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(BBC)   It's complicated but totally worth it: "A man has been jailed for three years for robbing a nightclub boss who claimed he had been kidnapped by a group of lapdancers." And there's photos of everyone involved. It's like a perfect Fark link   (bbc.co.uk) divider line 60
    More: Followup, Alex Morris, Bristol Crown Court  
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16803 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Feb 2014 at 11:29 AM (33 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



60 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-02-10 11:33:05 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2014-02-10 11:36:17 AM

Anayalator: [i.imgur.com image 610x343]


classy... just glad I was not drinking when I saw that
 
2014-02-10 11:36:51 AM
*looks at the clothing attire*

Farkers don't own a wardrobe this nice - trust me, I know...I've seen.
 
2014-02-10 11:36:58 AM

Anayalator: [i.imgur.com image 610x343]


So, something for everyone then?
 
2014-02-10 11:39:32 AM

Thelyphthoric: Anayalator: [i.imgur.com image 610x343]

So, something for everyone then?


Queue Stefon
 
2014-02-10 11:39:34 AM
Yes, if I recall they found the Breitling watch in the perp's rectum. It could have killed him.
 
2014-02-10 11:39:45 AM
#3...

www.gq.com
 
2014-02-10 11:41:22 AM

Anayalator: [i.imgur.com image 610x343]


So you're saying it's best their job is done while facing away from the client?
 
ecl
2014-02-10 11:42:24 AM
WHORES!!11!1


assets.diylol.com
 
2014-02-10 11:42:55 AM
I like Pye.
 
2014-02-10 11:43:06 AM
I'm lookin for a longer headline.
 
2014-02-10 11:44:17 AM
"pop-up nightclub"?
 
2014-02-10 11:45:14 AM
The women had worked for Mr Woodman at his pop-up nightclub during the Cheltenham Festival.

Pop-up nightclub? Similar to the choose-your-own-adventure nightclubs and the scratch-and-sniff nightclubs?
 
2014-02-10 11:47:05 AM
The Madam Manager is the best looking one of the bunch, but I guess they're Cheltenham-hot.
 
2014-02-10 11:48:49 AM
Well, let's be honest.  The perfect Fark link has ads that take 5 minutes to load and freeze your screen, have heavy scripting or virus warnings, and eventually crash your browser so you have to go into the comments to hope for a good summary of the story.
In this range of time, the perfect story would include a gun so we could have 5-pages of gun outrage and 2nd Amendment...stuff...when no one even mentioned a thing about gun control in the first place.
 
2014-02-10 11:49:40 AM
In the movies, the black guy always gets killed first.  In English lap-dancer gang kidnap cases, the black guy always gets the jail time.  It's the law!
 
2014-02-10 11:53:22 AM
Can someone diagram this for me? I am not following.
 
2014-02-10 11:59:15 AM
Cool, Goodchild, Pye. If I wasn't a proper lady.....

/proper lady on Fark?
//simply can't suss out the joke
///hangs head in shame
 
2014-02-10 12:02:31 PM

jst3p: Can someone diagram this for me? I am not following.


Sure. The victim had a "pop-up" night club event. British equivalent to an off-premised shindig. He stiffed the club owner and her workers of promised fee. Club owner hired thug to kidnap and rob victim for fees owed.
 
2014-02-10 12:04:02 PM

lindalouwho: Cool, Goodchild, Pye. If I wasn't a proper lady.....

/proper lady on Fark?
//simply can't suss out the joke
///hangs head in shame


It's OK, you're from Pittsburgh, we understand.
 
2014-02-10 12:04:07 PM
So wait. Why would the dancer group kidnap their manager?

And then why would some other guy rob the kidnapped manager?

Headline confusion.
 
2014-02-10 12:04:27 PM

miss diminutive: scratch-and-sniff nightclubs


I'd stay away from those.
 
2014-02-10 12:07:20 PM

LeroyB: So wait. Why would the dancer group kidnap their manager?


And then why would some other guy rob the kidnapped manager?


Headline confusion.



I imagine that's what the jury thought and gave him three years.
 
2014-02-10 12:08:45 PM

lindalouwho: Cool, Goodchild, Pye. If I wasn't a proper lady.....

/proper lady on Fark?
//simply can't suss out the joke
///hangs head in shame


Me too. Best I could come up with would earn me a seat right over there.
 
2014-02-10 12:09:10 PM

genepool lifeboat: miss diminutive: scratch-and-sniff nightclubs

I'd stay away from those.


I went to a gentleman's club that had a "touch & go" policy. You touch one you go. I came and went.
 
2014-02-10 12:11:02 PM

Galloping Galoshes: lindalouwho: Cool, Goodchild, Pye. If I wasn't a proper lady.....

/proper lady on Fark?
//simply can't suss out the joke
///hangs head in shame

It's OK, you're from Pittsburgh, we understand.


I'll get you for that, my pretty!

/looks behind me
//hey, where'd you go?
 
2014-02-10 12:11:15 PM
Why didn't they post pics of the strippers? All I saw were some washerwomen, or homeless ladies. Not sure which.
 
2014-02-10 12:14:09 PM

99.998er: jst3p: Can someone diagram this for me? I am not following.

Sure. The victim had a "pop-up" night club event. British equivalent to an off-premised shindig. He stiffed the club owner and her workers of promised fee. Club owner hired thug to kidnap and rob victim for fees owed.


Nope. The victim owns a nightclub. He had a pop-up event at an off-site festival, and hired three lapdancers to work it (work it, work it). Owing them £42k after the event, he instead hired the perp to kidnap him and then blamed it on the lapdancers and their manager.

For whatever reason, apparently only the perp went to jail.

/my read
//who wants to take a crack at it next?
 
2014-02-10 12:15:29 PM

99.998er: genepool lifeboat: miss diminutive: scratch-and-sniff nightclubs

I'd stay away from those.

I went to a gentleman's club that had a "touch & go" policy. You touch one you go. I came and went.


And we all know it happened that fast, but did you touch one?
 
2014-02-10 12:17:38 PM
Women who disrobe in public are to be commended.
 
2014-02-10 12:23:02 PM

99.998er: jst3p: Can someone diagram this for me? I am not following.

Sure. The victim had a "pop-up" night club event. British equivalent to an off-premised shindig. He stiffed the club owner and her workers of promised fee. Club owner hired thug to kidnap and rob victim for fees owed.


Thanks, I don't know why I couldn't follow tfa. Guess I have a case of the monday's.
 
2014-02-10 12:23:45 PM

Sin_City_Superhero: Women who disrobe in public are to be commended.


Careful what you wish for...

2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-02-10 12:24:40 PM

brimed03: 99.998er: jst3p: Can someone diagram this for me? I am not following.

Sure. The victim had a "pop-up" night club event. British equivalent to an off-premised shindig. He stiffed the club owner and her workers of promised fee. Club owner hired thug to kidnap and rob victim for fees owed.

Nope. The victim owns a nightclub. He had a pop-up event at an off-site festival, and hired three lapdancers to work it (work it, work it). Owing them £42k after the event, he instead hired the perp to kidnap him and then blamed it on the lapdancers and their manager.

For whatever reason, apparently only the perp went to jail.

/my read
//who wants to take a crack at it next?


Great now I am confused again.

I don't know.   THIRD BASE!
 
2014-02-10 12:29:10 PM
Of all the ways to be kidnapped, being kidnapped by lapdancers has got to rank near the top.

//I would also accept "as a part of local sorority initiation rituals".
 
2014-02-10 12:29:18 PM

jst3p: Sin_City_Superhero: Women who disrobe in public are to be commended.

Careful what you wish for...

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 300x257]


She doesn't disrobe so much as de-tent.
 
2014-02-10 12:37:29 PM
A group of women kidnap their boss? What a way to make  living.
 
2014-02-10 12:39:19 PM
img.fark.net

BTW, what is a 'heavy' exactly? Damn you Brits and your proper but arcane use of the English language!
 
2014-02-10 12:44:12 PM
Here's what #3 looks like from the important angle.
i.dailymail.co.uk
 
2014-02-10 12:45:07 PM

kling_klang_bed: [img.fark.net image 326x155]

BTW, what is a 'heavy' exactly? Damn you Brits and your proper but arcane use of the English language!


They're much like your American, "hired goons".
 
2014-02-10 12:49:40 PM

jst3p: Can someone diagram this for me? I am not following.


There are pictures of women.
That's all that matters for a Fark greenlight.
 
2014-02-10 12:56:17 PM

Slaxl: kling_klang_bed: [img.fark.net image 326x155]

BTW, what is a 'heavy' exactly? Damn you Brits and your proper but arcane use of the English language!

They're much like your American, "hired goons".


It was used here and meant the same.  Maybe a little dated, but, so am I.  The "heavies" had shoulder holsters for their onions, in my day.  And sharkskin suits, too.  And if they said they were going to "whack" you, look out. Getting hit with those onions hurt.
 
2014-02-10 12:56:18 PM

exick: Here's what #3 looks like from the important angle.
[i.dailymail.co.uk image 306x546]


That looks better.

That coat button is screaming for help!
 
2014-02-10 12:59:11 PM
"M'Lud, when they were hired, they were represented as Lapp dancers.  I had intended them as but an example of what might be experienced at my upcoming folk-dancing academy.  It was then made known to me that none of the young women had any ethnic dance training, nor were any even of Lapp heritage!"
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2014-02-10 01:05:28 PM

exick: Here's what #3 looks like from the important angle.
[i.dailymail.co.uk image 306x546]


I was going to say no, but now I would say yes.
 
2014-02-10 01:06:56 PM
Lap Dancer? More like fat dancer
 
2014-02-10 01:08:12 PM

d23: exick: Here's what #3 looks like from the important angle.
[i.dailymail.co.uk image 306x546]

I was going to say no, but now I would say yes.


Something tells me, you're getting your ass tied to the bed and she's inviting her girl friend over, NTTAWWT.
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2014-02-10 01:09:36 PM

zimbomba63: d23: exick: Here's what #3 looks like from the important angle.
[i.dailymail.co.uk image 306x546]

I was going to say no, but now I would say yes.

Something tells me, you're getting your ass tied to the bed and she's inviting her girl friend over, NTTAWWT.


fine with me.
 
2014-02-10 01:09:51 PM

Nana's Vibrator: Well, let's be honest.  The perfect Fark link has ads that take 5 minutes to load and freeze your screen, have heavy scripting or virus warnings, and eventually crash your browser so you have to go into the comments to hope for a good summary of the story.
In this range of time, the perfect story would include a gun so we could have 5-pages of gun outrage and 2nd Amendment...stuff...when no one even mentioned a thing about gun control in the first place.


TFA does have the Brit equivalent, which is "possession of a craft knife".
So, we have THAT going for us...
 
2014-02-10 01:11:33 PM

abhorrent1: Lap Dancer? More like fat dancer


I was thinking break-your-lap dancer.
 
2014-02-10 01:40:31 PM

jst3p: Sin_City_Superhero: Women who disrobe in public are to be commended.

Careful what you wish for...

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 300x257]


What is a Juggalo?
 
2014-02-10 01:48:29 PM
BBC?  I ok with this.
 
2014-02-10 01:58:09 PM

Stratohead: jst3p: Sin_City_Superhero: Women who disrobe in public are to be commended.

Careful what you wish for...

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 300x257]

What is a Juggalo?


A rock groupie after a lobotomy.
 
2014-02-10 02:09:47 PM

jst3p: Sin_City_Superhero: Women who disrobe in public are to be commended.

Careful what you wish for...

img.fark.net


The great thing about a woman like that...when you inevitably get tired of her shiat, and decide to leave, it ain't like she's gonna chase you down. You just distract her with a bucket of fried chicken, and make your escape. Easy-peasy mac & cheesy!
 
2014-02-10 03:25:55 PM
That third one, I couldn't get it up for her with a tow truck.
 
2014-02-10 04:04:03 PM

Stratohead: jst3p: Sin_City_Superhero: Women who disrobe in public are to be commended.

Careful what you wish for...

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 300x257]

What is a Juggalo?


A cretinous embarrassment to the United States that walks around free because we closed the state mental institutions.  
Evidence of the diminished mental capacity is that they routinely listen to Insane Clown Posse and drink Faygo (a horrendous carbonated beverage unfit for consumption by anyone who respects their health).
 
2014-02-10 05:41:59 PM

brimed03: 99.998er: jst3p: Can someone diagram this for me? I am not following.

Sure. The victim had a "pop-up" night club event. British equivalent to an off-premised shindig. He stiffed the club owner and her workers of promised fee. Club owner hired thug to kidnap and rob victim for fees owed.

Nope. The victim owns a nightclub. He had a pop-up event at an off-site festival, and hired three lapdancers to work it (work it, work it). Owing them £42k after the event, he instead hired the perp to kidnap him and then blamed it on the lapdancers and their manager.

For whatever reason, apparently only the perp went to jail.

/my read
//who wants to take a crack at it next?


The original story points out that these girls actually cost him the 'pop up' nightclub.

They signed contracts saying they wouldn't remove their shirts/display nipples, something like that, as that was one of the items HE had to follow to rent out the space.  They got 3 warnings when they did it anyway (bigger tips or something), and the police shut his event down, 2 days early.  So basically their actions torpedoed his club.

The contract said that if they broke the rules, they didn't get anything, so, they didn't.

He, himself, didn't get as much as he expected, and legally, apparently, he owes the girls nothing.  I myself was surprised he didn't sue them, but I don't know about english law in this regard.

Anyway, so they got this big guy to threaten him, throw him in the back of a car, and then robbed him at knife point of a swanky watch and his wallet, and then ditched him and the car, telling him that he still owed all the money or they'd cut/kill him.

Later, the police found the watch hidden up the ass of the hood's brother, though they claimed the club owner had 'just given it to them for no reason and they weren't sure why.'  Also, they claimed to not have any knife, but a knife exactly matching the description of the one the club owner claimed they pulled on him was found in their possession.  They were surprised to note it was there.

It's more or less obvious that the women got the guy to do it, and the guy got his brother to attempt to hide evidence, but my question is why they're not being charged as accessories?
 
2014-02-10 05:52:39 PM

Thelyphthoric: Anayalator: [i.imgur.com image 610x343]

So, something for everyone then?


*whispers* A tragedy tonight. *whispers*

/ everybody ought to have a maid
 
2014-02-10 05:54:37 PM

Sin_City_Superhero: jst3p: Sin_City_Superhero: Women who disrobe in public are to be commended.

Careful what you wish for...



The great thing about a woman like that...when you inevitably get tired of her shiat, and decide to leave, it ain't like she's gonna chase you down. You just distract her with a bucket of fried chicken, and make your escape. Easy-peasy mac & cheesy!


You'd need to put a rodeo clown on retainer for grocery day.
 
2014-02-10 05:57:17 PM

OgreMagi: Stratohead: jst3p: Sin_City_Superhero: Women who disrobe in public are to be commended.

Careful what you wish for...

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 300x257]

What is a Juggalo?

A rock groupie after a lobotomy.


That's not fair to the lobotomized; even they have more sense than the Juggali (juggalos?)
 
2014-02-10 09:12:58 PM

exick: Here's what #3 looks like from the important angle.
[i.dailymail.co.uk image 306x546]


Cowabunga, Buffalo Bob.....
 
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