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(Business Insider)   How to piss off a French person, besides calling them a "cheese eating surrender monkey"   (businessinsider.com) divider line 148
    More: PSA, free education, French cuisine, carrot cake  
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6918 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Feb 2014 at 5:32 PM (50 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



148 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-02-07 06:53:35 PM  

hoodiowithtudio: Far Cough: devildog123: gweilo8888: Yuck it up, Americans. You'd still be a colony if it wasn't for the French.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/France_in_the_American_Revolutionary_Wa r

Yeah, that was the French monarchy.  That government ceased to exist a few years later.  The only thing we've ever gotten from the multiple French Republics are requests for help.

A statue.  Don't forget the statue.

:)

and the entire western 2/3 of our nation


A) They sold it to us, didn't give it to us
B) That was Napoleon and the Empire.  Apparently, the French are only really helpful and useful when they AREN'T a democracy.
 
2014-02-07 06:54:08 PM  
At least the article makes it easier to understand why people don't like the French.
 
2014-02-07 06:56:56 PM  

LordZorch: Ask them why their wine isn't as good as what you get from Washington or California



I was going to mention how they are not allow to irrigate their vineyards, but the I just found out that it has been allowed in limited circumstance since 2007:

http://www.jancisrobinson.com/articles/20070411.html

/Should learn more about French wines.
//Admit that my wine knowledge is limited to Washington, Oregon, and California.
 
2014-02-07 07:03:22 PM  

Prey4reign: Throw cows back at them.


Fetchez la vache!
 
2014-02-07 07:11:43 PM  

Darth_Lukecash: The French have the best military record in terms of fighting. Even in World War II the bravery of the men and women in the resistance is legendary.

However what pissed many allied soldier off was how eager the collaborators embraced Nazis culture.


They are very brave. Their leaders are not particularly perceptive, however.

Dien Bien Phu
Algeria

They needed to learn to pick their battles and quit when the time came. Heroic last stands are a waste of good men.
 
2014-02-07 07:12:22 PM  

The_Sponge: LordZorch: Ask them why their wine isn't as good as what you get from Washington or California


I was going to mention how they are not allow to irrigate their vineyards, but the I just found out that it has been allowed in limited circumstance since 2007:

http://www.jancisrobinson.com/articles/20070411.html

/Should learn more about French wines.
//Admit that my wine knowledge is limited to Washington, Oregon, and California.


Oregonian here. I'm partial to Rieslings ( made in my state or Washington) and Spanish sparkling wines. I'm sure the French would consider me scum....

/ more of a beer drinker, which would (probably) be frowned on
 
2014-02-07 07:13:42 PM  

bmr68: My girlfriends mother is from France and she hates the French.


Who does, your girlfriend or her mother?
 
2014-02-07 07:17:04 PM  
Acknowledge their invaluable assistance in our Revolutionary War,  tell them proudly, "You made us what we are!" and thank them for their service.
 
2014-02-07 07:17:54 PM  

bmr68: My girlfriends mother is from France and she hates the French.


Just because your girlfriend has issues with her mom doesn't mean she should take it out on all French people.
 
2014-02-07 07:20:18 PM  
During WWII, when Hitler's tanks rolled into Poland, polish countryfolk came out to face them with whatever they had on hand. Pitchforks, shovels, anything they could grab. And because of this, people say that Poles are stupid.

Faced with a long land border with Germany, the French found themselves under a tidal waver of German armor, and they capitulated. Because of this, people say the French are cowards.

But nobody says the Poles are brave, or that the French were smart. You can't win.
 
2014-02-07 07:24:33 PM  

devildog123: B) That was Napoleon and the Empire. Apparently, the French are only really helpful and useful when they AREN'T a democracy.


Not always, those Vichy guys were DICKS.  Although, I suppose they were helpful and useful to the Germans.

timujin: jylcat: Well that was terrible.

Seriously.  Apparently not only are the French easy to piss off, they're not especially engaging writers either.


The BBC had a story about that
 
2014-02-07 07:29:30 PM  
I've never been to France but the few people from France I've met in the United States were all remarkably nice people.
 
2014-02-07 07:38:45 PM  

ka1axy: Darth_Lukecash: The French have the best military record in terms of fighting. Even in World War II the bravery of the men and women in the resistance is legendary.

However what pissed many allied soldier off was how eager the collaborators embraced Nazis culture.

They are very brave. Their leaders are not particularly perceptive, however.

Dien Bien Phu
Algeria

They needed to learn to pick their battles and quit when the time came. Heroic last stands are a waste of good men.


That could be said of any army at any time.
 
2014-02-07 07:41:17 PM  

orangehat: I've never been to France but the few people from France I've met in the United States were all remarkably nice people.


Likewise, but one of them I knew was a thieving bastard of a roommate, with at least two faces.  However, this was offset by a countrywoman of his who was very foxy and had a delightful personality.
 
2014-02-07 07:42:41 PM  
24.media.tumblr.com
Baguette!
 
2014-02-07 07:42:42 PM  

The_Sponge: Dahnkster: How many people does it take to defend Paris?
Nobody knows, its never been tried.

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
The Army.

What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
You can make soldiers out of toast.

Q: Why are all the streets in Paris lined with trees?
A: Because Germans like marching in the shade.



Q: How does every French joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.


Q: How do you brainwash a Frenchman?
A: Fill his underpants with water.


Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
 
2014-02-07 08:02:27 PM  

whither_apophis: Ex-Texan: French toast, French fries, French bread.. You know the movie.

mmmm Diane Franklin aaahhhh


Didn't someone try to put his testicles all over her?
 
2014-02-07 08:23:52 PM  
I don't assume your Father has a mistress. He obviously can't afford one.

I wouldn't bother to introduce a French person to world cuisine. In restaurants, they talk only of better meals they have had in restaurants. And they're so completely xenophobic and provincial that they won't even try anything that hasn't been put through a fine French kitchen mesh seven times and then French whisked into the shape of the Eiffel Tower.

In Canada, the Michelin guide I bought second-hand awarded roughly 80 stars. All in Quebec except for one. The one was in St-Boniface, Manitoba. Q.E.D. Any person who believes that Toronto and Vancouver have no restaurants better than St-Boniface, Manitoba, is purely delusional and can go to Hell.

Tell me about people wanting to practice their feeble language skills on you. I speak English. The whole farking human race wants to practice their Broken English on me, including you. And that's why you complain when the English talk French rather than English. You're out a free lesson! And French is now less common than Bengali. So you're rapidly hugging your dying language to death like the monkey in the fable who literally smothered her favourite child to death. Or if you prefer, like the fable of César et Laridon.

God damn French bastards. They're all over the place. Especially in the French Quarter of my family tree.

Doux Jésus, prends pitié de moi!
Je suis entouré de mes parents!
Mes amis me poursuivent jour et nuit.
Je n'ai pas de paix sauf parmi les étrangers.
Sauve- moi de mes amis et je m'occuperai de mes ennemis!
 
2014-02-07 08:35:42 PM  
fun fact:  for years and years, my brothers and i thought that line was "cheese eating cylinder monkeys."  it didn't make sense but it made us laugh anyway.
 
2014-02-07 08:39:47 PM  
Wait till they speak French, then ask them if they're from Quebec.
 
2014-02-07 08:41:44 PM  

Dahnkster: Did somebody say 'surrender'?

How many people does it take to defend Paris?
Nobody knows, its never been tried.

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
The Army.

What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
You can make soldiers out of toast.


Thank you. I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip be insulted by your waiter. Try the snails.


Could not resist. France is awesome. Provence is beautiful. French food is the BEST in the world. Paris is magic. No one bakes like the French. It burns when I pee.


Why are the streets of Paris lined with trees?
So the Germans can march in the shade.
 
2014-02-07 09:00:31 PM  

The_Sponge: Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: Well, that was a pretty obnoxious article.


Some parts made sense.....yes, it is rude to ask if somebody's father has a mistress.

But ripping on people who give you respect by at least TRYING to speak the language?  Come on, lady!



I imagine it's a lot like with the Danes: they all speak better English than you speak their language (unless you're truly fluent), and they're too impatient to try and understand what the fark you're attempting to say.

In general, if they have the time to devote to helping you with their language, e.g., not during a busy lunch rush, they will.  But if they're busy, they'd prefer to handle the transaction in English.

/speaks French
//and some Danish
 
2014-02-07 09:02:09 PM  

mainsail: timujin: jylcat: Well that was terrible.

Seriously.  Apparently not only are the French easy to piss off, they're not especially engaging writers either.

Cette. Victor Hugo, Dumas Pere, Hell, Dumas Fils, are shaking their heads at the sad state of this article.


And don't forget all the writers of le nouveau roman...
 
2014-02-07 09:06:22 PM  

Darth_Lukecash: The French have the best military record in terms of fighting. Even in World War II the bravery of the men and women in the resistance is legendary.


In addition, the male population of France was literally decimated during World War I.  Americans tend to forget just how much that affected France's ability to defend herself during WWII.
 
2014-02-07 09:07:06 PM  

Oldiron_79: Dahnkster: Did somebody say 'surrender'?

How many people does it take to defend Paris?
Nobody knows, its never been tried.

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
The Army.

What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
You can make soldiers out of toast.


Thank you. I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip be insulted by your waiter. Try the snails.


Could not resist. France is awesome. Provence is beautiful. French food is the BEST in the world. Paris is magic. No one bakes like the French. It burns when I pee.

Why are the streets of Paris lined with trees?
So the Germans can march in the shade.


Ahem.
 
2014-02-07 09:08:27 PM  

devildog123: I'm glad my wife speaks really good French.  Always surprises them, as though they feel Americans are too stupid to ever speak it well.



Every time I've gone to France, I've received compliments* on my French language skills.

*from actual French people
 
2014-02-07 09:13:08 PM  
Being an American will piss them off to no end , that and going into a 5star french restaraunt , ordering flawlessly in their langauge, demonstrating an astute culinary knowledge thus impressing the hell out of the maitrede , sommelier. and head chef. When your meal arrives to much fanfare and graciousness of your amazed host , smother everything in ketchup. Then ask for a side of beenieweenies
 
2014-02-07 09:14:43 PM  
Miracle on the Marne FTW.
i.imgur.com
Took taxis and buses to the front and kicked the Kaiser's ass.
 
2014-02-07 09:18:53 PM  
the French in Shanghai are the worst. They're entitled, standoffish, rude, and disrespectful- especially to the locals, which is made worse by the whole "we actually owned part of this city for almost 100 years" colonial mentality. The French bars and restaurants here are pretty damn good, but with few exceptions the French staff treat them like halfway houses for their friends, or even worse, their own living room, slinking up to you with a dirty look and demanding to know what you want to drink, then bringing it to you ten minutes later after having a cigarette at the bar with their pals.

an old college prof of mine told me the same. Half French, born in France, loves France, but admits the French have an elitist, imperial mentality, especially when they travel to their former colonies. He does research in Vietnam on colonialism and for some reason the French still treat it like it's their colony. It's like they've totally forgotten Dien Bien Phu.
 
2014-02-07 09:35:29 PM  

FizixJunkee: The_Sponge: Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: Well, that was a pretty obnoxious article.


Some parts made sense.....yes, it is rude to ask if somebody's father has a mistress.

But ripping on people who give you respect by at least TRYING to speak the language?  Come on, lady!


I imagine it's a lot like with the Danes: they all speak better English than you speak their language (unless you're truly fluent), and they're too impatient to try and understand what the fark you're attempting to say.

In general, if they have the time to devote to helping you with their language, e.g., not during a busy lunch rush, they will.  But if they're busy, they'd prefer to handle the transaction in English.

/speaks French
//and some Danish


Start with a bonjour or whatever, and if someone wants to speak English to you, speak it back.  If as part of this process, someone gets offended, that's on them.

Also while English is widely spoken in France but fluency varies considerably, just like many Americans in border states have varying proficiency in Spanish.

/Only know the Spanish words I learned working in a restaurant, related to food and manual labor
 
2014-02-07 09:48:43 PM  

FizixJunkee: The_Sponge: Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: Well, that was a pretty obnoxious article.


Some parts made sense.....yes, it is rude to ask if somebody's father has a mistress.

But ripping on people who give you respect by at least TRYING to speak the language?  Come on, lady!


I imagine it's a lot like with the Danes: they all speak better English than you speak their language (unless you're truly fluent), and they're too impatient to try and understand what the fark you're attempting to say.

/speaks French
//and some Danish


A lot of Danes speak better English than most Americans.
 
2014-02-07 09:48:44 PM  

Far Cough: /imagine how arrogant the French must be to have blown that much of a lead in good will


image.guardian.co.uk
 
2014-02-07 10:07:09 PM  

SuddenlySamhain: Being an American will piss them off to no end , that and going into a 5star french restaraunt , ordering flawlessly in their langauge, demonstrating an astute culinary knowledge thus impressing the hell out of the maitrede , sommelier. and head chef. When your meal arrives to much fanfare and graciousness of your amazed host , smother everything in ketchup. Then ask for a side of beenieweenies


I'm so going to do this.

Farking frogs.
 
2014-02-07 10:11:47 PM  
Is it still OK to piss on them?
 
2014-02-07 11:02:14 PM  
Two things not mentioned:
- spitting
- referring to someone from Quebec as "French"
 
2014-02-07 11:41:47 PM  
s24.postimg.org

"Unfortunately, so far it only translates into some incomprehensible dead language."
"Hello!" <Bonjour!>
"Crazy jibberish!"
 
2014-02-07 11:45:19 PM  

Billy Liar: Acknowledge their invaluable assistance in our Revolutionary War,  tell them proudly, "You made us what we are!" and thank them for their service.


Emm, French and Indian War?

Not to mention that current Parisians are no more responsible for aid to the colonies than Bay Area hipsters are for slavery.

At least when we poke fun over WWII some of the people targeted were party to the folly.
 
2014-02-07 11:57:05 PM  
I went to Paris on business a few years ago and no one was rude, except when I bought a British newspaper.
 
2014-02-08 12:04:47 AM  

Cyber_Junk: Why was this greenlit?   It was poorly written and said very little that was on-topic.  And un-funny.


Enough about the thread. What did you think about TFA?
 
2014-02-08 01:13:37 AM  
French person ought to becharmed that I try to speak his language. The Japanese person was charmed when I tried to speak Japanese.
 
2014-02-08 01:43:18 AM  
Can we please talk about the pseudo-French in Martinique? Those guys are ARESHOLES.

/worst Caribbean nation I've ever visited
//douchiest people I've EVER had to deal with
///you're not even really French, FFS
 
2014-02-08 02:34:30 AM  
The French are the Texans of Europe.

Everything's bigger and better in France.

also language anal

More people in the world speak Portuguese than speak French.

It's a dying language, just let it go.
 
2014-02-08 09:12:54 AM  

The_Sponge: Not to mention that Washington and California are still producing AWESOME wines that can easily compete with the French.


Virginia has an up-and-coming winemaking industry.   There are (at least) 20 wineries within a 1/2 hour drive of my house.   I haven't visited them all.   Yet.
 
2014-02-08 09:14:20 AM  

devildog123: The_Sponge: FTFA:

Practice your poor language skills with us.


Well f*ck you too, Pierre.  You pretty much summed up part of the reason why I'm going to visit Prague instead of Paris this spring.

If you start out speaking English with them, they act as though they've never heard a word of it in their lives, and are kind of arrogant assholes about it.  I'm glad my wife speaks really good French.  Always surprises them, as though they feel Americans are too stupid to ever speak it well.


This.

Even if you ask in perfect French if they speak English, the French (Parisians usually to be fair) would feel insulted that you come to their country but ask them if they speak another language.

It's not like English has become an international language or anything.
 
2014-02-08 09:57:14 AM  

Urinal Cake Mix: Can we please talk about the pseudo-French in Martinique? Those guys are ARESHOLES.

/worst Caribbean nation I've ever visited
//douchiest people I've EVER had to deal with
///you're not even really French, FFS


My wife and I love Martinique.  I don't speak any French, and only understand about 20% of what is said, but she speaks damn near perfect French, with an accent that makes people from France think she grew up in Marseille.  We've been there, and everyone was incredibly nice and friendly, and we didn't stay in a fancy resort full of Americans or anything, but in a small hotel that catered to pretty much only French people.  The biggest douches we met were Parisians on holiday.
 
2014-02-08 10:42:56 AM  
Actually the French are a LOT more open to the idea of having mistresses. You just need to be able to afford one.  Italian food is better than French on average.  And on average the French don't speak foreign languages worth a damn.

Still a great country.  I live just across the border and spend a lot of time there.
 
2014-02-08 02:49:40 PM  

The_Sponge: skinink: Actually in the few countries I've been to, a hello in the native language does make things easier. Not perfect, but I got by and my foreign language skills are miserable. Got by in France, Germany and CZ.

Any travel tips for the Czech Republic?


Don't get into a cab in Prague.
 
2014-02-08 02:53:03 PM  

strife: [s24.postimg.org image 320x228]

"Unfortunately, so far it only translates into some incomprehensible dead language."
"Hello!" <Bonjour!>
"Crazy jibberish!"


I've always wanted to speak a dead language. It's comforting to know that in less than a thousand years, I will.

Also, I've found that speaking French to shop clerks is the quickest way to English. They appreciate that you tried, but would prefer to complete the transaction.

In some places, like New Brunswick, French people have been known to talk to each other in English when nobody is looking. My guess is that French tolerance for bad French (any French other than their own) is so great that they'd sooner switch than fight when two dialects or patois meet. It really is easier. French is hard for the French.

Bad English conveys information more accurately than bad French because English is tolerant of grammar, pronunciation and vocabulary. You can often still tell what the speaker means even if they get the words wrong, in the wrong order and the wrong tense or grammatical category. We've gone farther in stripping English down to bare bones than any other language.
 
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