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(Boston Herald)   Ever fantasize about pulling the "I'll call you at all hours and see how you like it" game with telemarketers?   ( divider line
    More: Interesting, Arlington, caller ID  
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12468 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Feb 2014 at 8:48 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-02-07 11:25:57 AM  
8 votes:
I got a call from some long distance carrier switcher person.

Them: Sir, how much do you spend a month in long distance?
Me: Oh about 2-3 thousands dollars.
T: Well I got some great news- wait did you say 3 *thousand* dollars?
M: Yeah, about that.
T: Uh....sir where are you calling?
M: Oh ...China, Libia,Pakistan, North Korea, Iran, the usual.
T: This is business?
M: Yep.
T: Uh....what kind of business are you in?
M: I sell missle guidance systems.
T: Seriously?
M: Yep. They go crazy for those things.
T: Wow, I imagine they'd like to get ahold of the good tech we have.
M: Are you crazy? I don't sell them good guidance systems, that would just be stupid. Mostly it's just an old Tom-Tom that I soldered to the circuit board of a cheap remote control car. Frankly I am surpised their missles even get off the ground.
T: Arn't you afraid they will get angry and do something about it?
M: What can they do? Shoot a missle at me? Please. They'd be lucky to hit the ocean if they launched it underwater.
T: Isn't that illegal to sell that kind of stuff?
M: I dunno. Never asked.
T: Oh...okay. Well have a nice day.

Apparently he forgot why he called.

Another favorite:
T: Hi sir! I am selling coupon books. For the low price of $25 dollars you can get over $150 value in coupons that you can use at your favorite stores.
M: Not interested.
T: But you can get free pizza, free movies, free-
M: Not. Interested.
T: Why not sir?
M: I can't use them. I can't go outside.
T: Why's that?
M: I'm under house arrest.
T: uh...
M: Did you know it's actualy a crime to sexualy molest ducks in the park?
T: ...
M: I didn't know that.
T: How do you even-
M: With my penis.
T: I see. *click*
2014-02-07 03:50:33 PM  
2 votes:
Others I've done.

Telemarketer: I'm calling from the Richmond Times Dispatch
Me: I don't want a paper.
T: But they've got sports and coupons
Me: Don't want a paper
T: Well we just have the sunday edition
M: I really don't want a newspaper
T: May I ask why
M: ....*sobbing* because I can't read!
T: I, Uh...
M: *sobbing* I've tried so hard you know? But the letters don't make sense! There's too damn many of them, and they keep changing how they go!
T: I....
M: Do you know how hard it is not being able to read? *sniff* When I go to a resturant all I can ever get is a hamburger because I don't know what else they've got.
T: Sir...
M: *sniff* I hate being not able to read, I've tried to learn but I just can't do it *sniff*
T: Maybe I should-
M: I'm not stupid! I'm not!. *small childlike voice* You don't think I'm stupid, do you?
T: No sir! I'm  sure lots of people of trouble with it.
M: could teach me?
T: I...uh....don't think I am qualified for that
M: Maybe I could try going back to school?
T: That sounds like a good idea...look, I....I have to go.

I had some Indian guy call from from AT&T asking about long distance (so you have to read his lines in an Indian voice)

T: Good evening sir. I am calling from AT&T. How much does your long distance cost every month?
M: About 2 cents an hour
T: Sir...2 cents an hour, Good God sir, what kind of plan are you on?
M: No plan. I Just pay two cents every hour wether I call out of State or out of Country.
T: *highly incredulous*. Sir, how is such a thing possible?
M: Well my brother is the CEO of Sprint.
T: Oh my God! *sounds like he stands up in his chair* Everybody! Everybody! I have called the Chief Executive Officer of Sprint's brother! *to me* Oh my God sir, I cannot believe I have called you. This is really amazing!
M: Yeah, I get that a lot
T: But sir, I am calling from AT&T and your brother is the CEO of Sprint! This is crazy!
M: Yeah, I am aware of the irony.
T: So....I imagine you will not be wanting to switch to AT&T?
M: Well, actualy I might. He's kind of an asshole. What do I have- Oh shiat! here he comes, I can't let him know I am talking to you *click*
2014-02-07 11:11:59 AM  
2 votes:

brantgoose: As long as these companies are allowed to cold call the elderly, the elderly will be falling for con artists. Because much of this business is straight and simple fraud and the elderly are vulnerable because their judgment declines, they may be non compos mentis (Alzheimer's sufferers have been known to fall for patent frauds time and again if they are allowed access to a phone), and because they are lonely and just like to have somebody to talk to, which makes them easy pickings for con artists of all sorts, religious, political, or illegal.

This. I've tried to do the "keep the telemarketer on the phone for as long as possible to kill their average call time rating" game, but as soon as I say "yes, I'm interested in your service" in my strong, youthful voice, they hang up. If, however, I fake a wavering old man voice, they stay on the line and immediately start pressing for a credit card number.

/Last time I did the "hold on, sonny... my credit card is in the car... I'll be back in just a minute" and put the phone down. Took him five minutes to hang up.
2014-02-07 09:34:57 AM  
2 votes:
Funny I should see this headline.  Lately I've been getting telemarketing calls and instead of just telling them to get cancer and die, I've tried a new strategy - keeping them on the phone as long as possible in the hopes that by wasting their time they'll cross me off their list.

So yesterday I got a call about loan modification, I told the guy, sure, tell me all about it.  He says he'll have to call me back.  I told him no, tell me now or don't call ag-  too late, he hung up.  Calls me back a few minutes later.  I chewed him out for hanging up on me.  He hangs up again.  Then I noticed that the number he just used to call me was different, so I tried calling it back - and he picked up!  It was a legit number.  I berated him for hanging up on me, and I yelled at him some more.

But now I think I have his number.  Now if I can find the last working payphone, I could have some fun.  It's a California area code, so I'm thinking the best time to call is early in the morning here on the east coast.
2014-02-07 09:11:32 AM  
2 votes:

reubendaley: Hey calling it your job ol' EyeballKid sure don't make it right
But if you want me to I'll say a prayer for your soul tonight.

I may have been a telemarketer, but I've never been so low as to quote John Mellencamp.
2014-02-07 10:25:49 AM  
1 vote:

EyeballKid: I'm EyeballKid, and I'm...a former telemarketer.

Hi EyeballKid!
2014-02-07 09:59:58 AM  
1 vote:

Loren: You should have been in jail.

But he only gets one call from there...
2014-02-07 09:54:10 AM  
1 vote:
I've done this. The company is called Progressive Bussiness Solutions. They actually sent bills to not one but two companies that I worked for asking for payment for magazines that we neither ordered or received. The funniest one was when the woman who claimed to be claling from a collection agency called on morning and after a breif back and forth about whether money was owed I asked her who had placed the order and she says, "DROxINxTHExWIND placed the order. Our representative has spoken to him several times and he confirmed receipt of the subscriptions." I calmy responded, "Sweetie, I'M DRO." She hung up on me. I Googled the company name and found a few consumer websites where people were complaining about having been duped by the company. One of the posts was from a disgruntled former employee of Progressive. He says that he was recruited out of a mall food court. They made all of these promises of high wages and opportunity for growth with the company. But, when he got to the office, it was a rundown building where he sat in a windowless room making the collection calls. He posted the phone numbers of his supervisors to the meesage board and told everyone who had been duped to call them directly. The guy who answered the phone tried to sound professional but you could tell he was clearly sitting at home somewhere on a cell. I called him a few dozen times over the span of a couple of weeks giving him shiat for being a lying scam artist. At first, he would passionately defend the company, telling me that I didn;t know what I was talking about. By the end of the two weeks he was losing it. Cursing me at the top of his voice. Once it even sounded like he threw his phone. Lol. I still have his number in my roledex in case I ever got another one of thise calls. But, when I just Googled them, I see that it appears their scam is up. At least, under that name. s -publications-charged-them-for-unwanted-newsletters-35726">http://dal -publications-charged-them-for-unwanted-newsletters-35726

/end CSB
2014-02-07 09:02:25 AM  
1 vote:
I got the "Cardmember Services" one recently (again) and they not only came over Caller ID as "Bank of America" but had indeed spoofed one of their legit numbers.

I tried alerting BofA, and it was a nightmare.  If you don't have an account with them, they don't give a fark.  Even though you are trying to help them.  By the time I got to the final person who gave me a fraud report email address (took 45 minutes), I told her if this is the way they behave then they deserve to be hacked and victims of fraud.
2014-02-07 09:02:08 AM  
1 vote:
I wonder what the conversion rate is for spam phone calls and emails selling weener pills.
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