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(Jezebel)   In honor of Valentine's Day, divorce attorney has a contest for couple with the best reason why they should be divorced, and the winner gets a free divorce. Awwwww   ( jezebel.com) divider line
    More: Sappy, Valentine's Day, attorney-in-fact, contests, Ex-wife  
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2876 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Feb 2014 at 5:39 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



36 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-02-13 04:49:48 PM  
Listen, she's got cancer and I have to move on with my life.
 
2014-02-13 05:20:28 PM  

Prey4reign: Listen, she's got cancer and I have to move on with my life.


I think Newt Gingrich already won with that excuse, so come up with a better one, mmkay.
 
2014-02-13 05:41:45 PM  
My reason: I want to have sex one more time before I die.
 
2014-02-13 05:41:54 PM  

Prey4reign: Listen, she's got cancer and I have to move on with my life.


Looks like we found Newt Gingrich or John Edwards one on fark.
 
2014-02-13 05:42:57 PM  
My ex husband bought me wrinkle cream on my birthday... ON... MY.... BIRTHDAY!!!
 
2014-02-13 05:43:25 PM  
I bet 'because your mother is a cheating who're' would win.
 
2014-02-13 05:44:03 PM  
Whore. Just like autocorrect.
 
2014-02-13 05:45:37 PM  
She told me she was into scat, golden showers, and having sex with people that aren't me
 
2014-02-13 05:46:33 PM  
Look I was wearing a No Fat Chicks Salty dog tshirt when I met her, she should have known that I wasn't going to put up with the 30 lbs of "baby weight" she has not managed to lose even though the kid is now in high school
 
2014-02-13 05:47:19 PM  
"People want to move on. I'm trying to help them have a very happy Valentine's Day in 2015 by taking care of their past."

0-media-cdn.foolz.us
 
2014-02-13 05:51:26 PM  
I have already given my imaginary wife her Valentine...

static.someecards.com
 
2014-02-13 05:51:51 PM  
Everybody knows that you love me baby
Everybody knows that you really do
Everybody knows that you've been faithful
Ah give or take a night or two
Everybody knows you've been discreet
But there were so many people you just had to meet
Without your clothes
And everybody knows

/ played leonard cohen on our wedding night
 
2014-02-13 05:57:01 PM  

cowgirl toffee: My ex husband bought me wrinkle cream on my birthday... ON... MY.... BIRTHDAY!!!


Thanks for the tip!
 
2014-02-13 06:01:19 PM  
Didn't this guy do the same thing last year?  Guess it worked out well for him.
 
2014-02-13 06:01:19 PM  

Dahnkster: I have already given my imaginary wife her Valentine...

[static.someecards.com image 420x294]


Reminds me of
img.fark.net
 
2014-02-13 06:02:23 PM  
How about 'she was a cheating whore who spent Valentines night with someone else'?  Is that a good reason?

Do I win a prize?  Other than divorcing the cheating whore, that is...
 
2014-02-13 06:05:02 PM  

cowgirl toffee: My ex husband bought me wrinkle cream on my birthday... ON... MY.... BIRTHDAY!!!


I can beat that my late father bought my mom a broom and dust pan for her birthday.

/ why yes she divorced him, he was also an abusive alcoholic.
 
2014-02-13 06:07:05 PM  
Tequila makes her clothes fall off...

...and the kids are getting sick of her being nude when she picks them up from school.
 
2014-02-13 06:10:31 PM  

Dahnkster: I have already given my imaginary wife her Valentine...


That's chauvinistic.

How about shoven this Dick in your mouth.
 
2014-02-13 06:11:41 PM  
Hero tag on vacation?
 
2014-02-13 06:14:04 PM  
Hope he has fun telling multiple battered women "Nope, not a good enough reason" if he's only giving away one for free.

Although I assume he's only doing uncontested divorces in the contest.

/DNRTFA
 
2014-02-13 06:18:44 PM  

cowgirl toffee: My ex husband bought me wrinkle cream on my birthday... ON... MY.... BIRTHDAY!!!


That strikes me as the perfect day to get wrinkle cream. After all, you're one year older.

/I am also a terrible, terrible gift giver
//hopefully not quite that bad, but pretty damn bad
 
2014-02-13 06:28:27 PM  

cowgirl toffee: My ex husband bought me wrinkle cream on my birthday... ON... MY.... BIRTHDAY!!!


And I bet he could not understand why you got upset because, after all, he was being "funny" *eyeroll*

Mrs. Espiaboricua was married to someone like that: he bought an diamond bracelet for Christmas, paid for it with money from their joint account (which was 90% her income), took it to his parents' house... and gave it to his mistress.. who, by the way, was right there at his parents' house spending Christmas with them. To this day, the man does not understand what the big deal is/was.
 
2014-02-13 06:53:59 PM  

grimlock1972: cowgirl toffee: My ex husband bought me wrinkle cream on my birthday... ON... MY.... BIRTHDAY!!!

I can beat that my late father bought my mom a broom and dust pan for her birthday.

/ why yes she divorced him, he was also an abusive alcoholic.


But one who knew the value of cleanliness. Let's not throw the baby out with the bathwater.
 
2014-02-13 06:55:13 PM  

iron_city_ap: Whore. Just like autocorrect.


In the spirit of Valentine's Day, autocorrect put it's apostrophe in your whore. Repeatedly.
 
2014-02-13 06:58:48 PM  
Palpable biatchery.
 
2014-02-13 07:02:29 PM  

cowgirl toffee: My ex husband bought me wrinkle cream on my birthday... ON... MY.... BIRTHDAY!!!


In his defense he had probably heard you complaining about wrinkles. That's how men think....this person that I care about has a problem, let me get her something to help with this problem.

Which to a woman translates to OH MY GOD HE GOT ME WRINKLE CREAM HE THINKS IM THE CRYPT KEEPER! He probably didnt even notice your wrinkles unless you brought them up.

Just curious, what did you get him for his birthday?
 
2014-02-13 07:15:00 PM  

cowgirl toffee: My ex husband bought me wrinkle cream on my birthday... ON... MY.... BIRTHDAY!!!


Hey, that Creme de Mer or whatever stuff is really pricey! It's like 200 bucks a bottle! I'd be all like, "where's the matching cleanser and toner, you idiot? I have a skin care regimen here!"

I mean, what was he thinking, you know?
 
2014-02-13 08:32:27 PM  
img.fark.net
Approves.
/2 out of 3 ain't bad.
//obscure?
 
2014-02-13 09:16:47 PM  

GrizzlyPouch: cowgirl toffee: My ex husband bought me wrinkle cream on my birthday... ON... MY.... BIRTHDAY!!!

In his defense he had probably heard you complaining about wrinkles. That's how men think....this person that I care about has a problem, let me get her something to help with this problem.

Which to a woman translates to OH MY GOD HE GOT ME WRINKLE CREAM HE THINKS IM THE CRYPT KEEPER! He probably didnt even notice your wrinkles unless you brought them up.

Just curious, what did you get him for his birthday?


I thought that was a plausible scenario myself but didn't want to be the guy defending the dick ex husband. So....thanks for putting that out there.
 
2014-02-13 09:36:00 PM  

heywood-jablome: [img.fark.net image 521x557]
Approves.
/2 out of 3 ain't bad.
//obscure?


I always liked those episodes, Londo understood love a lot better than he let on.
 
2014-02-13 10:49:07 PM  
trialx.com

"If you cannot find the clit, you must manumit!"
 
2014-02-14 10:25:33 AM  

espiaboricua: cowgirl toffee: My ex husband bought me wrinkle cream on my birthday... ON... MY.... BIRTHDAY!!!

And I bet he could not understand why you got upset because, after all, he was being "funny" *eyeroll*

Mrs. Espiaboricua was married to someone like that: he bought an diamond bracelet for Christmas, paid for it with money from their joint account (which was 90% her income), took it to his parents' house... and gave it to his mistress.. who, by the way, was right there at his parents' house spending Christmas with them. To this day, the man does not understand what the big deal is/was.


????
 [wtfamIreading.jpg]
 
2014-02-14 10:31:39 AM  
My divorce was because our interests were too similar. I wanted to have sex with women I met on the internet, she did have sex with women she met on the internet.
 
2014-02-14 10:56:51 AM  
Funny how the "Sanctity of Marriage" crowd doesn't bat an eye at such shenanigans, but mention same-sex marriage and their heads explode.
 
2014-02-14 11:38:23 AM  
We just found out that he's my brother.
 
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