten tickled!
 
2014-02-14 01:46:53 PM

sbchamp: Haven't seen the Gimp in sooo long


Then you should probably let him out of his crate.
 
2014-02-14 01:49:18 PM

Bendal: An octopus has a beak, not a mouth, so if you're getting oral sex from one it's going to hurt really, really bad. Now if it's using its arms to stimulate you that might be pleasurable, but that's not oral sex either.

/Japanese are wierd


Rostrum? Damn near killed him!
 
2014-02-14 01:55:05 PM

Kuta: List fails without Courbet.


Indeed.
 
2014-02-14 02:27:13 PM

Cubicle Jockey: Bendal: An octopus has a beak, not a mouth, so if you're getting oral sex from one it's going to hurt really, really bad. Now if it's using its arms to stimulate you that might be pleasurable, but that's not oral sex either.

/Japanese are wierd

Well, they do have that ring of muscle that surrounds and covers the beak when they aren't feeding.

[squid.tepapa.govt.nz image 580x375]


You're supposed to pull the beak out first
 
2014-02-14 02:30:34 PM

Nogale: I bought a postcard of this painting the first time I was in Florence. I still love it:

Dante and Beatrice

[img.fark.net image 760x522]


i have a framed henry holiday drapery study on my office wall at home. it's absolutely beautiful.
 
2014-02-14 02:30:56 PM

Mugato: Rik01: Can anyone explain to me why so many 'Old Masters' portrayed women basically as pallid, kinda fat slugs? I mean, they tend to look overfed. Sickly. Small boobs too.

Giving birth was a dangerous endeavor back then for both the mother and the kid. So I guess they found women who looked like good breeding stock to be more attractive. Can't explain the lack of love for boobies though.


Today's bodies have.. Uh.. Been "enhanced" via secondary consumption of growth hormones that have been fed to animals?
 
2014-02-14 02:48:44 PM

King Something: [www.theonecar.com image 850x525]
This is just pure pornography. It's filth.


I [8]C what you did there.
 
2014-02-14 03:14:52 PM

Nogale: I bought a postcard of this painting the first time I was in Florence. I still love it:

Dante and Beatrice

[img.fark.net image 760x522]


That is absolutely breathtaking, thanks for posting it!
 
2014-02-14 03:42:51 PM

Rik01: Can anyone explain to me why so many 'Old Masters' portrayed women basically as pallid, kinda fat slugs? I mean, they tend to look overfed. Sickly. Small boobs too.


Yeah, I totally don't get why people who lived in a time way before us wouldn't be into a kind of fashion ideal that they'd never been introduced to yet.

I mean, am I right?
 
2014-02-14 03:49:13 PM

Mugato: That enormous black chick from American Horror sucking off John Goodman would be hotter than any of those.


I have the weirdest boner right now.
 
2014-02-14 04:25:33 PM
If they wanted to be explicit, why not go with Aubrey Beardsley's giant erections? The art on Pompeiian whorehouse walls? Most of these were just not erotic or sexy in any sense of the word.
 
2014-02-14 04:30:04 PM

Rik01: Can anyone explain to me why so many 'Old Masters' portrayed women basically as pallid, kinda fat slugs? I mean, they tend to look overfed. Sickly. Small boobs too.


Being plump was considered sexy by many. Having voluptuous bodies to explore was what they considered erotic. Today's emaciated ideal would strike them as sickly.  Interestingly, the standards of male beauty haven't changed all that much.

Most of the big girls were popular in the 17th C. when Reubens and Rembrandt made them the preferred look.
 
2014-02-14 04:32:23 PM

zimbomba63: Mugato: Rik01: Can anyone explain to me why so many 'Old Masters' portrayed women basically as pallid, kinda fat slugs? I mean, they tend to look overfed. Sickly. Small boobs too.

Giving birth was a dangerous endeavor back then for both the mother and the kid. So I guess they found women who looked like good breeding stock to be more attractive. Can't explain the lack of love for boobies though.

I don't think, at anytime in history, you have to be a blob to have a kid.

I don't find a woman who appears like she would have a hard time standing up, a prime example of "good breeding stock".



Guess you don't know about all the women who used to die in childbirth, not to mention the children who died young.
 
2014-02-14 04:36:28 PM
img.fark.net
 
2014-02-14 04:44:39 PM
img.fark.net
 
2014-02-14 04:48:46 PM

Khazar-Khum: Being plump was considered sexy by many. Having voluptuous bodies to explore was what they considered erotic. Today's emaciated ideal would strike them as sickly.  Interestingly, the standards of male beauty haven't changed all that much.


Despite what you see in the magazines and the runways, straight guys and I'm going to assume gay women don't go for emaciated waifs. What gay dudes in Paris choose to be models aren't what guys want. That's why Sofia Vergara and Monica Belucci are still considered hot at 40 and why guys are pissed that Angelina Jolie turned into a skeleton.
 
2014-02-14 04:49:48 PM
img.fark.net
 
2014-02-14 05:19:30 PM

bughunter: [img.fark.net image 850x637]



nice, who is the artist?
 
2014-02-14 05:27:51 PM
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com
 
2014-02-14 05:29:17 PM

WeenerGord: bughunter: [img.fark.net image 850x637]


nice, who is the artist?


It was either Hanna or Barbera.
 
2014-02-14 06:18:40 PM
 
2014-02-14 07:03:31 PM
Can we include film?

img.fark.net


Also:

img.fark.net
/had that issue
 
2014-02-14 07:35:38 PM

WeenerGord: zimbomba63: Mugato: Rik01: Can anyone explain to me why so many 'Old Masters' portrayed women basically as pallid, kinda fat slugs? I mean, they tend to look overfed. Sickly. Small boobs too.

Giving birth was a dangerous endeavor back then for both the mother and the kid. So I guess they found women who looked like good breeding stock to be more attractive. Can't explain the lack of love for boobies though.

I don't think, at anytime in history, you have to be a blob to have a kid.

I don't find a woman who appears like she would have a hard time standing up, a prime example of "good breeding stock".


Guess you don't know about all the women who used to die in childbirth, not to mention the children who died young.


Actually, through my grandmother who died in the 90's at 104, I probably know about it better than you do.
 
2014-02-14 08:57:54 PM

zimbomba63: WeenerGord: zimbomba63: Mugato: Rik01: Can anyone explain to me why so many 'Old Masters' portrayed women basically as pallid, kinda fat slugs? I mean, they tend to look overfed. Sickly. Small boobs too.

Giving birth was a dangerous endeavor back then for both the mother and the kid. So I guess they found women who looked like good breeding stock to be more attractive. Can't explain the lack of love for boobies though.

I don't think, at anytime in history, you have to be a blob to have a kid.

I don't find a woman who appears like she would have a hard time standing up, a prime example of "good breeding stock".


Guess you don't know about all the women who used to die in childbirth, not to mention the children who died young.

Actually, through my grandmother who died in the 90's at 104, I probably know about it better than you do.


You have not demonstrated any knowledge of the historical difficulties of childbirth, or poor nutrition. You've only expressed indignation that, hundreds of years ago,  paintings were made of plump women.

I guess those Old Masters should have looked into the future and realized that someday, you would be born, and that these works of art would not be good enough for you? Not on your level? Knees too sharp for you?

You should do a drawing or painting of the perfect woman and post it here, so that the art world can take notice, and cater only to your standards for the next 400 years.
 
2014-02-15 12:10:59 AM

WeenerGord: zimbomba63: WeenerGord: zimbomba63: Mugato: Rik01: Can anyone explain to me why so many 'Old Masters' portrayed women basically as pallid, kinda fat slugs? I mean, they tend to look overfed. Sickly. Small boobs too.

Giving birth was a dangerous endeavor back then for both the mother and the kid. So I guess they found women who looked like good breeding stock to be more attractive. Can't explain the lack of love for boobies though.

I don't think, at anytime in history, you have to be a blob to have a kid.

I don't find a woman who appears like she would have a hard time standing up, a prime example of "good breeding stock".


Guess you don't know about all the women who used to die in childbirth, not to mention the children who died young.

Actually, through my grandmother who died in the 90's at 104, I probably know about it better than you do.

You have not demonstrated any knowledge of the historical difficulties of childbirth, or poor nutrition. You've only expressed indignation that, hundreds of years ago,  paintings were made of plump women.

I guess those Old Masters should have looked into the future and realized that someday, you would be born, and that these works of art would not be good enough for you? Not on your level? Knees too sharp for you?

You should do a drawing or painting of the perfect woman and post it here, so that the art world can take notice, and cater only to your standards for the next 400 years.


So, let me understand what your saying, since it was the custom 400 years ago, I'm not allowed to voice my opinion on the subject matter.  Is that it?
 
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