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(Salon)   Nineteen imaginative insults from around the world, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried neat's tongue, you bull's pizzle, you stock-fish. O for breath to utter what is like thee, you tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bowcase; you vile standing-tuck   (salon.com) divider line 137
    More: Amusing, maternal insult, sweating  
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5841 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Feb 2014 at 2:29 PM (44 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



137 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-02-12 01:55:37 PM  
lh4.ggpht.com

"May the bow of a violin enter your anus" is funnier
if you read it in Johnny Carson's voice.
 
2014-02-12 02:00:59 PM  
I'm partial to "son of a milkless whore".
 
2014-02-12 02:30:29 PM  
media1.giphy.com
 
2014-02-12 02:30:46 PM  
More imaginative than calling someone a female dog or homosexual? Pshaw!
 
2014-02-12 02:32:36 PM  
Damn thee black, thou cream-faced loon!
 
2014-02-12 02:33:11 PM  
Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of silly persons!
 
2014-02-12 02:33:44 PM  
I bite my thumb at you, sir.
 
2014-02-12 02:34:59 PM  
just a giant girl's blouse.
 
2014-02-12 02:36:54 PM  
May a diseased cow blow brown bubbles in your bath water - Carson.
 
2014-02-12 02:37:57 PM  
You have all the redeaming qualities of a steaming gorilla turd floating in the punch bowl
 
2014-02-12 02:38:13 PM  
"Crrrrrritic!"

/obscure?
 
2014-02-12 02:39:12 PM  
Thou whoreson, impudent embossed rascal!
 
2014-02-12 02:41:06 PM  
images.starpulse.com
You son of a motherless goat.
 
2014-02-12 02:41:27 PM  
 
2014-02-12 02:41:29 PM  
Dregs of society.

Eat the diarrhea of the goats.

Thou double-backed beast.


/wait...what?!
//unless you are talking about that people of Walmart pic
///shivers
 
2014-02-12 02:41:35 PM  
 
2014-02-12 02:42:40 PM  
...you son of a motherless goat.
images.popmatters.com
 
2014-02-12 02:43:11 PM  
I like these.
 
2014-02-12 02:43:54 PM  

Resident Muslim: Dregs of society.

Eat the diarrhea of the goats.

Thou double-backed beast.


/wait...what?!
//unless you are talking about that people of Walmart pic
///shivers


Making the double backed beast is also euphemism for a far more pleasurable experience, and I'll not see it sullied here as an insult, ye jackwagon.
 
2014-02-12 02:44:02 PM  
Cockmonkey.  I don't know exactly what it means when I say it, but it's very therapeutic
 
2014-02-12 02:44:06 PM  
You loathsome, ill-formed wastrel! May you ruin every fortune you encounter. May every dog bite your hand. May your every boot have a sole as foul as yours.
 
2014-02-12 02:45:23 PM  
"Cotton headed ninny muggins" notably absent.
 
2014-02-12 02:45:30 PM  
They had a chinese one and they didn't go with "fark your ancestors for 18 generations"?
 
2014-02-12 02:45:50 PM  
You fight like a dairy farmer.
 
2014-02-12 02:46:21 PM  
Thou gorbellied half-faced puttock!
 
2014-02-12 02:47:12 PM  
20. Jeg spretta søstra di mens den tilbakestående faren din sto bak og fumlet med ballene mine.
 
2014-02-12 02:47:50 PM  
Shut up you bloody nerf herder
 
2014-02-12 02:48:15 PM  
I think my favorite is "shiat in your hand and slap your self"
 
2014-02-12 02:50:06 PM  
May your yogurt be watery and your corn flakes be soggy.
 
2014-02-12 02:53:32 PM  
Missing from the list: hindi Saalay - brother-in-law (wife's younger brother).

- Implied meaning - I'm farking your sister.
 
2014-02-12 02:53:32 PM  
http://autoinsult.com/webinsult.php?style=2

Your mother was a fornicating cut-throat who used to pick her nose up the Eiffel Tower

May an imaginary number of humourless boy-band members self-destruct in your dustbin

Thou pribbling guts-griping malt

You malignant deposit of brain-dead Mersey trout
 
2014-02-12 02:53:34 PM  
my Polish mom has a saying that literally translates into..."I will rip the legs from your ass."
 
2014-02-12 02:54:56 PM  
content9.flixster.com

alternatively:

media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com
 
2014-02-12 02:55:20 PM  
"Spartan Dog!  Saracen Pig!"

/ Too obscure?
 
2014-02-12 02:55:53 PM  
Suddenly I miss GuybrushThreepwood
 
2014-02-12 02:57:38 PM  
"If I had a fark to give, I certainly wouldn't waste it on you"
 
2014-02-12 03:00:23 PM  

Pants full of macaroni!!: "Crrrrrritic!"

/obscure?


Not when Ian McKellen & Patrick Stewart are performing it.

zimbomba63: "Spartan Dog!  Saracen Pig!"

/ Too obscure?


Not when Woody Allen has been in the news so much recently.

/Thou shag-eared villain!
 
2014-02-12 03:00:43 PM  
... "May the cat eat you, and may the devil then eat the cat."

I know an old woman who swallowed a fly, but I don't know why she swallowed that fly ...
 
KIA
2014-02-12 03:01:14 PM  
Genealogical aspersion, allegation of lack of personal hygiene, accusation of sexual misadventure or malfeasance, attribution to substandard intelligence and / or lack of comprehension or capacity, resulting sexual disease or injury, generalized offensive gesture and ... we're done here.
 
2014-02-12 03:03:05 PM  

iron de havilland: You fight like a dairy farmer.


Don't know why, but I LOL'd on the floor.
 
2014-02-12 03:03:53 PM  

iron de havilland: You fight like a dairy farmer.


That's funny, you fight like a cow.
 
2014-02-12 03:04:13 PM  
Fae Scotland, ya bams: She's so hakkit, she's goat a coupon like a dug that's just licked some piss aff some nettles.
 
2014-02-12 03:04:14 PM  

johnny_vegas: [content9.flixster.com image 360x270]

alternatively:

[media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com image 250x250]


I came in for an argument, but I see I've been beaten.
 
2014-02-12 03:04:25 PM  
"The flesh of your mother sticks between my teeth".

...taunts used by Easter Islanders when they resorted to cannibalism and warfare after the food ran out.

("Collapse" by Jared Diamond, page 109)
 
2014-02-12 03:04:42 PM  
My Balkan grandfather, "I fark your god."
 
2014-02-12 03:07:32 PM  
I used to know how to say "Go fark your mother" in Arabic, but I used it sparingly as it provokes a somewhat visceral reaction amongst Arabic speakers.
 
2014-02-12 03:08:20 PM  
My new FARK handle - Rodriguez the Mexican Pervert

RODRIGUEZ THE MEXICAN PERVERT

Chorus:
Ay, yai, yai yai
Rodriguez the Mexican pervert
My sister Melinda, she pissed out the winda and ruined my brand new sombreo

Chorus (optional, or just do the Rodriguez one):
Ay, yai, yai yai
Single-line insults:
Your mother swims out to meet troop ships
Your mother does pushups on flagpoles
They do it in China for chile
They do it in Chile for china
Your mother thinks bedpans are soup bowls
Your sister gives hand jobs on subways
Your father gets cum in his mustache
You brother beats off in confession
Your father smells little girl's bicycle seats
Your sister does squat-thrusts on fireplugs
Your mother and father were brothers
Your sister's in love with a carrot
Your mother swims out after troopships (and catches them!)
The troopships requested your father
Your sister licks batshiat off cave walls
Your mother does squat thrusts on fire hydrants
Your brother beats off with a crowbar
Your sister douches with Drano
Your father re-fills creme doughnuts
Your brother eats the creme doughnuts
Your mother deflowered Speed Racer
Your sister licks moose cum off pine cones
Your brother likes sheep more than women
Your mother likes gangbangs from scout troops
Your father sucks farts from dead chickens
Your sister goes down for a quarter
Your mother makes tampons from gerbils
Your sister can suck-start a Harley
Your sister leaves slime trails like snails
I'm the reasons my parents stopped having children
(or any other distasteful verse you can think of)
So let's have another verse
That's worse than the other verse,
And waltz me around by my willy.

I cannot remember who recorded this, but the first time I heard it I busted a gut laughing.  Feel free to help find.  It's a classic.
 
2014-02-12 03:13:24 PM  

Mell of a Hess: Your mother deflowered Speed Racer


That Nerf Herder!
 
2014-02-12 03:13:30 PM  

asquian: iron de havilland: You fight like a dairy farmer.

That's funny, you fight like a cow.


I got this scar on my face during a mighty struggle!
 
2014-02-12 03:14:51 PM  
Wow, a reason to post this that isn't in the direct context of something they've actually done

mendacious, death-loving, frothing, lamprey-mouthed, inhuman, abominable, atrocious, verminous, rapacious, sadistic, bullying, invasive, grasping, psychopathic, twisted, warped, animalistic, belly-crawling, mouth-breathing, illiterate, innumerate, know-nothing, imbecilic, sheep-raping, horror movie extras masturbating into wads of money while fantasizing about war collateral damage...(inhale)...puppy-torturing, vacuous, mindless, nihilistic, evil, diseased, soulless, morally bankrupt, greedy, insecure, envious, kleptomaniac charnel-house mascots stewing in universal hatred for all life...(inhale)...toxic, ugly, bestial, humorless, loveless, compassionless, demonic human-shaped ruins forever slouching toward Bethlehem in search of some fresh nightmare to wreak on the defenseless via other people's money and heroism...(inhale)...Satanic monkey-shiat-throwing, cowardly, chickenhawkish, parasitic, baby's-candy-stealing, wife-beating, minority-purging, syphilitic Confederate poltergeists with erectile dysfunction...

...perverse, prurient, crocodile-eyed, necrophiliac mass-producers of human misery and gleeful destroyers of truth, justice, and the American way...sepulchre-hearted human deserts walking the Earth only to look for more victims...silly, stupid, ignorant bastards proud of every good thing they've never done, every person they've never been considerate toward, every fact they've never learned and will never acknowledge, and every virtue they will never possess or even attempt to comprehend...preternaturally drunken, bleary-eyed, zombie-like, empty vessels who wander aimlessly until given instruction by their masters...unthinking, unquestioning, unfeeling diabolus ex machina mockeries of the human condition, perpetually acting out a burlesque of the basest and least interesting psychological dysfunctions...
...face-chewing, self-devouring, medieval barbarian museum dioramas and depraved Nazi homunculi preserved in formaldehyde to frighten children...sick, ominous, loathsome,  Nosferatu-impersonating Gollum-acolytes feasting on the flesh of our society while complaining about its taste...tax-evading, sommelier-abusing, election-buying, yacht-aficionado hemmorhoids flying flags of convenience and berating their six-year-old Chinese employees for requesting bathroom breaks...
 
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