If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(RealClear)   Happy fiftieth birthday to the first and greatest action figure line of all time, G.I. Joe, the team whose battles against C.O.B.R.A. were almost as legendary as their inability to accurately hit targets with their guns   (realclear.com) divider line 111
    More: Hero, G.I. Joe, C.O.B.R.A.  
•       •       •

2484 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Feb 2014 at 8:34 AM (24 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



111 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2014-02-06 08:09:26 AM
wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net

Yeah, COBRA may have hit squat, but GI Joe wasn't hitting anything either. Well, all the vehicles blew up, but that's about it.
 
2014-02-06 08:28:01 AM
Even as a child, I hated the fact that nobody ever died on GI Joe. Then I started watching Galaxy Rangers. That was the stuff.
 
2014-02-06 08:38:50 AM
I still have mine from the seventies. One has the pull string that has recordings.

"Lets set up camp, HERE".
"We have a new mission".
 
2014-02-06 08:40:19 AM

Pocket Ninja: Even as a child, I hated the fact that nobody ever died on GI Joe. Then I started watching Galaxy Rangers. That was the stuff.


oh man, had completely forgotten about them! what a well done show that was! well, haven't seen it as an adult, might seem crappy now, but I get the impression that it holds up well.
 
2014-02-06 08:43:22 AM
ih1.redbubble.net
 
2014-02-06 08:45:48 AM
STOP ALL THE DOWNLOADING!
 
2014-02-06 08:45:50 AM
In his early days G.I. Joe's relationships with Barbie were notorious.
 
2014-02-06 08:46:14 AM
Body massage
 
2014-02-06 08:46:33 AM
luckypuppyoddfacts.com

/hot like their tantric love
 
2014-02-06 08:46:51 AM
It's such a wonderful experience here with the Indian.
 
2014-02-06 08:47:31 AM
Cobra is not an acronym. But something tells me it will be now...
 
2014-02-06 08:49:01 AM

Guns n' Farkin Roses: [ih1.redbubble.net image 375x294]


God that smelled good.
 
2014-02-06 08:51:04 AM

red5ish: In his early days G.I. Joe's relationships with Barbie were notorious.


Oh, so THIS!
 
2014-02-06 08:52:36 AM
Cobra Command (not C.O.B.R.A., subby) didn't exist until 1982 when it was invented for the 3 3/4" action figure line.

/Now you know...
 
2014-02-06 08:52:45 AM
Is this the thread where the old guys claim their jingoist propaganda dolls from the Vietnam era are somehow superior to the elaborate, fully imagined ones from the 80s?

/I had one of the old timey ones.
//His sexy beard made me gay.
 
2014-02-06 08:57:41 AM
lh3.googleusercontent.com
 
2014-02-06 09:01:06 AM

red5ish: In his early days G.I. Joe's relationships with Barbie were notorious.


Heh, there is no better way to piss off an older brother than to make sure when he needs G.I. Joe battle ready, he has to first extract him from Barbie's Dream Honeymoon.

"WAIT! They hafta kiss GOODBYE first!!!"
 
2014-02-06 09:02:48 AM
Look, it's basic military tactics.
You lay down suppressive fire while running up to the enemy, then when you get close enough, drop your weapon and punch them in the jaw.
 
2014-02-06 09:04:45 AM
Whoever made or enjoyed those "movies" should be shot and dumped in a ditch.
 
2014-02-06 09:05:43 AM
They could also endure enormous guns being fired just a few feet away from there heads:

img.fark.net

And not bang The Baroness.

encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com
 
2014-02-06 09:07:44 AM
The greatest thing to ever come out of G.I. joe was Robot Chicken.
 
2014-02-06 09:08:13 AM

TEA-PARTY-PATRIOT: Whoever made or enjoyed those "movies" should be shot and dumped in a ditch.


Compared to the second one, the first was a masterpiece.
 
2014-02-06 09:08:42 AM
My G. I. Joe was a Cold Warrior. Kung Fu grip and Eagle Eyes forever!
 
2014-02-06 09:13:23 AM
The bad guys on Johnny Quest were worse shots than COBRA
 
2014-02-06 09:13:29 AM

Pocket Ninja: Even as a child, I hated the fact that nobody ever died on GI Joe. Then I started watching Galaxy Rangers. That was the stuff.


What ruffled my feathers was the fact that whenever a tank or other vehicle was about to be hit by a missile, the entire crew had time to exit and run to a safe distance before the inevitable explosion. I was like "how farkin' SLOW are these missiles, man!?!?!"

/then started to watch Gatchaman
//original Japanese version
///motherofgod.jpg
 
2014-02-06 09:15:13 AM

TEA-PARTY-PATRIOT: Whoever made or enjoyed those "movies" should be shot and dumped in a ditch.


Eh.  I haven't seen the second, and while I'm not in love with the first, I can see how my ten-year-old self would have thought it was awesome.

GI Joe's had plenty of incarnations (old school, the comics, Renegades, etc).  The movies were just another one.
 
2014-02-06 09:15:14 AM
It was a different time. My G.I. Joe was tortured by the V.C. He still bears the red nailpolish scars.
 
2014-02-06 09:22:24 AM
The G.I.Joe - Evil Knievel partnership in our house led to the most amazing battle stunts.
 
2014-02-06 09:29:30 AM
G.I. Joe gave me severe body image issues, because, at the age of 7, I was unable to grow a beard.
 
2014-02-06 09:29:49 AM

gshepnyc: Is this the thread where the old guys claim their jingoist propaganda dolls from the Vietnam era are somehow superior to the elaborate, fully imagined ones from the 80s?


Somehow superior?  They're *vastly* superior.  I don't get what you mean by "fully imagined".  80s versions were produced because of the popularity of the (new for that era) Star Wars line of figures.  And they were made on the cheap.  Uniforms were molded on and (for the most part) could not be changed, only one moveable joint for each limb where the original had three per limb...not to mention the torso and head.  The 80s line simply was not as versatile than the original.

Classic Joe rules over all other incarnations.

/but Kung Fu Grip was more versatile than the "chopstick" hands
//"chopstick" is the official descriptive term used for the original hands
 
2014-02-06 09:30:00 AM

Xenomech: Cobra Command (not C.O.B.R.A., subby) didn't exist until 1982 when it was invented for the 3 3/4" action figure line.

/Now you know...


In conjunction with the Marvel series at about the same time. Believe it or not, those early issues were well-written comic books. Fond memories.
 
2014-02-06 09:30:51 AM

gshepnyc: Is this the thread where the old guys claim their jingoist propaganda dolls from the Vietnam era are somehow superior to the elaborate, fully imagined ones from the 80s?


Yeah - those "elaborate, fully imagined" mini-figurines were, like, so much cooler and didn't have the PTSD issues of the originals.
 
2014-02-06 09:31:27 AM
Diary of a COBRA Recruit
(From McSweeney's)

May 1, 1986


Man. I'm so excited to graduate this month. It's been a fun few weeks, signing yearbooks and going to beer parties and such, but at the same time I keep feeling worried about what I'm going to do afterwards. I don't have the grades for college. Heck, when I talked to the Army recruiter about becoming a G.I., he said I don't even have the grades to serve my country. I sure don't want to work at the gas station like my brother.


May 2, 1986

Today this guy in a blue uniform came up and gave me a pamphlet. Said he was a recruiter for COBRA, an outfit a lot like the army but without all those government regulations to slow down the fun. We talked a little and he said he liked the cut of my jib, thought I'd be greatCOBRA material.


May 15, 1986

Signed up with COBRA today. I got real excited when they said I earned a signing bonus... figured it would be a couple hundred bucks that I could put toward a new bumper for my truck. Nope. Just a t-shirt with a funny-looking snake on the front. And I'm not supposed to wear it in public. Pretty weird stuff, but they seem like nice guys.

I report to COBRA boot camp out in Utah in the middle of June. The recruiter guy said that everyone around there thinks it's where some crazy old Mormon lives with all his wives. I'm not supposed to say anything about it to anyone. I'm supposed to tell Mom and Dad that I'm going off to work for the phone company.


June 16, 1986

First day of boot camp was a bear. All of the other boots seem like nice guys. Don't know what any of them look like because the first thing they did when we got here was give us blue helmets with black hankies to cover up our faces. I'm getting pretty good at recognizing people's eyebrows though.

Figured we'd do a lot of exercise today, but we didn't do as much as I thought. Mostly just running out of a door and yelling "COBRA!" at the top of our lungs. I got pretty good at it. Now I can sound awful scary when I yell "COBRA!" You wouldn't think it would wear you down, but boy, am I pooped.


June 18, 1986

Boot camp's still a lot of fun. And I'm learning a lot. Today we did more mental learning stuff than exercise. We received a lecture about our main enemy, the G.I. Joe team. Seems that Uncle Sam is so nervous about COBRA that he set up an elite team of soldiers just to try to fight us. I couldn't be more proud. I had no idea I was signing on with a bunch that was this important. I guess the Joes have stopped us at pretty much everything we've ever tried to do. But believe me, is that going to change now that Steve Loring is a member of COBRA!

Sarge said all kinds of funny things about how dumb the G.I. Joe team is. Like, they just have one person who's good at each thing they do. So they just have one guy who can fly a plane, and one guy who knows how to drive a tank, one guy who can fly a helicopter, one guy who can fight in the desert, and so on. They even have a whole aircraft carrier (for their one plane and one helicopter) with just a captain and one sailor to run it! Sarge was like, "What the heck kind of outfit is that?" and we were all just in stitches. Then this one recruit (I think it was Renfro, but I didn't get a good look at his eyebrows) says, "But if they're so dumb, how come they always beat us?"

Sarge made Renfro go out and run around the track and yell "COBRA!" for an hour.


June 20, 1986

Real boring day. I was all ready for some more physical training, but instead Sarge led us into a room full of phones and made us cold-call people and ask them if they wanted to switch their long distance toCOBRA. During the break, Renfro asked Sarge when we became a long-distance provider. Sarge explained that we had to do something to make money if we were going to afford a private army with hundreds of tanks and planes and a Terrordome, not to mention all the expenses from the Serpentor genetic engineering project. Working the phones was demoralizing, and people were usually pretty mad when we called them, but it felt good to be doing my duty for COBRA. In between calls, I amused myself by thinking of cool one-liners I could say if I ever got the drop on one of those G.I. Joe bums.


June 21, 1986

Awful exciting day today. First we got to do our airborne training. They loaded us up into a plane, and we flew up and then jumped out. Our chutes had the big, scary COBRA symbol on them. It was awesome. But it was hard, because we were supposed to keep yelling "COBRA!" all the way down. It was tough to get enough breath to yell right at first. Sarge says it just takes practice.

After that we finally got to do weapons training. About time! They gave me a rifle and pointed at the target. I held the rifle up to my cheek and sighted down the barrel, just like I did when I went deer hunting with Grampa. Boy, did Sarge go apeshiat over that! Got in my face and started yelling at me, asking how I expected to scare someone if I just stood there all quiet-like and shot so carefully. Sarge is a great teacher because he doesn't just criticize. He showed the right way to shoot. What you do is you start shooting your gun wildly and run towards the target as fast as you can and, in your scariest voice, you yell "COBRA!" We worked on that all afternoon, and just before we broke for dinner, I actually hit the target! Sarge and everyone else were so happy for me that they were about to cry. Told me I'd just set the record for marksmanship in COBRA boot camp. I wanted to call Mom and tell her the good news, but she thinks I work for the phone company.


June 22, 1986

First Payday. No check, just a couple more of those t-shirts. Doughty and me planned to drive into town and sell the shirts for spending money, but Sarge caught wind of our plan, reminding us that we weren't supposed to let anyone see the t-shirts because then they'd know we were in COBRA.


June 25, 1986

Tank training today! Wow, it was great! They didn't let us drive the HISS tanks ourselves, but we got to practice riding in the back turret and working the guns. By now we all knew what we were supposed to do without being told, and Sarge said he was so proud at the way we all just yelled "COBRA!" and shot wildly before he even showed us how.

Renfro tried to ruin the day with a whole bunch of his questions. First he asked Sarge why our combat fatigues were sky blue saying we're visible from a mile away at least. Then, when we were practicing with theHISS tanks, Renfro started in on why the HISS driver wasn't protected by anything more than a piece of glass. And for that matter, he continued, why do we run the guns from an open turret with no protection at all? Sarge just about blew up.  I think Renfro is going to be running around the track yelling "COBRA!" a long time tonight.
 
2014-02-06 09:33:11 AM

Tom_Slick: The bad guys on Johnny Quest were worse shots than COBRA


And Race Bannon A) actually shot people, and B) got laid (off camera, but still)
 
2014-02-06 09:40:44 AM

gremlin79: Tom_Slick: The bad guys on Johnny Quest were worse shots than COBRA

And Race Bannon A) actually shot people, and B) got laid (off camera, but still)


And people got killed in the frikkin' opening theme...!Such as the boat crashing down on those frogmen, or the mummy grabbing the Egyptian dude and the mine shaft collapsing on them.  Man, 60s toons like JQ and Space Ghost weren't pansy, bullshiat, "let's learn a lesson" tripe.  The bad guys bought it in the end, and we loved every minute of it.

I love the episode with the pterodactyl, and the evil old scientist in the wheelchair screeching "Kill, Turu!  KILL!!!"

By the 80s there were shows like the A Team, where every episode they fire about 10,000 rounds but no one ever seems to get hit.
 
2014-02-06 09:47:55 AM

Guns n' Farkin Roses: [ih1.redbubble.net image 375x294]


Came for pork chop sandwiches, leaving satisfied.
 
2014-02-06 09:51:15 AM

Mateorocks: Xenomech: Cobra Command (not C.O.B.R.A., subby) didn't exist until 1982 when it was invented for the 3 3/4" action figure line.

/Now you know...

In conjunction with the Marvel series at about the same time. Believe it or not, those early issues were well-written comic books. Fond memories.


Star Wars toys hit the market around 1978, and were the precursor for all the 3.75" lines that followed.  The toymaker (Kenner) was unprepared for the film's success in 1977 and did not have the toys ready for Christmas that year...so they offered an "Early Bird Certificate Package" where you'd get a coupon for the figures when they were ready for sale in early 78.  With the enormous popularity of the SW line Hasbro jumped on the bandwagon and began a line of GI Joe 3.75" figures.

Mego turned down the offer to produce SW action figures...not a good decision!
 
2014-02-06 09:53:06 AM

gremlin79: Tom_Slick: The bad guys on Johnny Quest were worse shots than COBRA

And Race Bannon A) actually shot people, and B) got laid (off camera, but still)


And inspired one of the funniest Harvey Birdman Episodes
 
2014-02-06 09:54:10 AM

Inigo: It's such a wonderful experience here with the Indian.


Hey, you know its funny these people go to sleep, they think everything's fine and good, and they wake the next day and they're on fire.
 
2014-02-06 09:58:41 AM

red5ish: In his early days G.I. Joe's relationships with Ken were notorious.


Nobody asked about it, and they weren't telling.
 
2014-02-06 09:59:54 AM
38 posts and not a mention of fireworks yet. I am disappoint.

/ Purple Heart GI Joe
 
2014-02-06 10:02:30 AM
One more since I can't help it (sorry to take up so much room)


Diary of a Cobra Veteran


June 6, 1987


My transfer came through today; boy, what a relief. I felt bad leaving the platoon behind, but morale was mighty low up there, and it was really starting to get to me. We were pretty banged up from the Fort Knox tunnel operation, and had been assigned to construction duty on the Weather Dominator. The boys didn't like that too much-we're combat troops, not contractors-and it was even worse every time those pretty-boy twins who're running the project drove by on their four-wheelers.

Can't wait to get to COBRA headquarters. I bet that'll be more like the COBRA I thought I signed up with-a well-oiled, efficient machine with a laser focus on world domination.


June 10, 1987

My first day on duty at the Terrordrome! What an experience! It was like being on a Hollywood red carpet, I saw so many heavy hitters! I'd barely walked in the door when I saw this beautiful woman in the tightest uniform I've ever seen. I was checking her out when I realized it was the Baroness! Live and in the flesh! That lady really knows how to make the COBRA emblem look good. (I shouldn't say that. The Baroness is a valued leader in the COBRA organization, and it's not right for me to objectify her.)

Later, on my orientation tour, I saw Destro striding down the hall on his way to a meeting ... maybe he and the Commander were going to get together and brainstorm new plots to defeat those G.I. Joe losers. Man, what I'd give to be a fly on the wall during one of those skull sessions. Anyway, let me tell you, you don't know what dignity looks like until you've seen Destro striding down the hall with his facemask polished up like a mirror, his chest medallion gleaming, and his snake-hood collar flaring out proudly. What an inspiration!

I also met Dr. Mindbender during the tour. He was very nice, and invited me to come down to his lab sometime so he could measure the bumps on my head. Doesn't make much sense to me, but, then, he's the genius and I'm the grunt.

June 11, 1987

Another whirlwind day. I found out that Renfro, a buddy of mine from boot camp, is also stationed here at the 'Drome. That made my day! We had breakfast and caught up-his jaw just about dropped through the table when I told him about the day we had the Joes on the run, only to be stymied by the sudden appearance of Sergeant Slaughter. (Who knew that a pro wrestler would be so devastating in combat? I hate the team he fights for, but that Sergeant Slaughter is a true warrior. He's a gallant foe, worthy of my steel, and, across the gulf of war, I salute him.) Renfro's assigned to one of the gun crews on the roof of the complex. He says it's OK. He sees a lot of action, because Joe planes are always buzzing us and he's ordered to take potshots at them. That's fun, he says, but not very satisfying, because he's almost positive that the Joes in the planes can't hear him yelling "COBRA!"

After breakfast, I reported for my first duty shift as a guard in the War Room. Should be quite an education. Lieutenant Boyken says I have to stay sharp, because we get Joes invading the compound about once a week. Man, those guys burn me up. Someone really oughta do something about them.


June 19, 1987

Ugly day in the War Room. Today I saw an operation fall completely apart. The Commander and Destro had this great plan where they could infiltrate America by starting a chain of fast-food restaurants called Red Rocket. Unbeknownst to the public, the giant red rocket on the top of each franchise would actually be a real missile, and all the restaurant employees would be undercover COBRA troops. (Major Bludd was excited about the additional revenue the Red Rocket joints would provide; COBRA's long-distance-phone arm is having an off year, and our operating budgets are way down.) Of course, those darned Joes somehow twigged to the plan, and the whole thing came crashing down. It was pretty disheartening to see theCOBRA brass arguing about where the project went wrong. Destro was so upset he even broke protocol and called the Commander "fool" a couple of times. I could tell the Commander was hurt by this, but, being the great leader he is, he wisely understood that it was just Destro's passion for the mission speaking.


June 24, 1987

Got one of my fondest wishes granted today when I was ordered to stand guard in a conference room where the COBRA brain trust was having a strategy meeting. Wow, what a gathering of the minds. The Commander, Destro, Major Bludd, the Baroness, and Dr. Mindbender, all throwing out ideas. It was fascinating, just watching the process. They talked for hours and hours, mostly about reviving the Serpentor project; the Commander and Destro were getting pretty hoarse by the end. There was a fridge full of sodas in there, but those two couldn't drink through their masks. Poor guys. I can relate; same thing happens to me all the time with my uniform mask. Nobody said COBRA was easy.

Through the meeting, Dr. Mindbender kept glancing over at me ... I think he was winking, but it was tough to tell because of his monocle.


June 28, 1987


We sure seem to have a lot of ninjas on the COBRA payroll.


July 4, 1987


DISASTER. I was back in the War Room today, standing guard during the afternoon shift. Major Bludd was using the giant telescreen to talk to theCOBRA satellite crew when suddenly the wall exploded and a whole mess of Joes came running in.

We fought 'em hard. I was squaring off with that silly sailor they keep on the team, the one who brings his parrot into battle with him. I pretty much had him on the ropes, because he insisted on fighting with a pirate pistol and a set of grappling hooks. That's no match for a laser rifle and a good set of lungs to yell "COBRA!"

But then this huge guy in a Chicago Bears jersey runs in, swinging around a giant iron football. He'd knocked out a couple of the boys before I recognized him: William "the Refrigerator" Perry! I'm ashamed to say this, but I turned and ran. I remembered what the Fridge did to my Packers last September, and I'd be darned if that was going to happen to me. Everyone else must have been thinking the same thing, because we all retreated, and the Joes have possession of the 'Drome for a little while, at least. Dang it! Why, Fridge, why?

So now we've retreated back to COBRA Island, and everyone's hard at work figuring out how we're going to get even with those rotten Joes. I'll leave the planning to the brain trust, but you'd better believe that, whatever they come up with, I'll be right on the front line yelling "COBRA!"
 
2014-02-06 10:06:41 AM
t2.gstatic.com

Orignial Lady Jaye with 80's hair.
/Fap
//Baroness was a *very* close second, but she'd have to keep the glasses on.
///Double fap
 
2014-02-06 10:10:03 AM
And then there was the time the Joes went to Japan.
www.rubberslug.com
/I'll be in my bunk
 
2014-02-06 10:10:24 AM
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiat
 
2014-02-06 10:11:05 AM

bluenote13: TEA-PARTY-PATRIOT: Whoever made or enjoyed those "movies" should be shot and dumped in a ditch.

Compared to the second one, the first was a masterpiece.


The second one was Channing Tatum's best movie ever.  Right up there with Steven Seagal's best movie, Executive Decision.
 
2014-02-06 10:18:00 AM
http://video.adultswim.com/robot-chicken/pay-for-cobra.html

Since I was born in '78 I never had any of the 12" dolls, er... "action figures". Was totally addicted to the little plastic men, however.
 
2014-02-06 10:22:31 AM
p2.la-img.com

I had one of these, so you can all eat your little hearts out.
 
2014-02-06 10:22:57 AM
The Baroness was how I realized I'm attracted to evil women with accents. I had a similar crush on Natasha from Rocky and Bullwinkle.
 
2014-02-06 10:25:16 AM

silverjets: bluenote13: TEA-PARTY-PATRIOT: Whoever made or enjoyed those "movies" should be shot and dumped in a ditch.

Compared to the second one, the first was a masterpiece.

The second one was Channing Tatum's best movie ever.  Right up there with Steven Seagal's best movie, Executive Decision.


True on both.  I haven't found anything as inspiring as the climax of Samuel L Jackson's motivational speech in Deep Blue Sea, however.  Downright moving, it was.
 
Displayed 50 of 111 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report