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(Click2Houston)   Area man, not wanted or suspected of anything, is on the run   (click2houston.com) divider line 32
    More: Stupid, Department of Public Safety  
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6015 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Feb 2014 at 8:09 AM (32 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



32 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-02-06 08:12:18 AM
*snerk*
 
2014-02-06 08:19:17 AM
...the cops got his gun, and right about now it's time to have some fun!
 
2014-02-06 08:20:35 AM
His car was impounded. I wonder if there might be some bolted-on metal identifying plates attached to the bumpers of the car that could help them narrow down his location.
 
2014-02-06 08:28:57 AM
well....
 
2014-02-06 08:32:26 AM
Handcuff thief.
 
2014-02-06 08:35:07 AM
"Not wanted" = didn't have a current warrant, not that he hadn't done something illegal that merited an arresting. Just running away from the police is an arrestable offense in and of itself. I will guess that he was driving with a suspended license or something similarly minor.
 
2014-02-06 08:36:03 AM
The Memorial City Mall is pretty upscale. I'm just imagining a guy walking through it in handcuffs asking rich teenagers if anybody knows how to pick a lock.
 
2014-02-06 08:36:54 AM
Maybe he just didn't want to be sodomized that day.
 
2014-02-06 08:38:25 AM
As this took place in Texas, perhaps he ran because he feared the trooper would imagine him clenching his buttcheeks and order unnecessary medical procedures in an effort to find the drugs. I mean, if you thought you  might be anally violated, wouldn't you run across a busy highway to avoid getting raped?
 
2014-02-06 08:38:49 AM
Next:

i527.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-06 08:40:07 AM

Queensowntalia: I will guess that he was driving with a suspended license or something similarly minor.


Not so minor that handcuffs and a helicopter chase were unjustified, I guess...
=Smidge=
 
2014-02-06 08:40:18 AM
Can we assume he was white?
 
2014-02-06 08:41:29 AM
That article is definitely sending mixed messages.
 
2014-02-06 08:43:25 AM
That is pretty pathetic.

How fat do you have to be to be outrun by a guy with handcuffs on?
 
2014-02-06 08:48:36 AM

INeedAName: Can we assume he was white?



No, he jumped.
 
2014-02-06 08:51:08 AM
"Area" man? Who uses this for Internet headlines in 2014?
 
2014-02-06 08:58:31 AM

Smidge204: Not so minor that handcuffs and a helicopter chase were unjustified, I guess...


So tell me about all these minor arrests that take place without handcuffs. :P (I would guess the helicopter thing is protocol, but I don't know).
 
2014-02-06 09:00:43 AM
Police no longer actively searching for him

Its a trap
 
2014-02-06 09:03:13 AM

mrsirjojo: "Area" man? Who uses this for Internet headlines in 2014?


http://www.theonion.com/channels/area-man/
 
hej
2014-02-06 09:04:21 AM
There's a difference between "not wanted or suspected of anything" and, "we've already got his car, eventually he'll probably want it back."
 
2014-02-06 09:25:00 AM

Feepit: As this took place in Texas, perhaps he ran because he feared the trooper would imagine him clenching his buttcheeks and order unnecessary medical procedures in an effort to find the drugs. I mean, if you thought you  might be anally violated, wouldn't you run across a busy highway to avoid getting raped?


I think it's the New Mexico police that have the butthole fetish.
 
2014-02-06 10:17:40 AM

INeedAName: Can we assume he was white?


If they don't say he is, he isn't.
 
2014-02-06 10:27:01 AM

mrsirjojo: "Area" man? Who uses this for Internet headlines in 2014?


i512.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-06 10:39:42 AM
I knew a kid in hs that got away with this.  He ran off, the cops chased, he circled back and took off with the car, other than being a little late to class, got to school that morning.  Not kidding, our teacher watched it happen and didn't turn him in.  She told him to cut it out and get to class on time from now on.  He was never caught for that.
 
2014-02-06 10:43:43 AM

mrsirjojo: "Area" man? Who uses this for Internet headlines in 2014?


Must be related to particle man.  Volume man is his uncle.
 
2014-02-06 11:18:42 AM
Wasn't there a story where a guy who wasn't actually guilty of anything ran away while handcuffed, and they ended up charging him with theft of the handcuffs?

I'm surprised they didn't send three SWAT teams after this guy for felony theft of police equipment, and that's pretty pathetic they couldn't find a handcuffed suspect. I mean, it's good they didn't shoot him while he was running away, but a Taser has a pretty good reach, did the cop not even try to zap him?

Police Commander: He got away? Ah, well, screw it then. File a report and go back to work.
 
2014-02-06 11:21:23 AM

strangeluck: Wasn't there a story where a guy who wasn't actually guilty of anything ran away while handcuffed, and they ended up charging him with theft of the handcuffs?

I'm surprised they didn't send three SWAT teams after this guy for felony theft of police equipment, and that's pretty pathetic they couldn't find a handcuffed suspect. I mean, it's good they didn't shoot him while he was running away, but a Taser has a pretty good reach, did the cop not even try to zap him?

Police Commander: He got away? Ah, well, screw it then. File a report and go back to work.


SWAT team is busy, so they are waiting for him to return home, then charge him.
 
2014-02-06 11:25:35 AM
Maybe he just felt like running...

www.moviequotesandmore.com
 
2014-02-06 11:32:21 AM
"Only the guilty run" said one of the comments.

Why would anybody want to be arrested? Maybe someone just doesn't want to cooperate with a system that has turned against him. Government is not useful to one whose liberty is being deprived by it.
 
2014-02-06 11:51:07 AM
Why did he run if he wasn't guilty?

Hey, free handcuffs!


Contrary to popular misconception, innocent people run, especially where the police are known to be corrupt and brutal. And when the person in question is very nervous or has a problem with authority figures. In fact, if you point a damn gun at a black kid, he's almost certainly going to run. It's called the instinct of self-preservation.

Technically if you did something illegal (say, a few whiffs of pot), then you are not a criminal until you are caught. But the police are liable to find out things they don't know if they randomly question people. And so people run when they are entirely unconnected with any known crime.

That headline is very close to The Onion standard, as noted above. I hope you think of Jack Handey when you read my joke, bolded, above. I think he may have done the "free handcuffs" gag already, but hey, Jack Handey!
 
2014-02-06 12:57:28 PM
What's his FARK handle?
 
2014-02-06 01:40:19 PM
FTA: The trooper pulled the man over for a suspected traffic violation

Subby DNRTFA?
 
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