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(Fark)   Share your boneheaded learning experiences. Mine: Putting out a fireplace with a fire extinguisher is NOT a grand idea. The moar you know. Let us all learn from your idiotic mistakes   (fark.com) divider line 688
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4210 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Feb 2014 at 10:15 PM (23 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



688 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2014-02-11 07:42:10 PM
do not use a gerber mkII to pry off one of those plastic security caps on a tequila bottle ... just take the f*cker back to the market

also, never reach under your desk to unplug a very old appliance until AFTER you check the plug for breaks:

i159.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-11 07:42:38 PM
If the igniter doesn't light the gas grill, shut it off for a few minutes before you use the barbeque lighter. Also learned that partially singed eyelashes and eyebrows go back to normal in a couple of weeks. Close to twenty years now and I've not made that mistake again.
 
2014-02-11 07:43:27 PM
Cheap particle board furniture is not a good material to use for heating your home.
 
2014-02-11 07:46:07 PM
Don't throw a sword (wakizashi-type) in the air when it's directly in the sun...you can't see it and it may find you first.

(Ow)
 
2014-02-11 07:46:53 PM
No matter how cool it looked on TV or in the movies, cars are not designed to go airborne. The seatbelts will not keep you from whiplash or kissing the steering wheel when you land.
 
2014-02-11 07:46:54 PM
Having sex with TFettes.
 
2014-02-11 07:47:05 PM
I trusted whitey.
 
2014-02-11 07:47:14 PM
It doesn't matter WHAT kind of party it is, do not stick your dick in the mashed potatoes.
 
2014-02-11 07:47:30 PM
Dry your fish before you fry them.
 
2014-02-11 07:48:01 PM
F*cking wonderful
 
2014-02-11 07:48:03 PM
Hmmm. As shocking as it is to me, I don't make many mistakes. I made a mistake a while back, two years or so ago, which resulted in someone putting diesel gas in my unleaded-type of car.

I was giving him a ride to his grandfather's house, and we barely made it even though he 'filled me up' about 2 minutes from his house. And then he left me alone with his creepy uncle who was asking me what my bra size was and if i like to party.

Idiot friends are no longer tolerated.
 
2014-02-11 07:48:28 PM
Whenever possible, put people on hold.
 
2014-02-11 07:48:35 PM
yay I love TFD greens
 
2014-02-11 07:48:52 PM

Blushing Wall Flower: And then he left me alone with his creepy uncle who was asking me what my bra size was and if i like to party.


Well, do you?
 
2014-02-11 07:48:53 PM
Always lock your bedroom door when getting busy with your spouse.... you can never assume that your child is actually 'sound asleep'
 
2014-02-11 07:49:02 PM

Blushing Wall Flower: Hmmm. As shocking as it is to me, I don't make many mistakes. I made a mistake a while back, two years or so ago, which resulted in someone putting diesel gas in my unleaded-type of car.

I was giving him a ride to his grandfather's house, and we barely made it even though he 'filled me up' about 2 minutes from his house. And then he left me alone with his creepy uncle who was asking me what my bra size was and if i like to party.

Idiot friends are no longer tolerated.


I feel like this story needs to be fleshed out a little more.
 
2014-02-11 07:49:07 PM
You sound like the same worthless idiot who didn't know how to wash dishes without a dishwasher.
I implore you to never reproduce.
 
2014-02-11 07:49:54 PM
Any dog, no matter what size or temperament, has a radar for testicles.
 
2014-02-11 07:50:17 PM

generalDisdain: You sound like the same worthless idiot who didn't know how to wash dishes without a dishwasher.


On that note, never use liquid hand soap in a dishwasher.
 
2014-02-11 07:50:29 PM

generalDisdain: You sound like the same worthless idiot who didn't know how to wash dishes without a dishwasher.
I implore you to never reproduce.


Never make a mistake near gD
 
2014-02-11 07:50:36 PM

Blushing Wall Flower: Hmmm. As shocking as it is to me, I don't make many mistakes. I made a mistake a while back, two years or so ago, which resulted in someone putting diesel gas in my unleaded-type of car.

I was giving him a ride to his grandfather's house, and we barely made it even though he 'filled me up' about 2 minutes from his house. And then he left me alone with his creepy uncle who was asking me what my bra size was and if i like to party.

Idiot friends are no longer tolerated.


Well do you like to party?
 
2014-02-11 07:50:43 PM
She's not going to buy that you stuck it in the wrong hole by accident, nor that you mistook her screams of pain and cursing at you to mean she was really enjoying herself and you should continue.
 
2014-02-11 07:51:29 PM
Never accept drugs from a jewish rapper in a puffy vest whose name is "Tony G"
 
2014-02-11 07:51:57 PM

a particular individual: generalDisdain: You sound like the same worthless idiot who didn't know how to wash dishes without a dishwasher.

On that note, never use liquid hand soap in a dishwasher.


And a bar of Ivory is Right Out!
 
2014-02-11 07:52:03 PM
Do not put the fire extinguisher above or even near the stove.
 
2014-02-11 07:52:27 PM
Nope. My stupid behavior is not the type that teaches people lessons.

It causes pain. Nothing more.
 
2014-02-11 07:53:30 PM
That just because watching your younger brother tie a whip around his ankles and getting his feet pulled out from under him looks cool doesn't mean that you should do the same thing.

Ouch
 
2014-02-11 07:53:38 PM

Shame Us: Blushing Wall Flower: Hmmm. As shocking as it is to me, I don't make many mistakes. I made a mistake a while back, two years or so ago, which resulted in someone putting diesel gas in my unleaded-type of car.

I was giving him a ride to his grandfather's house, and we barely made it even though he 'filled me up' about 2 minutes from his house. And then he left me alone with his creepy uncle who was asking me what my bra size was and if i like to party.

Idiot friends are no longer tolerated.

I feel like this story needs to be fleshed out a little more.


You like your stories a little on the plump side huh YEAH I KNOW WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT BRAH
 
2014-02-11 07:53:46 PM
Montana does not have a north coast even though it shows blue on a US map
 
2014-02-11 07:54:10 PM
If a frightened cat jumps on your leg with all claws attached, do not rip it off.

Let it detach on its own before you attempt to kill it.
 
2014-02-11 07:54:26 PM
Never let a friend try and put out a camp fire with any type of alcohol no matter the proof.  It ends wells for no one.  Especially if someone else is also trying to piss the fire out.  Just don't do it.
 
2014-02-11 07:54:40 PM

Blushing Wall Flower: even though he 'filled me up' about 2 minutes from his house


hussy
 
2014-02-11 07:54:54 PM
The only thing I've really learned, it's possible to jump over a moving vehicle.
 
2014-02-11 07:54:55 PM
From back in the day, when people would just burn their trash: make sure an unopened can of Alpo didn't fall off the shelf, into the trash.
 
2014-02-11 07:55:39 PM
do not trust the mute button on your phone.
 
2014-02-11 07:55:49 PM

html_007: Never let a friend try and put out a camp fire with any type of alcohol no matter the proof.  It ends wells for no one.  Especially if someone else is also trying to piss the fire out.  Just don't do it.


In that same vein - do not put the cap back on your 40 and throw it in the fire. Even if you think it's empty.
 
2014-02-11 07:55:53 PM
Lending money to someone I barely knew.  I had joined the Navy and had been at my first ship for about a week when somebody from my division asked to borrow my money.  I thought, sure why not? He works and lives on the ship so it ought to be easy to get the money back from him if he doesn't pay up, right?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

I never got the money back and nobody could do anything about it because there was no documentation.  He ended up getting kicked out a year later for getting drunk and beating the shiat out of a guy who looked at his baby's momma wrong.
 
2014-02-11 07:56:44 PM
Nair is not for nuts.

/not mine
//really
///no, really.
 
2014-02-11 07:57:13 PM
My mistakes, while plentiful, are rarely amusing.
 
2014-02-11 07:57:13 PM
Don't ask fark for serious dating advice
 
2014-02-11 07:57:37 PM
Be absolutely, positively sure you haven't touched poison oak before taking a piss while on a hike.  If there is any doubt, cut your hike short and head to a proper restroom where you can wash up with soap before draining the lizard.
 
2014-02-11 07:58:12 PM

Tziva: My mistakes, while plentiful, are rarely amusing.


We'll be the judge of that
 
2014-02-11 07:58:48 PM
You can have a big cock or you can have anal sex, but it's pretty damned difficult to have both.
 
2014-02-11 07:59:09 PM
I LIKE TO PARTY.

AND YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE FLESH I DON'T WANT ANY OF IT.
 
2014-02-11 08:00:24 PM
Just because you can easily get it to fit in there, doesn't mean you're going to get it back out without some "professional" help.
 
2014-02-11 08:00:27 PM
Don't make a drastic change to your body because you want to be somebody you're not

/no I did not put fuschia highlights in my hair because I wanted people to think I was a unique individual
 
2014-02-11 08:01:13 PM
If your answering machine is having problems connecting with the AC adapter plugged into the wall, do not try to improve the connection by wetting the adapter end by putting it in your mouth.
 
2014-02-11 08:01:23 PM

we'refromthesamestory: Don't ask fark for serious dating advice


should i hit an attractive woman over the head with a club and drag her back to my cave?
 
2014-02-11 08:01:34 PM

Angela Lansbury's Merkin: Be absolutely, positively sure you haven't touched poison oak before taking a piss while on a hike.  If there is any doubt, cut your hike short and head to a proper restroom where you can wash up with soap before draining the lizard.


Yes.  If you even SEE something that slightly LOOKS like poison oak / sumac / ivy, assume it's all over your hands

/stupid gardening
 
2014-02-11 08:02:30 PM

Blushing Wall Flower: I LIKE TO PARTY.

AND YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE FLESH I DON'T WANT ANY OF IT.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTB9DFlzny0&feature=kp
 
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