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(Slate)   "Dear Prudence: How do I tell my son he's a literal bastard?"   (slate.com ) divider line
    More: Silly, Berklee College of Music, sex steroid  
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14466 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Feb 2014 at 9:46 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-02-06 10:01:59 AM  
11 votes:

1derful: A selfish woman gets knocked up by a man, and convinces a lesser man to raise someone else's offspring


Fark you, dude.

The man who raised someone else's child for twenty years is clearly a greater man than the dude who creampied someone else's wife and then disappeared.
2014-02-06 08:00:56 AM  
9 votes:
"Well son, it started off with me being a lying whore..."
2014-02-06 08:32:38 AM  
7 votes:
Biology is just how we formed as babbys.  Your parents are the ones who loved and raised you.  End of story.
2014-02-06 09:57:02 AM  
5 votes:
A selfish woman gets knocked up by a man, and convinces a lesser man to raise someone else's offspring, and lies to the kid about it, and she's concerned about that kid having his biological father in his life?

It sounds like the bio father is the least repugnant character in this whole situation.
2014-02-06 10:10:35 AM  
4 votes:

poot_rootbeer: 1derful: A selfish woman gets knocked up by a man, and convinces a lesser man to raise someone else's offspring

Fark you, dude.

The man who raised someone else's child for twenty years is clearly a greater man than the dude who creampied someone else's wife and then disappeared.


Yeah, the guy who accepted and loved this child as his own is a saint. The guy who knocks the slut up and runs away, only to come back after the kid is grown and all the hard work of raising a kid is over expecting to be a part of the kid's life is a selfish asshole.
2014-02-06 09:33:11 AM  
4 votes:
From the headline I thought the question would be about a kid being too literal, not about a bastard.
2014-02-06 09:58:12 AM  
3 votes:
Mom needs to tell her son for medical reasons. They've been providing her son the wrong family history information for 20 years.

Knowing the actual family history could end up saving his life (unlikely, but possible), but even the non-life-threatening information might be helpful. "Hey, did you know that your uncle and grandpa have this mild intolerance for food X? Or get weird hives when given drug Y?"
2014-02-06 09:04:36 AM  
3 votes:
Just hire someone to kill the biological father.  I don't understand why people who write to Prudie make things so complicated.
2014-02-06 08:44:31 AM  
3 votes:

gopher321: "Well son, it started off with me being a lying whore..."


Pretty much this.
Mommy's a slut.
Poppa was a rollin' stone.
2014-02-06 07:55:12 AM  
3 votes:
"Son, you're a bastard."
2014-02-06 10:59:41 AM  
2 votes:
Also, Fb- is the father
2014-02-06 10:37:08 AM  
2 votes:
Dear Desperate,

Your husband is an idiot and should have taken the opportunity to get out when he had the chance instead of raising your bastard child who is a daily reminder that you basically slapped him in the face with another man's dick. Just be honest with your kid and tell him that his biological father is a home-wrecking deadbeat who banged your brains out and then skipped town when he found out your birth control failed, and the man who raised him isn't really a man at all but a pathetic husk of a man who is willing to take sloppy seconds from his own wife. I'm sure it will all work out.

-Prudie
2014-02-06 10:33:56 AM  
2 votes:

AntiGravitas: WHAT? WTH would you put this on a little child? Why did he need to know this as a little boy? Stupid.


It's AMAZING how kids take things as simple FACTS when they are little, without all the angsty bullshiat.  Oh the cat died?  When can we get another one?  Oh, my bio-dad isn't around, good to know, but YOU ARE HERE DADDY!  Lying to little kids is more about the PARENTS protecting their fragile egos and their fantasy world, than the kids.

The older they get, the bigger the surprise and the more roiled up they will probably be about.

/foster parent
2014-02-06 09:57:57 AM  
2 votes:
Dear Son,

Apparently I suck at being a parent. Which is pretty hard to do, seeing as how I raised a millennial and you should not be some weird 1850's time traveler who is unaware of the fact that marriage is no longer required to have kids. So, yes, you were born out of wedlock with another man I boinked for a free dinner once in a while. Happy Birthday.

Love,
Bad Mother.
2014-02-06 08:07:09 AM  
2 votes:
Pro-tip for mothers:  Don't call your male child a "son of a biatch".
2014-02-06 03:53:58 PM  
1 vote:

ZeroCorpse: The woman made a mess of things by not being honest up-front in every case, but I believe she did it because she was following her emotions and not thinking. I can't really throw any blame around because matters of the heart are not black-and-white. Everyone did what they thought they had to do, given the circumstances. They may have been wrong decisions, short-sighted decisions, or just plain selfish decisions, but being in emotional turmoil can do that to your judgment.



Except for the prt where she was consistantly acting like a lying whore.
2014-02-06 02:40:16 PM  
1 vote:

Latinwolf: DROxINxTHExWIND: Whoa, everybody slow down. Calling this woman a "whore" is mysogynistic bullshiat. Just because...

*reads article*

Oh. Nevermind. Carry on.

Still some misogyny here since some Farkers are attempting to make excuses for the bio-father while condemning the mother.


If the bio-father is consistently blocked from access or contact, he would have to spend a great deal of money to level out the playing field that favours the mother's custody.

So the question is: why do you hate poor people?

We only know of his actions and motivations through the testimony of someone who, in seeking advice, has revealed quite enough of her actions and motivations as to cast doubt upon her status as a reliable informant.

And she's a lying whore.

/satisfied?
2014-02-06 01:48:53 PM  
1 vote:
076dd0a50e0c1255009e-bd4b8aabaca29897bc751dfaf75b290c.r40.cf1.rackcdn.com
You have none of me in you. You're just a bastard from a basket.
/Bastard from a basket. BASTARD FROM A BASKET!
2014-02-06 01:32:11 PM  
1 vote:

AntiGravitas: FTA:  Dear Desperate, I wish that when your son was a little boy you and your husband had explained his unconventional paternity.

WHAT?  WTH would you put this on a little child?  Why did he need to know this as a little boy?  Stupid.  I did tell my two adopted children where they came from, but that is because they are half-Hispanic and look very different from my two natural born alabaster skinned red-heads.  They WERE going to find out and so we made sure they understood from early on.  But in this situation?  I would NEVER have told the boy as a little tyke.


Because it's medically important? Genetic disorders exist, and family histories exist. If your kid is missing half their genetic history, they need to know that so doctors can check for anything weird.
2014-02-06 12:12:43 PM  
1 vote:
All she has to do is keep her stupid trap shut and let everyone be happy with things as they are. But I bet she won't do this. Why? Because she's a stupid c*nt, that's why.
2014-02-06 12:09:17 PM  
1 vote:

AntiGravitas: FTA:  Dear Desperate, I wish that when your son was a little boy you and your husband had explained his unconventional paternity.

WHAT?  WTH would you put this on a little child?  Why did he need to know this as a little boy?  Stupid.  I did tell my two adopted children where they came from, but that is because they are half-Hispanic and look very different from my two natural born alabaster skinned red-heads.  They WERE going to find out and so we made sure they understood from early on.  But in this situation?  I would NEVER have told the boy as a little tyke.


As a bastard child who though someone else was my biological father for the first 9 years of my life, I'm gonna have to go ahead and disagree fully with this.  I felt far more angst over the lying than the knowledge itself, and  I still call the guy I thought was my father "dad", being that he was the one who had a hand in raising me.

Being deceived by a parent for years is far more damaging than...  what, exactly?  Learning that fairytale traditions (which have never really held true) are fairytales?  You're lying to a child about a fundamental aspect of it's existence to make sure your own sensibilities of decorum remain undisturbed, while adding the lesson that the child's beginnings are too shameful to acknowledge.  That doesn't make sense to me and kinda pissed me off at the time.
2014-02-06 11:59:22 AM  
1 vote:

brap: Son after nearly a quarter of a century and now having no legal fiscal responsibility for you, your biological father wants to take you out for coffee.

Feel free to stab him in the eye with a spork.


I was 18 when my parents told me the man that raised me is not my biological father.  My biological father turned out to be some guy I've never met that knocked Mom up and skipped town.  Soon after he wrote me a check to pay for some of my college tuition.  I cashed it, thanked him via e-mail and never spoke to him again.

Personally I don't care about the deadbeat.  He didn't raise me, so as far as I'm concerned he's a stranger to me.
2014-02-06 11:59:11 AM  
1 vote:

ongbok: Internet Meme Rogers: ongbok: in my opinion convinced her husband that the baby was his

I got the impression that non-bio dad has always known.

I got the impression that was what she wants everybody to believe. I really can see this whole thing from her leaving her husband to reconciling being a period of 2-3 months. So if this whole thing took place within that frame I can see her finding out that she was pregnant, deciding that her best bet would be to go back with her husband, and being able to convince her husband, given the time frame, that he was the one who got her pregnant because the other guy was just a thing that happened a few times and they always used protection.


Possible, but if I were the husband I'd be demanding a paternity test seeing as how this kid was likely conceived during a time when it's not just possible, but certain, that she was banging some other dude. Maybe the husband by then knew they were getting back together and decided to forego it and raise the kid as his own, but that would be a really risky move for him. 

Either way, just not enough data and all of it is from a source that is definitely biased and likely unreliable in her own favor.
2014-02-06 11:58:14 AM  
1 vote:

RevMark: I'd rather be a bastard than a cheating whore, like his mother.


p.twimg.com
2014-02-06 11:51:10 AM  
1 vote:
www.mememaker.net
2014-02-06 11:46:26 AM  
1 vote:

poot_rootbeer: Fark you, dude.

The man who raised someone else's child for twenty years is clearly a greater man than the dude who creampied someone else's wife and then disappeared.


farking straight. "Lesser man" my ass!
2014-02-06 11:42:40 AM  
1 vote:

ongbok: abhorrent1: Wouldn't she want him to have access to his family medical history?

Look, this is a woman who cheated on her husband, when she got caught she moved out on him and in with her parents and continued the relationship with the other man, then proceeded to get pregnant by the other man, only reconciling with her husband when the other man left, and in my opinion convinced her husband that the baby was his. Now thinking over all of that, do you really think that she is working with a mentality that will have her concerned with her son's family medical history?


I don't buy the "she convinced her husband it was his," but I think otherwise you're spot on. This is a woman who, for at least a decent amount of time, lived in an extremely self absorbed manner, not caring what kind of damage she caused to those around her. Not her husband and daughter, who she left. Not her parents, who had to watch their daughter fark up her family and hurt people they (presumably) loved dearly. Not even her fark-toy boyfriend, who she discarded without a second thought. So what makes anybody think she would have the best interests of her son at heart? She didn't have the interests of anybody else in mind at any other point in this narrative.

So yeah, I have no sympathy for this chick. Even if she has done a complete 180 and truly is devoted to her family now, 20 years ago she was a complete train wreck and ought to be down on her knees blowing her husband for having the patience to take her back.

I could probably forgive my wife an affair. Getting pregnant with somebody else's kid, I think we'd be done.
2014-02-06 11:41:46 AM  
1 vote:
I'd rather be a bastard than a cheating whore, like his mother.
2014-02-06 11:31:51 AM  
1 vote:
Subby: "Dear Prudence: How do I tell my son he's a literal bastard?"

You've misspelled "How do I linkbait sites like Fark by filling column-inches with fictitious 'reader letters' that were actually written by the very same person who pretends to be called Prudence?"
2014-02-06 11:24:10 AM  
1 vote:
So the mom used the bio-dad to force her ex-husband to return, then spurred the bio-dad's attempts to be a father for 20 years?

Now she's acting all upset because bio-dad is still trying?
2014-02-06 11:24:03 AM  
1 vote:

devilEther: Well, he's always welcome on the wall. No bastard was ever refused a seat there.


Came here for this. Also:

Send him to the Wall, and promise him you'll later tell him the truth.
2014-02-06 11:22:41 AM  
1 vote:

NickelP: The part of this some of you seem to be disagreeing on is that a guy say coming into a single moms life and giving her kids a father is rather commendable. A guy who's wife is banging some other dude, then leaves the guy for the fling, gets knocked up by him, and comes crawling back as soon as he bails is another entirely.


Eh, that's arguable, people do shiat for family that looks stupid from the outside all the time.

I do think we can all agree, though, that the  father isn't the one that should be worried about the kid's reaction, since it's not really  him that the whole "your mother ran off and tried to have you without a partner to fark your childhood, but I lived you enough to stick around even though there's no blood relation" reflects badly upon.

You can question his judgement, but of the three people involved in the story he's definitely the only one that can still be legitimately considered some kind of role model for the kid.

// In fact, the reason the man is probably telling his wife not to share the story is probably mostly to prevent her from destroying her relationship with their son, not out of any kind of self-interest.  Clearly, he cares, and clearly she has a history of sinking relationships by pulling stupid shiat.
2014-02-06 11:00:49 AM  
1 vote:

Valiente: gopher321: "Well son, it started off with me being a lying whore..."

This. She's a bad person and should feel bad. Not for the extracurricular humping/breeding, but for her utterly selfish desire to avoid difficult but necessary discussions.

The "dad' is almost equally culpable in that he also chose silence, but frankly, he doesn't seem to have a whole lot of spine in the first place.

She should hope his disgust with her doesn't resolve in her finishing her life in the cheapest rat-motel of a seniors' warehouse.

/internet judgement is the best judgement.


Why shouldn't she feel bad about the extracurricular humping/breeding?
2014-02-06 10:59:46 AM  
1 vote:
"Son," she said, "have I got a little story for you...

What you thought was your daddy was nothin' but a...
2014-02-06 10:53:34 AM  
1 vote:
The part of this some of you seem to be disagreeing on is that a guy say coming into a single moms life and giving her kids a father is rather commendable. A guy who's wife is banging some other dude, then leaves the guy for the fling, gets knocked up by him, and comes crawling back as soon as he bails is another entirely.
2014-02-06 10:46:04 AM  
1 vote:
img.fark.net
2014-02-06 10:40:31 AM  
1 vote:

poot_rootbeer: 1derful: A selfish woman gets knocked up by a man, and convinces a lesser man to raise someone else's offspring

Fark you, dude.

The man who raised someone else's child for twenty years is clearly a greater man than the dude who creampied someone else's wife and then disappeared.


In theory you are absolutely correct. But I've seen enough real life and Maury to see the kind of person that will pick up the sloppy seconds of a 2nd-class whore. They are men devoid of any real balls. They don't have any real wants or dreams, just whatever the slut tells him to want or to dream. They are hardly real people.
2014-02-06 10:28:33 AM  
1 vote:

a_feral_duck: poot_rootbeer: 1derful: A selfish woman gets knocked up by a man, and convinces a lesser man to raise someone else's offspring

Fark you, dude.

The man who raised someone else's child for twenty years is clearly a greater man than the dude who creampied someone else's wife and then disappeared.

Yeah, the guy who accepted and loved this child as his own is a saint. The guy who knocks the slut up and runs away, only to come back after the kid is grown and all the hard work of raising a kid is over expecting to be a part of the kid's life is a selfish asshole.


Which says a lot about the character of those Farkers who are bashing the guy that raised the kid, while not saying anything negative about the selfish asshole who ran away from his responsibilities.
2014-02-06 10:16:48 AM  
1 vote:

poot_rootbeer: 1derful: A selfish woman gets knocked up by a man, and convinces a lesser man to raise someone else's offspring

Fark you, dude.

The man who raised someone else's child for twenty years is clearly a greater man than the dude who creampied someone else's wife and then disappeared.


That's very noble and all, but in strictly Darwinian terms the non-bio dad is a dead end. Technically, you're supposed to kill the cubs to bring the female into rut so you can pass on your genes.
2014-02-06 10:13:16 AM  
1 vote:

MasterThief: Son, you'll never be King. Or receive an inheritance. Or be respected by society.

[images.wikia.com image 300x450]

Says you.


gifatron.com
2014-02-06 10:07:26 AM  
1 vote:
Dear slut,

Your son probably doesn't want to know that you are a whore.  Also, your husband is either the most forgiving or most pathetic I've ever heard of.

-Prudie
2014-02-06 10:06:03 AM  
1 vote:
I don't get this - who gets back together with a spouse that had an affair and got preggers?  Or if it was a man - got someone preggers?

Seems to me there's somewhere in there where most people would say "Nope!  I'm done!"
2014-02-06 10:05:54 AM  
1 vote:

bighairyguy: It's always amazed me how the child gets ostracized for being in this situation, despite bearing zero percent responsiblity for it.

/Adopted
//Probably a bastard


It's called "bigotry": See also "black kids", "gay kids", etc.

/Not adopted
//Mom shanghaied the most likely candidate into marrying her/claiming me
///Then made damn sure I never got the chance to meet him and find out for sure
2014-02-06 10:05:45 AM  
1 vote:

poot_rootbeer: 1derful: A selfish woman gets knocked up by a man, and convinces a lesser man to raise someone else's offspring

Fark you, dude.

The man who raised someone else's child for twenty years is clearly a greater man than the dude who creampied someone else's wife and then disappeared.


Seconded. One 'dad' passed on the genetics he got from his parents, the real dad passed on everything else.
2014-02-06 09:58:27 AM  
1 vote:
Two words: Maury Povitch.
That is all.  He'll get the picture soon enough.
2014-02-06 09:52:09 AM  
1 vote:
Gotta let a ho be a ho.
2014-02-06 09:50:54 AM  
1 vote:
Just play him the first verse of Pearl Jam's "Alive."
2014-02-06 09:50:31 AM  
1 vote:

Lsherm: Maybe if she really stressed how much of a slut she was, it might lessen the sting.


Sluts use birth control. It's the one-off, non-slutty girls that forget.

/sluts
2014-02-06 09:06:43 AM  
1 vote:
Son after nearly a quarter of a century and now having no legal fiscal responsibility for you, your biological father wants to take you out for coffee.

Feel free to stab him in the eye with a spork.
2014-02-06 08:14:45 AM  
1 vote:
"Hey son, we are gonna get a pay out as soon as I sue your real dad for all that back child support he never paid. You get half."
2014-02-06 08:08:22 AM  
1 vote:
I thought the headline said 'liberal' bastard... which made this a weird because this stupid lying whore shouldn't be criticizing anyone's choices.
 
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