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(Business Insider)   How to piss off a French person, besides calling them a "cheese eating surrender monkey"   ( businessinsider.com) divider line
    More: PSA, free education, French cuisine, carrot cake  
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6963 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Feb 2014 at 5:32 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



148 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-02-07 03:57:34 PM  
Pretty easy to piss off the French.
It isn't hard to do.
All you need do it speak French better.
Cook better.
Smell better.
And be humane.
 
2014-02-07 03:58:27 PM  
Well that was terrible.
 
2014-02-07 04:05:47 PM  

jylcat: Well that was terrible.


Seriously.  Apparently not only are the French easy to piss off, they're not especially engaging writers either.
 
2014-02-07 04:06:40 PM  
so... be "Not French", or "French, but from Paris".  Got it.

I used to entertain myself by pissing off a friend's French mother with little comments about France that would sound perfectly polite by any standard but a French person's.  I was kicked out of their house more than once.  Not that it bothered me that an aging professional arm ornament and gold-digger didn't want to share my company.
 
2014-02-07 04:13:59 PM  
Thanks, Business Insider, for giving us the news we need to read!
 
FNG [TotalFark] [BareFark]
2014-02-07 04:17:25 PM  
I'll stick with subby's gold standard, thanks. If it ain't broke.
 
2014-02-07 04:17:36 PM  
Dieu bénit le monde avec la France, mais il maudit avec Paris.
 
2014-02-07 04:27:25 PM  

I don't know any French people. So I've decided to use a archetype.


upload.wikimedia.org
 
2014-02-07 04:29:01 PM  
images4.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-02-07 04:34:15 PM  
Call them British?
 
2014-02-07 04:39:24 PM  
The gaul of those people.
 
2014-02-07 04:51:03 PM  
So, it's still cool to remind them about saving their ass in the War?
 
2014-02-07 05:10:57 PM  
What is this?
 
2014-02-07 05:13:25 PM  
31.media.tumblr.com
 
2014-02-07 05:28:42 PM  
Throw cows back at them.
 
2014-02-07 05:29:46 PM  
FTFA:

Practice your poor language skills with us.


Well f*ck you too, Pierre.  You pretty much summed up part of the reason why I'm going to visit Prague instead of Paris this spring.
 
2014-02-07 05:31:14 PM  

The_Sponge: FTFA:

Practice your poor language skills with us.


Well f*ck you too, Pierre Madame.  You pretty much summed up part of the reason why I'm going to visit Prague instead of Paris this spring.



FTFM.
 
2014-02-07 05:33:29 PM  

bearded clamorer: The gaul of those people.


I think you mean: DeGaulle of those people.
 
2014-02-07 05:35:21 PM  
I've heard that gripe about Parisians from numerous French persons. I just smile and comfort them by telling them we Americans know exactly what they mean and we have those sorts of people here, too. In New York City.
 
2014-02-07 05:36:16 PM  
By  Morgane Croissant? Really?
 
2014-02-07 05:38:07 PM  
By Morgane Croissant?  First appeared in a click-bait "Matador network."

Business Insider, for those times when the Huffington Post is just too credible.
 
2014-02-07 05:38:41 PM  
i1136.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-07 05:40:12 PM  
Buzzworthy-level content detected
 
2014-02-07 05:40:27 PM  

The_Sponge: FTFA:

Practice your poor language skills with us.


Well f*ck you too, Pierre.  You pretty much summed up part of the reason why I'm going to visit Prague instead of Paris this spring.


Is the beer the other reason?
 
2014-02-07 05:41:17 PM  
Insult Jerry Lewis?
 
2014-02-07 05:41:39 PM  
Well, that was a pretty obnoxious article.
 
2014-02-07 05:41:44 PM  
olivierschmitt.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-02-07 05:42:07 PM  

Nabb1: I've heard that gripe about Parisians from numerous French persons. I just smile and comfort them by telling them we Americans know exactly what they mean and we have those sorts of people here, too. In New York City.



I'm just glad my French ancestors come from the South of France (Nimes).

CSB:

Back in college, I was working on a political campaign in So Cal.  Due to all the time spent going door-to-door, I developed a really nice tan.  (Blessed with good tanning genes.)

Anyhow, a campaign volunteer asked me if I was part French.  I said yes, but just a little bit.  I asked her how she guessed correctly.

She said that people in Southern France tend have the same skin color that I do.

/MIND BLOWN
 
2014-02-07 05:43:04 PM  

Polartank13: The_Sponge: FTFA:

Practice your poor language skills with us.


Well f*ck you too, Pierre.  You pretty much summed up part of the reason why I'm going to visit Prague instead of Paris this spring.

Is the beer the other reason?



Ha!  Among many.

/First & last time I was there I was only 12.
 
2014-02-07 05:43:23 PM  
Oh look, made up sh*t that never happened.
 
2014-02-07 05:44:17 PM  

Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: Well, that was a pretty obnoxious article.



Some parts made sense.....yes, it is rude to ask if somebody's father has a mistress.

But ripping on people who give you respect by at least TRYING to speak the language?  Come on, lady!
 
2014-02-07 05:44:29 PM  

timujin: jylcat: Well that was terrible.

Seriously.  Apparently not only are the French easy to piss off, they're not especially engaging writers either.


Cette. Victor Hugo, Dumas Pere, Hell, Dumas Fils, are shaking their heads at the sad state of this article.
 
2014-02-07 05:44:48 PM  
Did somebody say 'surrender'?
olivierschmitt.files.wordpress.com
How many people does it take to defend Paris?
Nobody knows, its never been tried.

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
The Army.

What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
You can make soldiers out of toast.


Thank you. I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip be insulted by your waiter. Try the snails.


Could not resist. France is awesome. Provence is beautiful. French food is the BEST in the world. Paris is magic. No one bakes like the French. It burns when I pee.
 
2014-02-07 05:45:05 PM  
The French have the best military record in terms of fighting. Even in World War II the bravery of the men and women in the resistance is legendary.

However what pissed many allied soldier off was how eager the collaborators embraced Nazis culture.
 
2014-02-07 05:46:14 PM  
That's not the picture I would have chosen. I mean; the guy did machine gun her entire family, right in front of her. I'd classify that as righteous vengeance; possibly furious anger.

/ For you know my name is The Lord!

// does Marcellus Wallace look like a biatch
 
2014-02-07 05:46:47 PM  
Say what you will about the French... can you imagine a US President having to decide *which* of his mistresses to choose as "First Lady".... and the entire country being OK with that?
 
2014-02-07 05:46:57 PM  

Dahnkster: Could not resist. France is awesome. Provence is beautiful. French food is the BEST in the world. Paris is magic. No one bakes like the French. It burns when I pee.


All of this.  Except the peeing; you're on your own there.  I loved my visit to France.
 
2014-02-07 05:47:20 PM  

Dahnkster: How many people does it take to defend Paris?
Nobody knows, its never been tried.

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
The Army.

What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
You can make soldiers out of toast.


Q: Why are all the streets in Paris lined with trees?

A: Because Germans like marching in the shade.
 
2014-02-07 05:48:09 PM  

The_Sponge: FTFA:

Practice your poor language skills with us.


Well f*ck you too, Pierre.  You pretty much summed up part of the reason why I'm going to visit Prague instead of Paris this spring.


If you start out speaking English with them, they act as though they've never heard a word of it in their lives, and are kind of arrogant assholes about it.  I'm glad my wife speaks really good French.  Always surprises them, as though they feel Americans are too stupid to ever speak it well.
 
2014-02-07 05:48:25 PM  
The best way to insult the French is to ask them to say something Belgian to you.

Another option is to spend time in any airport or train station outside of France and to share an eyeroll with a local when you both realize that whiny, complaining person in front of you in the ticket line is, mon dieu, French. Disliking the French seems pretty universal. Parisians do it the best.

That said, I recently spent a week in a tourist-abandoned Brittany. It's charmingly depopulated, and, as the name suggests, not as French as the rest of France. And it's nice to see a European capital unbombed since 1870.
 
2014-02-07 05:48:30 PM  

Say bad things about the EU?



static01.mediaite.com
 
2014-02-07 05:48:47 PM  

Darth_Lukecash: The French have the best military record in terms of fighting. Even in World War II the bravery of the men and women in the resistance is legendary.


The famed French Resistence was mostly made up of Eastern European Jews.
 
2014-02-07 05:49:13 PM  
I found out right away that it is true if you enter a shop in France and don't say Bonjour, they will not help you. On the good side, that also means they will not bother you like pushy salespeople in the US. So you can just browse around until you play nice and say hello.

Actually in the few countries I've been to, a hello in the native language does make things easier. Not perfect, but I got by and my foreign language skills are miserable. Got by in France, Germany and CZ.
 
2014-02-07 05:49:16 PM  
Be a Muslim.

cdn.theguardian.tv
 
2014-02-07 05:49:18 PM  
Let's see, I'll go with:

Step 1: Find a French person and climb to the top of him/her.

Step 2: Face away from the wind

Step 3: Open zipper (or squat, if you're of the female persuasion).

Step 4: pee...
 
2014-02-07 05:50:39 PM  
tell them their McD's are filthy.

ask them where to buy deoderant?
 
2014-02-07 05:53:23 PM  

The_Sponge: FTFA:

Practice your poor language skills with us.


Well f*ck you too, Pierre.  You pretty much summed up part of the reason why I'm going to visit Prague instead of Paris this spring.


I lived in a French-speaking country for a long time, and spoke French daily. I'll admit I wasn't a native speaker, but it was enough to get around, pay my bills, order food, get train tickets, etc.

In Paris, I started talking to someone at the train station in French and they immediately switched to English because "I was murdering their language."
 
2014-02-07 05:53:41 PM  

The_Sponge: Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: Well, that was a pretty obnoxious article.


Some parts made sense.....yes, it is rude to ask if somebody's father has a mistress.

But ripping on people who give you respect by at least TRYING to speak the language?  Come on, lady!



Exactly. Seems like trying to communicate in the local language is simply being respectful. The alternative would be just assuming everyone in Francophone areas is fluent in English, which I will guess doesn't usually end happily.

So the ultimatum is "speak French perfectly, or don't bother trying to communicate at all"? fark that...
 
2014-02-07 05:54:11 PM  

devildog123: The_Sponge: FTFA:

Practice your poor language skills with us.


Well f*ck you too, Pierre.  You pretty much summed up part of the reason why I'm going to visit Prague instead of Paris this spring.

If you start out speaking English with them, they act as though they've never heard a word of it in their lives, and are kind of arrogant assholes about it.  I'm glad my wife speaks really good French.  Always surprises them, as though they feel Americans are too stupid to ever speak it well.



Yeesh.  I will never understand that attitude.  If I'm walking around here at home, and a foreign tourist asks for assistance in broken English, you can bet that I will do my best to help him or her.

Yeah yeah....I know that zee French jealously guard their language.

But I like to think that I am defender of proper English.....but our greatest threat is not tourists trying their best, it's the "words" people use when texting.  Ugh.
 
2014-02-07 05:54:42 PM  
French toast, French fries, French bread.. You know the movie.
 
2014-02-07 05:55:24 PM  

Nabb1: I've heard that gripe about Parisians from numerous French persons. I just smile and comfort them by telling them we Americans know exactly what they mean and we have those sorts of people here, too. In New York City.


New York's rudeness is overhyped. Just don't stand in the middle of the sidewalk staring like a hick tourist and no one with give you grief.

/Saying anything about how great the food is at Times Square is also out.
 
2014-02-07 05:55:27 PM  
How about call out the fact that the author is named after a food. I'm afraid to ask what her maiden name was.
 
2014-02-07 05:55:50 PM  
How to piss of a French person, be American. We smell better, are better educated, cook better, and fark better than they do.Coincidentally it is also how to piss off a Muslim, but then it is not hard to piss off a Muslim they are supposed to be gods chosen people yet they are at best 3rd rate domestic help.
 
2014-02-07 05:56:11 PM  
Ask them about their role in the Rwandan genocides?

Be American?

Bathe?
 
2014-02-07 05:59:30 PM  

optikeye: So, it's still cool to remind them about saving their ass in the War?


Yes to both times :-)
 
2014-02-07 06:00:35 PM  
Put ketchup or ranch dressing on anything.
 
2014-02-07 06:00:58 PM  

skinink: Actually in the few countries I've been to, a hello in the native language does make things easier. Not perfect, but I got by and my foreign language skills are miserable. Got by in France, Germany and CZ.


Any travel tips for the Czech Republic?
 
2014-02-07 06:05:57 PM  

Ex-Texan: French toast, French fries, French bread.. You know the movie.


mmmm Diane Franklin aaahhhh
 
2014-02-07 06:06:53 PM  

The_Sponge: skinink: Actually in the few countries I've been to, a hello in the native language does make things easier. Not perfect, but I got by and my foreign language skills are miserable. Got by in France, Germany and CZ.

Any travel tips for the Czech Republic?


It's safe to order draft Budweiser there without people giggling at you.
 
2014-02-07 06:07:26 PM  
I enjoyed my smug assed visitors that chatted to themselves smugly... Look Anna, look what they think is French bread.  giggle.

Usually, that level of smugness is reserved for 8pm on MSNBC.....
 
2014-02-07 06:07:29 PM  
That writer is really obnoxious.  I'm not sure how I feel about the French, but I'm absolutely certain I dislike her.  (And her pen name is supposed to be "Croissant"?  Really?)

/French bake well
/Italians COOK well
 
2014-02-07 06:07:30 PM  

HotIgneous Intruder: Ask them about their role in the Rwandan genocides?

Be American?

Bathe?


That's in England.

Try and learn some history.

/lol
 
2014-02-07 06:07:55 PM  
The alternate title for this article was how to piss off Americans
 
2014-02-07 06:08:04 PM  
People can get upset about the smallest things way too easily. Chill out and enjoy your journey around the sun while you can.
 
2014-02-07 06:08:13 PM  

Ex-Texan: French toast, French fries, French bread.. You know the movie.


Wait French bread isn't French?.......or do they just call it bread?
 
2014-02-07 06:08:18 PM  

ElLoco: The_Sponge: skinink: Actually in the few countries I've been to, a hello in the native language does make things easier. Not perfect, but I got by and my foreign language skills are miserable. Got by in France, Germany and CZ.

Any travel tips for the Czech Republic?

It's safe to order draft Budweiser there without people giggling at you.



Heh.  It will be fun to go over there and order it by that name instead of "Czechvar"....like I have to do here.
 
2014-02-07 06:09:00 PM  

Bareefer Obonghit: The alternate title for this article was how to piss off Americans



Lulz.
 
2014-02-07 06:10:57 PM  
"hot-blooded"

Is that how you say pompous ass-hat in French?
 
2014-02-07 06:11:19 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Call them British?


Call them Quebecois?
 
2014-02-07 06:11:46 PM  
Why was this greenlit?   It was poorly written and said very little that was on-topic.  And un-funny.
 
2014-02-07 06:12:07 PM  
Want to piss them off some more?

Mention how America b*tch-slapped them during "The Judgement of Paris" back in 1976:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judgment_of_Paris_%28wine%29

Not to mention that Washington and California are still producing AWESOME wines that can easily compete with the French.

/But the French still make the best sparkling wine, IMHO.
//Haven't found an American version that is as good as actual Champagne.
///Celebrated the Super Bowl with a bottle of Kirkland Signature Champagne.
////And yes, it was from France.
//Hell of a bargain at $20.
 
2014-02-07 06:13:06 PM  
People were really polite with me in France, so I don't get the stereotype. Then again I didn't spend much time in Paris. But then I am easy going too, so I don't walk around looking like an asshole.

Bonjour! Par le vous engles?
 
2014-02-07 06:13:26 PM  

Cyber_Junk: Why was this greenlit?   It was poorly written and said very little that was on-topic.  And un-funny.



It gives all of us the chance to properly criticize that article....and I'm enjoying the funny comments from many of you.
 
2014-02-07 06:14:03 PM  

AlHarris31: People were really polite with me in France, so I don't get the stereotype. Then again I didn't spend much time in Paris. But then I am easy going too, so I don't walk around looking like an asshole.

Bonjour! Par le vous engles?



Ah-haaaaaaa!  Ah-haaaaaaaa!
 
2014-02-07 06:14:49 PM  
Parisian here; she sounds like a biatch even by our standards.  Don't lump her in with us.

/we don't hate you
//we just don't pay you any mind
 
2014-02-07 06:14:52 PM  
I've found making loads of jokes about white flags, giving up, and Germany tend to piss them off. As does saying that their language is God-awful to listen to, which is why nobody outside France bothers to speak it.
 
2014-02-07 06:18:13 PM  

The_Sponge: Nabb1: I've heard that gripe about Parisians from numerous French persons. I just smile and comfort them by telling them we Americans know exactly what they mean and we have those sorts of people here, too. In New York City.


I'm just glad my French ancestors come from the South of France (Nimes).

CSB:

Back in college, I was working on a political campaign in So Cal.  Due to all the time spent going door-to-door, I developed a really nice tan.  (Blessed with good tanning genes.)

Anyhow, a campaign volunteer asked me if I was part French.  I said yes, but just a little bit.  I asked her how she guessed correctly.

She said that people in Southern France tend have the same skin color that I do.

/MIND BLOWN


Mine are from Decazeville. White as a sheet in the winter, but I look Mexican in the summer.
 
2014-02-07 06:22:11 PM  
Yuck it up, Americans. You'd still be a colony if it wasn't for the French.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/France_in_the_American_Revolutionary_Wa r
 
2014-02-07 06:22:39 PM  

Cyber_Junk: Why was this greenlit?   It was poorly written and said very little that was on-topic.  And un-funny.


Cheese eating surrender monkeys self-identify.
 
2014-02-07 06:24:50 PM  
True story moment.  My roommate's French girlfriend arrived while he was out of town (he's a working blues musician and was on tour).  So I picked her up from the airport and after dropping her stuff off at our apartment, took her to the supermarket.  Her English is very good, but there were odd holes in her knowledge.  She was trying to find something made from pecans, but didn't know the right English word.  She finally said, "it's made like mayonoise, but with pecans".  I blurted out, "that's why the nazis invaded."  She was completely shocked and said, "you should not be saying these things."

I finally figured out she wanted pecan butter.  If she had said peanut butter but made with pecans there would have been no problem.  Like mayonoise because you whip it, I guess.

The couple got married the following year and got their own place.  My stomach misses her cooking.

BTW, she got revenge on me when her brother was visiting.  They would have conversations in French and randomly stick my name in the middle of sentences.  It damn near drove me insane.
 
2014-02-07 06:26:59 PM  
You mean well. You either want to be helpful by talking to me in my native language, or you just want to connect with me in some mysterious way. The thing is, I do speak English, and my English seems to be a lot better than your French, so we should stick to that vernacular before I nod off.

No, dick.  When I go to a nation where I am able to passably communicate in their language (French speaking areas), I'm going to speak their language.

<csb>

My wife and I spent a few days in Paris on our honey moon (We were living in Germany at the time, it was on the way home from the wedding in the states).

We ate lunch just off the Champs Elysees at some little hole in the wall cafe.  We were speaking to each other in French throughout the meal, granted my accent is pretty obviously "American", and hers is very "Quebecois", but it was still French.  We ordered food in French, we asked the waiter questions in French.  Every thing he said back to us was in English.  Heavily Parisian accented English.

Nothing stands out more as an example of rude Parisians to us from that trip more than that waiter.  Nothing comes even close.  TFA complains about not liking rude Parisians while being rude in the same ways they are.

</csb>
 
2014-02-07 06:27:58 PM  

gweilo8888: Yuck it up, Americans. You'd still be a colony if it wasn't for the French.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/France_in_the_American_Revolutionary_Wa r


Yeah, we accepted your statue, what more do you want?

:)

/imagine how arrogant the French must be to have blown that much of a lead in good will
/Somehow the BRITISH are considered friendlier, and look what we had to do to get them to leave
/was it really necessary to link to Wikipedia to cover 2nd grade American history
 
2014-02-07 06:31:19 PM  

OgreMagi: True story moment.  My roommate's French girlfriend arrived while he was out of town (he's a working blues musician and was on tour).  So I picked her up from the airport and after dropping her stuff off at our apartment, took her to the supermarket.  Her English is very good, but there were odd holes in her knowledge.  She was trying to find something made from pecans, but didn't know the right English word.  She finally said, "it's made like mayonoise, but with pecans".  I blurted out, "that's why the nazis invaded."



That does seem... excessive of you.
 
2014-02-07 06:32:51 PM  

OgreMagi: True story moment.  My roommate's French girlfriend arrived while he was out of town (he's a working blues musician and was on tour).  So I picked her up from the airport and after dropping her stuff off at our apartment, took her to the supermarket.  Her English is very good, but there were odd holes in her knowledge.  She was trying to find something made from pecans, but didn't know the right English word.  She finally said, "it's made like mayonoise, but with pecans".  I blurted out, "that's why the nazis invaded."

She was completely shocked and said, "you should not be saying these things."

I finally figured out she wanted pecan butter.  If she had said peanut butter but made with pecans there would have been no problem.  Like mayonoise because you whip it, I guess.

The couple got married the following year and got their own place.  My stomach misses her cooking.

BTW, she got revenge on me when her brother was visiting.  They would have conversations in French and randomly stick my name in the middle of sentences.  It damn near drove me insane.



 Funny story....two thumbs up!
 
2014-02-07 06:33:21 PM  
How to piss off the French?
Who cares?  It isn't like France is relevant to world politics or anything.

Also effective: if they get snotty about your French, switch to German.  The French have had lessons.
 
2014-02-07 06:34:32 PM  

gweilo8888: Yuck it up, Americans. You'd still be a colony if it wasn't for the French.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/France_in_the_American_Revolutionary_Wa r


Yeah, that was the French monarchy.  That government ceased to exist a few years later.  The only thing we've ever gotten from the multiple French Republics are requests for help.
 
2014-02-07 06:41:19 PM  
My girlfriends mother is from France and she hates the French.
 
2014-02-07 06:42:12 PM  

The_Sponge: FTFA:

Practice your poor language skills with us.



Well, fark you.  First we're told it's polite to try French, now this twunt is saying don't bother.  Apparently their major personality trait is to be assholes.  big surprise.

Well f*ck you too,

devildog123: If you start out speaking English with them, they act as though they've never heard a word of it in their lives, and are kind of arrogant assholes about it.  I'm glad my wife speaks really good French.  Always surprises them, as though they feel Americans are too stupid to ever speak it well.

.  You pretty much summed up part of the reason why I'm going to visit Prague instead of Paris this spring.



THIS^^^^^^
Even my "worldly" wife put Prague above Paris, mainly because of the constant assholicity of the farkers.
 
2014-02-07 06:44:02 PM  

devildog123: gweilo8888: Yuck it up, Americans. You'd still be a colony if it wasn't for the French.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/France_in_the_American_Revolutionary_Wa r

Yeah, that was the French monarchy.  That government ceased to exist a few years later.  The only thing we've ever gotten from the multiple French Republics are requests for help.


A statue.  Don't forget the statue.

:)
 
2014-02-07 06:47:38 PM  
Well those Frenchies at least have one thing going for them: they hate vegetarians.
 
2014-02-07 06:49:18 PM  

Iplaybass: As does saying that their language is God-awful to listen to, which is why nobody outside France bothers to speak it.



Yep--every school around here is dropping French.  They hate they're about as lingually-relavant as Serbia.
 
2014-02-07 06:49:57 PM  

jxb465: Well those Frenchies at least have one thing going for them: they hate vegetarians.



Heh.....true.  That part and bit about mistresses were the only parts I really agreed with.

"Even a broken clock is right twice a day."
 
2014-02-07 06:50:03 PM  

devildog123: gweilo8888: Yuck it up, Americans. You'd still be a colony if it wasn't for the French.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/France_in_the_American_Revolutionary_Wa r

Yeah, that was the French monarchy.  That government ceased to exist a few years later.  The only thing we've ever gotten from the multiple French Republics are requests for help.


Not true.  Lots of American servicemen got STDs from them also.
But even more relevant,  while the French helped out a little in the American Revolution,  it was a matter of convenience and strategic interest for them, not the brotherly love and altruism that contemporary french try to paint it as.  They would have helped anyone if it stuck a finger in the English's eye.
 
2014-02-07 06:50:10 PM  
I just love that phrase.  Is it only from the Simpsons, or did they quote it?
 
2014-02-07 06:50:27 PM  

Far Cough: devildog123: gweilo8888: Yuck it up, Americans. You'd still be a colony if it wasn't for the French.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/France_in_the_American_Revolutionary_Wa r

Yeah, that was the French monarchy.  That government ceased to exist a few years later.  The only thing we've ever gotten from the multiple French Republics are requests for help.

A statue.  Don't forget the statue.

:)


and the entire western 2/3 of our nation
 
2014-02-07 06:50:50 PM  
I don't know why she bothered to write the article; it sounds like she's plenty pissed off and smarmy already.
 
2014-02-07 06:50:58 PM  
Surrender to the French person. This will confuse them. Then laugh and walk away.
 
2014-02-07 06:51:04 PM  

fickenchucker: Iplaybass: As does saying that their language is God-awful to listen to, which is why nobody outside France bothers to speak it.


Yep--every school around here is dropping French.  They hate they're about as lingually-relavant as Serbia.



I took French in school when I lived in Serbia, so I'm really getting a kick out of these responses.

/YRLY.
 
2014-02-07 06:52:22 PM  
Remind them that Napoleon was the one who introduced "French" cooking to France, via his chef from Sardinia, because the food he found in France was inedible

Ask them why their wine isn't as good as what you get from Washington or California
 
2014-02-07 06:53:10 PM  

hoodiowithtudio: and the entire western 2/3 of our nation



God bless that midget and his dreams of conquest.

/Yeah yeah....I know that he wasn't really that short.
 
2014-02-07 06:53:35 PM  

hoodiowithtudio: Far Cough: devildog123: gweilo8888: Yuck it up, Americans. You'd still be a colony if it wasn't for the French.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/France_in_the_American_Revolutionary_Wa r

Yeah, that was the French monarchy.  That government ceased to exist a few years later.  The only thing we've ever gotten from the multiple French Republics are requests for help.

A statue.  Don't forget the statue.

:)

and the entire western 2/3 of our nation


A) They sold it to us, didn't give it to us
B) That was Napoleon and the Empire.  Apparently, the French are only really helpful and useful when they AREN'T a democracy.
 
2014-02-07 06:54:08 PM  
At least the article makes it easier to understand why people don't like the French.
 
2014-02-07 06:56:56 PM  

LordZorch: Ask them why their wine isn't as good as what you get from Washington or California



I was going to mention how they are not allow to irrigate their vineyards, but the I just found out that it has been allowed in limited circumstance since 2007:

http://www.jancisrobinson.com/articles/20070411.html

/Should learn more about French wines.
//Admit that my wine knowledge is limited to Washington, Oregon, and California.
 
2014-02-07 07:03:22 PM  

Prey4reign: Throw cows back at them.


Fetchez la vache!
 
2014-02-07 07:11:43 PM  

Darth_Lukecash: The French have the best military record in terms of fighting. Even in World War II the bravery of the men and women in the resistance is legendary.

However what pissed many allied soldier off was how eager the collaborators embraced Nazis culture.


They are very brave. Their leaders are not particularly perceptive, however.

Dien Bien Phu
Algeria

They needed to learn to pick their battles and quit when the time came. Heroic last stands are a waste of good men.
 
2014-02-07 07:12:22 PM  

The_Sponge: LordZorch: Ask them why their wine isn't as good as what you get from Washington or California


I was going to mention how they are not allow to irrigate their vineyards, but the I just found out that it has been allowed in limited circumstance since 2007:

http://www.jancisrobinson.com/articles/20070411.html

/Should learn more about French wines.
//Admit that my wine knowledge is limited to Washington, Oregon, and California.


Oregonian here. I'm partial to Rieslings ( made in my state or Washington) and Spanish sparkling wines. I'm sure the French would consider me scum....

/ more of a beer drinker, which would (probably) be frowned on
 
2014-02-07 07:13:42 PM  

bmr68: My girlfriends mother is from France and she hates the French.


Who does, your girlfriend or her mother?
 
2014-02-07 07:17:04 PM  
Acknowledge their invaluable assistance in our Revolutionary War,  tell them proudly, "You made us what we are!" and thank them for their service.
 
2014-02-07 07:17:54 PM  

bmr68: My girlfriends mother is from France and she hates the French.


Just because your girlfriend has issues with her mom doesn't mean she should take it out on all French people.
 
2014-02-07 07:20:18 PM  
During WWII, when Hitler's tanks rolled into Poland, polish countryfolk came out to face them with whatever they had on hand. Pitchforks, shovels, anything they could grab. And because of this, people say that Poles are stupid.

Faced with a long land border with Germany, the French found themselves under a tidal waver of German armor, and they capitulated. Because of this, people say the French are cowards.

But nobody says the Poles are brave, or that the French were smart. You can't win.
 
2014-02-07 07:24:33 PM  

devildog123: B) That was Napoleon and the Empire. Apparently, the French are only really helpful and useful when they AREN'T a democracy.


Not always, those Vichy guys were DICKS.  Although, I suppose they were helpful and useful to the Germans.

timujin: jylcat: Well that was terrible.

Seriously.  Apparently not only are the French easy to piss off, they're not especially engaging writers either.


The BBC had a story about that
 
2014-02-07 07:29:30 PM  
I've never been to France but the few people from France I've met in the United States were all remarkably nice people.
 
2014-02-07 07:38:45 PM  

ka1axy: Darth_Lukecash: The French have the best military record in terms of fighting. Even in World War II the bravery of the men and women in the resistance is legendary.

However what pissed many allied soldier off was how eager the collaborators embraced Nazis culture.

They are very brave. Their leaders are not particularly perceptive, however.

Dien Bien Phu
Algeria

They needed to learn to pick their battles and quit when the time came. Heroic last stands are a waste of good men.


That could be said of any army at any time.
 
2014-02-07 07:41:17 PM  

orangehat: I've never been to France but the few people from France I've met in the United States were all remarkably nice people.


Likewise, but one of them I knew was a thieving bastard of a roommate, with at least two faces.  However, this was offset by a countrywoman of his who was very foxy and had a delightful personality.
 
2014-02-07 07:42:41 PM  
24.media.tumblr.com
Baguette!
 
2014-02-07 07:42:42 PM  

The_Sponge: Dahnkster: How many people does it take to defend Paris?
Nobody knows, its never been tried.

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
The Army.

What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
You can make soldiers out of toast.

Q: Why are all the streets in Paris lined with trees?
A: Because Germans like marching in the shade.



Q: How does every French joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.


Q: How do you brainwash a Frenchman?
A: Fill his underpants with water.


Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
 
2014-02-07 08:02:27 PM  

whither_apophis: Ex-Texan: French toast, French fries, French bread.. You know the movie.

mmmm Diane Franklin aaahhhh


Didn't someone try to put his testicles all over her?
 
2014-02-07 08:23:52 PM  
I don't assume your Father has a mistress. He obviously can't afford one.

I wouldn't bother to introduce a French person to world cuisine. In restaurants, they talk only of better meals they have had in restaurants. And they're so completely xenophobic and provincial that they won't even try anything that hasn't been put through a fine French kitchen mesh seven times and then French whisked into the shape of the Eiffel Tower.

In Canada, the Michelin guide I bought second-hand awarded roughly 80 stars. All in Quebec except for one. The one was in St-Boniface, Manitoba. Q.E.D. Any person who believes that Toronto and Vancouver have no restaurants better than St-Boniface, Manitoba, is purely delusional and can go to Hell.

Tell me about people wanting to practice their feeble language skills on you. I speak English. The whole farking human race wants to practice their Broken English on me, including you. And that's why you complain when the English talk French rather than English. You're out a free lesson! And French is now less common than Bengali. So you're rapidly hugging your dying language to death like the monkey in the fable who literally smothered her favourite child to death. Or if you prefer, like the fable of César et Laridon.

God damn French bastards. They're all over the place. Especially in the French Quarter of my family tree.

Doux Jésus, prends pitié de moi!
Je suis entouré de mes parents!
Mes amis me poursuivent jour et nuit.
Je n'ai pas de paix sauf parmi les étrangers.
Sauve- moi de mes amis et je m'occuperai de mes ennemis!
 
2014-02-07 08:35:42 PM  
fun fact:  for years and years, my brothers and i thought that line was "cheese eating cylinder monkeys."  it didn't make sense but it made us laugh anyway.
 
2014-02-07 08:39:47 PM  
Wait till they speak French, then ask them if they're from Quebec.
 
2014-02-07 08:41:44 PM  

Dahnkster: Did somebody say 'surrender'?

How many people does it take to defend Paris?
Nobody knows, its never been tried.

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
The Army.

What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
You can make soldiers out of toast.


Thank you. I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip be insulted by your waiter. Try the snails.


Could not resist. France is awesome. Provence is beautiful. French food is the BEST in the world. Paris is magic. No one bakes like the French. It burns when I pee.


Why are the streets of Paris lined with trees?
So the Germans can march in the shade.
 
2014-02-07 09:00:31 PM  

The_Sponge: Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: Well, that was a pretty obnoxious article.


Some parts made sense.....yes, it is rude to ask if somebody's father has a mistress.

But ripping on people who give you respect by at least TRYING to speak the language?  Come on, lady!



I imagine it's a lot like with the Danes: they all speak better English than you speak their language (unless you're truly fluent), and they're too impatient to try and understand what the fark you're attempting to say.

In general, if they have the time to devote to helping you with their language, e.g., not during a busy lunch rush, they will.  But if they're busy, they'd prefer to handle the transaction in English.

/speaks French
//and some Danish
 
2014-02-07 09:02:09 PM  

mainsail: timujin: jylcat: Well that was terrible.

Seriously.  Apparently not only are the French easy to piss off, they're not especially engaging writers either.

Cette. Victor Hugo, Dumas Pere, Hell, Dumas Fils, are shaking their heads at the sad state of this article.


And don't forget all the writers of le nouveau roman...
 
2014-02-07 09:06:22 PM  

Darth_Lukecash: The French have the best military record in terms of fighting. Even in World War II the bravery of the men and women in the resistance is legendary.


In addition, the male population of France was literally decimated during World War I.  Americans tend to forget just how much that affected France's ability to defend herself during WWII.
 
2014-02-07 09:07:06 PM  

Oldiron_79: Dahnkster: Did somebody say 'surrender'?

How many people does it take to defend Paris?
Nobody knows, its never been tried.

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
The Army.

What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
You can make soldiers out of toast.


Thank you. I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip be insulted by your waiter. Try the snails.


Could not resist. France is awesome. Provence is beautiful. French food is the BEST in the world. Paris is magic. No one bakes like the French. It burns when I pee.

Why are the streets of Paris lined with trees?
So the Germans can march in the shade.


Ahem.
 
2014-02-07 09:08:27 PM  

devildog123: I'm glad my wife speaks really good French.  Always surprises them, as though they feel Americans are too stupid to ever speak it well.



Every time I've gone to France, I've received compliments* on my French language skills.

*from actual French people
 
2014-02-07 09:13:08 PM  
Being an American will piss them off to no end , that and going into a 5star french restaraunt , ordering flawlessly in their langauge, demonstrating an astute culinary knowledge thus impressing the hell out of the maitrede , sommelier. and head chef. When your meal arrives to much fanfare and graciousness of your amazed host , smother everything in ketchup. Then ask for a side of beenieweenies
 
2014-02-07 09:14:43 PM  
Miracle on the Marne FTW.
i.imgur.com
Took taxis and buses to the front and kicked the Kaiser's ass.
 
2014-02-07 09:18:53 PM  
the French in Shanghai are the worst. They're entitled, standoffish, rude, and disrespectful- especially to the locals, which is made worse by the whole "we actually owned part of this city for almost 100 years" colonial mentality. The French bars and restaurants here are pretty damn good, but with few exceptions the French staff treat them like halfway houses for their friends, or even worse, their own living room, slinking up to you with a dirty look and demanding to know what you want to drink, then bringing it to you ten minutes later after having a cigarette at the bar with their pals.

an old college prof of mine told me the same. Half French, born in France, loves France, but admits the French have an elitist, imperial mentality, especially when they travel to their former colonies. He does research in Vietnam on colonialism and for some reason the French still treat it like it's their colony. It's like they've totally forgotten Dien Bien Phu.
 
2014-02-07 09:35:29 PM  

FizixJunkee: The_Sponge: Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: Well, that was a pretty obnoxious article.


Some parts made sense.....yes, it is rude to ask if somebody's father has a mistress.

But ripping on people who give you respect by at least TRYING to speak the language?  Come on, lady!


I imagine it's a lot like with the Danes: they all speak better English than you speak their language (unless you're truly fluent), and they're too impatient to try and understand what the fark you're attempting to say.

In general, if they have the time to devote to helping you with their language, e.g., not during a busy lunch rush, they will.  But if they're busy, they'd prefer to handle the transaction in English.

/speaks French
//and some Danish


Start with a bonjour or whatever, and if someone wants to speak English to you, speak it back.  If as part of this process, someone gets offended, that's on them.

Also while English is widely spoken in France but fluency varies considerably, just like many Americans in border states have varying proficiency in Spanish.

/Only know the Spanish words I learned working in a restaurant, related to food and manual labor
 
2014-02-07 09:48:43 PM  

FizixJunkee: The_Sponge: Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: Well, that was a pretty obnoxious article.


Some parts made sense.....yes, it is rude to ask if somebody's father has a mistress.

But ripping on people who give you respect by at least TRYING to speak the language?  Come on, lady!


I imagine it's a lot like with the Danes: they all speak better English than you speak their language (unless you're truly fluent), and they're too impatient to try and understand what the fark you're attempting to say.

/speaks French
//and some Danish


A lot of Danes speak better English than most Americans.
 
2014-02-07 09:48:44 PM  

Far Cough: /imagine how arrogant the French must be to have blown that much of a lead in good will


image.guardian.co.uk
 
2014-02-07 10:07:09 PM  

SuddenlySamhain: Being an American will piss them off to no end , that and going into a 5star french restaraunt , ordering flawlessly in their langauge, demonstrating an astute culinary knowledge thus impressing the hell out of the maitrede , sommelier. and head chef. When your meal arrives to much fanfare and graciousness of your amazed host , smother everything in ketchup. Then ask for a side of beenieweenies


I'm so going to do this.

Farking frogs.
 
2014-02-07 10:11:47 PM  
Is it still OK to piss on them?
 
2014-02-07 11:02:14 PM  
Two things not mentioned:
- spitting
- referring to someone from Quebec as "French"
 
2014-02-07 11:41:47 PM  
s24.postimg.org

"Unfortunately, so far it only translates into some incomprehensible dead language."
"Hello!" <Bonjour!>
"Crazy jibberish!"
 
2014-02-07 11:45:19 PM  

Billy Liar: Acknowledge their invaluable assistance in our Revolutionary War,  tell them proudly, "You made us what we are!" and thank them for their service.


Emm, French and Indian War?

Not to mention that current Parisians are no more responsible for aid to the colonies than Bay Area hipsters are for slavery.

At least when we poke fun over WWII some of the people targeted were party to the folly.
 
2014-02-07 11:57:05 PM  
I went to Paris on business a few years ago and no one was rude, except when I bought a British newspaper.
 
2014-02-08 12:04:47 AM  

Cyber_Junk: Why was this greenlit?   It was poorly written and said very little that was on-topic.  And un-funny.


Enough about the thread. What did you think about TFA?
 
2014-02-08 01:13:37 AM  
French person ought to becharmed that I try to speak his language. The Japanese person was charmed when I tried to speak Japanese.
 
2014-02-08 01:43:18 AM  
Can we please talk about the pseudo-French in Martinique? Those guys are ARESHOLES.

/worst Caribbean nation I've ever visited
//douchiest people I've EVER had to deal with
///you're not even really French, FFS
 
2014-02-08 02:34:30 AM  
The French are the Texans of Europe.

Everything's bigger and better in France.

also language anal

More people in the world speak Portuguese than speak French.

It's a dying language, just let it go.
 
2014-02-08 09:12:54 AM  

The_Sponge: Not to mention that Washington and California are still producing AWESOME wines that can easily compete with the French.


Virginia has an up-and-coming winemaking industry.   There are (at least) 20 wineries within a 1/2 hour drive of my house.   I haven't visited them all.   Yet.
 
2014-02-08 09:14:20 AM  

devildog123: The_Sponge: FTFA:

Practice your poor language skills with us.


Well f*ck you too, Pierre.  You pretty much summed up part of the reason why I'm going to visit Prague instead of Paris this spring.

If you start out speaking English with them, they act as though they've never heard a word of it in their lives, and are kind of arrogant assholes about it.  I'm glad my wife speaks really good French.  Always surprises them, as though they feel Americans are too stupid to ever speak it well.


This.

Even if you ask in perfect French if they speak English, the French (Parisians usually to be fair) would feel insulted that you come to their country but ask them if they speak another language.

It's not like English has become an international language or anything.
 
2014-02-08 09:57:14 AM  

Urinal Cake Mix: Can we please talk about the pseudo-French in Martinique? Those guys are ARESHOLES.

/worst Caribbean nation I've ever visited
//douchiest people I've EVER had to deal with
///you're not even really French, FFS


My wife and I love Martinique.  I don't speak any French, and only understand about 20% of what is said, but she speaks damn near perfect French, with an accent that makes people from France think she grew up in Marseille.  We've been there, and everyone was incredibly nice and friendly, and we didn't stay in a fancy resort full of Americans or anything, but in a small hotel that catered to pretty much only French people.  The biggest douches we met were Parisians on holiday.
 
2014-02-08 10:42:56 AM  
Actually the French are a LOT more open to the idea of having mistresses. You just need to be able to afford one.  Italian food is better than French on average.  And on average the French don't speak foreign languages worth a damn.

Still a great country.  I live just across the border and spend a lot of time there.
 
2014-02-08 02:49:40 PM  

The_Sponge: skinink: Actually in the few countries I've been to, a hello in the native language does make things easier. Not perfect, but I got by and my foreign language skills are miserable. Got by in France, Germany and CZ.

Any travel tips for the Czech Republic?


Don't get into a cab in Prague.
 
2014-02-08 02:53:03 PM  

strife: [s24.postimg.org image 320x228]

"Unfortunately, so far it only translates into some incomprehensible dead language."
"Hello!" <Bonjour!>
"Crazy jibberish!"


I've always wanted to speak a dead language. It's comforting to know that in less than a thousand years, I will.

Also, I've found that speaking French to shop clerks is the quickest way to English. They appreciate that you tried, but would prefer to complete the transaction.

In some places, like New Brunswick, French people have been known to talk to each other in English when nobody is looking. My guess is that French tolerance for bad French (any French other than their own) is so great that they'd sooner switch than fight when two dialects or patois meet. It really is easier. French is hard for the French.

Bad English conveys information more accurately than bad French because English is tolerant of grammar, pronunciation and vocabulary. You can often still tell what the speaker means even if they get the words wrong, in the wrong order and the wrong tense or grammatical category. We've gone farther in stripping English down to bare bones than any other language.
 
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