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(Kinston Free Press)   Smurf-collecting serial-farter lets wife write new wedding vows   (kinston.com) divider line 41
    More: Amusing, Valentine's Day, Smurfs, marriage vows  
•       •       •

7351 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Feb 2014 at 9:44 AM (45 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



41 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-02-11 08:28:19 AM  
FTFA: I promise to stop telling the grandchildren that chocolate milk comes from brown cows.

i.imgur.com
 
2014-02-11 08:37:18 AM  
serial farter? I thought your personal ad said "cereal sharter" I thought I was never going to have to buy lucky charms again...I want to breakup
 
2014-02-11 09:17:26 AM  
HUMOR COLUMN

Not especially.
 
2014-02-11 09:49:59 AM  
Reported for calling out OldFartHenry in the headline.
 
2014-02-11 09:59:25 AM  
"It was easy to get a Grouchy Smurf or a Greedy Smurf, but Smurfette was the tough one," Burnside said. "I once spent my entire paycheck going through the same drive-thru 50 times in one day trying to get a Smurfette, only to end up with 49 Papa Smurfs and a Gargamel."

Please tell me this guy didn't breed.

After a three-year courtship, R.L. and Gracie got married and went on to have two children

Fark.
 
2014-02-11 10:01:04 AM  
GIS for Cereal Killer

www.coolest-homemade-costumes.com
 
2014-02-11 10:05:02 AM  
I would totally take those vows.

Except the brown cow one.

/married 23 years.
 
2014-02-11 10:05:53 AM  

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HowaboutNo.jpeg
 
2014-02-11 10:06:09 AM  

Sybarite: HUMOR COLUMN

Not especially.


Agreed.

It is a very poor attempt, and some could say it has racist overtones.  Not me, I just think it's lame.
 
2014-02-11 10:08:30 AM  
"I once spent my entire paycheck going through the same drive-thru 50 times in one day trying to get a Smurfette, only to end up with 49 Papa Smurfs and a Gargamel."
(Never once asking, "Do you have any Smurfettes?")

Farkers, THIS man found a mate and reproduced. Singles, make of it what you will.
 
2014-02-11 10:09:12 AM  
WASTE
OF
TIME
SUBTARD.
 
2014-02-11 10:09:57 AM  
4 pages? really?

/how'bout no
 
2014-02-11 10:15:04 AM  
No word about what he gets in return for taking those vows.  Typical.  Sounds like she's one of those who, in the give and take of marriage, are all in favor; so long as she gets to do all the taking and her spouse gets to do all the giving.
 
2014-02-11 10:18:07 AM  
Print version on one page

/Still not very exciting...
 
2014-02-11 10:21:54 AM  

abhorrent1: 4 pages? really?

/how'bout no


Yeah. This all the way with a side of fries.
 
2014-02-11 10:26:40 AM  
I rather enjoyed that story.
 
2014-02-11 10:39:17 AM  

E5bie: "I once spent my entire paycheck going through the same drive-thru 50 times in one day trying to get a Smurfette, only to end up with 49 Papa Smurfs and a Gargamel."
(Never once asking, "Do you have any Smurfettes?")

Farkers, THIS man found a mate and reproduced. Singles, make of it what you will.


He... he what?  He was dating a woman that worked at McDonalds and he couldn't bribe somebody to dig through the bin for him.  I once gave a guy $20 and he checked for a toy.
 
2014-02-11 10:45:37 AM  

mike_d85: E5bie: "I once spent my entire paycheck going through the same drive-thru 50 times in one day trying to get a Smurfette, only to end up with 49 Papa Smurfs and a Gargamel."
(Never once asking, "Do you have any Smurfettes?")

Farkers, THIS man found a mate and reproduced. Singles, make of it what you will.

He... he what?  He was dating a woman that worked at McDonalds and he couldn't bribe somebody to dig through the bin for him.  I once gave a guy $20 and he checked for a toy.


They always did it for my monsters for free - sometimes giving us extra toys - even if it was a McDonald's different from our "usual" one.

/But they need to bring back their sugar cookies!!! Waaah!
 
2014-02-11 10:50:12 AM  
R.L. Burnside?
culturespill.com
 
2014-02-11 10:52:36 AM  
 
2014-02-11 10:52:36 AM  
FTA: Having an addictive personality, Burnside says it became his mission in life to collect all 10.

A whopping 10? You don't know shiat about OCD, Son!
 
2014-02-11 10:58:04 AM  
I wonder if he was the fat man in Summer Rental:

Jack: Get the hell out of here now!
Fat Man: You get out of here fella. I'm trying to watch the Smurfs.
Jack: You're trying to watch the Smurfs?
Fat Man: Yeah.
Jack: Did you see the one where Papa Smurf took a crutch and smashed the shiat out of a guy with a red hat? Did you see that one? You want to see that one? (Fat Man runs away.)
 
2014-02-11 10:59:40 AM  
What in the shiat did I just read?
 
2014-02-11 11:01:01 AM  
My husband doesn't appreciate my farts or any farts, for that matter.  When I let off a big, noisy, stinky one at him and he just grumbles, 'glad I don't have to clean that up', it hurts my feelings.  hehehe, once when we in Las Vegas and I had eaten enough for 3 fat women at the buffet--later that night when he was asleep I stood up and farted on him.  repeatedly.  he moaned in his sleep, I think he liked it!
He says I have class with a small k.  hurts my feelings.  farts are to be shared, don't ya know.
 
2014-02-11 11:04:55 AM  
I love that the image used is of white creamy stuff dripping down something fishy.

/yes, I'm 12
//so what.
 
2014-02-11 11:33:10 AM  
Subby needs to rethink his cookie policy, maybe his life's direction.
 
2014-02-11 11:37:58 AM  
This is the worst link I've ever seen on Fark.
 
2014-02-11 11:40:49 AM  

Sybarite: HUMOR COLUMN

Not especially.


Agreed.  If you're going to make something up under the banner of humor, keep trying until somebody besides yourself is laughing.  Unless you're Dane Cook.
 
2014-02-11 11:44:28 AM  
For what it's worth, I fart in every Kroger, Publix and Walmart I'm ever in. The stench is fantastic.

/come behind me, smell the success!
 
2014-02-11 12:04:07 PM  

dogslobber buttlube: My husband doesn't appreciate my farts or any farts, for that matter.  When I let off a big, noisy, stinky one at him and he just grumbles, 'glad I don't have to clean that up', it hurts my feelings.  hehehe, once when we in Las Vegas and I had eaten enough for 3 fat women at the buffet--later that night when he was asleep I stood up and farted on him.  repeatedly.  he moaned in his sleep, I think he liked it!
He says I have class with a small k.  hurts my feelings.  farts are to be shared, don't ya know.


...uh, am I married to you?...oh, Vegas, never mind...
 
2014-02-11 12:30:11 PM  
While that was mildly interesting, THIS part made it worth the whole read:

I promise to stop telling our neighbors that my mother-in-law used to date Rick James.
 
2014-02-11 12:32:04 PM  

E5bie: "I once spent my entire paycheck going through the same drive-thru 50 times in one day trying to get a Smurfette, only to end up with 49 Papa Smurfs and a Gargamel."
(Never once asking, "Do you have any Smurfettes?")

Farkers, THIS man found a mate and reproduced. Singles, make of it what you will.


http://www.ebay.com/itm/Mc-donalds-happy-meal-toy-the-smurfs-2-13-sm ur fette-/141189734461

If his paycheck is less than $1.99, he got a good deal.
 
2014-02-11 12:49:34 PM  
i.imgur.com

Original Smurfette is Best Smurfette.
 
2014-02-11 01:02:40 PM  

miss diminutive: "It was easy to get a Grouchy Smurf or a Greedy Smurf, but Smurfette was the tough one," Burnside said. "I once spent my entire paycheck going through the same drive-thru 50 times in one day trying to get a Smurfette, only to end up with 49 Papa Smurfs and a Gargamel."

Please tell me this guy didn't breed.

After a three-year courtship, R.L. and Gracie got married and went on to have two children

Fark.


I read that and went 'wtf? Just ask for the damn toy you want, they do that, idiot'.

Otherwise it reads like any generic smarmy 'heartwarming' human interest story from the last 4000 years.
 
2014-02-11 01:07:21 PM  
Dave Barry, you suck.
 
2014-02-11 02:13:17 PM  
I'm not clicking on that but I like the cut of the headline's jibe
 
2014-02-11 02:25:13 PM  

weltallica: [i.imgur.com image 850x412]

Original Smurfette is Best Smurfette.


that's smurfette pre transformation and post transformation.

she was made by gargamel to trap the smurfs. she was rescued by papa smurf and transformed into the blond smurfette.

has nothing to do with anyone or people's likes. it happened in 1966.
 
2014-02-11 03:20:19 PM  

Somacandra: FTFA: I promise to stop telling the grandchildren that chocolate milk comes from brown cows.


My brother's girlfriend fell for that one. Also, strawberry milk comes from pink cows. Also, you can get blinker fluid from gas stations at $20 a case (mom fell for that one too). Also, that there's a pool on the roof of my youngest brother's apartment complex.

/ nice girl; but, very gullible
 
2014-02-11 05:48:21 PM  
They tell me right now ya'know the best thing to do when ya see'n some trouble happenin' is to call 911, but I believe it is best quicker to call .357.
cbswxrt2.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-02-11 06:15:45 PM  

iheartscotch: Somacandra: FTFA: I promise to stop telling the grandchildren that chocolate milk comes from brown cows.

My brother's girlfriend fell for that one. Also, strawberry milk comes from pink cows. Also, you can get blinker fluid from gas stations at $20 a case (mom fell for that one too). Also, that there's a pool on the roof of my youngest brother's apartment complex.

/ nice girl; but, very gullible


Did he manage to get her to go watch the UFO races for a first date?
 
2014-02-11 06:32:56 PM  

DrSansabeltNoShiatSlacks: For what it's worth, I fart in every Kroger, Publix and Walmart I'm ever in. The stench is fantastic.

/come behind me, smell the success!


You know those mythical walking cluster farts - ie, the one where another fartlet pops out with each step? I can do them at will, and I can easily get up to 8-12 steps/fartlets out.

Whenever I see those outdoor cafes with tables that take up 95% of the sidewalk, I let em rip. Easily carpet bomb the entire joint. Those 2-3 cafes side by side are still a challenge though.
 
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