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(Gawker)   Really moms and dads, has it finally come down to this?   (gawker.com) divider line 81
    More: Amusing, defence mechanisms, sense data, expert witnesses, Gawker Media, dirty diaper  
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20999 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Feb 2014 at 2:54 PM (23 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



81 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-02-10 02:56:05 PM
No and your baby's shiat stinks.  The little shiat machine is ugly too.  Jesus you people sure know how to far up the gene pool
 
2014-02-10 02:56:08 PM
MY SNOWFLAKE IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOUR SNOWFLAKE!!!!

/signed helicopter mom
 
2014-02-10 02:56:38 PM
Not after they started solid foods.
 
2014-02-10 02:56:46 PM
Nope, just a fake trend hyped by Gawker.

Courtesy pastebin:  http://pastebin.com/fUbKxfeQ
 
2014-02-10 02:58:06 PM
Why not? It's been the political climate for decades.
 
2014-02-10 02:58:08 PM
No. Done.
 
2014-02-10 02:58:39 PM
"And then, God added smell to the poo-poo..."

Still Bill's best comedy routine, IMHO.
 
2014-02-10 02:59:08 PM
I think my two-week old's poop smells like Italian salad dressing, but it looks like the unholy hybrid of mustard and tapioca pudding. I'm so confused.
 
2014-02-10 03:00:31 PM
*remembers when he had two kids in diapers at the same time - and promptly suffers a PTSD relapse*
 
2014-02-10 03:01:35 PM
No, my kids shiat smelled like farking sh*t. Really nasty sh*t, even. Disgusting black tar sh*t, disgusting green chunky sh*t, disgusting orange sh*t. And the times I would walk in when he woke up from a nap to find that disgusting, nasty, smelly sh*t all over the crib and his backside and the sheets.

Dr. Grant was right, babies smell. Your baby smells, my baby smelled, everyone's babies smell. Get over it, your farking dog and cats smell too.
 
2014-02-10 03:01:42 PM
My farts smell especially bad lately, and the odor is persistent and pervasive.  Can't figure out what I ate to cause this malodorous malady.

What?  Oh, sorry.  Yes, the poop smells bad, too.  Worse than your baby's.
 
2014-02-10 03:01:54 PM
As the father of an eight-month old, I can only say I've not the time, nor the inclination to sample other baby's poos.  One is enough.  Thank you.
 
2014-02-10 03:02:25 PM

cgraves67: I think my two-week old's poop smells like Italian salad dressing, but it looks like the unholy hybrid of mustard and tapioca pudding. I'm so confused.


You go too heavy on the balsamic, mix in pecorino, and really shouldn't use cumin.
/Baby poop is bad.
//Baby poop after they start solid foods is horrific.
 
2014-02-10 03:02:39 PM
Gawk...

farm4.staticflickr.com
 
2014-02-10 03:02:58 PM
No. Of course not. A few have made me almost lose my lunch and do that "cough/gag/daaaamn, that was close to coming back up" thing

But I really don't change other people's kids diapers so I guess I don't know for sure. Maybe my kids' diapers smell like really sh*tty roses compared to theirs.
 
2014-02-10 03:03:51 PM
imgs.xkcd.com
 
2014-02-10 03:04:13 PM
www.rideoffame.com
 
2014-02-10 03:05:25 PM
Another hard-hitting Gawker article.  My day is now complete.
 
2014-02-10 03:05:50 PM

Smeggy Smurf: No and your baby's shiat stinks.  The little shiat machine is ugly too.  Jesus you people sure know how to far up the gene pool


i1.ytimg.com

Come see the baaaaby.
 
2014-02-10 03:06:33 PM
I remember it being a psychologically-damaging smell that would linger in your psyche long after the pooper was cleaned & rebundled.
I remember smelling it at the office - many miles away from the little turd-blossoms.
 
2014-02-10 03:06:38 PM
WTF is wrong with people.
 
2014-02-10 03:06:51 PM

Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste: As the father of an eight-month old, I can only say I've not the time, nor the inclination to sample other baby's poos.  One is enough.  Thank you.


Seriously.  Do mothers judgementally sniff the discarded diapers of their friends and neighbors for some moral superiority?

Shouldn't they be home watching the baby?  Or are they comparing it to their suburban husband's Cleveland Steamers?

So confused.
 
2014-02-10 03:07:05 PM
there are 3 categories by which baby poo is to be judged.

#1sight, #2 smell & of course, #3 taste.

until you jackoffs are ready to give me your critique on #3, you can go fark yourself.

as I age, more & more of my friends are starting to push out snowflakes.
I never really knew how full of themselves my friends really were until i heard them talk about their ugly, average babies as if they were superior beings soooo much more advanced than other babies on the planet. (it's pathetic, 1 fried has managed to maintain a level head about his kid & just so happens, that kid is the best).

my god, you'd think a 2 y/o baby was going to save humanity & the damn planet.  I just nod my head & keep my comments (of how stupid they sound) to myself.
 
2014-02-10 03:07:55 PM
Having spent a few teenage years as a babysitter, I've pretty much had my fill of other people's crotchfruit's fruitcrotch.
 
2014-02-10 03:09:26 PM
No, my baby's shiat did not smell better or worse than any other baby's shiat. It smelled like mustard gas and blistered the skin of anybody in a 30-foot radius.
 
2014-02-10 03:09:32 PM

oldfarthenry: I remember it being a psychologically-damaging smell that would linger in your psyche long after the pooper was cleaned & rebundled.
I remember smelling it at the office - many miles away from the little turd-blossoms.


That was probably the baby wipe oils (with poo essence) that got under your fingernails.
 
2014-02-10 03:10:03 PM
Rule 34?
 
2014-02-10 03:10:36 PM
Actually I can agree with this, I have been forced to change my child on occasion in public facilities (Ladies Room) and at times I have  to ask other mothers to take their children outside because their odor is unbearable to my child. If I cannot find a suitable "odor-free" area in which to change her I will ask to use a manager's private office. I have noticed that some of the more common children have intense foul odor, most likely linking to their diet but my strict vegan lifestyle affords my children an almost "odor-free" process of elimination.

This isn't to put other mothers down but at times I am forced to ask them to leave and it is embarrassing to me.
 
2014-02-10 03:10:52 PM
www.seriouseats.com
 
2014-02-10 03:10:57 PM
After raising a puppy on a bottle, helping with my little brother, and finally having my own kid. 

 Everyone poops. And everyone's poop stinks. 

 Breathe through your mouth, not your nose. And wash the ever loving fark out of your hands. 

/yes, solids for *any* species make poop smell worse.
 
2014-02-10 03:11:06 PM

cuzsis: oldfarthenry: I remember it being a psychologically-damaging smell that would linger in your psyche long after the pooper was cleaned & rebundled.
I remember smelling it at the office - many miles away from the little turd-blossoms.

That was probably the baby wipe oils (with poo essence) that got under your fingernails.


maybe a bit of nose picking during clean up.

/I lol'ed
 
2014-02-10 03:11:42 PM

demaL-demaL-yeH: cgraves67: I think my two-week old's poop smells like Italian salad dressing, but it looks like the unholy hybrid of mustard and tapioca pudding. I'm so confused.

You go too heavy on the balsamic, mix in pecorino, and really shouldn't use cumin.
/Baby poop is bad.
//Baby poop after they start solid foods is horrific.


Oh, I well know it. This is my second one.

The funny thing is, having an infant around seemed like a huge stress the first time. This time, having just the infant around seems like bliss compared to both the infant and the perpetual whirlwind of destruction that is a two-year old.
 
2014-02-10 03:11:51 PM
Yeah, you're not parents.
Neither are those people who stand up at town hall meetings with opinions about what to do about the drug menace in the community because they are parents of junkies.
They aren't parents.
Parents parent. They engage in parenting. They raise children to become young adults with enough common sense not to stick a filthy needle in their arms filled with an unknown poison.
These people are inane breeders.
They are not parents.

Notice you won't see the concerned "parents" of junkies taking their own spawn home to cool off. They want a taxpayer funded rehab center well away from their own neighborhoods.
Same deal goes for these shait sniffing dotterheads.

Farking be a parent and stop worrying if your kid's poop smells funny.
Teach them how to wipe their own asses, and teach them how to leave a public toilet clean.

Frikking breeders. They have to have a new shaitshtick every week.

If you were parenting correctly, I wouldn't be hearing about it.
 
2014-02-10 03:11:56 PM
Btw. Thank god no more babies. If I get anyone preggers ever again- I shall cut off my own penis and use it as a noose to hang myself.

Baby poop... never again shall I smell thee in my house.
 
2014-02-10 03:12:03 PM
Now, I would argue that my three kids poos smelled differently. All equally offensive, but in a different way. The girl child's smelled like a sack of rotten cabbage while one of the boy's smelled like the decaying matter of roadkill. The other's smelled as if you had fallen into a septic tank and there was no where to escape.
 
2014-02-10 03:13:04 PM
Is Gawker run by German Pedobear?
 
2014-02-10 03:14:05 PM
cuzsis:

Breathe through your mouth, not your nose.

And risk experiencing some faint bitter taste sensation in the back of my mouth? No thank you.
 
2014-02-10 03:14:35 PM

jakomo002: Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste: As the father of an eight-month old, I can only say I've not the time, nor the inclination to sample other baby's poos.  One is enough.  Thank you.

Seriously.  Do mothers judgementally sniff the discarded diapers of their friends and neighbors for some moral superiority?

Shouldn't they be home watching the baby?  Or are they comparing it to their suburban husband's Cleveland Steamers?

So confused.


These comparisons take place at 1 and 2 year-old birthday parties, where the party has not started until someone did it in their shorts. A stink bomb in the middle of the living room is expected, and everyone will draw their comparisons there.

/kid, go have one of your own and join the rest of the grown ups if you want to keep talking.
//otherwise, go get someone preggers. Or at least get laid...
 
2014-02-10 03:14:52 PM
I would also add that formula-fed babies poop smell way, way, WAY worse than breast-fed babies' poop.
 
2014-02-10 03:17:21 PM
For the best baby poop smell, give your baby Eau de bébé TM
 
2014-02-10 03:18:58 PM

All I know is, I've got an awesome new jpeg



i216.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-10 03:19:13 PM
Third child is almost 2 now. Changed all of them, they all smelled like the bowels of hell.

Still gag when changing the baby. It's a smell you never get used to. Ever.
 
2014-02-10 03:19:54 PM

gweilo8888: No, my baby's shiat did not smell better or worse than any other baby's shiat. It smelled like mustard gas and blistered the skin of anybody in a 30-foot radius.


Some kids stink worse than others.

I haven't had my own, but I have changed the diapers of my nieces and nephews.  While the first four all smelled like shiat, the last one made me want to vomit.  Seriously made me dry heave on multiple occasions   Her mom didn't notice a difference compared to the other kids though.
 
2014-02-10 03:20:57 PM
I remember Mrs. Henry switching to cloth diapers in the interest of economy. A few weeks later we decided to give up lunches so we could afford disposable diapers again.
 
2014-02-10 03:21:05 PM
You should eat your baby's poop as well as the other baby's poop, that way you'll know for sure, and you'll also literally be full of shiat, which probably matches with your persona.
 
2014-02-10 03:21:36 PM

gweilo8888: No, my baby's shiat did not smell better or worse than any other baby's shiat. It smelled like mustard gas and blistered the skin of anybody in a 30-foot radius.


When we switched to solid food my son's poop smelled like we'd been feeding him White Castles and making him drink crappy draft beer. Like even so bad the diaper genie couldn't contain the stank and every diaper with #2 in it had to be walked outside regardless of the time or weather.
 
2014-02-10 03:23:58 PM
My kid's shiat had a fainlty fruity (or more accurately, blueberry) smell to it when he was newly born.  It really added a missing ingredient to a sort of already stanky bouquet.  Weird thing is, within a couple weeks, my own shiat started to take on that blueberry-ish odor.  It smelled as shiatty as it always did, but with a blueberry tinge.  I thought maybe his nasty shiat had just psychologically scarred me into smelling blueberry-laced turds everywhere, but then my wife told me hers had taken on that smell as well.  We were on different schedules, never ate the same meals together (she worked days, while I stayed home, and I worked swing shift, while she stayed home).  Never figured that one out.
 
2014-02-10 03:28:41 PM
img.fark.net
 
2014-02-10 03:30:57 PM

Fizics: Actually I can agree with this, I have been forced to change my child on occasion in public facilities (Ladies Room) and at times I have  to ask other mothers to take their children outside because their odor is unbearable to my child. If I cannot find a suitable "odor-free" area in which to change her I will ask to use a manager's private office. I have noticed that some of the more common children have intense foul odor, most likely linking to their diet but my strict vegan lifestyle affords my children an almost "odor-free" process of elimination.

This isn't to put other mothers down but at times I am forced to ask them to leave and it is embarrassing to me.



What a pretentious ass.
 
2014-02-10 03:31:23 PM
As a parent of little littluns and expert on the subject matter from the link, let me explain to you that I will never discuss this nonsense with anyone, save for perhaps a doctor or a desperate parent, to whom I will reference a physician.  This will not be part of our conversation.
 
2014-02-10 03:31:27 PM
POOP THREAD!

/a little late, I know
 
2014-02-10 03:32:16 PM
I can proudly say my daughter's shiat can kill a yak. Learned it from her daddy. So proud of my little snowflake.
 
2014-02-10 03:33:48 PM

Fizics: Actually I can agree with this, I have been forced to change my child on occasion in public facilities (Ladies Room) and at times I have  to ask other mothers to take their children outside because their odor is unbearable to my child. If I cannot find a suitable "odor-free" area in which to change her I will ask to use a manager's private office. I have noticed that some of the more common children have intense foul odor, most likely linking to their diet but my strict vegan lifestyle affords my children an almost "odor-free" process of elimination.

This isn't to put other mothers down but at times I am forced to ask them to leave and it is embarrassing to me.


that will get some bites.
 
2014-02-10 03:34:04 PM

Nana's Vibrator: As a parent of little littluns and expert on the subject matter from the link, let me explain to you that I will never discuss this nonsense with anyone, save for perhaps a doctor or a desperate parent, to whom I will reference a physician.  This will not be part of our conversation.


thanks for letting us know!
 
2014-02-10 03:35:14 PM
Not for this dad.
 
2014-02-10 03:36:04 PM
just wait until their mother feeds them beets, but neglects to tell you.  You're looking at what looks like a diaper full of bloody stool and wondering where the hell you go from there...
 
2014-02-10 03:36:15 PM
I am shocked that some people actually think their kid's crap smells better than everyone else's.

People are usually so objective and level-headed about things involving their kids.
 
2014-02-10 03:38:19 PM
vudukungfu:
Neither are those people who stand up at town hall meetings with opinions about what to do about the drug menace in the community because they are parents of junkies.

They raise children to become young adults with enough common sense not to stick a filthy needle in their arms filled with an unknown poison.

Notice you won't see the concerned "parents" of junkies taking their own spawn home to cool off. They want a taxpayer funded rehab center well away from their own neighborhoods.


Uhh, something on your mind today?

/parents are parents as soon as they breed, you're just describing crappy ones
 
2014-02-10 03:39:33 PM
Seems natural that the degeneracy of society would lead to dog like coprophagia  in what we call "parents" today.
 
2014-02-10 03:42:00 PM
I'm responding to you as a general pediatrician who is not an expert on smell and cognitive function, but as someone who did research on diarrhea many years ago and have had numerous discussions with colleagues and parents on the subject.

This guy knows his shiat.
 
2014-02-10 03:44:27 PM

cgraves67: demaL-demaL-yeH: cgraves67: I think my two-week old's poop smells like Italian salad dressing, but it looks like the unholy hybrid of mustard and tapioca pudding. I'm so confused.

You go too heavy on the balsamic, mix in pecorino, and really shouldn't use cumin.
/Baby poop is bad.
//Baby poop after they start solid foods is horrific.

Oh, I well know it. This is my second one.

The funny thing is, having an infant around seemed like a huge stress the first time. This time, having just the infant around seems like bliss compared to both the infant and the perpetual whirlwind of destruction that is a two-year old.


Man, don't I know it.  I am a stay at home dad to a 5 month old boy and a 3 year old girl.  Those few hours a week when Miss 3 is at preschool are so quiet.  The boy just eats, poops, chews on stuff, and watches sports with his old man.
 
2014-02-10 03:53:10 PM

Fizics: Actually I can agree with this, I have been forced to change my child on occasion in public facilities (Ladies Room) and at times I have  to ask other mothers to take their children outside because their odor is unbearable to my child. If I cannot find a suitable "odor-free" area in which to change her I will ask to use a manager's private office. I have noticed that some of the more common children have intense foul odor, most likely linking to their diet but my strict vegan lifestyle affords my children an almost "odor-free" process of elimination.

This isn't to put other mothers down but at times I am forced to ask them to leave and it is embarrassing to me.


One bite and one calling you out.  I'm sure your ratio will improve, this is art.
 
2014-02-10 03:59:45 PM
autophiliac.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-02-10 04:03:03 PM
This mom's baby makes messes worth eating.  bow to her!

Don't click the link.  It's SFW, and not nearly as offputting as many links here.  It's just gross.
 
2014-02-10 04:03:31 PM

Big 900: cgraves67: demaL-demaL-yeH: cgraves67: I think my two-week old's poop smells like Italian salad dressing, but it looks like the unholy hybrid of mustard and tapioca pudding. I'm so confused.

You go too heavy on the balsamic, mix in pecorino, and really shouldn't use cumin.
/Baby poop is bad.
//Baby poop after they start solid foods is horrific.

Oh, I well know it. This is my second one.

The funny thing is, having an infant around seemed like a huge stress the first time. This time, having just the infant around seems like bliss compared to both the infant and the perpetual whirlwind of destruction that is a two-year old.

Man, don't I know it.  I am a stay at home dad to a 5 month old boy and a 3 year old girl.  Those few hours a week when Miss 3 is at preschool are so quiet.  The boy just eats, poops, chews on stuff, and watches sports with his old man.


So kinda like a dog that can talk (almost).

Surprise your wife by teaching him how to fetch and let us know how that goes.
 
2014-02-10 04:05:04 PM
My opinion of your little snowflake ..

www.greenpeace.org
 
2014-02-10 04:13:33 PM
I think it's a combination of perceiving the odor of someone you like more favorably than that of others and (more prominently) social desirability bias. Anytime the subjects of a survey are self-reporting their opinions regarding a question that invovles any type of perceived social status, in a non-anonymous manner, some of the results will be skewed toward what they believe will result in them being viewed positively. Parents (moms) likely feel they will be judged if they don't say they think their baby is less stinky than others OR think they will get "good mom" points for saying their baby is less stinky to them.
 
2014-02-10 04:15:10 PM

Fizics: Actually I can agree with this, I have been forced to change my child on occasion in public facilities (Ladies Room) and at times I have  to ask other mothers to take their children outside because their odor is unbearable to my child. If I cannot find a suitable "odor-free" area in which to change her I will ask to use a manager's private office. I have noticed that some of the more common children have intense foul odor, most likely linking to their diet but my strict vegan lifestyle affords my children an almost "odor-free" process of elimination.

This isn't to put other mothers down but at times I am forced to ask them to leave and it is embarrassing to me.


Lulz
 
2014-02-10 04:40:53 PM

Fizics: most likely linking to their diet but my strict vegan lifestyle affords my children an almost "odor-free" process of elimination.


You and your Rip Esselstein and Lance the Druggie Veggie losers can take your red diaper doper baby beliefs and cram it where the sun dont shine. Im going to eat melted cheese, beef, pork, chicken thigh, cabbage, eggs, feta cheese, onions and garlic today along with a giant helping of wheat gluten, the real deadliest substance known to man, and pass gas on people like you. I cant wait to see you wince at my fecal odor. If I was all powerful, I'd stick you on a desert Island and watch you slurp down cockroaches for protein bear grills style and laugh at every second.
 
2014-02-10 04:49:43 PM
img.fark.net
 
2014-02-10 04:52:54 PM

zeio: Fizics: most likely linking to their diet but my strict vegan lifestyle affords my children an almost "odor-free" process of elimination.

You and your Rip Esselstein and Lance the Druggie Veggie losers can take your red diaper doper baby beliefs and cram it where the sun dont shine. Im going to eat melted cheese, beef, pork, chicken thigh, cabbage, eggs, feta cheese, onions and garlic today along with a giant helping of wheat gluten, the real deadliest substance known to man, and pass gas on people like you. I cant wait to see you wince at my fecal odor. If I was all powerful, I'd stick you on a desert Island and watch you slurp down cockroaches for protein bear grills style and laugh at every second.


Your cheek is bleeding...
 
2014-02-10 05:08:06 PM

Fizics: Actually I can agree with this, I have been forced to change my child on occasion in public facilities (Ladies Room) and at times I have  to ask other mothers to take their children outside because their odor is unbearable to my child. If I cannot find a suitable "odor-free" area in which to change her I will ask to use a manager's private office. I have noticed that some of the more common children have intense foul odor, most likely linking to their diet but my strict vegan lifestyle affords my children an almost "odor-free" process of elimination.

This isn't to put other mothers down but at times I am forced to ask them to leave and it is embarrassing to me.


ooooh. This one is good. 7-8/10 at least.
 
2014-02-10 05:08:24 PM

bacongood: Some kids stink worse than others.

I haven't had my own, but I have changed the diapers of my nieces and nephews.  While the first four all smelled like shiat, the last one made me want to vomit.  Seriously made me dry heave on multiple occasions   Her mom didn't notice a difference compared to the other kids though.


No, they don't. Once you've had your own, you'll understand. It varies depending on what you've fed them, how used to that particular item their digestive system is, how old they are, etc.
 
2014-02-10 05:14:17 PM
What a crock of shiat.
 
2014-02-10 05:32:09 PM
My daughter's diapers used to smell really bad; but we gave her a green tea enema and it's much better now.
 
2014-02-10 05:32:42 PM
chaoslife.findchaos.com
 
2014-02-10 05:55:07 PM
I can't recall ever discussing my children's poop.  I recall gagging when changing diapers.  On more serious note, my grandson at 5 years of age doesn't like pooping.  It has turned into an ordeal for his parents.  They are receiving counseling.  I was told he had an ex ray of his bowels and they are distended.  This has been going for more than 2 years.  No relief in sight.  I have never come across something like this.  His Mom and Dad are most concerned.  At first we thought it would pass.  Instead it has become worse than expected.  He was babysat by another set of grandparents who are from a different culture.  We are Eastern Europeans and the kid didn't spend much time with us.  I often wonder if he received messages regarding elimination that would make him feel badly about such things.
 
2014-02-10 06:35:35 PM

Random Anonymous Blackmail: WTF is wrong with people.


Usually, a lot. Worst of all they keep reproducing.
 
2014-02-10 09:16:21 PM
Explains why I can tolerate the delicate bouquet of my shiat and run screaming from the stench of anyone else's.
 
2014-02-10 10:49:33 PM

fruitloop: I'm responding to you as a general pediatrician who is not an expert on smell and cognitive function, but as someone who did research on diarrhea many years ago and have had numerous discussions with colleagues and parents on the subject.

This guy knows his shiat.


Ha, that got me to chuckle.

My kids are old enough where I've mentally blocked out those years. Changing diapers never freaked me out, and I don't remember any of them having especially odiferous diapers until around potty training time. They all trained early (around 2) because starting at age 1 or so, I'd say things about poop belonging in the toilet and such.

There shouldn't be any emotion around it, which is probably the issue for the kid in that post a few above. Poor kid, hope he gets over that soon.
 
2014-02-11 12:58:17 AM
Well, everyone knows your own farts smell fine, while others' can peel paint off the walls, so...
 
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