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(Concord Monitor)   24-Year-old guy who works at the mall buys alcohol and goes drinking with 13- and 14-year old girls...and looks exactly the way you pictured he would   (concordmonitor.com) divider line 173
    More: Obvious, Concord, teens  
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25338 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Feb 2014 at 9:15 AM (43 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-02-13 10:38:56 AM  

FlashHarry: [img.fark.net image 265x270]

"The wider the gauge, the lower the wage."

-- Wooderson


It's been snowing and I started watching that detective show MM is in.  I keep saying "I got a lack of traction and a need for action" when people tell me to drive safe.
 
2014-02-13 10:40:56 AM  

Three Crooked Squirrels: I know that some of you that are cooler than me may disagree , but I think those giant plug things in the ears are disgusting. I can't help it, and I admit to judging the person on first sight as a loser.


Don't worry. We all make that same judgement.
 
2014-02-13 10:41:11 AM  

browntimmy: I could:
A) Stab something sharp in my ear, have to buy jewelry, worry about maintenance etc,.all for little to no gain
B) Simply not do that

Tough decision.


The decision is probably a little tougher for people who are desperately insecure and need constant attention.
 
2014-02-13 10:41:37 AM  

mike_d85: FlashHarry: [img.fark.net image 265x270]

"The wider the gauge, the lower the wage."

-- Wooderson

It's been snowing and I started watching that detective show MM is in.  I keep saying "I got a lack of traction and a need for action" when people tell me to drive safe.


I've been saying "racing to a red light" a lot myself...
 
2014-02-13 10:46:22 AM  

Pocket Ninja: It's like he deliberately set out to combine as many stereotypes as possible into one coherent presentation.


You call that "coherent"?

I just got here, and I'm looking forward to this thread already.
 
2014-02-13 10:55:49 AM  

Point02GPA: If I was to gauge out, I'd use magnets. That way, when I walked my things made of metal, my ears would wave at you.


Are you Mitch Hedberg? I would be so happy if you didn't die.
 
2014-02-13 10:56:41 AM  

Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: menschenfresser: You know, that dude would actually be quite good-looking without the ridiculous earrings - and also without the perv-stache. If he'd get rid of that stupid stuff I'm sure he'd have no trouble at all getting dates with men his own age. Also women too, probably.

Not sure about that. He looks pretty pervy still
[trevostudio.com image 400x300]


I dunno. If some random dude (who isn't this weirdo) who looks like the cleaned-up version you made there asked me out, I'd certainly go on a date.
 
2014-02-13 10:58:44 AM  

Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: menschenfresser: You know, that dude would actually be quite good-looking without the ridiculous earrings - and also without the perv-stache. If he'd get rid of that stupid stuff I'm sure he'd have no trouble at all getting dates with men his own age. Also women too, probably.

Not sure about that. He looks pretty pervy still


That's some good work!

Had I not seen the original pic I would have assumed the mustache/gauge/tie die was the shopped part.
 
2014-02-13 10:59:27 AM  

browntimmy: Three Crooked Squirrels: I know that some of you that are cooler than me may disagree , but I think those giant plug things in the ears are disgusting. I can't help it, and I admit to judging the person on first sight as a loser.

When I think of cool, I think of Clint Eastwood characters. If I see somebody doing something a Clint Eastwood character wouldn't do, they're not cool. But then again, using this system no one is cool, not even Clint Eastwood.


That's long been my standard of cool as well. Nothing cooler than a man with no name.
 
2014-02-13 11:02:13 AM  
If I were King and not a simple Duke, I would decree it would be death to look like that little twerp.
No odd ear devices not tattoos on the face or head. All hipsters would have to register to make it simple to send them al to Canada. What do I have against Canada? Justin Bieber.
 
2014-02-13 11:02:20 AM  
Look I'm all for not judging a person by their looks, but its hard not to judge what you've done to yourself and imagine what you'd do to my business if I hired you.
 
2014-02-13 11:05:02 AM  

Danger Mouse: Mikey1969: I'm reserving judgement until I see the girls... Nowadays, they look 21 at like, well, 21...

i'm guessing they were pudgy lil white trash  versions of Mimi from the drew cary show.


img.fark.net
 
2014-02-13 11:06:43 AM  
www.concordmonitor.com

2.bp.blogspot.com
farm2.staticflickr.com
 
2014-02-13 11:07:04 AM  
www.i-mockery.com
 
2014-02-13 11:08:19 AM  

MayoSlather: That's long been my standard of cool as well. Nothing cooler than a man with no name.


img.fark.net
 
2014-02-13 11:09:05 AM  

Mell of a Hess: What the hell would attract a 13 year-old to a dickhead like this?

"... buys alcohol ..."

Ah.  OK.


"Attract" might be the wrong word here. 13-year-olds make very bad life decisions, but virtually none of them would be  attracted to a guy like this, no matter how many wine coolers he bought them. Sure, they might have a crush on a 20-something guy, but crushes are for men who are completely oblivious to your existence, not the ones who are buying you booze and inviting you into their basement apartments. I'm guessing when the police asked the girls if he'd ever laid a hand on them (which must have been the subject of the first 500 questions), they burst out laughing at the idea that they'd ever let someone this gross and perverted get anywhere with them. That's perfect 13-year-old logic.

This kind of 23-year-old ultra-douche doesn't start looking attractive in the traditional sense of the word until you're about 17, when your parents' reaction goes from the mortifying "my baby! my precious innocent baby!" to the far more gratifying "you stay away from him, you little slut."
 
2014-02-13 11:11:59 AM  
Nicholas Cage.....  Raising Arizona.  It was the first I thought of from looking at the pic!
 
2014-02-13 11:13:37 AM  

Things one might say to this guy:

i478.photobucket.com



"The job pays $13/Hour. You can start Monday if that works for you."

Or

"Yes I would like to hear the specials. This is a classy joint so we don't come here that often".


Things one might say to this guy:


i478.photobucket.com



"It was nice meeting you. We'll be in touch. Good luck."


"No I do not have any extra change"


"No thank you. I don't feel the need to purchase shrooms from you"
 
2014-02-13 11:14:32 AM  

Wizard Drongo: scottydoesntknow: Bit'O'Gristle: Three Crooked Squirrels: I know that some of you that are cooler than me may disagree , but I think those giant plug things in the ears are disgusting. I can't help it, and I admit to judging the person on first sight as a loser.

/I'm with you there, but i have nothing against the random earring or even a small brow ring.  But if you put dinner plates in your ears, or devils horns under your forehead skin, you're a freak, and up to no good i'd wager.

My fiance watches those MTV true-life shows. One of them was about a guy who got the devil horn forehead implants and massive gauges. He wanted to be unique and controversial.

Then they did a follow-up show and he had a couple kids with his girlfriend and needed a job to provide for them. Turns out he had a really hard time finding a job (or having anyone take him seriously).

He got the horns removed, but the gauges left his ears a flappy mess.

I think he finally got a job at Freebirds or something.

Sad that people are so shallow and judgemental as to judge someone's ability to carry out a job based purely on their physical appearance...


Sad, but it's reality. As this guy has learned, don't fark yourself up in a major way hoping that the world will accept you as the trailblazing individual that you are, because the world probably doesn't appreciate your special brand of "uniqueness" the way you do. And if your brand of individuality makes you look like an idiot (which it surely does) then don't be surprised that finding jobs outside of the Idiot Accessory Dispensary is a challenge.
 
2014-02-13 11:17:11 AM  
Dazed and Confused was my first exposure to Matthew McCantspellhisname and I was so thoroughly creeped out by his character that I had no idea he played him for years.
 
2014-02-13 11:18:53 AM  

Duke_leto_Atredes: If I were King and not a simple Duke, I would decree it would be death to look like that little twerp.
No odd ear devices not tattoos on the face or head. All hipsters would have to register to make it simple to send them al to Canada. What do I have against Canada? Justin Bieber.


Celine Dion
i1.ytimg.com

The Canadian Government has already apologized for Brian Adams on several occasions!
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-02-13 11:22:32 AM  
I was expecting this guy:

c0717682.cdn.cloudfiles.rackspacecloud.com

/pretty close
//pedo like that guy you know
 
2014-02-13 11:25:28 AM  
img.fark.net

i2.listal.com
 
2014-02-13 11:26:38 AM  

Englebert Slaptyback: [img.fark.net image 400x300]

[i2.listal.com image 320x240]


i like how his shadow disappears in the "clean" version
 
2014-02-13 11:35:52 AM  

bungle_jr: Englebert Slaptyback: [img.fark.net image 400x300]

[i2.listal.com image 320x240]

i like how his shadow disappears in the "clean" version


Vampire.
 
2014-02-13 11:46:41 AM  
No one else sees James Franco with a molestache?

So was the 14 year old hot? I'm not going to ask about the 13 year old because that would be wrong.
 
2014-02-13 11:47:46 AM  

Wizard Drongo: scottydoesntknow: Bit'O'Gristle: Three Crooked Squirrels: I know that some of you that are cooler than me may disagree , but I think those giant plug things in the ears are disgusting. I can't help it, and I admit to judging the person on first sight as a loser.

/I'm with you there, but i have nothing against the random earring or even a small brow ring.  But if you put dinner plates in your ears, or devils horns under your forehead skin, you're a freak, and up to no good i'd wager.

My fiance watches those MTV true-life shows. One of them was about a guy who got the devil horn forehead implants and massive gauges. He wanted to be unique and controversial.

Then they did a follow-up show and he had a couple kids with his girlfriend and needed a job to provide for them. Turns out he had a really hard time finding a job (or having anyone take him seriously).

He got the horns removed, but the gauges left his ears a flappy mess.

I think he finally got a job at Freebirds or something.

Sad that people are so shallow and judgemental as to judge someone's ability to carry out a job based purely on their physical appearance...


Pretty much every living species on the planet, from the beginning of time, has and does judge others on their appearance. I dont know a single adult that sees those things and doesn't think `douche-bag loser that probably doesnt have a job where the public sees them`.
Welcome to life on planet earth.
 
2014-02-13 11:53:48 AM  
i68.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-13 11:53:51 AM  

Egoy3k: I hate them, I think they look terrible. Here's the thing though, unless you are going to die in the next 10 years get ready to see that sort of stuff attached to more and more people who are gainfully employed


I dunno, I have to disagree. If you're some kind of genius like Abby in NCIS, maybe but if you work with customers, many who may be older, I don't think so. And if you wear something like that, you're just trying to shock people and show them how "metal" you are and that's a turn off to any employer, I think.

But maybe people thought that way about guys with earrings 30 years ago so I could be wrong.

That doesn't change the fact that it's totally douchebaggery. If that's even a word. It should be.
 
2014-02-13 11:55:00 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-02-13 11:56:33 AM  
I wonder how the parents dealt with the kids who asked a man to buy them alcohol and come to their house?

Seeing as on of the parents was looking for their kid I can guess the answer to that one.
 
2014-02-13 11:57:06 AM  
Hey Farkers! Where are all the chicks logging in to say "hey, he's not all that disgusting..." or "I'd hit that..." like we see with all the female pedophiles? Seriously you need to work on your double standards.

and somewhere there has to be chicks who dig that ear-guage shia-t or guys wouldn't do it....
 
2014-02-13 12:00:46 PM  

Wizard Drongo: Sad that people are so shallow and judgemental as to judge someone's ability to carry out a job based purely on their physical appearance...


I'm about as libby a liberal as ever libbed, but to radically alter your physical appearance with the intent to separate yourself from society at large and then decry said society for wishing to remain separate from you is baffling to me.
 
2014-02-13 12:02:01 PM  

Bit'O'Gristle: Three Crooked Squirrels: I know that some of you that are cooler than me may disagree , but I think those giant plug things in the ears are disgusting. I can't help it, and I admit to judging the person on first sight as a loser.

/I'm with you there, but i have nothing against the random earring or even a small brow ring.  But if you put dinner plates in your ears, or devils horns under your forehead skin, you're a freak, and up to no good i'd wager.


i will weigh in on that one, they are NOT something i would personally choose to get, but as long as whatever gauge you have still fits in your original ear zone, it's not weird.  once you hit the weird zone, it'd better be something epic you've got stuck in there like your grandmother's mummified kittens or something... otherwise you're just trying to hulahoop without exercising, ya bum...
 
2014-02-13 12:04:01 PM  

scotchlandia: Hey Farkers! Where are all the chicks logging in to say "hey, he's not all that disgusting..." or "I'd hit that..." like we see with all the female pedophiles? Seriously you need to work on your double standards.

and somewhere there has to be chicks who dig that ear-guage shia-t or guys wouldn't do it....


"sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it's okay to go ear-to-mouth"
 
2014-02-13 12:06:27 PM  
The article didn't say where he worked. I'm going to guess either the pretzel joint, or one of those cell phone accessory kiosks.

What do you guys think?
 
2014-02-13 12:14:11 PM  

semiotix: Mell of a Hess: What the hell would attract a 13 year-old to a dickhead like this?

"... buys alcohol ..."

Ah.  OK.

"Attract" might be the wrong word here. 13-year-olds make very bad life decisions, but virtually none of them would be  attracted to a guy like this, no matter how many wine coolers he bought them. Sure, they might have a crush on a 20-something guy, but crushes are for men who are completely oblivious to your existence, not the ones who are buying you booze and inviting you into their basement apartments. I'm guessing when the police asked the girls if he'd ever laid a hand on them (which must have been the subject of the first 500 questions), they burst out laughing at the idea that they'd ever let someone this gross and perverted get anywhere with them. That's perfect 13-year-old logic.

This kind of 23-year-old ultra-douche doesn't start looking attractive in the traditional sense of the word until you're about 17, when your parents' reaction goes from the mortifying "my baby! my precious innocent baby!" to the far more gratifying "you stay away from him, you little slut."


Amusingly enough, I was the kind of twentysomething guy a 13-year-old girl would have a crush on.  I had a goatee and a pony tail, and I was briefly a substitute teacher.  I had more than one girl in some classes drop hints at me, and one actually practically offered sex.  And no, I wasn't even remotely interested, I was into college girls.

Can't say I ever outgrew being attracted to college girls, though.
 
2014-02-13 12:14:51 PM  

cynicalminion: scotchlandia: Hey Farkers! Where are all the chicks logging in to say "hey, he's not all that disgusting..." or "I'd hit that..." like we see with all the female pedophiles? Seriously you need to work on your double standards.

and somewhere there has to be chicks who dig that ear-guage shia-t or guys wouldn't do it....

"sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it's okay to go ear-to-mouth"


No.  No it isn't.  Eww.
 
2014-02-13 12:16:17 PM  

Magnanimous_J: The article didn't say where he worked. I'm going to guess either the pretzel joint, or one of those cell phone accessory kiosks.

What do you guys think?


Graveyard shift at Kinko's.
 
2014-02-13 12:20:50 PM  

Mugato: Egoy3k: I hate them, I think they look terrible. Here's the thing though, unless you are going to die in the next 10 years get ready to see that sort of stuff attached to more and more people who are gainfully employed

I dunno, I have to disagree. If you're some kind of genius like Abby in NCIS, maybe but if you work with customers, many who may be older, I don't think so. And if you wear something like that, you're just trying to shock people and show them how "metal" you are and that's a turn off to any employer, I think.

But maybe people thought that way about guys with earrings 30 years ago so I could be wrong.

That doesn't change the fact that it's totally douchebaggery. If that's even a word. It should be.


Very recently in Ontario Canada there was a case brought to trial where a hospital with elderly patients was found to have wrongfully dismissed several workers who had visible tattoos and piercings.  They used the same rationale you did about dealing with the elderly.  The court found that the nurses in question had been employed at that facility for several years with the tattoos and piercings without any complaints from any of their patients and no noticeable ill effects.

Now hiring is different I grant you but honestly employers are scared to death of lawsuits over this sort of thing because history shows that they almost always lose and even if they win they still lose because lawyers don't work for free.
 
2014-02-13 12:21:26 PM  

Magnanimous_J: The article didn't say where he worked. I'm going to guess either the pretzel joint, or one of those cell phone accessory kiosks.

What do you guys think?


Hot Topic.
 
2014-02-13 12:23:27 PM  

DarkVader: cynicalminion: scotchlandia: Hey Farkers! Where are all the chicks logging in to say "hey, he's not all that disgusting..." or "I'd hit that..." like we see with all the female pedophiles? Seriously you need to work on your double standards.

and somewhere there has to be chicks who dig that ear-guage shia-t or guys wouldn't do it....

"sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it's okay to go ear-to-mouth"

No.  No it isn't.  Eww.


well not if it's YOUR ear and HER mouth, goofball.

seriously, elias, do i have to teach you EVERYTHING around here?
 
2014-02-13 12:24:15 PM  

scotchlandia: and somewhere there has to be chicks who dig that ear-guage shia-t or guys wouldn't do it....


The only guy I know personally who has these is an obvious undiagnosed case of Asperger Syndrome who grew up with an abusive hillbilly father, thinks it's normal for 20+ guys to pursue teenage girls, hasn't moved out of his father's house and won't acknowledge that he needs to, and has never had a girlfriend. Ever. Even for a little bit. Meanwhile, he hates his sister's boyfriend because of his "jailhouse tattoos", apparently oblivious to how his guages read to others.

I'm guessing that there's a strong correlation between guys who get ear guages and guys who are so desperately confused and bitter about the real world that they think girls dig it, but "think" is the operative word.
 
2014-02-13 12:27:45 PM  

Mugato: Egoy3k: I hate them, I think they look terrible. Here's the thing though, unless you are going to die in the next 10 years get ready to see that sort of stuff attached to more and more people who are gainfully employed

I dunno, I have to disagree. If you're some kind of genius like Abby in NCIS, maybe but if you work with customers, many who may be older, I don't think so. And if you wear something like that, you're just trying to shock people and show them how "metal" you are and that's a turn off to any employer, I think.

But maybe people thought that way about guys with earrings 30 years ago so I could be wrong.

That doesn't change the fact that it's totally douchebaggery. If that's even a word. It should be.



A perfectly cromulent word.
 
2014-02-13 12:28:53 PM  

Wizard Drongo: Sad that people are so shallow and judgemental as to judge someone's ability to carry out a job based purely on their physical appearance...


static3.wikia.nocookie.net

/Second time I've gotten to use that today.
 
2014-02-13 12:34:34 PM  
Agnes Gonxha's Confidant:
Not sure about that. He looks pretty pervy still
[trevostudio.com image 400x300]


You win...

giveupinternet.com
 
2014-02-13 12:35:48 PM  

browntimmy: Three Crooked Squirrels: I know that some of you that are cooler than me may disagree , but I think those giant plug things in the ears are disgusting. I can't help it, and I admit to judging the person on first sight as a loser.

When I think of cool, I think of Clint Eastwood characters. If I see somebody doing something a Clint Eastwood character wouldn't do, they're not cool. But then again, using this system no one is cool, not even Clint Eastwood.


I'm not so sure about his character in Heartbreak Ridge. That dude ripped an earring out of an earlobe. He should've been brought up on assault charges for that.
 
2014-02-13 12:37:17 PM  

Cold_Sassy: Wizard Drongo: Sad that people are so shallow and judgemental as to judge someone's ability to carry out a job based purely on their physical appearance...

Yeah, sure.  You go ahead and hire one.  I won't be.


These types of statements aren't usually made by people who actually make hiring decisions.

/Except maybe at tattoo parlors
//or Hot Topic
 
2014-02-13 12:51:19 PM  

steve42: Wizard Drongo: Sad that people are so shallow and judgemental as to judge someone's ability to carry out a job based purely on their physical appearance...

[static3.wikia.nocookie.net image 400x365]

/Second time I've gotten to use that today.


img.fark.net
 
2014-02-13 01:04:50 PM  

whosits_112: Mugato: Egoy3k: I hate them, I think they look terrible. Here's the thing though, unless you are going to die in the next 10 years get ready to see that sort of stuff attached to more and more people who are gainfully employed

I dunno, I have to disagree. If you're some kind of genius like Abby in NCIS, maybe but if you work with customers, many who may be older, I don't think so. And if you wear something like that, you're just trying to shock people and show them how "metal" you are and that's a turn off to any employer, I think.

But maybe people thought that way about guys with earrings 30 years ago so I could be wrong.

That doesn't change the fact that it's totally douchebaggery. If that's even a word. It should be.


A perfectly cromulent word.


img.fark.netimg.fark.net

/seriously, if this is your gauge of what's okay and what's not, go with the guy who failed his will-save. if he's not drooling over the paladin, he will treat her right, and possibly get his lobes stretched just so she can easily hook up the cuffs ...

or so i've heard.

NTTNZOMGWTFBBQEWWT

ah, fark it, it's close enough...  here we go, v-day rant on.

is it permanent, and have you already considered it?

are you comfortable showing it to your oldest female relative?

will your dad buy you a beer if he sees it

will HIS dad?

will his MOM?

ok, basics are out of the way, if those were all yesses, free and clear if you're willing to sign and sit for it.

NOW  we have details.

are you modifying a part of your anatomy that is covered by your standard work apparel?

is it something that will still be covered should you seek other employment?

still on the yes page?  you're safely "not a freak"  also, if you're well-established in your employment and can make reasonable arrangements for concealing something new when it heals, this is NOT the time to test the "better to ask forgiveness than permission"  strategy.

will it get deformed by age/gravity/etc?
yes? re-evaluate what it is and why you want it THERE
no? good, we're still on the "follow that yellow brick road down my spine and around my thighs before kissin' oz" track of knowin' what you want and gettin' it good...

at this point if there are ANY personal reasons for a mod you want to do, and you are not only okay with showing your grandmother, but your grandDAUGHTER as well, fark 'em all that's meaning nobody can argue with.

oh yeah, i forgot one question before i started all this.  scared of needles?

ok. now find someone GOOD. best bet will always be someone who has what you want...

i will stop now before i start making rude comments about bejazzling, and rounding up a rhinestone ham-wallet when there's a perfectly rideable stallion across the way.

*kiss, dahling!*
 
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