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(Concord Monitor)   24-Year-old guy who works at the mall buys alcohol and goes drinking with 13- and 14-year old girls...and looks exactly the way you pictured he would   (concordmonitor.com) divider line 54
    More: Obvious, Concord, teens  
•       •       •

25350 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Feb 2014 at 9:15 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-02-13 08:57:17 AM  
13 votes:
img.fark.net
2014-02-13 09:42:33 AM  
11 votes:
img.fark.net
2014-02-13 09:39:08 AM  
7 votes:
If I was to gauge out, I'd use magnets. That way, when I walked my things made of metal, my ears would wave at you.
2014-02-13 09:25:30 AM  
7 votes:
You know, that dude would actually be quite good-looking without the ridiculous earrings - and also without the perv-stache. If he'd get rid of that stupid stuff I'm sure he'd have no trouble at all getting dates with men his own age. Also women too, probably.
2014-02-13 08:28:57 AM  
7 votes:
It's like he deliberately set out to combine as many stereotypes as possible into one coherent presentation.
2014-02-13 09:14:34 AM  
6 votes:

Three Crooked Squirrels: I know that some of you that are cooler than me may disagree , but I think those giant plug things in the ears are disgusting. I can't help it, and I admit to judging the person on first sight as a loser.


2.bp.blogspot.com

"I am a valuable member of society" -Said no one with gauges ever
2014-02-13 09:38:29 AM  
5 votes:
"The bigger the guage, the lower the wage"

Seriously Fark, I'm the first?

(No, I don't necessarily agree with that statement, even though I'm not cool and don't like guages)
2014-02-13 10:06:37 AM  
4 votes:
lolsnaps.com
2014-02-13 09:50:43 AM  
4 votes:
www.ezakwantu.com

img.fark.net

Unimpressed.
2014-02-13 09:20:24 AM  
4 votes:
i2.listal.com
2014-02-13 08:53:23 AM  
4 votes:
No wonder Beavis and Butthead idolize Todd so.
2014-02-13 09:21:44 AM  
3 votes:
My daughter was into gauges around age 17. She gave them up at 1/4 inch. Holes did close after a while. Now it's crystals, as in healing powers of. I keep my mouth shut.
2014-02-13 10:01:45 AM  
2 votes:

Diogenes: menschenfresser: You know, that dude would actually be quite good-looking without the ridiculous earrings

I know.  He even has a bit of a Ryan Gosling thing going.  It's like he's his loser twin from an alternate universe.


You're so right! :)


...If this kid ever goes to prison, he's gonna be really, um, popular if you know what I mean and I think you do.
2014-02-13 09:59:40 AM  
2 votes:
Pretty close to what I imagined he'd look like...
img.fark.net
2014-02-13 09:39:20 AM  
2 votes:

Evil Mackerel: Nana's Vibrator: Ha ha.  He works at the mall.

I'm surprised someone hired him.


He looks like your local Southern Baptist minister compared to some of the employees I've seen at Hot Topic.

Yeah, I've been to Hot Topic. I have a twenty-year-old daughter I sometimes have to buy gifts for, okay?

I expect she'll outgrow it soon. Her Twilight phase passed quickly enough.
2014-02-13 09:34:33 AM  
2 votes:

Three Crooked Squirrels: I know that some of you that are cooler than me may disagree , but I think those giant plug things in the ears are disgusting. I can't help it, and I admit to judging the person on first sight as a loser.


I doubt I'm cooler than you, but I concur; I have yet to see anyone wearing gauges (I think that's what they're called) whose looks are improved by them.

And there's a guy at a nearby Fedex counter whose plugs apparently blew out, leaving him with gross dangly bits where his lobes used to be.   Head labia aren't really a good look, imho.  Ugh.
2014-02-13 09:30:51 AM  
2 votes:

scottydoesntknow: Bit'O'Gristle: Three Crooked Squirrels: I know that some of you that are cooler than me may disagree , but I think those giant plug things in the ears are disgusting. I can't help it, and I admit to judging the person on first sight as a loser.

/I'm with you there, but i have nothing against the random earring or even a small brow ring.  But if you put dinner plates in your ears, or devils horns under your forehead skin, you're a freak, and up to no good i'd wager.

My fiance watches those MTV true-life shows. One of them was about a guy who got the devil horn forehead implants and massive gauges. He wanted to be unique and controversial.

Then they did a follow-up show and he had a couple kids with his girlfriend and needed a job to provide for them. Turns out he had a really hard time finding a job (or having anyone take him seriously).

He got the horns removed, but the gauges left his ears a flappy mess.

I think he finally got a job at Freebirds or something.


Sad that people are so shallow and judgemental as to judge someone's ability to carry out a job based purely on their physical appearance...
2014-02-13 09:29:40 AM  
2 votes:

Three Crooked Squirrels: I know that some of you that are cooler than me may disagree , but I think those giant plug things in the ears are disgusting. I can't help it, and I admit to judging the person on first sight as a loser.


Came here to say that.   And Ive only seen them on white kids.  Is it some white trash thing?

/get off my laaaaaaawn!
2014-02-13 09:28:26 AM  
2 votes:
img.fark.net
/having the obscurities?
2014-02-13 09:23:17 AM  
2 votes:

Three Crooked Squirrels: I know that some of you that are cooler than me may disagree , but I think those giant plug things in the ears are disgusting. I can't help it, and I admit to judging the person on first sight as a loser.


When I think of cool, I think of Clint Eastwood characters. If I see somebody doing something a Clint Eastwood character wouldn't do, they're not cool. But then again, using this system no one is cool, not even Clint Eastwood.
2014-02-13 09:22:37 AM  
2 votes:

Three Crooked Squirrels: I know that some of you that are cooler than me may disagree , but I think those giant plug things in the ears are disgusting. I can't help it, and I admit to judging the person on first sight as a loser.


I used to have my ears gauged, up to 1". That's back when I was playing in bands and going to hardcore/metal shows twice a week. I took them out when I got my first job after college, they've closed up mostly.

That was 10 years go... I honestly thought the trend would have passed by now.
2014-02-13 09:14:16 AM  
2 votes:
Douchebag earrings?

blogs.mcall.com
2014-02-13 12:28:53 PM  
1 votes:

Wizard Drongo: Sad that people are so shallow and judgemental as to judge someone's ability to carry out a job based purely on their physical appearance...


static3.wikia.nocookie.net

/Second time I've gotten to use that today.
2014-02-13 12:14:11 PM  
1 votes:

semiotix: Mell of a Hess: What the hell would attract a 13 year-old to a dickhead like this?

"... buys alcohol ..."

Ah.  OK.

"Attract" might be the wrong word here. 13-year-olds make very bad life decisions, but virtually none of them would be  attracted to a guy like this, no matter how many wine coolers he bought them. Sure, they might have a crush on a 20-something guy, but crushes are for men who are completely oblivious to your existence, not the ones who are buying you booze and inviting you into their basement apartments. I'm guessing when the police asked the girls if he'd ever laid a hand on them (which must have been the subject of the first 500 questions), they burst out laughing at the idea that they'd ever let someone this gross and perverted get anywhere with them. That's perfect 13-year-old logic.

This kind of 23-year-old ultra-douche doesn't start looking attractive in the traditional sense of the word until you're about 17, when your parents' reaction goes from the mortifying "my baby! my precious innocent baby!" to the far more gratifying "you stay away from him, you little slut."


Amusingly enough, I was the kind of twentysomething guy a 13-year-old girl would have a crush on.  I had a goatee and a pony tail, and I was briefly a substitute teacher.  I had more than one girl in some classes drop hints at me, and one actually practically offered sex.  And no, I wasn't even remotely interested, I was into college girls.

Can't say I ever outgrew being attracted to college girls, though.
2014-02-13 11:46:41 AM  
1 votes:
No one else sees James Franco with a molestache?

So was the 14 year old hot? I'm not going to ask about the 13 year old because that would be wrong.
2014-02-13 11:25:28 AM  
1 votes:
img.fark.net

i2.listal.com
2014-02-13 11:22:32 AM  
1 votes:
I was expecting this guy:

c0717682.cdn.cloudfiles.rackspacecloud.com

/pretty close
//pedo like that guy you know
2014-02-13 11:14:32 AM  
1 votes:

Wizard Drongo: scottydoesntknow: Bit'O'Gristle: Three Crooked Squirrels: I know that some of you that are cooler than me may disagree , but I think those giant plug things in the ears are disgusting. I can't help it, and I admit to judging the person on first sight as a loser.

/I'm with you there, but i have nothing against the random earring or even a small brow ring.  But if you put dinner plates in your ears, or devils horns under your forehead skin, you're a freak, and up to no good i'd wager.

My fiance watches those MTV true-life shows. One of them was about a guy who got the devil horn forehead implants and massive gauges. He wanted to be unique and controversial.

Then they did a follow-up show and he had a couple kids with his girlfriend and needed a job to provide for them. Turns out he had a really hard time finding a job (or having anyone take him seriously).

He got the horns removed, but the gauges left his ears a flappy mess.

I think he finally got a job at Freebirds or something.

Sad that people are so shallow and judgemental as to judge someone's ability to carry out a job based purely on their physical appearance...


Sad, but it's reality. As this guy has learned, don't fark yourself up in a major way hoping that the world will accept you as the trailblazing individual that you are, because the world probably doesn't appreciate your special brand of "uniqueness" the way you do. And if your brand of individuality makes you look like an idiot (which it surely does) then don't be surprised that finding jobs outside of the Idiot Accessory Dispensary is a challenge.
2014-02-13 11:13:37 AM  
1 votes:

Things one might say to this guy:

i478.photobucket.com



"The job pays $13/Hour. You can start Monday if that works for you."

Or

"Yes I would like to hear the specials. This is a classy joint so we don't come here that often".


Things one might say to this guy:


i478.photobucket.com



"It was nice meeting you. We'll be in touch. Good luck."


"No I do not have any extra change"


"No thank you. I don't feel the need to purchase shrooms from you"
2014-02-13 10:41:11 AM  
1 votes:

browntimmy: I could:
A) Stab something sharp in my ear, have to buy jewelry, worry about maintenance etc,.all for little to no gain
B) Simply not do that

Tough decision.


The decision is probably a little tougher for people who are desperately insecure and need constant attention.
2014-02-13 10:38:56 AM  
1 votes:

FlashHarry: [img.fark.net image 265x270]

"The wider the gauge, the lower the wage."

-- Wooderson


It's been snowing and I started watching that detective show MM is in.  I keep saying "I got a lack of traction and a need for action" when people tell me to drive safe.
2014-02-13 10:36:21 AM  
1 votes:
New Hampshire really needs its own tag.

/live free, die, leave a strange-looking corpse
2014-02-13 10:14:54 AM  
1 votes:

menschenfresser: You know, that dude would actually be quite good-looking without the ridiculous earrings - and also without the perv-stache. If he'd get rid of that stupid stuff I'm sure he'd have no trouble at all getting dates with men his own age. Also women too, probably.


Not sure about that. He looks pretty pervy still
trevostudio.com
2014-02-13 10:14:32 AM  
1 votes:

Mikey1969: I'm reserving judgement until I see the girls... Nowadays, they look 21 at like, well, 21...


i'm guessing they were pudgy lil white trash  versions of Mimi from the drew cary show.
2014-02-13 10:10:45 AM  
1 votes:

scottydoesntknow: Three Crooked Squirrels: I know that some of you that are cooler than me may disagree , but I think those giant plug things in the ears are disgusting. I can't help it, and I admit to judging the person on first sight as a loser.

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 153x200]

"I am a valuable member of society" -Said no one with gauges ever


Be careful.  People get mighty touchy about this stuff.  They defend it to the death saying its the character of their work or work ethic that matters.  Like saying that a fat girl has a nice personality.
2014-02-13 10:03:48 AM  
1 votes:
I'm reading this story while in Concor, NH so.... Getting a kick, yadda, yadda.
2014-02-13 10:02:03 AM  
1 votes:

Nogale: Ah, the Concord Monitor. A bastion of journalism that doesn't show up on Fark nearly often enough.

/// Lived in Concord from 1990-93. Couldn't get out fast enough.


Agreed, it ain't no Union Misleader.  Concord does Nashua and Manchester a favor by making them look better in comparison.  Which is a fairly tall order but the capital city steps up to the plate and takes the bean ball for the team every time.
2014-02-13 10:01:28 AM  
1 votes:

Pocket Ninja: It's like he deliberately set out to combine as many stereotypes as possible into one coherent presentation.


With this, I believe we are approaching the final, comprehensive definition of "douchebag." Well said.

I would only replace "coherent presentation" with "pathetic plea for attention".
2014-02-13 09:51:43 AM  
1 votes:

Three Crooked Squirrels: I know that some of you that are cooler than me may disagree , but I think those giant plug things in the ears are disgusting. I can't help it, and I admit to judging the person on first sight as a loser.


I hate them, I think they look terrible. Here's the thing though, unless you are going to die in the next 10 years get ready to see that sort of stuff attached to more and more people who are gainfully employed.  It's no longer universally accepted that you can not hire someone based on their taste in jewelry.  The trend in employment is going against your personal tastes.  The only way this won't happen is if the people wearing that crap realize how terrible it makes them look.
2014-02-13 09:48:03 AM  
1 votes:

Amish Tech Support: [img.fark.net image 800x600]
I see High School shop teacher in this mans future. And a career cut short in a tragic band saw accident.


That's where he got the gauges.... made them in Wood Shop.
2014-02-13 09:44:33 AM  
1 votes:

menschenfresser: You know, that dude would actually be quite good-looking without the ridiculous earrings


I know.  He even has a bit of a Ryan Gosling thing going.  It's like he's his loser twin from an alternate universe.
2014-02-13 09:40:21 AM  
1 votes:
That picture screams, "I wasn't really looking forward to career better than maintenance man at the mall and I had these way cool plugs just sitting around doing nothing."
2014-02-13 09:37:22 AM  
1 votes:

Wizard Drongo: scottydoesntknow: Bit'O'Gristle: Three Crooked Squirrels: I know that some of you that are cooler than me may disagree , but I think those giant plug things in the ears are disgusting. I can't help it, and I admit to judging the person on first sight as a loser.

/I'm with you there, but i have nothing against the random earring or even a small brow ring.  But if you put dinner plates in your ears, or devils horns under your forehead skin, you're a freak, and up to no good i'd wager.

My fiance watches those MTV true-life shows. One of them was about a guy who got the devil horn forehead implants and massive gauges. He wanted to be unique and controversial.

Then they did a follow-up show and he had a couple kids with his girlfriend and needed a job to provide for them. Turns out he had a really hard time finding a job (or having anyone take him seriously).

He got the horns removed, but the gauges left his ears a flappy mess.

I think he finally got a job at Freebirds or something.

Sad that people are so shallow and judgemental as to judge someone's ability to carry out a job based purely on their physical appearance...


It's a pretty good indicator on whether or not that person makes good decisions.
2014-02-13 09:34:42 AM  
1 votes:

browntimmy: Three Crooked Squirrels: I know that some of you that are cooler than me may disagree , but I think those giant plug things in the ears are disgusting. I can't help it, and I admit to judging the person on first sight as a loser.

When I think of cool, I think of Clint Eastwood characters. If I see somebody doing something a Clint Eastwood character wouldn't do, they're not cool. But then again, using this system no one is cool, not even Clint Eastwood.


So, talking to empty chairs is cool?
2014-02-13 09:31:12 AM  
1 votes:

browntimmy: Three Crooked Squirrels: I know that some of you that are cooler than me may disagree , but I think those giant plug things in the ears are disgusting. I can't help it, and I admit to judging the person on first sight as a loser.

When I think of cool, I think of Clint Eastwood characters. If I see somebody doing something a Clint Eastwood character wouldn't do, they're not cool. But then again, using this system no one is cool, not even Clint Eastwood.


Eastwood cool?  I guess.

The King of Cool, (and the Cooler):
3.bp.blogspot.com
2014-02-13 09:27:49 AM  
1 votes:

mazzz: My daughter was into gauges around age 17. She gave them up at 1/4 inch. Holes did close after a while. Now it's crystals, as in healing powers of. I keep my mouth shut.


I'm sure she'll make some stoned slacker very happy.

/at least if you find yourself hard up for what to get her for Xmas, you can always just throw her a Soundtribe CD
2014-02-13 09:26:14 AM  
1 votes:

scottydoesntknow: Three Crooked Squirrels: I know that some of you that are cooler than me may disagree , but I think those giant plug things in the ears are disgusting. I can't help it, and I admit to judging the person on first sight as a loser.

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 153x200]

"I am a valuable member of society" -Said no one with gauges ever


I see that picture and instantly think "I'll bet that guy would make an honest and trustworthy employee. I wonder if he would accept a job offer?"
2014-02-13 09:21:00 AM  
1 votes:

Bit'O'Gristle: Three Crooked Squirrels: I know that some of you that are cooler than me may disagree , but I think those giant plug things in the ears are disgusting. I can't help it, and I admit to judging the person on first sight as a loser.

/I'm with you there, but i have nothing against the random earring or even a small brow ring.  But if you put dinner plates in your ears, or devils horns under your forehead skin, you're a freak, and up to no good i'd wager.


My fiance watches those MTV true-life shows. One of them was about a guy who got the devil horn forehead implants and massive gauges. He wanted to be unique and controversial.

Then they did a follow-up show and he had a couple kids with his girlfriend and needed a job to provide for them. Turns out he had a really hard time finding a job (or having anyone take him seriously).

He got the horns removed, but the gauges left his ears a flappy mess.

I think he finally got a job at Freebirds or something.
2014-02-13 09:20:45 AM  
1 votes:
Ha ha.  He works at the mall.
2014-02-13 09:18:34 AM  
1 votes:
Oh Christ, that mustache is even better than I pictured.
2014-02-13 09:17:36 AM  
1 votes:

Three Crooked Squirrels: I know that some of you that are cooler than me may disagree , but I think those giant plug things in the ears are disgusting. I can't help it, and I admit to judging the person on first sight as a loser.


/I'm with you there, but i have nothing against the random earring or even a small brow ring.  But if you put dinner plates in your ears, or devils horns under your forehead skin, you're a freak, and up to no good i'd wager.
2014-02-13 09:14:30 AM  
1 votes:

Three Crooked Squirrels: I know that some of you that are cooler than me may disagree , but I think those giant plug things in the ears are disgusting. I can't help it, and I admit to judging the person on first sight as a loser.


Not my taste...that's for sure.

But I've heard they also stink.
2014-02-13 09:10:03 AM  
1 votes:
I know that some of you that are cooler than me may disagree , but I think those giant plug things in the ears are disgusting. I can't help it, and I admit to judging the person on first sight as a loser.
2014-02-13 08:51:07 AM  
1 votes:
Definitely saw the awful mustache.  The comically huge gauges surprised me a bit.

And does he have a tat of the McDonald's arches?
 
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