If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Gawker)   Really moms and dads, has it finally come down to this?   (gawker.com) divider line 81
    More: Amusing, defence mechanisms, sense data, expert witnesses, Gawker Media, dirty diaper  
•       •       •

21009 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Feb 2014 at 2:54 PM (44 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



81 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2014-02-10 02:56:05 PM  
No and your baby's shiat stinks.  The little shiat machine is ugly too.  Jesus you people sure know how to far up the gene pool
 
2014-02-10 02:56:08 PM  
MY SNOWFLAKE IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOUR SNOWFLAKE!!!!

/signed helicopter mom
 
2014-02-10 02:56:38 PM  
Not after they started solid foods.
 
2014-02-10 02:56:46 PM  
Nope, just a fake trend hyped by Gawker.

Courtesy pastebin:  http://pastebin.com/fUbKxfeQ
 
2014-02-10 02:58:06 PM  
Why not? It's been the political climate for decades.
 
2014-02-10 02:58:08 PM  
No. Done.
 
2014-02-10 02:58:39 PM  
"And then, God added smell to the poo-poo..."

Still Bill's best comedy routine, IMHO.
 
2014-02-10 02:59:08 PM  
I think my two-week old's poop smells like Italian salad dressing, but it looks like the unholy hybrid of mustard and tapioca pudding. I'm so confused.
 
2014-02-10 03:00:31 PM  
*remembers when he had two kids in diapers at the same time - and promptly suffers a PTSD relapse*
 
2014-02-10 03:01:35 PM  
No, my kids shiat smelled like farking sh*t. Really nasty sh*t, even. Disgusting black tar sh*t, disgusting green chunky sh*t, disgusting orange sh*t. And the times I would walk in when he woke up from a nap to find that disgusting, nasty, smelly sh*t all over the crib and his backside and the sheets.

Dr. Grant was right, babies smell. Your baby smells, my baby smelled, everyone's babies smell. Get over it, your farking dog and cats smell too.
 
2014-02-10 03:01:42 PM  
My farts smell especially bad lately, and the odor is persistent and pervasive.  Can't figure out what I ate to cause this malodorous malady.

What?  Oh, sorry.  Yes, the poop smells bad, too.  Worse than your baby's.
 
2014-02-10 03:01:54 PM  
As the father of an eight-month old, I can only say I've not the time, nor the inclination to sample other baby's poos.  One is enough.  Thank you.
 
2014-02-10 03:02:25 PM  

cgraves67: I think my two-week old's poop smells like Italian salad dressing, but it looks like the unholy hybrid of mustard and tapioca pudding. I'm so confused.


You go too heavy on the balsamic, mix in pecorino, and really shouldn't use cumin.
/Baby poop is bad.
//Baby poop after they start solid foods is horrific.
 
2014-02-10 03:02:39 PM  
Gawk...

farm4.staticflickr.com
 
2014-02-10 03:02:58 PM  
No. Of course not. A few have made me almost lose my lunch and do that "cough/gag/daaaamn, that was close to coming back up" thing

But I really don't change other people's kids diapers so I guess I don't know for sure. Maybe my kids' diapers smell like really sh*tty roses compared to theirs.
 
2014-02-10 03:03:51 PM  
imgs.xkcd.com
 
2014-02-10 03:04:13 PM  
www.rideoffame.com
 
2014-02-10 03:05:25 PM  
Another hard-hitting Gawker article.  My day is now complete.
 
2014-02-10 03:05:50 PM  

Smeggy Smurf: No and your baby's shiat stinks.  The little shiat machine is ugly too.  Jesus you people sure know how to far up the gene pool


i1.ytimg.com

Come see the baaaaby.
 
2014-02-10 03:06:33 PM  
I remember it being a psychologically-damaging smell that would linger in your psyche long after the pooper was cleaned & rebundled.
I remember smelling it at the office - many miles away from the little turd-blossoms.
 
2014-02-10 03:06:38 PM  
WTF is wrong with people.
 
2014-02-10 03:06:51 PM  

Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste: As the father of an eight-month old, I can only say I've not the time, nor the inclination to sample other baby's poos.  One is enough.  Thank you.


Seriously.  Do mothers judgementally sniff the discarded diapers of their friends and neighbors for some moral superiority?

Shouldn't they be home watching the baby?  Or are they comparing it to their suburban husband's Cleveland Steamers?

So confused.
 
2014-02-10 03:07:05 PM  
there are 3 categories by which baby poo is to be judged.

#1sight, #2 smell & of course, #3 taste.

until you jackoffs are ready to give me your critique on #3, you can go fark yourself.

as I age, more & more of my friends are starting to push out snowflakes.
I never really knew how full of themselves my friends really were until i heard them talk about their ugly, average babies as if they were superior beings soooo much more advanced than other babies on the planet. (it's pathetic, 1 fried has managed to maintain a level head about his kid & just so happens, that kid is the best).

my god, you'd think a 2 y/o baby was going to save humanity & the damn planet.  I just nod my head & keep my comments (of how stupid they sound) to myself.
 
2014-02-10 03:07:55 PM  
Having spent a few teenage years as a babysitter, I've pretty much had my fill of other people's crotchfruit's fruitcrotch.
 
2014-02-10 03:09:26 PM  
No, my baby's shiat did not smell better or worse than any other baby's shiat. It smelled like mustard gas and blistered the skin of anybody in a 30-foot radius.
 
2014-02-10 03:09:32 PM  

oldfarthenry: I remember it being a psychologically-damaging smell that would linger in your psyche long after the pooper was cleaned & rebundled.
I remember smelling it at the office - many miles away from the little turd-blossoms.


That was probably the baby wipe oils (with poo essence) that got under your fingernails.
 
2014-02-10 03:10:03 PM  
Rule 34?
 
2014-02-10 03:10:36 PM  
Actually I can agree with this, I have been forced to change my child on occasion in public facilities (Ladies Room) and at times I have  to ask other mothers to take their children outside because their odor is unbearable to my child. If I cannot find a suitable "odor-free" area in which to change her I will ask to use a manager's private office. I have noticed that some of the more common children have intense foul odor, most likely linking to their diet but my strict vegan lifestyle affords my children an almost "odor-free" process of elimination.

This isn't to put other mothers down but at times I am forced to ask them to leave and it is embarrassing to me.
 
2014-02-10 03:10:52 PM  
www.seriouseats.com
 
2014-02-10 03:10:57 PM  
After raising a puppy on a bottle, helping with my little brother, and finally having my own kid. 

 Everyone poops. And everyone's poop stinks. 

 Breathe through your mouth, not your nose. And wash the ever loving fark out of your hands. 

/yes, solids for *any* species make poop smell worse.
 
2014-02-10 03:11:06 PM  

cuzsis: oldfarthenry: I remember it being a psychologically-damaging smell that would linger in your psyche long after the pooper was cleaned & rebundled.
I remember smelling it at the office - many miles away from the little turd-blossoms.

That was probably the baby wipe oils (with poo essence) that got under your fingernails.


maybe a bit of nose picking during clean up.

/I lol'ed
 
2014-02-10 03:11:42 PM  

demaL-demaL-yeH: cgraves67: I think my two-week old's poop smells like Italian salad dressing, but it looks like the unholy hybrid of mustard and tapioca pudding. I'm so confused.

You go too heavy on the balsamic, mix in pecorino, and really shouldn't use cumin.
/Baby poop is bad.
//Baby poop after they start solid foods is horrific.


Oh, I well know it. This is my second one.

The funny thing is, having an infant around seemed like a huge stress the first time. This time, having just the infant around seems like bliss compared to both the infant and the perpetual whirlwind of destruction that is a two-year old.
 
2014-02-10 03:11:51 PM  
Yeah, you're not parents.
Neither are those people who stand up at town hall meetings with opinions about what to do about the drug menace in the community because they are parents of junkies.
They aren't parents.
Parents parent. They engage in parenting. They raise children to become young adults with enough common sense not to stick a filthy needle in their arms filled with an unknown poison.
These people are inane breeders.
They are not parents.

Notice you won't see the concerned "parents" of junkies taking their own spawn home to cool off. They want a taxpayer funded rehab center well away from their own neighborhoods.
Same deal goes for these shait sniffing dotterheads.

Farking be a parent and stop worrying if your kid's poop smells funny.
Teach them how to wipe their own asses, and teach them how to leave a public toilet clean.

Frikking breeders. They have to have a new shaitshtick every week.

If you were parenting correctly, I wouldn't be hearing about it.
 
2014-02-10 03:11:56 PM  
Btw. Thank god no more babies. If I get anyone preggers ever again- I shall cut off my own penis and use it as a noose to hang myself.

Baby poop... never again shall I smell thee in my house.
 
2014-02-10 03:12:03 PM  
Now, I would argue that my three kids poos smelled differently. All equally offensive, but in a different way. The girl child's smelled like a sack of rotten cabbage while one of the boy's smelled like the decaying matter of roadkill. The other's smelled as if you had fallen into a septic tank and there was no where to escape.
 
2014-02-10 03:13:04 PM  
Is Gawker run by German Pedobear?
 
2014-02-10 03:14:05 PM  
cuzsis:

Breathe through your mouth, not your nose.

And risk experiencing some faint bitter taste sensation in the back of my mouth? No thank you.
 
2014-02-10 03:14:35 PM  

jakomo002: Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste: As the father of an eight-month old, I can only say I've not the time, nor the inclination to sample other baby's poos.  One is enough.  Thank you.

Seriously.  Do mothers judgementally sniff the discarded diapers of their friends and neighbors for some moral superiority?

Shouldn't they be home watching the baby?  Or are they comparing it to their suburban husband's Cleveland Steamers?

So confused.


These comparisons take place at 1 and 2 year-old birthday parties, where the party has not started until someone did it in their shorts. A stink bomb in the middle of the living room is expected, and everyone will draw their comparisons there.

/kid, go have one of your own and join the rest of the grown ups if you want to keep talking.
//otherwise, go get someone preggers. Or at least get laid...
 
2014-02-10 03:14:52 PM  
I would also add that formula-fed babies poop smell way, way, WAY worse than breast-fed babies' poop.
 
2014-02-10 03:17:21 PM  
For the best baby poop smell, give your baby Eau de bébé TM
 
2014-02-10 03:18:58 PM  

All I know is, I've got an awesome new jpeg



i216.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-10 03:19:13 PM  
Third child is almost 2 now. Changed all of them, they all smelled like the bowels of hell.

Still gag when changing the baby. It's a smell you never get used to. Ever.
 
2014-02-10 03:19:54 PM  

gweilo8888: No, my baby's shiat did not smell better or worse than any other baby's shiat. It smelled like mustard gas and blistered the skin of anybody in a 30-foot radius.


Some kids stink worse than others.

I haven't had my own, but I have changed the diapers of my nieces and nephews.  While the first four all smelled like shiat, the last one made me want to vomit.  Seriously made me dry heave on multiple occasions   Her mom didn't notice a difference compared to the other kids though.
 
2014-02-10 03:20:57 PM  
I remember Mrs. Henry switching to cloth diapers in the interest of economy. A few weeks later we decided to give up lunches so we could afford disposable diapers again.
 
2014-02-10 03:21:05 PM  
You should eat your baby's poop as well as the other baby's poop, that way you'll know for sure, and you'll also literally be full of shiat, which probably matches with your persona.
 
2014-02-10 03:21:36 PM  

gweilo8888: No, my baby's shiat did not smell better or worse than any other baby's shiat. It smelled like mustard gas and blistered the skin of anybody in a 30-foot radius.


When we switched to solid food my son's poop smelled like we'd been feeding him White Castles and making him drink crappy draft beer. Like even so bad the diaper genie couldn't contain the stank and every diaper with #2 in it had to be walked outside regardless of the time or weather.
 
2014-02-10 03:23:58 PM  
My kid's shiat had a fainlty fruity (or more accurately, blueberry) smell to it when he was newly born.  It really added a missing ingredient to a sort of already stanky bouquet.  Weird thing is, within a couple weeks, my own shiat started to take on that blueberry-ish odor.  It smelled as shiatty as it always did, but with a blueberry tinge.  I thought maybe his nasty shiat had just psychologically scarred me into smelling blueberry-laced turds everywhere, but then my wife told me hers had taken on that smell as well.  We were on different schedules, never ate the same meals together (she worked days, while I stayed home, and I worked swing shift, while she stayed home).  Never figured that one out.
 
2014-02-10 03:28:41 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-02-10 03:30:57 PM  

Fizics: Actually I can agree with this, I have been forced to change my child on occasion in public facilities (Ladies Room) and at times I have  to ask other mothers to take their children outside because their odor is unbearable to my child. If I cannot find a suitable "odor-free" area in which to change her I will ask to use a manager's private office. I have noticed that some of the more common children have intense foul odor, most likely linking to their diet but my strict vegan lifestyle affords my children an almost "odor-free" process of elimination.

This isn't to put other mothers down but at times I am forced to ask them to leave and it is embarrassing to me.



What a pretentious ass.
 
2014-02-10 03:31:23 PM  
As a parent of little littluns and expert on the subject matter from the link, let me explain to you that I will never discuss this nonsense with anyone, save for perhaps a doctor or a desperate parent, to whom I will reference a physician.  This will not be part of our conversation.
 
Displayed 50 of 81 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


Report