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(Daily Mail)   'I am running away because you think I farted when I didn't'   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 36
    More: Amusing, god, matter of fact, baby brother  
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8415 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Feb 2014 at 3:19 AM (28 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



36 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-02-13 12:23:31 AM
I am running away because of pixels.  I can tell.
 
2014-02-13 01:18:25 AM
My kid gets really upset when I blame his mom's farts on him.
 
2014-02-13 03:02:13 AM
I hope the kid that wrote the "denied it, supplied it" note referenced in the headline winds up being the guy that oozes  SBD's in long elevator rides as an adult.  If he's dressed professionally, you know, suit and tie or whatever, all the better, especially if he maybe gives a little squat and grimace while letting it fly.
 
2014-02-13 03:27:44 AM

Solid State Vittles: I hope the kid that wrote the "denied it, supplied it" note referenced in the headline winds up being the guy that oozes  SBD's in long elevator rides as an adult.  If he's dressed professionally, you know, suit and tie or whatever, all the better, especially if he maybe gives a little squat and grimace while letting it fly.


The executives have every right to let you know where you stand with them when they ride in the elevator.  The best way is to look you straight in the eye, wordlessly staring as they lift their leg slightly and let out an audible and very noxious fart.  That is for you.  Appreciate it...love it.  Your bonus has arrived.

Now you know where you stand.  Isn't it courteous of them?
 
2014-02-13 04:27:27 AM
It is pretty easy to tell the difference between something written by a child, or something written by an adult pretending to be a child.
An adult can not write (or draw) like a child without a great amount of practice and talent. 
This stuff was done by adults pretending to be children.
 
2014-02-13 04:34:30 AM

yoyopro: It is pretty easy to tell the difference between something written by a child, or something written by an adult pretending to be a child.
An adult can not write (or draw) like a child without a great amount of practice and talent. 
This stuff was done by adults pretending to be children.


My thoughts exactly.
 
2014-02-13 04:40:55 AM

Solid State Vittles: I hope the kid that wrote the "denied it, supplied it" note referenced in the headline winds up being the guy that oozes  SBD's in long elevator rides as an adult.  If he's dressed professionally, you know, suit and tie or whatever, all the better, especially if he maybe gives a little squat and grimace while letting it fly.


The kid's a girl. If she grows up to be sort of adult you describe, she has the added advantage of being able to wear a dress, which can be strategically deployed for wafting farts in certain directions.
 
2014-02-13 04:50:05 AM
Here I Sit So Broken Hearted
Went To shiat But Only Farted
Yesterday I Took A Chance
Went To Fart And shiat My Pants
 
2014-02-13 05:01:44 AM
I want to buy the yard pooper a beer.
 
2014-02-13 05:19:31 AM

Solid State Vittles: I hope the kid that wrote the "denied it, supplied it" note referenced in the headline winds up being the guy that oozes  SBD's in long elevator rides as an adult.  If he's dressed professionally, you know, suit and tie or whatever, all the better, especially if he maybe gives a little squat and grimace while letting it fly.


I always wondered, what happens if you get stuck in an elevator for hours on end with a bunch of people, and someone really needs to shiat?

After much deliberation, I decided the most adult and mature course of action would be a "two handbag/briefcase system". Everyone puts their recording devices in bag and places it in the middle of the elevator. The persons then shiats in the other bag in one corner, whilst everyone crowds into the furthest corner, facing away.

That much seems common sense but what I can't figure out is; when you are shiatting, what if someone peeks and sees your boner?
 
2014-02-13 05:39:38 AM

yoyopro: It is pretty easy to tell the difference between something written by a child, or something written by an adult pretending to be a child.
An adult can not write (or draw) like a child without a great amount of practice and talent. 
This stuff was done by adults pretending to be children.


Based on the spelling and grammar it could go either way.
 
2014-02-13 05:43:58 AM
Is this kid aiming to be the next Earl of Oxford?
 
2014-02-13 06:21:11 AM

zzrhardy: Solid State Vittles: I hope the kid that wrote the "denied it, supplied it" note referenced in the headline winds up being the guy that oozes  SBD's in long elevator rides as an adult.  If he's dressed professionally, you know, suit and tie or whatever, all the better, especially if he maybe gives a little squat and grimace while letting it fly.

I always wondered, what happens if you get stuck in an elevator for hours on end with a bunch of people, and someone really needs to shiat?

After much deliberation, I decided the most adult and mature course of action would be a "two handbag/briefcase system". Everyone puts their recording devices in bag and places it in the middle of the elevator. The persons then shiats in the other bag in one corner, whilst everyone crowds into the furthest corner, facing away.

That much seems common sense but what I can't figure out is; when you are shiatting, what if someone peeks and sees your boner?


That's a very troubling concept to have running in your head, my advice:  Cut out the back of your underwear and poop through that, if they call you on the boner just say its supes' flight pose.
 
2014-02-13 06:22:45 AM
Stay for the followup: How to right click on images from a thousand identical articles to create your own.
 
2014-02-13 06:54:57 AM
i.dailymail.co.uk

That's a hell of a strange looking pony... And, it appears to have explosive diarrhea...
 
2014-02-13 06:55:40 AM

zzrhardy: Solid State Vittles: I hope the kid that wrote the "denied it, supplied it" note referenced in the headline winds up being the guy that oozes  SBD's in long elevator rides as an adult.  If he's dressed professionally, you know, suit and tie or whatever, all the better, especially if he maybe gives a little squat and grimace while letting it fly.

I always wondered, what happens if you get stuck in an elevator for hours on end with a bunch of people, and someone really needs to shiat?

After much deliberation, I decided the most adult and mature course of action would be a "two handbag/briefcase system". Everyone puts their recording devices in bag and places it in the middle of the elevator. The persons then shiats in the other bag in one corner, whilst everyone crowds into the furthest corner, facing away.

That much seems common sense but what I can't figure out is; when you are shiatting, what if someone peeks and sees your boner?


You have thought about this a lot more than I have and I have pondered it for years.    What if there are no handbags though and it is just a bunch of dudes?  If you are stuck on an elevator for longer than a couple hours SOMEBODY is going to have to drain coolant or hang trout.   Based on my workplace every guy in the office shiats three or four times a day.
 
2014-02-13 07:30:25 AM

steerforth: Solid State Vittles: I hope the kid that wrote the "denied it, supplied it" note referenced in the headline winds up being the guy that oozes  SBD's in long elevator rides as an adult.  If he's dressed professionally, you know, suit and tie or whatever, all the better, especially if he maybe gives a little squat and grimace while letting it fly.

The kid's a girl. If she grows up to be sort of adult you describe, she has the added advantage of being able to wear a dress, which can be strategically deployed for wafting farts in certain directions.


And G-strings, which offer less defense than boxers or briefs.  Good lord, she is going to be a monster, especially after years of being mocked for it every Christmas.  And any other time, when somebody else farts, everyone will blame her because that would be funny.  Over time, her reaction will change from shame to revenge.  And some people still don't believe girls fart, so she'll be the ultimate stealth bomber.
 
2014-02-13 07:34:49 AM

yoyopro: It is pretty easy to tell the difference between something written by a child, or something written by an adult pretending to be a child.
An adult can not write (or draw) like a child without a great amount of practice and talent. 
This stuff was done by adults pretending to be children.


This, This, 1000x this.
 
2014-02-13 07:37:46 AM

zzrhardy: Solid State Vittles: I hope the kid that wrote the "denied it, supplied it" note referenced in the headline winds up being the guy that oozes  SBD's in long elevator rides as an adult.  If he's dressed professionally, you know, suit and tie or whatever, all the better, especially if he maybe gives a little squat and grimace while letting it fly.

I always wondered, what happens if you get stuck in an elevator for hours on end with a bunch of people, and someone really needs to shiat?

After much deliberation, I decided the most adult and mature course of action would be a "two handbag/briefcase system". Everyone puts their recording devices in bag and places it in the middle of the elevator. The persons then shiats in the other bag in one corner, whilst everyone crowds into the furthest corner, facing away.

That much seems common sense but what I can't figure out is; when you are shiatting, what if someone peeks and sees your boner?


It would be wiser to shiat in something thin and flexible, like a plastic bag or a pair of panties.  Then, the package can be molded to fit through the ever so small opening that they managed to pry open and dropped down the shaft.  It would be like a hot dog in a hallway, except it would be a turd in an elevator shaft.
 
2014-02-13 07:46:28 AM

The Googles Do Nothing: zzrhardy: Solid State Vittles: I hope the kid that wrote the "denied it, supplied it" note referenced in the headline winds up being the guy that oozes  SBD's in long elevator rides as an adult.  If he's dressed professionally, you know, suit and tie or whatever, all the better, especially if he maybe gives a little squat and grimace while letting it fly.

I always wondered, what happens if you get stuck in an elevator for hours on end with a bunch of people, and someone really needs to shiat?

After much deliberation, I decided the most adult and mature course of action would be a "two handbag/briefcase system". Everyone puts their recording devices in bag and places it in the middle of the elevator. The persons then shiats in the other bag in one corner, whilst everyone crowds into the furthest corner, facing away.

That much seems common sense but what I can't figure out is; when you are shiatting, what if someone peeks and sees your boner?

You have thought about this a lot more than I have and I have pondered it for years.    What if there are no handbags though and it is just a bunch of dudes?  If you are stuck on an elevator for longer than a couple hours SOMEBODY is going to have to drain coolant or hang trout.   Based on my workplace every guy in the office shiats three or four times a day.


They aren't shiatting. They're spanking the corporate monkey.
 
2014-02-13 07:53:06 AM

Witness99: zzrhardy: Solid State Vittles: I hope the kid that wrote the "denied it, supplied it" note referenced in the headline winds up being the guy that oozes  SBD's in long elevator rides as an adult.  If he's dressed professionally, you know, suit and tie or whatever, all the better, especially if he maybe gives a little squat and grimace while letting it fly.

I always wondered, what happens if you get stuck in an elevator for hours on end with a bunch of people, and someone really needs to shiat?

After much deliberation, I decided the most adult and mature course of action would be a "two handbag/briefcase system". Everyone puts their recording devices in bag and places it in the middle of the elevator. The persons then shiats in the other bag in one corner, whilst everyone crowds into the furthest corner, facing away.

That much seems common sense but what I can't figure out is; when you are shiatting, what if someone peeks and sees your boner?

It would be wiser to shiat in something thin and flexible, like a plastic bag or a pair of panties.  Then, the package can be molded to fit through the ever so small opening that they managed to pry open and dropped down the shaft.  It would be like a hot dog in a hallway, except it would be a turd in an elevator shaft.


I like you :)
 
2014-02-13 07:56:05 AM
ELEVATOR POOP THREAD!!!
 
2014-02-13 08:00:54 AM

Witness99: steerforth: Solid State Vittles: I hope the kid that wrote the "denied it, supplied it" note referenced in the headline winds up being the guy that oozes  SBD's in long elevator rides as an adult.  If he's dressed professionally, you know, suit and tie or whatever, all the better, especially if he maybe gives a little squat and grimace while letting it fly.

The kid's a girl. If she grows up to be sort of adult you describe, she has the added advantage of being able to wear a dress, which can be strategically deployed for wafting farts in certain directions.

And G-strings, which offer less defense than boxers or briefs.  Good lord, she is going to be a monster, especially after years of being mocked for it every Christmas.  And any other time, when somebody else farts, everyone will blame her because that would be funny.  Over time, her reaction will change from shame to revenge.  And some people still don't believe girls fart, so she'll be the ultimate stealth bomber.


Now, as a woman with a deeply held appreciation for and long experience with a good fart, I'm not sure I agree a hundred per cent with your police work there. G-strings are not a good idea  for out of house wear in case of the dreaded sharting, and our girl here needs to think professionally at all times. A carefully altered pair of long johns complete with bum flap, that's the ticket.
 
2014-02-13 08:07:56 AM

zzrhardy: Solid State Vittles: I hope the kid that wrote the "denied it, supplied it" note referenced in the headline winds up being the guy that oozes  SBD's in long elevator rides as an adult.  If he's dressed professionally, you know, suit and tie or whatever, all the better, especially if he maybe gives a little squat and grimace while letting it fly.

I always wondered, what happens if you get stuck in an elevator for hours on end with a bunch of people, and someone really needs to shiat?

After much deliberation, I decided the most adult and mature course of action would be a "two handbag/briefcase system". Everyone puts their recording devices in bag and places it in the middle of the elevator. The persons then shiats in the other bag in one corner, whilst everyone crowds into the furthest corner, facing away.

That much seems common sense but what I can't figure out is; when you are shiatting, what if someone peeks and sees your boner?


Wait a minute.

Why does everyone seem to be glossing over the poop boner comment?

Am I to understand that Zzrhardy gets a boner when pooping?

W. T. F. ???
 
2014-02-13 08:23:03 AM

eyemarten: zzrhardy: Solid State Vittles: I hope the kid that wrote the "denied it, supplied it" note referenced in the headline winds up being the guy that oozes  SBD's in long elevator rides as an adult.  If he's dressed professionally, you know, suit and tie or whatever, all the better, especially if he maybe gives a little squat and grimace while letting it fly.

I always wondered, what happens if you get stuck in an elevator for hours on end with a bunch of people, and someone really needs to shiat?

After much deliberation, I decided the most adult and mature course of action would be a "two handbag/briefcase system". Everyone puts their recording devices in bag and places it in the middle of the elevator. The persons then shiats in the other bag in one corner, whilst everyone crowds into the furthest corner, facing away.

That much seems common sense but what I can't figure out is; when you are shiatting, what if someone peeks and sees your boner?

Wait a minute.

Why does everyone seem to be glossing over the poop boner comment?

Am I to understand that Zzrhardy gets a boner when pooping?

W. T. F. ???


Probably in anticipation of the blumpkin he'll never get.

/ I am so very sad that I even know what this is
 
2014-02-13 08:23:51 AM
CSB

I have two girls. They are currently 9 and 7. They fart at home, and they are not ashamed.
A couple years ago the oldest one asked me what to do if she had to fart at school.
I told her to blame it on a boy sitting next to her.
I got a note at the beginning of this year that she had been written up for bullying because she made fun of a boy who had passed gas in the classroom.
Appearantly he had run out of the classroom crying.
When I asked her what happened, she said she did what I'd told her to do.
She was ok though, because nobody believed him when he said "nuh uh! it was HER!"

/CSB
 
2014-02-13 08:41:07 AM
 Kids sure are dumb.
 
2014-02-13 09:46:22 AM

Alien Robot: yoyopro: It is pretty easy to tell the difference between something written by a child, or something written by an adult pretending to be a child.
An adult can not write (or draw) like a child without a great amount of practice and talent. 
This stuff was done by adults pretending to be children.

This, This, 1000x this.


I dunno, my son just turned six and I've watched him write stuff very much like this. Could be genuine (and from slightly older kids too).
 
2014-02-13 10:25:15 AM
My daughter used to keep a 'diary' when she was just learning to write.   One day for Fathers Day she wrote/drew me a card on a piece of paper from it.
It was a nice card with a nice picture on it.    On the back of the paper was an entry from her diary which read "Daddy and (her brother) are poopy heads!!!" with a sad face.   Must've had a bad day then.   I loved it.  lol.
 
2014-02-13 10:31:02 AM

Sid_the_sadist: CSB

I have two girls. They are currently 9 and 7. They fart at home, and they are not ashamed.
A couple years ago the oldest one asked me what to do if she had to fart at school.
I told her to blame it on a boy sitting next to her.
I got a note at the beginning of this year that she had been written up for bullying because she made fun of a boy who had passed gas in the classroom.
Appearantly he had run out of the classroom crying.
When I asked her what happened, she said she did what I'd told her to do.
She was ok though, because nobody believed him when he said "nuh uh! it was HER!"

/CSB


Proof that girls are meaner bullies than boys, at least when it comes to the mind.

/When the school called me in because one of the monsters was bullying, I laughed my buns off. Told the school I hoped the monster was bullying the children of the bullies who had targeted me when I was new in school. And if not, so what?
//Raising bullies was not my planned revenge, but so be it.
///Slashies, etc.
 
2014-02-13 10:52:07 AM

yoyopro: It is pretty easy to tell the difference between something written by a child, or something written by an adult pretending to be a child.
An adult can not write (or draw) like a child without a great amount of practice and talent. 
This stuff was done by adults pretending to be children.


And this stuff is exactly why we're here on Fark.com.
 
2014-02-13 11:12:12 AM

Sid_the_sadist: CSB

I have two girls. They are currently 9 and 7. They fart at home, and they are not ashamed.
A couple years ago the oldest one asked me what to do if she had to fart at school.
I told her to blame it on a boy sitting next to her.
I got a note at the beginning of this year that she had been written up for bullying because she made fun of a boy who had passed gas in the classroom.
Appearantly he had run out of the classroom crying.
When I asked her what happened, she said she did what I'd told her to do.
She was ok though, because nobody believed him when he said "nuh uh! it was HER!"

/CSB


Haha...!  Excellent!

My wife is furious with me because my 9yr old daughter laughs hysterically at every fart she hears.

"YOU TAUGHT HER THAT!!!"

/farting is funny.  No apologies here.
 
2014-02-13 12:49:30 PM
img.fark.net
 
2014-02-13 02:13:48 PM
Kids are soooo dumb.
 
2014-02-13 08:05:21 PM

eyemarten: zzrhardy: Solid State Vittles: I hope the kid that wrote the "denied it, supplied it" note referenced in the headline winds up being the guy that oozes  SBD's in long elevator rides as an adult.  If he's dressed professionally, you know, suit and tie or whatever, all the better, especially if he maybe gives a little squat and grimace while letting it fly.

I always wondered, what happens if you get stuck in an elevator for hours on end with a bunch of people, and someone really needs to shiat?

After much deliberation, I decided the most adult and mature course of action would be a "two handbag/briefcase system". Everyone puts their recording devices in bag and places it in the middle of the elevator. The persons then shiats in the other bag in one corner, whilst everyone crowds into the furthest corner, facing away.

That much seems common sense but what I can't figure out is; when you are shiatting, what if someone peeks and sees your boner?


Wait a minute.

Why does everyone seem to be glossing over the poop boner comment?

Am I to understand that Zzrhardy gets a boner when pooping?

W. T. F. ???


You mean, you wouldn't have a boner whilst crapping in an elevator that contains trapped people?

Your weird.
 
2014-02-14 01:13:15 AM
OWN IT
 
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