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(Some carbonated Lewinsky Goo)   '90s nostalgia is now a 'thing': Crystal Pepsi returning to store shelves   (wallstreetsentinel.com) divider line 118
    More: Amusing, Crystal Pepsi, shelfs  
•       •       •

8161 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Feb 2014 at 5:54 AM (45 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-02-11 08:59:37 PM  
"Most of our customers have literally had their synapses fried by an over-abundance of selection in the soda aisle," Draper continued. "We feel like Crystal Pepsi can attract both nostalgic hipsters who will drink it ironically and the genuinely confused. It's a winning combination for us."

Hmm...let me just click the "About" link...

Q. Are your news stories 100% accurate?
A.
 Yes, because they are 100% satirical.


Subby's fail wears a hypercolor shirt.
 
2014-02-11 09:22:01 PM  
xenophon10k:

Subby's fail wears a hypercolor shirt.

You say that as if it is a bad thing.

At least the article didn't go full retard and go with Miller Clear

/shudders
//shudders again
///3 slashies
 
2014-02-11 11:45:42 PM  
I was wondering if they were going to do this when all those stories came out last month about how the caramel coloring causes cancer.
 
2014-02-11 11:56:54 PM  
Uh... satire tag snowed in?
 
2014-02-12 12:10:08 AM  
The product uses the same formulation as classic Pepsi, but in the final step a few drops of a special, commercial-grade bleach are added to remove all coloring. The clear soda will be available in lesser grocery stores and select convenience stores, primarily concentrated in low-income markets and the south.

An insidious plot to wipe out the bottom feeders? Thanks Obama
 
2014-02-12 12:11:57 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Uh... satire tag snowed in?


We haven't had the Satire Tag here since about, uh, '83, when I was the only one who used it. And I stopped because I was tired of being stared at.

/Lewinsky goo?
 
2014-02-12 12:13:46 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Uh... satire tag snowed in?


Guess I should have clicked the link.
 
2014-02-12 12:27:26 AM  
Well, if 90s nostalgia isn't a thing, it ought to be. The 90s were pretty good for the most part.
Also...
img.fark.net
Therefore your argument is invalid. :p

/yeah, I know, that started in '89, but it spread in the 90s
 
2014-02-12 12:44:44 AM  
I loved Crystal Pepsi. At least I think I did. I was pretty crystalled at the time.
 
2014-02-12 12:52:26 AM  

fusillade762: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Uh... satire tag snowed in?

We haven't had the Satire Tag here since about, uh, '83, when I was the only one who used it. And I stopped because I was tired of being stared at.

/Lewinsky goo?


I will swear I saw it in the recent past

/sure doesn't seem to be there now, though
//I could have been hallucinating
///but if that was the LSD flashbacks I was promised, I am sorely disappointed
 
2014-02-12 02:01:47 AM  
Sniffers Row:

At least the article didn't go full retard and go with Miller Clear

Wouldn't that be moonshine?

/Just good ole' boys
//Never meanin no harm
 
2014-02-12 05:59:40 AM  
Weird little bit of trivia, I was in some of the initial focus groups for what later turned out to be Crystal Pepsi.  I liked it, especially when they tweaked the formula and added more citrus.
 
2014-02-12 06:05:07 AM  
l1.yimg.com
I remember Crystal Pepsi tasting great
 
2014-02-12 06:06:09 AM  
But what about Crystal Gravy?

thumbnails.hulu.com

/some things were not meant to be clear
 
2014-02-12 06:06:48 AM  
jinx
 
2014-02-12 06:10:03 AM  

LazerFish: jinx


You totally saw through that one.
 
2014-02-12 06:17:05 AM  

DanZero: An insidious plot to wipe out the bottom feeders? Thanks Obama


buzzcanuck.typepad.com

Your government working for you. You can make a difference.
 
2014-02-12 06:21:06 AM  
About time! I loved that as a kid.
 
2014-02-12 06:21:37 AM  
Wondering if people realize that "The Wall Street Sentinel" which is owned entirely by "LiveSnark Media" is a satire site not unlike The Onion.

/Their FAQ is quite succinct but brilliant.
 
2014-02-12 06:27:10 AM  
This had me going up until the part with the bleach, and that second-last line. I was thinking "This really sounds like an Onion article..."

However, now this means no Crystal Pepsi =(
 
2014-02-12 06:30:40 AM  

Emperorsteele: This had me going up until the part with the bleach, and that second-last line. I was thinking "This really sounds like an Onion article..."

However, now this means no Crystal Pepsi =(


Just add some bleach to reg. Pepsi and there you go.
 
2014-02-12 06:30:42 AM  
"Now"? Have you SEEN BuzzFeed?

Also, Dr. Pepper has nothing to do with Pepsi. Don't journalists even do Google searches anymore?
 
2014-02-12 06:30:53 AM  
You can go fark yourself, Subby. You're a lying liar, and we all hope you sprain your taint for getting our hopes up.
 
2014-02-12 06:32:49 AM  

NobleHam: "Now"? Have you SEEN BuzzFeed?

Also, Dr. Pepper has nothing to do with Pepsi. Don't journalists even do Google searches anymore?


Also, yes, satire. My bad. Just take out the last sentence, although I still don't think that particular mistake was satire as opposed to ignorance.
 
2014-02-12 06:34:23 AM  

NobleHam: "Now"? Have you SEEN BuzzFeed?

Also, Dr. Pepper has nothing to do with Pepsi. Don't journalists even do Google searches anymore?


Actually, Coke and Pepsi both bottle Dr Pepper products, since Dr Pepper doesn't own it's own bottling works, and in some markets Coke and Pepsi still distribute the Dr Pepper stuff.
 
2014-02-12 06:39:30 AM  
I liked Crystal Pepsi when I was 12-13 years old. Somehow, I don't think I'd like it as much now.
 
2014-02-12 06:40:44 AM  
NOOOO....i needed this to be real.

goddammit
 
2014-02-12 06:52:24 AM  
Bring back New Coke!
 
2014-02-12 06:53:00 AM  
The Heinz green ketchup was nasty.
 
2014-02-12 06:54:12 AM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-02-12 06:55:29 AM  

HotIgneous Intruder: The Heinz green ketchup was nasty.


Did you try adding a few drops of bleach to it?
 
2014-02-12 06:57:01 AM  
1. Go to youtube

2. Search for 'LA beast crystal Pepsi'

3. Laugh
 
2014-02-12 06:58:42 AM  

Sniffers Row: At least the article didn't go full retard and go with Miller Clear


*googles*

WOW.  That really was a thing? I was in college in the early 90s so I'm not sure if I missed that or it just never got to my neck of the woods.

the8re: Bring back New Coke!


They did. You're drinking it. You just don't realize it.
 
2014-02-12 06:59:42 AM  

FirstNationalBastard: NobleHam: "Now"? Have you SEEN BuzzFeed?

Also, Dr. Pepper has nothing to do with Pepsi. Don't journalists even do Google searches anymore?

Actually, Coke and Pepsi both bottle Dr Pepper products, since Dr Pepper doesn't own it's own bottling works, and in some markets Coke and Pepsi still distribute the Dr Pepper stuff.


Yeah. Bottle. Which is basically just wage labor, there's no stake in the profits or creative control there. So saying Dr. Pepper is a Pepsi product is very different thing, though I guess not "nothing," so kudos on a technicality.. And "Dr. Pepper," even outside the U.S., is only distributed by Snapple although many of its other brands are distributed by either Coke or Pepsi.
 
2014-02-12 07:03:31 AM  

WinoRhino: They did. You're drinking it. You just don't realize it.


No. I assume you're talking about the switch to corn syrup, but just no. Even if you buy that conspiracy theory, what you're drinking now is bastardized old coke, not New Coke.
 
2014-02-12 07:04:13 AM  

WinoRhino: Sniffers Row: At least the article didn't go full retard and go with Miller Clear

*googles*

WOW.  That really was a thing? I was in college in the early 90s so I'm not sure if I missed that or it just never got to my neck of the woods.

the8re: Bring back New Coke!

They did. You're drinking it. You just don't realize it.


Actually, it never went away. Diet Coke is and always has been the New Coke formula with artificial sweetener. New Coke only came about because Diet was so popular.
 
2014-02-12 07:04:28 AM  
They make it clear with food grade bleach?

Um, no.

They just don't add caramel color and a few other flavor components. The majority of the flavor ingredients are already clear, the caramel color is added because cola is supposed to be brown. Coke would be an ugly greenish color without the caramel coloring.

That is commercial grade stupid reporting.

(Phone corrected coke to come in that last sentence... so glad I hit the preview button!)
 
2014-02-12 07:07:52 AM  

NobleHam: FirstNationalBastard: NobleHam: "Now"? Have you SEEN BuzzFeed?

Also, Dr. Pepper has nothing to do with Pepsi. Don't journalists even do Google searches anymore?

Actually, Coke and Pepsi both bottle Dr Pepper products, since Dr Pepper doesn't own it's own bottling works, and in some markets Coke and Pepsi still distribute the Dr Pepper stuff.

Yeah. Bottle. Which is basically just wage labor, there's no stake in the profits or creative control there. So saying Dr. Pepper is a Pepsi product is very different thing, though I guess not "nothing," so kudos on a technicality.. And "Dr. Pepper," even outside the U.S., is only distributed by Snapple although many of its other brands are distributed by either Coke or Pepsi.


Well, technically correct is the best kind of correct.

But I can see how someone who didn't do the 2 second wiki check would think Dr Pepper products were Pepsi, since they were in the same bottles as Pepsi products until Pepsi's recent redesign.

/at least, they were in my area.
 
2014-02-12 07:11:40 AM  
Damn satirical assholes toying with my nostalgia.  Back in high school some of the guys would drive over the hill and have their rum and cokes during their free time (FSM bless open-campus and the mod system).  Not me, though...I'd mix schnapps in with my bottle of Crystal Pepsi and drink it right in class.

/Band practice blitzed was fun.
 
2014-02-12 07:13:38 AM  
Apparently the satire tag is out hunting for some New Coke.
 
2014-02-12 07:14:07 AM  
They probably could bring it back and advertise it's purity, unlike that filthy Coca-Cola that allows foreigners to sign America, the Beautiful in their native languages.
 
2014-02-12 07:15:04 AM  
If only Pepsi would make a Diet Mountain Dew that didn't have the nasty aftertaste.
 
2014-02-12 07:18:05 AM  
I want some right now!
 
2014-02-12 07:18:44 AM  
I'll admit I was fooled until I got to the ridiculous part about bleach.
 
2014-02-12 07:20:52 AM  
www.i-mockery.com

Screw Crystal Pepsi. Bring back Orbitz!

/flat cola with gelatin bits suspended in it
//surprisingly tasty
 
2014-02-12 07:24:20 AM  

FirstNationalBastard: Well, technically correct is the best kind of correct.


Damn you for referencing my favorite line from anything. Now I must submit.
 
2014-02-12 07:25:43 AM  
Never had it and I was a child of the 90's. Did it taste like sprite?
 
2014-02-12 07:26:01 AM  
At least with the bleach my teeth will be nice and white.
 
2014-02-12 07:28:19 AM  
I was too young to try it when it came out. I wonder if it will taste any good or any different from regular Pepsi. Sounds like the alst time it was out it did not.
 
2014-02-12 07:28:28 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: fusillade762: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Uh... satire tag snowed in?

We haven't had the Satire Tag here since about, uh, '83, when I was the only one who used it. And I stopped because I was tired of being stared at.

/Lewinsky goo?

I will swear I saw it in the recent past

/sure doesn't seem to be there now, though
//I could have been hallucinating
///but if that was the LSD flashbacks I was promised, I am sorely disappointed


That's ok, I expected the satire tag too...  Guess I'm stick in the 90's with Crystal Pepsi...
 
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