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(io9)   Ten things most Farkers don't know about love and sex   (io9.com) divider line 62
    More: Interesting, sample size, University of New Mexico, Journal of Sexual Medicine  
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11666 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Feb 2014 at 3:16 AM (30 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



62 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-02-13 12:11:58 AM
Only ten?  Actually, I have seen many of these things before.
 
2014-02-13 12:26:03 AM
May be the best link ever in Fark. I mean, for the other chaps. I already knew all that stuff...
 
2014-02-13 12:26:29 AM
""We had this patient who suffered penile fracture after running across the room and trying to penetrate his wife with a flying leap," he says. "

So funny, yet so painful.
 
2014-02-13 01:04:03 AM
Look, ladies. You can fark a fat slob for 7 minutes or you can fark me and my chiseled abs for 1.8.

The choice is yours.
 
2014-02-13 01:29:21 AM
Masturbation starts in utero

It's your *MOM* dude!
 
2014-02-13 03:20:59 AM
pretty much knew all of these
none of this is recent news ...
 
2014-02-13 03:21:51 AM
only 10?

I assume this is part 1 of 1,000
 
2014-02-13 03:22:19 AM
So that's what a clitoris looks like.
 
2014-02-13 03:27:01 AM
take your pick of who uses it, but after the tim curry thread, all i can think is the clue running joke of "wait, there's one thing i don't understand..."  "ONE thing?"

25.media.tumblr.com
 
2014-02-13 03:30:32 AM
This isn't a....you know what, fark it.  This IS a bookmark.
 
2014-02-13 03:53:20 AM
In other news, I can't wait to get my new prescription glasses, seeing as I read that as, "love anal sex." The ex loved it too.
 
2014-02-13 03:58:12 AM
Everything.
 
2014-02-13 04:11:04 AM
11: it's not cheating if it's YOUR dog.
 
2014-02-13 04:18:27 AM
11. Not all women want to wear the Princess Leia slave outfit

/but we know those who do are keepers
 
2014-02-13 04:20:21 AM
The two don't always have to be related?
 
2014-02-13 05:03:23 AM
6. Fat men last longer in bed

Probably because we have to find our dicks first.
 
2014-02-13 05:08:54 AM
11. She hates making small talk while she's running your credit card as much as you do
 
2014-02-13 05:30:53 AM
Conspicuously absent from the list:

Love and sex have absolutely nothing to do with one another,
 
2014-02-13 05:47:38 AM
In fact, men with a higher body mass index (BMI) were able to make love for an average of 7.3 minutes, while slimmer test subjects averaged 1.8 minutes.

So maybe if I gain even more weight women will subconsciously pick up on the increased durability of my erection and overlook my scary gap-toothed smile? Hmm. Would it also help if I pointed out that studies have shown that Viagra works for women too and I have plenty for both of us? And that I've had a vasectomy and can prove I don't have HIV, syphilis, hepatitis or TB? And that I'm capable of shameless begging or throwing you on the bed, or both at once if need be? (Begging by itself is preferable though: my ego is impermeable but my back's seen better days.) EIP!


/ "Hey Rocky, watch me pull a Farkette outta the Internet!"
 
2014-02-13 06:21:15 AM

The One True TheDavid: In fact, men with a higher body mass index (BMI) were able to make love for an average of 7.3 minutes, while slimmer test subjects averaged 1.8 minutes.

So maybe if I gain even more weight women will subconsciously pick up on the increased durability of my erection and overlook my scary gap-toothed smile? Hmm. Would it also help if I pointed out that studies have shown that Viagra works for women too and I have plenty for both of us? And that I've had a vasectomy and can prove I don't have HIV, syphilis, hepatitis or TB? And that I'm capable of shameless begging or throwing you on the bed, or both at once if need be? (Begging by itself is preferable though: my ego is impermeable but my back's seen better days.) EIP!


Try making more money and actively showing it off - that's the plumage women fall for, not your wang-stamina.
 
2014-02-13 06:37:54 AM
Who takes a running leap and attempts to stick the landing like the guy with the penile fracture?   Am I missing something?  Either that hole is cavernous or his pole vault is mighty thin.

Or the mechanics of heterosexual sex have changed since I got married and I'm not up on the latest trends.
 
2014-02-13 06:55:49 AM
The wizard hat and wardrobe do nothing for the ladies...
 
2014-02-13 06:56:11 AM
Dibs on Corpora Cavernosa for new band name. Cavernosa. Think about that for a second.
 
2014-02-13 07:01:25 AM
Okay, the flying dick break was hilarious. Almost woke the bf by laughing too hard. Aw man, the mental image...
 
2014-02-13 07:10:56 AM

Public Savant: Try making more money and actively showing it off - that's the plumage women fall for, not your wang-stamina.


The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead!

/Wait, what?
 
2014-02-13 07:14:46 AM
Some of my oldies:
"love is two-thirds imagination"
"How can I best describe love in a physical term...stomach ache"

For the former one, I got told "that's deep" and "that's cynical".

I usually added to it "you don't fall out of love, you just stop imagining"


/perhaps a deep cynic
//if you knew me back then, you'd recognize these phrases
///suckerfish slashies
 
2014-02-13 07:28:30 AM
12. She has a face?
 
2014-02-13 07:43:51 AM
I have a female friend who over-communicates to me.    So I happen to know she is a huge fan of buttsex.    That article linked to this one  http://io9.com/5876335/until-2009-the-human-clitoris-was-an-absolute- m ystery which shows the 3d structure of the clit.   Note how much it extends internally to the posterior.... so that might explain why she likes it.
 
2014-02-13 07:46:35 AM
11.   Anything but thrice-yearly missionary is gross.
 
2014-02-13 07:48:50 AM
img.gawkerassets.com

WTF is Sir Tumnus doing getting busy w/ the chick from Scott Pilgrim?
 
2014-02-13 07:52:48 AM

digitalrain: [img.gawkerassets.com image 640x396]

WTF is Sir Tumnus doing getting busy w/ the chick from Scott Pilgrim?


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saga_comics
 
2014-02-13 07:54:00 AM

Cheese eating surrender monkey: digitalrain: [img.gawkerassets.com image 640x396]

WTF is Sir Tumnus doing getting busy w/ the chick from Scott Pilgrim?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saga_comics


Thanks for the link :) I still say it looks like Sir Tumnus and the Scott Pilgrim chick, though.
 
2014-02-13 07:55:01 AM
Sex is mostly Mind over Matter

If she doesn't mind, it doesn't matter.
 
2014-02-13 07:56:08 AM

digitalrain: Cheese eating surrender monkey: digitalrain: [img.gawkerassets.com image 640x396]

WTF is Sir Tumnus doing getting busy w/ the chick from Scott Pilgrim?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saga_comics

Thanks for the link :) I still say it looks like Sir Tumnus and the Scott Pilgrim chick, though.


Well yeah, but if you google "Sir Tumnus and the Scott Pilgrim chick"  you might regret it later.

/DAMN YOU RULE 34!!!
 
2014-02-13 08:10:12 AM

Cheese eating surrender monkey: digitalrain: [img.gawkerassets.com image 640x396]

WTF is Sir Tumnus doing getting busy w/ the chick from Scott Pilgrim?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saga_comics


As soon as I started reading it, the series goes on a break. Damn it.
 
2014-02-13 08:15:23 AM

digitalrain: [img.gawkerassets.com image 640x396]

WTF is Sir Tumnus doing getting busy w/ the chick from Scott Pilgrim?


Well that's just another thing you don't know about sexytimes.

Fat man in a little vag, Fat man in a little vag..
 
2014-02-13 08:18:27 AM
Don't leave me in suspense, subby.  What are the other eight?
 
2014-02-13 08:19:41 AM

Matrix Flavored Wasabi: Cheese eating surrender monkey: digitalrain: [img.gawkerassets.com image 640x396]

WTF is Sir Tumnus doing getting busy w/ the chick from Scott Pilgrim?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saga_comics

As soon as I started reading it, the series goes on a break. Damn it.


They take a break every 6 issues so they can keep up. It's frustrating because I want more but the quality makes the wait worth it.
 
2014-02-13 08:29:04 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: Look, ladies. You can fark a fat slob for 7 minutes or you can fark me and my chiseled abs for 1.8.

The choice is yours.


See, here's the thing: It's not just you that wants to get off.
 
2014-02-13 08:30:45 AM

Anastacya: Okay, the flying dick break was hilarious. Almost woke the bf by laughing too hard. Aw man, the mental image...


This.

/LOLed when I heard it
//Still laughing
///"Here I come honey...*runs*leaps*...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~! AHHHHHHHHHHHH~! My cock is broken~! AHHHHHHHHHH~!"
 
2014-02-13 08:34:11 AM

Rwa2play: Anastacya: Okay, the flying dick break was hilarious. Almost woke the bf by laughing too hard. Aw man, the mental image...

This.

/LOLed when I heard it
//Still laughing
///"Here I come honey...*runs*leaps*...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~! AHHHHHHHHHHHH~! My cock is broken~! AHHHHHHHHHH~!"


Believe it or not I'm walking on air, I never thought I could be so free
farking my wife on a wing and a prayer, who could it be?
 
2014-02-13 08:37:02 AM

namatad: pretty much knew all of these
none of this is recent news ...


I think most of it has been on the main page.  There's too many genetalia jokes on fark to effectively search for these though.

/The clit thing I missed.
 
2014-02-13 08:40:21 AM

Public Savant: The One True TheDavid: In fact, men with a higher body mass index (BMI) were able to make love for an average of 7.3 minutes, while slimmer test subjects averaged 1.8 minutes.

So maybe if I gain even more weight women will subconsciously pick up on the increased durability of my erection and overlook my scary gap-toothed smile? Hmm. Would it also help if I pointed out that studies have shown that Viagra works for women too and I have plenty for both of us? And that I've had a vasectomy and can prove I don't have HIV, syphilis, hepatitis or TB? And that I'm capable of shameless begging or throwing you on the bed, or both at once if need be? (Begging by itself is preferable though: my ego is impermeable but my back's seen better days.) EIP!

Try making more money and actively showing it off - that's the plumage women fall for, not your wang-stamina.


media.247sports.com
 
2014-02-13 08:43:10 AM
4. We will actively avoid temptation

If you want to experience a fun relationship then try dating someone that does the opposite, and by fun I mean hellish.
 
2014-02-13 08:46:44 AM

MayoSlather: 4. We will actively avoid temptation

If you want to experience a fun relationship then try dating someone that does the opposite, and by fun I mean hellish.


You know my ex?
 
2014-02-13 09:01:34 AM

Rwa2play: Anastacya: Okay, the flying dick break was hilarious. Almost woke the bf by laughing too hard. Aw man, the mental image...

This.

/LOLed when I heard it
//Still laughing
///"Here I come honey...*runs*leaps*...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~! AHHHHHHHHHHHH~! My cock is broken~! AHHHHHHHHHH~!"


Oh god, now Im laughing again. BWAHAHAHAHAHA

/so naming my cover band "Flying Dick Break"

*snerk* omg... "Get ready for a pounding, sweet tits....*dives at wife* "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
 
2014-02-13 09:09:01 AM

digitalrain: MayoSlather: 4. We will actively avoid temptation

If you want to experience a fun relationship then try dating someone that does the opposite, and by fun I mean hellish.

You know my ex?


YOU know my ex?
 
2014-02-13 09:58:01 AM
I keep looking for it but can never find it.

/that's not it
 
2014-02-13 09:59:12 AM

Public Savant: Try making more money and actively showing it off - that's the plumage women fall for, not your wang-stamina.


i1168.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-13 10:36:02 AM

Cheese eating surrender monkey: 6. Fat men last longer in bed

Probably because we have to find our dicks first.


Nah - it's because you don't have a better woman to find, so you can take your time. Also, you don't usually move around as much, so less friction = longer staying times.

/And the fit men have to leave to hit the gym. Whatever happened to breakfast, guys?
 
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