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(The New York Times)   Women don't want to have sex with husbands who do their share of the housework. Of course, they don't want to have sex with insensitive husbands who don't do any housework. TL;DR: Married women don't want to have sex with their husbands   (nytimes.com) divider line 267
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8129 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Feb 2014 at 1:11 PM (23 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-02-08 02:41:55 PM

Ionessa: baconbeard: Egalitarian: Also like to point out, there are so many guys out there who can't stand it when their woman tries to initiate sex ... it has to be completely on the man's schedule and terms. Woman acts horny at anything but the appointed time? OH NOEZ SCARY!!! GET AWAY!

[img.fark.net image 215x159]

Sadly can be true. I'm in a relationship like that currently. Everything has to be on his schedule and based on his mood, meanwhile I'm horny as hell with no outlet. I still try my best to try to initiate despite the fact though. He's damn lucky that I'm so loyal, to say the least.


I really hope you two can fix that shiat if you plan on marrying this guy.  I know from experience that if a woman with a high libido isn't getting it at home will find it else where.
/goooood luck
 
2014-02-08 02:42:42 PM

SearchN: Ionessa: baconbeard: Egalitarian: Also like to point out, there are so many guys out there who can't stand it when their woman tries to initiate sex ... it has to be completely on the man's schedule and terms. Woman acts horny at anything but the appointed time? OH NOEZ SCARY!!! GET AWAY!

[img.fark.net image 215x159]

Sadly can be true. I'm in a relationship like that currently. Everything has to be on his schedule and based on his mood, meanwhile I'm horny as hell with no outlet. I still try my best to try to initiate despite the fact though. He's damn lucky that I'm so loyal, to say the least.

I am sure lots of farkers would be happy to help you out with that..


that fruit was so low you could win the limbo Olympics if you could get under it.
 
2014-02-08 02:43:03 PM
I could go into the cycle of pheromones, tolerance, and all the other stuff here. In the end, what I read was that women, married or not, desire a man who is giving off that 'manly' aura. It's not whether or not he helps around the house, it's if he is 'manly' at the end of the day. Just like men where feminine women inspire the libido. It goes both ways.
The hard part is that once you get married, and you cohabitate in close quarters, you have to battle building up a tolerance to each other's 'scent', and still keep the masculine/feminine aura present while still working together.

In the end, I think of the stories of women who forced themselves into having sex with their husbands on a regular schedule who noted they become more responsive, more aware of their own health, contributions around the house, and her needs. I also think of the two hour lecture I received on pheromones and how diet and exercise can make them stronger and more effective in the first 24 hours after workouts to stimulate your partners (not necessarily weight, just getting into that 'pleasing' pheromone range from the 'rancid' ones or 'faint' ones. And I think of all the friends and family who have noted similar. In the end, men who have moments of masculinity and women who have moments of femininity continue to spark desire for each other, and that is key.
 
2014-02-08 02:43:26 PM

namatad: "There are always going to be trade-offs."

"Sex in any marriage is idiosyncratic and complex "


But dont try to tell me that one partner should be miserable and sexless because the other partner quit having sex.  Unless sex wasnt part of your marriage in the first place. Why did you get married again?
Religion? Kids? Dont kids require sex??



There are three rings in life:

1. The engagement ring
2. The wedding ring
3. The suffering
 
2014-02-08 02:43:33 PM

m00: QU!RK1019: Withholding sex, huh? Like, "Look I have all this sex but I won't let you have any of it"?

This is a really astute point. Withholding sex presupposes that sex is a "thing" that one can "have" and one partner has it in abundance, and only needs to "share'

Whereas in reality sex is an activity that both partners ought to enjoy, and a man who wants to have more sex in his marriage needs to figure out what he's doing wrong that makes it undesirable for his wife.

NOW... the problem... is I think very often women are unreasonable in this respect. A man can turn himself on, or lets say really focus on sex. It's not like a man would be "oh, I wanted sex but then I started thinking about how the trash needs to be taken out." But I think women often expect men to turn them on, and remove all distractions... and are generally in a position of being more demanding (in terms of "if you want to have sex with me, then you need to do X Y and Z") than they have even 30 or 40 years ago. And it can get very emotionally manipulative.

Ultimately, the answer is a man shouldn't marry a woman who is unreasonable in this respect, and a woman shouldn't marry a man who sees sex has a thing he can have. But then most people would be single.


Actually, that kind of thinking isn't always helpful.  It can actually hurt both partners to think that there's something wrong with what they're doing.  I've heard from many people - men and women - who still think their partner is the sexiest person they know, but they just don't get aroused as often as they used to.  It's hard for them to convince their partner that they still love and desire them.  Conversely, it can be very depressing to think that you're doing something wrong and not attracting your spouse any more.

In some cases it is the truth.  But in many others, both partners need to learn to accept that it's far more complex than that.
 
2014-02-08 02:45:07 PM

Candygram4Mongo: Married women don't want to have sex with their own husbands.

FTFY


THIS
 
2014-02-08 02:45:14 PM
QU!RK1019:

Here's the thing.  My wife and I have sex about once a week.  Not often enough for me, more often than she would prefer.  But I am madly in love with her, still after 10 years of marriage, I adore my children, and I love my life.  There's no way in hell I'm walking away from all that just so I can get more pussy.   Frequency of sex pales in comparison to everything else.

If you really believed that, you would have sex less often, however seldom she would prefer.

Instead you beg for it and she appeases you. You might be fine with that arrangement, and she might be too, but don't pretend that your mediocre version of fulfillment is the ideal for all humanity or this brave moral stance you're taking. It's not a very big priority for you. We don't all have the same priorities, and we don't all have the same reasons for them. Learn this and a whole new world will open up to you.
 
2014-02-08 02:45:37 PM

Peepeye: I'm a female who is engaged. All these comments are freaking me out a bit. The very few times I've turned him down are when he wakes me up for a morning quickie, although I usually don't mind. And if I wake him up at night....he's always willing. We work a lot. Lack of time is our issue.


Nothing wrong with turning down a quickie, just don't turn down every quickie.
I've turned down one, she was trying to throw me a bone for flaking on a "date nite" because she lost track of time.
Two can play that game, as long as it's not a zero sum game.

/married 16 yrs
//still boinking
 
2014-02-08 02:45:51 PM
"My friends" are in "their" 16th year of marriage & 18th year together.

Do "they" have sex as often as "they" could/should? Nope, not by a long shot. Never have, probably never will.

Is that a problem? "He" certainly thinks so - then again, "he's" not the one with self esteem issues that directly affect sexuality. Is it a point of contention in "their" relationship? Yup, on an almost daily basis. But "they" are not miserable. It's simply a question of who/what "they" could be if things were just a little different.

Separation is not an option. "He's" not willing to give up seeing "their" children on a daily basis, or to give up half "his" pension and income over a hurdle that will never be overcome.

There'll be none of this open relationship nonsense, either - fidelity is directly tied to "her" self esteem issues. It is what it is.

"They" are not the only ones "they" know who are in this situation - the idea that separation would be worse than sticking together. It's that way by design, and some decisions can't be un-made in the here and now. Daydreaming of what could be is better than the reality of what really happens in a modern divorce with children and assets.
 
2014-02-08 02:46:44 PM

QU!RK1019: namatad: HAHAHH HAHAHAH AHHAHAHAH HAHHAHAAH
OR, she could realize that there are more important things than withholding sex from her husband?

step 1) enter into a binding. monogamous relationship
step 2) withhold sex
step 3) wonder why they cheat or divorce you

I wonder how many men would get married if there was a sex clause in their prenuptials.


Look I get that things change over time, but why are they in a monogamous relationship which they refuse to have sex and expect their spouse to do the same?
I get that some people might not care, we are talking about the other 99% of unsexed spouses.

/the number of unhappy. unsexed, married people that I know cracks me up.
/strange, the recently divorced woman that I know is one of the happiest people. she left her sexless marriage and had moved on with her life. She is also one of the most religious people I know. She went with LIFE over setting such a terrible example for her children.
/csb

Withholding sex, huh?  Like, "Look I have all this sex but I won't let you have any of it"?  Do you know how many women would save their marriages if it was just as simple as "stop withholding"?  Probably not.  Since the idea that anything could be more important than sexual compatibility made you type out "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA," I'm just going to have to assume you are about as sexually mature as a middle schooler.


You;re either trolling or stupid, which is it?

Or do you support being in uncommunicative marriages, too?
 
2014-02-08 02:47:00 PM

Peepeye: I'm a female who is engaged. All these comments are freaking me out a bit. The very few times I've turned him down are when he wakes me up for a morning quickie, although I usually don't mind. And if I wake him up at night....he's always willing. We work a lot. Lack of time is our issue.


USE YOUR WORDS
It is all about words.
Expectations. Etc.

As long as you talk about this shiat long before it comes a problem, it wont become a problem.

"NO HONEY. I am tired, need to get going for work, blah blah blah. Go jerk off and we will fark like crazy later tonight!"  or whatever

Or you can do what millions other people do. Push him away, get pissed, push him away some more, complain to your girlfriends instead of talking to him, and enter the relationship death spiral.

I wonder how many people actually talk about these things before getting married.
More afraid to share the truth, find out that one of them is unhappy with the current level of things.
 
2014-02-08 02:48:16 PM

Peepeye: baconbeard: Peepeye: I'm a female who is engaged. All these comments are freaking me out a bit. The very few times I've turned him down are when he wakes me up for a morning quickie, although I usually don't mind. And if I wake him up at night....he's always willing. We work a lot. Lack of time is our issue.

Sounds like lack of time is your issue, not his. Good luck... you'll need it.

Being woken up after 4 hrs of sleep for a quickie is different than waking up at the same time to go to work. If he shot me down for the same reason I would understand. Nice try though.


But that's the point. He wouldn't turn it down.
 
2014-02-08 02:48:37 PM

overthinker: In the end, what I read was that women, married or not, desire a man who is giving off that 'manly' aura.


You mean like, walking up to her and farting in her face? That's never really worked all that well for me.
 
2014-02-08 02:51:49 PM

Terminal Accessory: Peepeye: I'm a female who is engaged. All these comments are freaking me out a bit. The very few times I've turned him down are when he wakes me up for a morning quickie, although I usually don't mind. And if I wake him up at night....he's always willing. We work a lot. Lack of time is our issue.

Happily married man of 5 years and having sex at least twice a week, even with a newborn.  (After the healing process, of course)

We just make it a point to stay frisky.   Lots of compliments, innuendo, the occasional grope on the flyby, just to remind each other that we find them other sexy.

About once a month one or the other of us "plans" a sexy night with added romance and foreplay.   The rest of the time we just sort of pounce each other.

We do make sure to take into account how the other is feeling before initiating it, but I love when my wife starts it all.  Sexy as hell.

She keeps some nice lingerie and heels around, I've got some silk boxers she likes on me, it's not THAT difficult.

If you find them attractive, you should want to have sex with them, and you should tell them that often.

If you don't want to have sex with them, there's a problem.

I think one key is be able to forget all that other crap for a while, and just concentrate on having sex with the person you love and desire.   Leave work, and in-laws, and bills, and all that other junk at the bedroom door.



This bears repeating:  Leave work, and in-laws, and bills, and all that other junk at the bedroom door.
 
2014-02-08 02:52:41 PM

houstondragon: //Had women friends who bragged about cutting off sex at marriage
///Poor bastards still married them


this shiat cracks me up
the cutting them off
the no more blow jobs
the once a month or vacation only sex

talk about false expectations being set before marriage
 
2014-02-08 02:52:52 PM
Feh.  I have never had that problem.  My wife won't leave my penis alone.  Our sexual relationship is more like that of Al and Peg Bundy.
 
2014-02-08 02:56:10 PM

quo vadimus: If you really believed that, you would have sex less often, however seldom she would prefer.

Instead you beg for it and she appeases you. You might be fine with that arrangement, and she might be too, but don't pretend that your mediocre version of fulfillment is the ideal for all humanity or this brave moral stance you're taking. It's not a very big priority for you. We don't all have the same priorities, and we don't all have the same reasons for them. Learn this and a whole new world will open up to you.


No, it's not an all or nothing predicament.  I like Thai food, she doesn't care for it.  Is that important enough to divorce her over?  Conversely, should we never go to a Thai restaurant ever again?  Or... sheesh, maybe we could try to compromise.

What a farking concept.

Besides, you're farking weird with the "you beg for it and she appeases you"assumption.
 
2014-02-08 02:58:27 PM

autopsybeverage: Theory Of Null: There is really no reason left to get married. Well, except for taxes.

I owe far more in taxes every year married filing jointly than I did single. This is because with two incomes, we are in a higher tax bracket.

The tax breaks come when you agree to give creepy Uncle Sam children to use as he sees fit in his nation-building games, I assume.


Yes, we have the same problem - married filing jointly farks us, quite frankly.  Also, with our combined incomes we don't qualify for the earned income tax credit so that kid we had was a waste of time as well. :\

/Just kidding about the kid, our daughter is awesome!
//we still get to write off the daycare costs, w00t!
///I hope to God she doesn't join the military,.. maybe the war in Afghanistan will be over in 9 years, though! >.<
 
2014-02-08 03:00:55 PM

Ionessa: baconbeard: Egalitarian: Also like to point out, there are so many guys out there who can't stand it when their woman tries to initiate sex ... it has to be completely on the man's schedule and terms. Woman acts horny at anything but the appointed time? OH NOEZ SCARY!!! GET AWAY!

[img.fark.net image 215x159]

Sadly can be true. I'm in a relationship like that currently. Everything has to be on his schedule and based on his mood, meanwhile I'm horny as hell with no outlet. I still try my best to try to initiate despite the fact though. He's damn lucky that I'm so loyal, to say the least.


That sound you're hearing is millions of farkers clicking on your profile.
 
2014-02-08 03:03:48 PM

Hermione_Granger: Dear Men,

Stop listening to shiat like this written by some guy who hasn't seen pussy since he crawled out of one.

Look, If you shag your wife on the regular, you will find that she does all the housework and will shut the fark up about it. Women need dick like plants need rain. Don't shag your wife and she will biatch about everything else. But it's really the lack of dick she's pissed about.

She doesn't just need dick. She needs seduction and romance. She needs a sexy smack on the ass now and again and occasionally, a fark just because.

fark your wife. fark her hard, fark her often. It's not that women don't want sex. They just don't want your lazy, tired imitating porn sex that you think she wants. Lick her, spank her, pull her hair. fark the shiat out of her at least every two or three days.

She will do the housework because she'll be happy. You may even get steak.

Now. Ask me how I know?

Remarried and farking happy, that's why. Good dick and a lot of it, makes me a lot less biatchy. Just saying.

It's not feminist. It's not politically correct. It's just farking true.

Go shag your wife.


You shouldn't have married Ron in the first place.
 
2014-02-08 03:03:53 PM
ITT everyone is wrong about everything ever.
 
2014-02-08 03:04:31 PM

Carousel Beast: You;re either trolling or stupid, which is it?

Or do you support being in uncommunicative marriages, too?


Well, I'm fantastically intelligent, so I guess I must be trolling.  I don't know where you're getting that, but ok.
 
2014-02-08 03:05:08 PM

Egalitarian: This BS again? Plenty of straight men who don't want to have sex with their long-term partner as often as the gal would prefer. Of course, when men start holding out on sex, it's because of their promiscuous biological urges or being tired of the same old vag or some crap. Whereas women who do the same are stereotypical withholding frigid wives. (if a woman gets tired of the same old peen, that's a whole 'nother firestorm).

Also like to point out, there are so many guys out there who can't stand it when their woman tries to initiate sex ... it has to be completely on the man's schedule and terms. Woman acts horny at anything but the appointed time? OH NOEZ SCARY!!! GET AWAY!


That is like the ultimate turnon for me, though
 
2014-02-08 03:05:11 PM

namatad: Peepeye: I'm a female who is engaged. All these comments are freaking me out a bit. The very few times I've turned him down are when he wakes me up for a morning quickie, although I usually don't mind. And if I wake him up at night....he's always willing. We work a lot. Lack of time is our issue.

USE YOUR WORDS
It is all about words.
Expectations. Etc.

As long as you talk about this shiat long before it comes a problem, it wont become a problem.

"NO HONEY. I am tired, need to get going for work, blah blah blah. Go jerk off and we will fark like crazy later tonight!"  or whatever

Or you can do what millions other people do. Push him away, get pissed, push him away some more, complain to your girlfriends instead of talking to him, and enter the relationship death spiral.

I wonder how many people actually talk about these things before getting married.
More afraid to share the truth, find out that one of them is unhappy with the current level of things.


You speak the truth. Lack of communication has always been an issue with me in the past. I am finally with someone I feel comfortable sharing my thoughts with. Or if not comfortable, at least I don't feel like I'll run him off. I'll admit, he is the more grounded of the 2 of us. He wants me to speak up more about sex. I'm trying.
 
2014-02-08 03:06:15 PM

Egalitarian: This BS again? Plenty of straight men who don't want to have sex with their long-term partner as often as the gal would prefer. Of course, when men start holding out on sex, it's because of their promiscuous biological urges or being tired of the same old vag or some crap. Whereas women who do the same are stereotypical withholding frigid wives. (if a woman gets tired of the same old peen, that's a whole 'nother firestorm).

Also like to point out, there are so many guys out there who can't stand it when their woman tries to initiate sex ... it has to be completely on the man's schedule and terms. Woman acts horny at anything but the appointed time? OH NOEZ SCARY!!! GET AWAY!


I'm guilty of the last point more often than  I'd care to admit. If I'm not in the mood it's really difficult to get there.
 
2014-02-08 03:06:21 PM

Hermione_Granger: Go shag your wife.


This works for us. Good to see someone else who gets it. But there's this:

Egalitarian: Also like to point out, there are so many guys out there who can't stand it when their woman tries to initiate sex ... it has to be completely on the man's schedule and terms. Woman acts horny at anything but the appointed time? OH NOEZ SCARY!!! GET AWAY!


It has to go both ways. If you can both agree on the lines and say that there's pretty much no such thing as rape in the relationship (barring extenuating circumstances) and both of you promise to always be down with what the other wants sexually then it just snowballs and gets better, assuming you're compatible and chose your partner wisely. If there are really guys like that who can't handle a woman taking control that's pretty sad and pathetic to me. Guys need to open up more than that. No wonder women get bored.
 
2014-02-08 03:09:35 PM

TanHamster: FTA: "masculine chores, like ... fixing the car"


Slightly off topic...  I'm an engineer at a large company (about 3000 employees at this site) and I would expect engineers to have the competence to tackle auto repairs.  Nope.  I'm the only man I know who even does his own oil changes.  I've never had my car to a garage for anything other than an inspection, and I'm by no means a master mechanic.  Fixing cars is not particularly difficult if you have the right tools.  My observation is that lots of men are pretty helpless when it comes to fixing the car.

LOL at the people who pay a dealer $75+ for a synthetic oil change.  AutoZone synthetic is $20/jug, and Amazon has Fram filters for $3 when you subscribe-and-save.  Do your own oil changes, and take that $50 you're saving and treat your spouse to a nice dinner.


Try the K&N filters if you use synthetic. They're rated to go more miles whereas your Wix or Fram might only be rated for 5-7500 miles with conventional oil. Plus the K&N filters have a 1" nut at the bottom to facilitate easier removal. They're about $13-15 but if you figure a Fram retails for about $5-6 it evens out with the longer intervals with synthetic.
 
2014-02-08 03:14:09 PM

img.fark.net

 
2014-02-08 03:17:04 PM

Egalitarian: there are so many guys out there who can't stand it when their woman tries to initiate sex ... it has to be completely on the man's schedule and terms. Woman acts horny at anything but the appointed time? OH NOEZ SCARY!!! GET AWAY!


Who the fark are these assholes?  Elderly Arabs?  I love it when my wife initiates sex.  I also love it when it's my idea and she goes for it.  Does that make her a prostitute?  We're married, for farks's sake.
 
2014-02-08 03:18:15 PM

TanHamster: FTA: "masculine chores, like ... fixing the car"


Slightly off topic...  I'm an engineer at a large company (about 3000 employees at this site) and I would expect engineers to have the competence to tackle auto repairs.  Nope.  I'm the only man I know who even does his own oil changes.  I've never had my car to a garage for anything other than an inspection, and I'm by no means a master mechanic.  Fixing cars is not particularly difficult if you have the right tools.  My observation is that lots of men are pretty helpless when it comes to fixing the car.

LOL at the people who pay a dealer $75+ for a synthetic oil change.  AutoZone synthetic is $20/jug, and Amazon has Fram filters for $3 when you subscribe-and-save.  Do your own oil changes, and take that $50 you're saving and treat your spouse to a nice dinner.


I used to not know a damned thing about cars except changing the battery and the bulbs until about 5 years ago or so, when we were very broke and I figured I could probably tackle my own oil changes and save a few bucks. So I watched a couple videos and did it.  Then the door latch mechanism broke, so I took it apart and fixed it with a coathanger.Then my steering column got sort of knocked loose, so I got the Haynes manual, took it apart, and jimmied it back into it's proper place.Then I needed new brake pads, so I did that. Then the main bank of power window switches went out, so I took apart my console and replaced it. Then my alternator quit, so I learned how to replace it, as well as the serpentine belt, the power steering pump, the thermostat, etc, etc...

I'm still not a "car guy" but I've gotten a lot better at fixing things as they break. It doesn't hurt that I've been learning on a 1996 Volvo. Repairs are usually minor but not infrequent. Used parts on ebay are cheap and online forums are amazingly informative. Plus, my wife thinks I'm a total stud because I can do these things without taking the car to a shop.
 
2014-02-08 03:19:57 PM
"Women have less problems finding people willing to help them in adultery than men do."

THIS.


Astute observation. We both have hall passes after 15 years. Guess who's getting strange and who isn't?


//we still fark like beasts though.
//married, kids, wife. Hi ladies, come and get it!
 
2014-02-08 03:20:17 PM

ramblinwreck: sn82: Headso: sn82: DubyaHater: This is why I don't get married. I just date a girl for a few years, get bored with her and break up with her. Easier than cheating and marriage would just complicate the break-up.

Why do you break-up with her? Was there something wrong with her or the relationship?

he said he dates boring chicks and gets tired of them.

Shhhh, I was testing him.

So, why are you shaming this guy?  Is it the fact that he won't get married?  Because marriage is SUCH a good deal for men if it ends in divorce - in which 70% of divorces are filed by women and it jumps to 90% of divorces are initiated by the woman if she's a college graduate.


I'm pretty sure that that's not what he's insinuating.
 
2014-02-08 03:21:43 PM
"Specifically, if men did all of what the researchers characterized as feminine chores like folding laundry, cooking or vacuuming - the kinds of things many women say they want their husbands to do - then couples had sex 1.5 fewer times per month than those with husbands who did what were considered masculine chores, like taking out the trash or fixing the car.  "

That's right. Zero devided by 1.5 is still zero.

/ Married.
 
2014-02-08 03:24:56 PM
Notice the lack of married people having sex pictures in this thread?

What's THAT tell ya?
 
2014-02-08 03:27:10 PM

TanHamster: FTA: "masculine chores, like ... fixing the car"


Slightly off topic...  I'm an engineer at a large company (about 3000 employees at this site) and I would expect engineers to have the competence to tackle auto repairs.  Nope.  I'm the only man I know who even does his own oil changes.  I've never had my car to a garage for anything other than an inspection, and I'm by no means a master mechanic.  Fixing cars is not particularly difficult if you have the right tools.  My observation is that lots of men are pretty helpless when it comes to fixing the car.

LOL at the people who pay a dealer $75+ for a synthetic oil change.  AutoZone synthetic is $20/jug, and Amazon has Fram filters for $3 when you subscribe-and-save.  Do your own oil changes, and take that $50 you're saving and treat your spouse to a nice dinner.


I was with you until you said Fram.

Anyways, a lot of engineers have enough money to lease or buy new cars where oil changes have to be done by the dealership for warranty and such.

Its not like those guys where the status symbol is driving the oldest, most beat up, highest miles on the clock pickup.
 
2014-02-08 03:28:07 PM

23FPB23: Notice the lack of married people having sex pictures in this thread?

What's THAT tell ya?


I've gained weight and am not as pretty as I used to be?
 
2014-02-08 03:29:51 PM
i just woke up to a blow job this morning, really getting a kick out of these replies

/Which led to farking
//which led to cuddling
///which led to another farking
////which led to breakfast in bed then off to work
//haters gonna hate
 
2014-02-08 03:30:37 PM

scumm: We both have hall passes after 15 years.


Whose idea was that??
 
2014-02-08 03:32:03 PM

Mr.Poops: i just woke up to a blow job this morning, really getting a kick out of these replies

/Which led to farking
//which led to cuddling
///which led to another farking
////which led to breakfast in bed then off to work
//haters gonna hate


Damn... sucks that you have to work on a Saturday dude. I feel kind of bad for ya.
 
2014-02-08 03:35:28 PM
You can get the best of both worlds in the feminine housework vs sex thing. She works longer hours than me, so the laundry is pretty much my job. But I do it like I would if I was a bachelor. I don't match the socks together before putting them away (I buy my socks in bulk for this very purpose), I refuse to learn how to fold women's clothing. I just kind of shove it wherever. Bras and socks and everything just get crammed into the same drawer in a big messy jumble.

I think this works because it doesn't 'feminize' me so she can still be attracted because although I'm doing feminine work, I'm still being manly about it. Also, although I accomplish these tasks shoddily, I take pride in other areas so it evens out. And she does appreciate that I do it. She's not dumb or selfish enough to curse me while looking for matching socks in the morning. She knows without me she'd be doing a lot more than that.

Doing the work itself leads to more sex because it de-stresses her and with women sexual desire and low stress must goes hand in hand but it's true you can't do the woman's work like a woman and expect her to want to fark while she watches you expertly folding dresses and blouses like they're your own clothes. Also try to show a little disdain for doing it too. But don't overdo that.
 
2014-02-08 03:37:07 PM
After a single year of not just a sexless marriage, but one with zero intimacy at all from her side, I sat her down and explained that I refused to live this way for the rest of my life and I asked her what - if anything - I could do to fix things (things that were apparently always broken)
She mostly shrugged and then used my offer as a way to get me to do laundry and cleaning.
I called her bluff and took over chores. You know what happened? Nothing. Her libido stayed exactly where it was.
So I asked her for a divorce and got the Hell out of there just shy of our two year anniversary.

Don't marry a prude.
Don't ever convince yourself that things will get better.
 
2014-02-08 03:37:28 PM
Looking at this entire thread, I've only this one thought:

I'm so GLAD I never want to get married, have children, and much, much less be in any relationship whatsoever.

All of you people can keep your alimony, child support, family court, divorces, sexless matrimony, marriage counseling and all the other crazy draconian shiat to yourselves.
 
2014-02-08 03:38:38 PM

TanHamster: Do your own oil changes, and take that $50 you're saving and treat your spouse to a nice dinner.

pay for a faster Internet connection for PornHub
 
2014-02-08 03:39:08 PM

QU!RK1019: quo vadimus: If you really believed that, you would have sex less often, however seldom she would prefer.

Instead you beg for it and she appeases you. You might be fine with that arrangement, and she might be too, but don't pretend that your mediocre version of fulfillment is the ideal for all humanity or this brave moral stance you're taking. It's not a very big priority for you. We don't all have the same priorities, and we don't all have the same reasons for them. Learn this and a whole new world will open up to you.

No, it's not an all or nothing predicament.  I like Thai food, she doesn't care for it.  Is that important enough to divorce her over?  Conversely, should we never go to a Thai restaurant ever again?  Or... sheesh, maybe we could try to compromise.

What a farking concept.

Besides, you're farking weird with the "you beg for it and she appeases you"assumption.


Previously you wrote "frequency of sex pales in comparison to everything else." You had also stated that the frequency with which you do have sex is more often than your wife would prefer. Out of all the things that "everything" encompasses, your wife's happiness, I would think, would be one.

Perhaps you were exaggerating, or perhaps you mistyped. I think you were misrepresenting the importance of sex to you in a purposeful manner. But now it looks like you're backing out of your own words by way of pulling my statements out of context and pretending that I am the one whose language excluded compromise.

A more polite way of backing out without suffering much shame at all would have been to simply say "okay, we both know I didn't mean everything when I said that thing before." Poetic license and all that.
 Anyway, enjoy all that panang you'll be compromising on!
 
2014-02-08 03:39:42 PM

sxacho: TanHamster: FTA: "masculine chores, like ... fixing the car"


Slightly off topic...  I'm an engineer at a large company (about 3000 employees at this site) and I would expect engineers to have the competence to tackle auto repairs.  Nope.  I'm the only man I know who even does his own oil changes.  I've never had my car to a garage for anything other than an inspection, and I'm by no means a master mechanic.  Fixing cars is not particularly difficult if you have the right tools.  My observation is that lots of men are pretty helpless when it comes to fixing the car.

LOL at the people who pay a dealer $75+ for a synthetic oil change.  AutoZone synthetic is $20/jug, and Amazon has Fram filters for $3 when you subscribe-and-save.  Do your own oil changes, and take that $50 you're saving and treat your spouse to a nice dinner.

I used to not know a damned thing about cars except changing the battery and the bulbs until about 5 years ago or so, when we were very broke and I figured I could probably tackle my own oil changes and save a few bucks. So I watched a couple videos and did it.  Then the door latch mechanism broke, so I took it apart and fixed it with a coathanger.Then my steering column got sort of knocked loose, so I got the Haynes manual, took it apart, and jimmied it back into it's proper place.Then I needed new brake pads, so I did that. Then the main bank of power window switches went out, so I took apart my console and replaced it. Then my alternator quit, so I learned how to replace it, as well as the serpentine belt, the power steering pump, the thermostat, etc, etc...

I'm still not a "car guy" but I've gotten a lot better at fixing things as they break. It doesn't hurt that I've been learning on a 1996 Volvo. Repairs are usually minor but not infrequent. Used parts on ebay are cheap and online forums are amazingly informative. Plus, my wife thinks I'm a total stud because I can do these things without taking the car to a shop.


I used to do this with my cars. It was fun.
Now I am older and have money and I pay an AWESOME grease monkey to fix all these things.
That and I would rather trust his brake jobs over my brake jobs. He is an expert, I am a hack.
Plus I have more money and less time now.
PLUS I read an amazing, AMAZING story once, and in it, the single guy was telling his story.
"I had a wife and daughter once. Then one day I decided to save some money and replace the brake shoes on my car myself."

That was the LAST TIME that I did work on my car.
(YES, I really trust my mechanics, but you have to trust people everyday.)
 
2014-02-08 03:40:08 PM

Egalitarian: This BS again? Plenty of straight men who don't want to have sex with their long-term partner as often as the gal would prefer. Of course, when men start holding out on sex, it's because of their promiscuous biological urges or being tired of the same old vag or some crap. Whereas women who do the same are stereotypical withholding frigid wives. (if a woman gets tired of the same old peen, that's a whole 'nother firestorm).

Also like to point out, there are so many guys out there who can't stand it when their woman tries to initiate sex ... it has to be completely on the man's schedule and terms. Woman acts horny at anything but the appointed time? OH NOEZ SCARY!!! GET AWAY!


Wait, what? Seriously?

You're saying there are guys that'll turn down sex just because the woman initiated?

I. . .I. . . I don't understand. . .
 
2014-02-08 03:41:06 PM

Thingster: I. . .I. . . I don't understand. . .


Because it's even rarer than a female orgasm.
 
2014-02-08 03:41:52 PM

VespaGuy: After a single year of not just a sexless marriage, but one with zero intimacy at all from her side, I sat her down and explained that I refused to live this way for the rest of my life and I asked her what - if anything - I could do to fix things (things that were apparently always broken)
She mostly shrugged and then used my offer as a way to get me to do laundry and cleaning.
I called her bluff and took over chores. You know what happened? Nothing. Her libido stayed exactly where it was.
So I asked her for a divorce and got the Hell out of there just shy of our two year anniversary.

Don't marry a prude.
Don't ever convince yourself that things will get better.


Well not if things were never even good to begin with, obviously. That sucks. Congrats on the divorce though.
 
2014-02-08 03:43:27 PM

jjorsett: When a woman thinks of sex as something she permits you to do to her, find a different woman.


"Sex is that disgusting thing that you do with someone you love."

My wife told me her mother said that to her when she was about 12 and telling her the "facts of life". My wife said she thought to herself "No, that can't be right", thank goodness for both of us.
 
2014-02-08 03:44:57 PM

Peepeye: namatad: Peepeye: I'm a female who is engaged. All these comments are freaking me out a bit. The very few times I've turned him down are when he wakes me up for a morning quickie, although I usually don't mind. And if I wake him up at night....he's always willing. We work a lot. Lack of time is our issue.

USE YOUR WORDS
It is all about words.
Expectations. Etc.

As long as you talk about this shiat long before it comes a problem, it wont become a problem.

"NO HONEY. I am tired, need to get going for work, blah blah blah. Go jerk off and we will fark like crazy later tonight!"  or whatever

Or you can do what millions other people do. Push him away, get pissed, push him away some more, complain to your girlfriends instead of talking to him, and enter the relationship death spiral.

I wonder how many people actually talk about these things before getting married.
More afraid to share the truth, find out that one of them is unhappy with the current level of things.

You speak the truth. Lack of communication has always been an issue with me in the past. I am finally with someone I feel comfortable sharing my thoughts with. Or if not comfortable, at least I don't feel like I'll run him off. I'll admit, he is the more grounded of the 2 of us. He wants me to speak up more about sex. I'm trying.


You're going to do fine!
There was a recent article about relationships that had an idea, a Communication BUBBLE.
EVERYTHING that is said in the "bubble" stays there. PERIOD.

GO INTO THE BUBBLE, tell him everything that you have been avoiding. Then RUN OUT.
After that, the rest will get easier.
 
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