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(The Hollywood Reporter)   Ken Burns launches iPad app, which will allow the user to slowly pan across all photos stored on the device while Morgan Freeman describes them   (hollywoodreporter.com) divider line 50
    More: Interesting, iPads, Morgan Freeman, Final Cut Pro, ipad app, T Pain, Eleanor Roosevelt  
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4322 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Feb 2014 at 8:20 AM (23 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



50 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-02-11 08:23:39 AM
Holy shiat

I would so pay for that app if subby's joke was real
 
2014-02-11 08:25:39 AM
I read that headline in Chris Tucker's voice.
 
2014-02-11 08:26:03 AM

smerfnablin: I would so pay for that app if subby's joke was real

 
2014-02-11 08:26:39 AM

Molavian: smerfnablin: I would so pay for that app if subby's joke was real

 
2014-02-11 08:27:23 AM

Joe Peanut: Molavian: smerfnablin: I would so pay for that app if subby's joke was real

 
2014-02-11 08:28:47 AM

Prevailing Wind: Joe Peanut: Molavian: smerfnablin: I would so pay for that app if subby's joke was real

 
2014-02-11 08:34:49 AM
Will it also turn all of your happy sounding songs into dirges?
 
2014-02-11 08:35:59 AM

Jamieboy: Prevailing Wind: Joe Peanut: Molavian: smerfnablin: I would so pay for that app if subby's joke was real


Ditto
 
2014-02-11 08:36:17 AM

Jamieboy: Prevailing Wind: Joe Peanut: Molavian: smerfnablin: I would so pay for that app if subby's joke was real


I wish I could tell you that I wasn't hearing Morgan Freeman's voice while reading this.  I wish I could tell you that.
 
2014-02-11 08:38:21 AM

Jamieboy: Prevailing Wind: Joe Peanut: Molavian: smerfnablin: I would so pay for that app if subby's joke was real


There must be some way to make this a reality. A text-to-speech engine tweaked to mimic Morgan Freeman's voice that reads the image EXIF data and plugs it into template text, uses some fuzzy logic, tosses in a few random quips. Something like that:

"This picture was taken, oh let me see now, I guess it musta been around the 19th of October 2011 at 11:54 in the morning. It is obviously very dark and the exposure time is 1/200th of a second, so maybe someone was trying to take a picture of toddler indoors but didn't have the flash on... I guess I don't really know. Truth is, I don't want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. I'm Morgan Freeman."
 
2014-02-11 08:42:48 AM

smerfnablin: I would so pay for that app if subby's joke was real


Ditto's and Me too. His prohibition series was superb and the civil war documentary was outstanding. Highly recommend both for anyone who enjoy's well done documentaries.
 
2014-02-11 08:45:02 AM

lhclubs: Jamieboy: Prevailing Wind: Joe Peanut: Molavian: smerfnablin: I would so pay for that app if subby's joke was real

There must be some way to make this a reality. A text-to-speech engine tweaked to mimic Morgan Freeman's voice that reads the image EXIF data and plugs it into template text, uses some fuzzy logic, tosses in a few random quips. Something like that:

"This picture was taken, oh let me see now, I guess it musta been around the 19th of October 2011 at 11:54 in the morning. It is obviously very dark and the exposure time is 1/200th of a second, so maybe someone was trying to take a picture of toddler indoors but didn't have the flash on... I guess I don't really know. Truth is, I don't want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. I'm Morgan Freeman."


However, if someone ever takes a picture of tiny candy bits spread over breasts, Morgan Freemanbot should refuse to say "tittysprinkles".
 
2014-02-11 08:45:22 AM
www.lolhome.com
 
2014-02-11 08:47:35 AM
I found some sample narration from the Morgan Freeman porn browser app:

"I couldn't believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was, just as I remembered her. That delicately beautiful face. And a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seemed to say... "Hey! Look at these!" She was the kind of woman who made you want to drop to your knees and thank God you were a man! She reminded me of my mother, all right. No doubt about it."

/with apologies to Frank Drebben.
 
2014-02-11 08:54:00 AM

smerfnablin: Holy shiat

I would so pay for that app if subby's joke was real


Yeah, damn you, subby for getting my hopes up!

"I wish I could tell you that Tiamet didn't vomit shortly after that photograph was taken.  I wish I could tell you that..."
 
2014-02-11 08:59:32 AM
Maybe Shelby Foote could narrate an interesting story about each picture?
 
2014-02-11 09:04:10 AM
And by Morgan Freeman you mean David McCullough.
 
2014-02-11 09:08:55 AM
Morgan Freeman only had a small part in the Civil War narration, didn't he? He's not a Ken Burns staple.
 
2014-02-11 09:21:56 AM
It's the perfect combo of Burns-written dialogue and Freemanesque speech patterns
 
2014-02-11 09:24:19 AM

AppleChill: Maybe Shelby Foote could narrate an interesting story about each picture?


As long as you're getting zombie Shelby Foote, bring back zombie John Chancellor too.
 
2014-02-11 09:29:08 AM
*old time-y fiddle plays*

ANNCR:

"my dearest martha..."
 
2014-02-11 09:38:41 AM

dittybopper: Will it also turn all of your happy sounding songs into dirges?


All the music on your device will be converted to instrumental covers played on mountain dulcimer and fiddle at 1/4 speed.
 
2014-02-11 09:51:58 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6k01DIVDJlY


Just gonna leave that here...
 
2014-02-11 10:04:38 AM
img.fark.net

                                                                                  Titty Sprinkles
 
2014-02-11 10:10:31 AM

DanInKansas: Jamieboy: Prevailing Wind: Joe Peanut: Molavian: smerfnablin: I would so pay for that app if subby's joke was real

I wish I could tell you that I wasn't hearing Morgan Freeman's voice while reading this.  I wish I could tell you that.


But I do so enjoy that slow pan.
 
2014-02-11 10:16:49 AM

lhclubs: Jamieboy: Prevailing Wind: Joe Peanut: Molavian: smerfnablin: I would so pay for that app if subby's joke was real

There must be some way to make this a reality. A text-to-speech engine tweaked to mimic Morgan Freeman's voice that reads the image EXIF data and plugs it into template text, uses some fuzzy logic, tosses in a few random quips. Something like that:

"This picture was taken, oh let me see now, I guess it musta been around the 19th of October 2011 at 11:54 in the morning. It is obviously very dark and the exposure time is 1/200th of a second, so maybe someone was trying to take a picture of toddler indoors but didn't have the flash on... I guess I don't really know. Truth is, I don't want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. I'm Morgan Freeman."


That app would make someone a billionaire.
 
2014-02-11 10:18:58 AM

DanInKansas: Jamieboy: Prevailing Wind: Joe Peanut: Molavian: smerfnablin: I would so pay for that app if subby's joke was real

I wish I could tell you that I wasn't hearing Morgan Freeman's voice while reading this.  I wish I could tell you that.


Shakes tiny fist.

Morgan is narrator voice for most things, but when I read the Bible its James Earl Jones' voice in my head not Morgan Freeman's. Search your feelings you know it to be true that Gawd sounds like Darth Vader.
 
2014-02-11 10:22:37 AM

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: [img.fark.net image 850x674]

                                                                                  Titty Sprinkles


I do not know why, but I am unable to stop looking at this picture.
 
2014-02-11 10:31:12 AM
How do you get the app to pretend to be a complete representation of your entire photo collection while actually only showing the 1/3rd of the photos it likes?
 
2014-02-11 10:31:34 AM

Babe Ruthless: Jamieboy: Prevailing Wind: Joe Peanut: Molavian: smerfnablin: I would so pay for that app if subby's joke was real

Ditto


cltampa.com
 
2014-02-11 10:36:17 AM

JerseyTim: And by Morgan Freeman you mean David McCullough.


This.

Also: Titty sprinkles.
 
2014-02-11 11:03:54 AM

Oldiron_79: DanInKansas: Jamieboy: Prevailing Wind: Joe Peanut: Molavian: smerfnablin: I would so pay for that app if subby's joke was real

I wish I could tell you that I wasn't hearing Morgan Freeman's voice while reading this.  I wish I could tell you that.

Shakes tiny fist.

Morgan is narrator voice for most things, but when I read the Bible its James Earl Jones' voice in my head not Morgan Freeman's. Search your feelings you know it to be true that Gawd sounds like Darth Vader.


The Old Testament also seems to be written by Thusla Doom.

"And we took all his cities at that time, and utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain." Deuteronomy 2:34
 
2014-02-11 11:10:22 AM

Jamieboy: Prevailing Wind: Joe Peanut: Molavian: smerfnablin: I would so pay for that app if subby's joke was real


I came to say what everyone else is saying, but given the quality of the photos I take, Bobcat Goldthwait would probably be more apropos.
 
2014-02-11 11:35:26 AM
[xkcd_freemanic_paracusia.jpg]
 
2014-02-11 11:36:32 AM
Jazz Hands.
 
2014-02-11 11:38:50 AM
 
2014-02-11 11:40:25 AM

Mad_Radhu: Oldiron_79: DanInKansas: Jamieboy: Prevailing Wind: Joe Peanut: Molavian: smerfnablin: I would so pay for that app if subby's joke was real

I wish I could tell you that I wasn't hearing Morgan Freeman's voice while reading this.  I wish I could tell you that.

Shakes tiny fist.

Morgan is narrator voice for most things, but when I read the Bible its James Earl Jones' voice in my head not Morgan Freeman's. Search your feelings you know it to be true that Gawd sounds like Darth Vader.

The Old Testament also seems to be written by Thusla Doom.

"And we took all his cities at that time, and utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain." Deuteronomy 2:34


That's because they were all infidel defilers, and they deserved to drown in lakes of blood.
 
2014-02-11 11:59:02 AM
And it won't show any pictures taken after 1965.
 
2014-02-11 12:48:29 PM

Mad_Radhu: Oldiron_79: DanInKansas: Jamieboy: Prevailing Wind: Joe Peanut: Molavian: smerfnablin: I would so pay for that app if subby's joke was real

I wish I could tell you that I wasn't hearing Morgan Freeman's voice while reading this.  I wish I could tell you that.

Shakes tiny fist.

Morgan is narrator voice for most things, but when I read the Bible its James Earl Jones' voice in my head not Morgan Freeman's. Search your feelings you know it to be true that Gawd sounds like Darth Vader.

The Old Testament also seems to be written by Thusla Doom.

"And we took all his cities at that time, and utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain." Deuteronomy 2:34


Exactly, if gawd says stuff that sounds like it was written by Thulsa Doom why shouldnt gawd sound like Thulsa Doom?
 
2014-02-11 01:08:47 PM

ImpendingCynic: Jamieboy: Prevailing Wind: Joe Peanut: Molavian: smerfnablin: I would so pay for that app if subby's joke was real

I came to say what everyone else is saying, but given the quality of the photos I take, Bobcat Goldthwait would probably be more apropos.


Indeed.  No mountain dulcimer and fiddle at 1/4 speed for the soundtrack to my life, just a kazoo and a whoopee cushion.
 
2014-02-11 01:36:12 PM
Uh -- Minus the Morgan Freeman voice, there is such a feature on Apple products already:   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ken_Burns_effect#Ken_Burns_on_the_.22Ken _ Burns_Effect.22
 
2014-02-11 02:12:55 PM

Thelyphthoric: ImpendingCynic: Jamieboy: Prevailing Wind: Joe Peanut: Molavian: smerfnablin: I would so pay for that app if subby's joke was real

I came to say what everyone else is saying, but given the quality of the photos I take, Bobcat Goldthwait would probably be more apropos.

Indeed.  No mountain dulcimer and fiddle at 1/4 speed for the soundtrack to my life, just a kazoo and a whoopee cushion.


Mine would be a klezmer blues symphony on the massed jaw harps, didgeridoos, and Great Highland bagpipes.
 
2014-02-11 02:39:49 PM

dittybopper: Mine would be a klezmer blues symphony on the massed jaw harps, didgeridoos, and Great Highland bagpipes.


I want to hear that!

I know a guy with bagpipes, I have a jaw harp, but my digeridoo was stolen years ago.  Still, I think with at least one or two other farkers help, we can make it happen.
 
2014-02-11 04:20:31 PM
I know all black guys looks alike to you Subby, but Keith David is the black guys that voices over most of Burns' projects.


static2.hypable.com

/props where props is due
 
2014-02-11 05:11:13 PM
* plays Ashokan Farewell plaintively on fiddle *
 
2014-02-11 06:36:35 PM

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: [img.fark.net image 850x674]

                                                                                  Titty Sprinkles


Yeahhhhh ... I'm going to need you to go ahead and post the original to that pic.   Yow.
 
2014-02-11 07:18:07 PM

Bob The Nob: Abe Vigoda's Ghost: [img.fark.net image 850x674]

                                                                                  Titty Sprinkles

Yeahhhhh ... I'm going to need you to go ahead and post the original to that pic.   Yow.


Here you go:

www.sprinklesandbooze.com
 
2014-02-11 07:29:50 PM

Bob The Nob: Abe Vigoda's Ghost: [img.fark.net image 850x674]

                                                                                  Titty Sprinkles

Yeahhhhh ... I'm going to need you to go ahead and post the original to that pic.   Yow.


img.fark.net
 
2014-02-11 10:10:52 PM

Kyosuke: Bob The Nob: Abe Vigoda's Ghost: [img.fark.net image 850x674]

                                                                                  Titty Sprinkles

Yeahhhhh ... I'm going to need you to go ahead and post the original to that pic.   Yow.

Here you go:


Heheh ... ya got me. :)
 
2014-02-12 05:14:22 PM

The Southern Dandy: static2.hypable.com

/props where props is due


Rent-a-props. I hate rent-a-props too!
 
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