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(Guardian)   Moscow's squirrels are being abducted off the trees and sold into a life of slavery   (theguardian.com) divider line 44
    More: Sad, Moscow, purges, poachers, diamond  
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6369 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Feb 2014 at 1:13 PM (33 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



44 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-02-06 12:31:57 PM
separating a squirrel from his nuts like only the Russians can
 
2014-02-06 01:15:44 PM
A pet squirrel? I've had a couple get trapped in my house and they crazy.
 
2014-02-06 01:17:07 PM
Jesus, Drew, first it's WTFark and now this?

You need to rethink your global domination strategy.
 
2014-02-06 01:17:15 PM
Goddamned Willy Wonka and his sweet store sweatshop. He should have been closed down years ago after he maimed all those kids.
 
2014-02-06 01:17:51 PM
I have plenty of squirrels available at no charge. How do the Ruskies feel about raccoons? Maybe we can work out a two-fer.
 
2014-02-06 01:18:43 PM
And Russians developing squirrel-related injuries in 3...2...1...
 
2014-02-06 01:19:25 PM
"Twelve Years a Squirrel" They can live that long, right?
 
2014-02-06 01:21:16 PM
www.mrchuckles.net
 
2014-02-06 01:27:23 PM
Is the FARK squirrel covering the Olympics?
 
2014-02-06 01:27:50 PM
Scurius Vulgaris really don't deal well in captivity.. They generally have a pretty large range.

And they will eat drywall all day long... so you have fun with that.

/pretty squirrels though..
 
2014-02-06 01:30:52 PM

Shadow Blasko: Scurius Vulgaris really don't deal well in captivity.. They generally have a pretty large range.

And they will eat drywall all day long... so you have fun with that.

/pretty squirrels though..


Yes, look at the plumage.

/ he's probably pining for the fjords.
 
2014-02-06 01:31:35 PM
Evil little rodents; sure they're cute, until they get into your attic, shat all over the place, and never leave.  Take 'em as pets, roast them, I don't care.  Experts CLAIM they're not just rats with bushier tails, but I don't believe it.
 
2014-02-06 01:33:23 PM
Well, the Russians were getting lonely, so I thought I'd give them some friends put one oh, say, here, and another little friend, put him right over there...


i406.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-06 01:36:06 PM
As long as it isn't sex slavery. What Dave did to Alvin, Simon and Theodore was despicable.
 
2014-02-06 01:36:24 PM
My grandfather used to live in Ocala, FL and there was this one park surrounded by a huge retired community. Pretty much any time of day there would be at least several older folks out there feeding the ducks and the squirrels so they were all super domesticated. The squirrels would come right up to you and gently grab food with their little hands if you held it out to them. Also, apparently parrots and parakeets as house pets were the big thing down there for these folks so the trees in the park were full of flocks of tropical birds and parrots that had escaped from their owners. It was pretty awesome.

/Cool story bro
 
2014-02-06 01:39:18 PM
That squirrel in the pic in TFA has an awesome hairdo.
 
2014-02-06 01:39:24 PM
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com
 
2014-02-06 01:40:46 PM

PsiChick: And Russians developing squirrel-related injuries in 3...2...1...


Do squirrels carry bubonic plague? 'Cause that could be an issue.
Just what the world needs, a plague outbreak in Russia while people from all over the world are there for the Olympics.
 
2014-02-06 01:40:53 PM
farm3.staticflickr.com
Bernie Goetz approves

/according to the NYT: Goetz "runs a makeshift squirrel infirmary from his apartment"
 
2014-02-06 01:40:53 PM

Wrath of Heaven: My grandfather used to live in Ocala, FL and there was this one park surrounded by a huge retired community. Pretty much any time of day there would be at least several older folks out there feeding the ducks and the squirrels so they were all super domesticated. The squirrels would come right up to you and gently grab food with their little hands if you held it out to them. Also, apparently parrots and parakeets as house pets were the big thing down there for these folks so the trees in the park were full of flocks of tropical birds and parrots that had escaped from their owners. It was pretty awesome.

/Cool story bro



Those birds live a very long time.  This was a "retired community".  Hint: Many of those birds didn't exactly "escape from their owners", at least not in the way you meant.

/not quite so cool?
 
2014-02-06 01:43:05 PM
Need more pics of squirrels with big nuts.  Thank you.
 
2014-02-06 01:49:29 PM
static2.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-02-06 01:55:02 PM

Paris1127: [farm3.staticflickr.com image 500x376]
Bernie Goetz approves

/according to the NYT: Goetz "runs a makeshift squirrel infirmary from his apartment"


Didn't he shoot somebody? Oh, the "subway vilante", right? Nice squirrelizer.
 
2014-02-06 02:15:22 PM
I put "squirrel slavery trade" into GIS and I got Princess Sally Acorn in positions you would not believe.
 
2014-02-06 02:16:21 PM
Bizarrities of Russian: I googled up Russian versions of this story to see if there was more info. A typical headline might was

"Сотрудники МВД будут охранять белок в московских парках"

which Google translates as:

"MVD will protect the protein in a Moscow park"

Yes, "белка" means both "squirrel" and "protein" and one could say "the peasant died from squirrel deficiency."
 
2014-02-06 02:24:11 PM
We need a hero.

Who has the testicles?
 
2014-02-06 02:46:30 PM
You should see what they did with the moose
 
2014-02-06 02:57:12 PM
I had a friend who raised a baby squirrel. When it was about a year old it started biting and clawing the ship out of him so he took him to a nature reserve.
 
2014-02-06 03:19:31 PM
img.fark.net

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you're looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my furry friends go now, that will be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you.
 
2014-02-06 03:25:41 PM
Are these the same Russian squirrels that have started packing up and killing stray dogs?
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2014-02-06 03:38:43 PM
SwiftFox: Are these the same Russian squirrels that have started packing up and killing stray dogs?

Those squirrels were in Vladivostok. Other end of the country.  Same species, different color. They vary from bright red in parts of western Europe to black in Korea.
 
2014-02-06 03:39:29 PM

SuperChuck: You should see what they did with the moose


Yeah, that was bad enov.
 
2014-02-06 03:54:23 PM
No, I have to pay a guy to keep those tree-rats out of my cabin...they are cute enough in the wild, but the damage they can do is not something I want to have to live with.

Would rather have a Marmot I think....and they are just really huge rodents too...
 
2014-02-06 04:15:24 PM
Cute little varmints
 
2014-02-06 04:15:42 PM
i30.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-06 04:30:45 PM
fc02.deviantart.net   Approves.

Stay tuned for next week's turgid episode...."so long and thanks for the nuts".....or "here today, gone to Yakutsk"
 
2014-02-06 04:49:14 PM
I once bottle raised an orphaned squirrel. Very sweet, cute, funny, and cuddly, but he destroyed every piece of furniture that had wood. My dad built him an outside house (too late for my parents' dining room set).

First day outside, my squirrel got yoinked by a hawk.

Sad, but I would never ever have another squirrel. Destructive little bastiges.
 
2014-02-06 06:07:25 PM
img.fark.net
/Fark, I am disappoint.
 
2014-02-06 07:14:58 PM
I had a squirrel for a couple of months.  Named him "turbo" because of how he'd dash around in the cage.  Rescued him from a cat when he was baby.  Definitely not tame, but never tried to bite.  Kept him long enough to make sure he was ok, then released him.  Used to see him occasionally for a few years after, but then we moved.

Had a baby chipmunk during the same time.  The dog brought it in during a thunderstorm.  Sent it down gently at Dad's feet.  At first, Dad thought he wanted to play, but then realized it was a tiny, shivering little ball of fuzz, and not a tennis ball.
 
2014-02-06 07:32:30 PM
I was going to ask if they were Reds or Grays but WTF? Can they fly with those ears?
 
2014-02-06 09:17:38 PM
1 squirrel, cut up
flour
salt and pepper
2 1/2 tablespoons butter
7 cups boiling water
1 teaspoon thyme
1 cup corn
3 potatoes, cubed
1/4 teaspoon cayenne
3 medium onions, sliced
2 cups canned tomatoes with juice
 
2014-02-06 09:50:37 PM
Wanted for questioning.

i.imgur.com
 
2014-02-07 06:53:23 AM

Far Cough: Wrath of Heaven: My grandfather used to live in Ocala, FL and there was this one park surrounded by a huge retired community. Pretty much any time of day there would be at least several older folks out there feeding the ducks and the squirrels so they were all super domesticated. The squirrels would come right up to you and gently grab food with their little hands if you held it out to them. Also, apparently parrots and parakeets as house pets were the big thing down there for these folks so the trees in the park were full of flocks of tropical birds and parrots that had escaped from their owners. It was pretty awesome.

/Cool story bro


Those birds live a very long time.  This was a "retired community".  Hint: Many of those birds didn't exactly "escape from their owners", at least not in the way you meant.

/not quite so cool?


Call me morbid, but this cracked me up.
 
2014-02-07 08:26:12 AM

Paris1127: [farm3.staticflickr.com image 500x376]
Bernie Goetz approves

/according to the NYT: Goetz "runs a makeshift squirrel infirmary from his apartment"


He's still alive???
 
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