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(Mirror.co.uk)   Wife accused of assaulting husband with toast and butter. Authorities are hoping the violence doesn't spread   (mirror.co.uk) divider line 43
    More: Stupid, butter, pantry, violence  
•       •       •

1833 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Feb 2014 at 1:43 PM (51 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



43 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-02-06 12:22:38 PM  
No more bread and butter
No more toast and jam
I found my baby eating
With some other man.
 
2014-02-06 12:33:37 PM  
She sounds like a peach.
 
2014-02-06 12:47:13 PM  
As long as she doesn't hit him in the nutella!
 
2014-02-06 01:11:34 PM  
Quite a jam.  I hope she has the bread for a decent defense.
 
2014-02-06 01:21:07 PM  
The upper crust think they can get away with anything,
 
2014-02-06 01:42:48 PM  
So she was arrested for... domestic buttery

/I'll be here all week
//try the toast
 
2014-02-06 01:45:24 PM  
these puns are margarinely better than the one I was going to make.
 
2014-02-06 01:46:59 PM  
My nominee for Headline of the Day is this one. Good job Subby.
 
2014-02-06 01:50:06 PM  
There's no margarine for error.
 
2014-02-06 01:53:54 PM  
Good thing he wasn't a muffin man.

static2.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-02-06 01:54:06 PM  
I was laughing as well up until the part where they mention that he has MS.  It doesn't mention how deep into the MS disease is but if she or he as the case may be is willing to lay hands on someone with MS there will come a day when they can't defend themselves at all.

/That said, she doesn't sound smooth at all.
 
2014-02-06 01:56:19 PM  
If only he could have reached a super hero in time to help him!
i26.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-06 01:56:49 PM  
Did he land on the carpet face up or face down?
 
2014-02-06 01:57:49 PM  
That will teach him to   www.i2clipart.com der to women
 
2014-02-06 01:58:17 PM  
Hell never mistake the Parkay for butter again
 
2014-02-06 01:59:14 PM  
Acquittal on technicality;

www.slowtrav.com
 
2014-02-06 01:59:58 PM  

LewDux: That will teach him to   [www.i2clipart.com image 128x128] der to women


jpg inserted into the text? That takes some skillet.
 
2014-02-06 02:01:10 PM  
At least she didn't throw popcorn at him. That could have been fatal.
 
2014-02-06 02:05:25 PM  
You think that's bad, she was beating the eggs and pouring a bowlful of batter.

/pouring a bowful of batter. It's like openia can of whoopass. Work with me, people.
 
2014-02-06 02:06:11 PM  

brimed03: You think that's bad, she was beating the eggs and pouring a bowlful of batter.

/pouring a bowful of batter. It's like openia can of whoopass. Work with me, people.


*opening

Farking Verizon cellphones...
 
2014-02-06 02:06:47 PM  
I can't believe it!
 
2014-02-06 02:07:23 PM  
Was the husband a cop too? Did she try to go after the arresting officer(s)? In either case, she could
be charged with (wait for it)...

Assault on oleo.

Bah dum pshhhhhh...
 
2014-02-06 02:08:52 PM  
Remember this was in Britain, people! The toast & butter were probably in a pot of boiling water at the time.
 
2014-02-06 02:18:36 PM  
Assulted? Don't you mean she peppered him with toast?
 
2014-02-06 02:20:02 PM  

busy chillin': LewDux: That will teach him to   [www.i2clipart.com image 128x128] der to women

jpg inserted into the text? That takes some skillet.


nah, it's easy as one two fry
 
2014-02-06 02:29:50 PM  
<csb> I was accused of assault with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich </csb>
 
2014-02-06 02:34:39 PM  
Just want to put everyones mind at ease. I survived and my cousin Butter The Rabbit is in serious but stable condition and is expected to make a full recovery.
 
2014-02-06 02:35:03 PM  
Sounds like everyone's in a real jam...
 
2014-02-06 02:54:42 PM  
But technically, is butter a "spread?" Some dicey wordplay, subby!
 
2014-02-06 03:11:32 PM  

FoonFlake: But technically, is butter a "spread?" Some dicey wordplay, subby!



"Mighty nice spread you've got there, ma'am."
www.sitcomsonline.com
 
2014-02-06 03:11:51 PM  
Don't you mean she peppered him with toast?

It's a good thing she didn't come at him with a banana...
 
2014-02-06 03:18:06 PM  
Those Yooks and Zooks are at it again.
 
2014-02-06 03:19:49 PM  

FoonFlake: But technically, is butter a "spread?" Some dicey wordplay, subby!


Shedd's Spread says "Yes!"
 
2014-02-06 03:48:32 PM  
Quick!  Call the Citizens for Boysenberry Jam!
 
2014-02-06 04:01:36 PM  
Maybe she should have taken it out of the toaster first.
 
2014-02-06 04:06:50 PM  
Could've been worse, could've used vaseline.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfpyoGFJNNE

/obscure?
//or am i finally old
 
2014-02-06 04:18:39 PM  
"Mighty nice spread you've got there, ma'am."
[www.sitcomsonline.com image 400x320]


OK, dropping Dan Blocker into a Fark-a-fied double entendre is waayyyy out of bounds...

:)
 
2014-02-06 04:29:32 PM  

el_pilgrim: Could've been worse, could've used vaseline.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfpyoGFJNNE

/obscure?
//or am i finally old


not obscure... but I am from the 70s so we might both be old
 
2014-02-06 04:46:47 PM  
What did she butter his toast with, since knives are illegal in Great Britain?
 
2014-02-06 04:56:08 PM  
He should have bought an unsalted butter, if he didn't want to get... oh, fark it. That joke sucks.
 
2014-02-06 06:23:16 PM  

rikkidoxx: Maybe she should have taken it out of the toaster first.


www.toledoblade.com

Unavailable for comment.
 
2014-02-06 08:02:54 PM  
Of course toast was involved, he was found face down.
 
2014-02-06 09:19:49 PM  
Turns out the evidence was tainted. Lawyers were overheard stating "I can't believe it's not butter!"
 
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