If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Slate)   "Dear Prudence: How do I tell my son he's a literal bastard?"   (slate.com) divider line 258
    More: Silly, Berklee College of Music, sex steroid  
•       •       •

14376 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Feb 2014 at 9:46 AM (24 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



258 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | » | Last | Show all
 
2014-02-06 12:42:20 PM

ongbok: abhorrent1: Wouldn't she want him to have access to his family medical history?

Look, this is a woman who cheated on her husband, when she got caught she moved out on him and in with her parents and continued the relationship with the other man, then proceeded to get pregnant by the other man, only reconciling with her husband when the other man left, and in my opinion convinced her husband that the baby was his. Now thinking over all of that, do you really think that she is working with a mentality that will have her concerned with her son's family medical history?


She said:
"But I realized it was lust, not love, and told him it was not going to work out."

So your first assertion is wrong. She dumped the other guy, who by her own account believed himself to be in love with her. She bailed on him.

She also said:
"My husband will be devastated. He always thought we would take this secret to our graves and our son would never know."

So your second assertion is wrong. Her husband knows it's not his kid, and raised him as his own.

I just don't get why everyone here is trying to make any of the people in this situation "the bad guy" when this was a lot more complicated and emotional that just "she was a lying whore" or "he was a wimpy husband" or "the other man just porked some other guy's wife and left."

CLEARLY, she and this other man thought they were in love, and it came during a time when she and her husband were having marital problems. She decided she didn't want to leave her husband after all, and so she told the other man it was over. She didn't want him in her life anymore, and he probably didn't want to be on the hook for child support, so they agreed to cut ties.

Her letter makes it clear, though, that her husband knew the child was not his, and that he loved his wife enough-- despite their rough patch-- to raise the child and treat him like a son should be treated. I'd say that makes him a pretty amazing guy. Perhaps her husband was forgiving because he, too, was seeing someone else during their separation? Perhaps he was partially to blame for her seeking comfort in another's arms?  We don't know.  We can't assume that the issues here weren't bigger than her just wanting to fark a coworker.

And what of her paramour, who thought they would be together? He thought she was leaving her husband to be with him. Don't you think he might have been heartbroken when told that this was not going to work out, that she was going back to her husband and that she thought it best if the baby's parentage were hidden..? The guy was so upset he moved across the country!

The woman made a mess of things by not being honest up-front in every case, but I believe she did it because she was following her emotions and not thinking. I can't really throw any blame around because matters of the heart are not black-and-white. Everyone did what they thought they had to do, given the circumstances. They may have been wrong decisions, short-sighted decisions, or just plain selfish decisions, but being in emotional turmoil can do that to your judgment.
 
2014-02-06 12:43:09 PM

bigbobowski: kbronsito: I thought the headline said 'liberal' bastard... which made this a weird because this stupid lying whore shouldn't be criticizing anyone's choices.

I swear I read it the same way! I kept reading all the articles looking for one my dad wrote in!


Me too!
 
2014-02-06 12:45:30 PM

KellyX: Start calling him Jon Snow until he catches on...


I was going to say legally change his last name to Snow, but your way works too.

/maiden name is Snow
//have questions for dad
 
2014-02-06 12:46:38 PM
Oh, and for you other bastards out there, I thought now would be the time to had out this...

img.fark.net
 
2014-02-06 12:48:58 PM

markfara: This second letter's lots more interesting. Let's comment on that:

Dear Prudence,

I am a teacher at a small community college. I strongly suspect that one of my new students this semester is a trans woman. My problem is that I'm a voice teacher. If I'm right, her larynx has been affected by testosterone, and is functionally male. Even if she's taking female hormones, the voice changes that puberty brings are permanent. For example, she will be reaching her high notes in falsetto, which requires slightly different technique from that used by a cis woman singing in head voice. But even using the word "falsetto" to describe her high notes seems insulting to me, with its implication that she's using a "false" voice. I can't think of a good way to initiate a conversation about this, but avoiding the issue may compromise how much I can help her sing better. Can I go to my supervisor for advice without violating her privacy? And, dear God, what if I'm wrong?
-Finding Her Voice


Yaknow, there are some girls who just happen to have unusually low voices - my sister for one. Prof should dispense with trying to force the student into a "female" vocal range. There is no such thing.
 
2014-02-06 12:49:15 PM
sp1.yimg.com
 
2014-02-06 12:53:04 PM
community.weightwatchers.com

"Liberal" bastard! Why you Conservative cu.......... What? Oh "Literal" bastard.. That's different...Never mind...
 
2014-02-06 12:54:48 PM
I wonder what is going through bio dads head that he wants to meet his sperm donation this late in the game. He must of watched one of those lifetime movies. I could never go through with that. It's not going to change anything or bring back those years. Just accept it and move on.

There are very few teary eyed stories of men being reunited with offspring they had decades ago. Our culture doesn't approve of it.
 
2014-02-06 12:56:31 PM
Start out with handing him a rock and saying "We have to stone your mother. I'll explain on the way."
 
2014-02-06 01:00:21 PM

Nadie_AZ: "Hey son, we are gonna get a pay out as soon as I sue your real dad for all that back child support he never paid. You get half."


Good call.  That's much better advice than Prudie's, which is awful.  Tell the father:  "Listen, Farkface, if you mention one word of this to my son, I will then sue you for 20 years of back child support."  Kudos on the man who raised the kid as if it were his own son.  I don't know if I could do that.

This should serve as a cautionary tale for a woman impregnated by a man other than her husband--go and get scraped.  It's better for all concerned.
 
2014-02-06 01:06:18 PM
She could leak the paternity in a Vanity Fair interview.  All the kids are doing it now.
 
2014-02-06 01:08:43 PM

Theory Of Null: I wonder what is going through bio dads head that he wants to meet his sperm donation this late in the game. He must of watched one of those lifetime movies. I could never go through with that. It's not going to change anything or bring back those years. Just accept it and move on.

There are very few teary eyed stories of men being reunited with offspring they had decades ago. Our culture doesn't approve of it.


The son might be interested too -- I know I would be, if only for curiosity-sake.
 
2014-02-06 01:13:02 PM

Mein Fuhrer I Can Walk: markfara: This second letter's lots more interesting. Let's comment on that:

Dear Prudence,

I am a teacher at a small community college. I strongly suspect that one of my new students this semester is a trans woman. My problem is that I'm a voice teacher. If I'm right, her larynx has been affected by testosterone, and is functionally male. Even if she's taking female hormones, the voice changes that puberty brings are permanent. For example, she will be reaching her high notes in falsetto, which requires slightly different technique from that used by a cis woman singing in head voice. But even using the word "falsetto" to describe her high notes seems insulting to me, with its implication that she's using a "false" voice. I can't think of a good way to initiate a conversation about this, but avoiding the issue may compromise how much I can help her sing better. Can I go to my supervisor for advice without violating her privacy? And, dear God, what if I'm wrong?
-Finding Her Voice

Yaknow, there are some girls who just happen to have unusually low voices - my sister for one. Prof should dispense with trying to force the student into a "female" vocal range. There is no such thing.


encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com31.media.tumblr.com

Examples of low-voiced women who in no respect sound like men and who, back in their respective days, I would have disappointed mightily several times.

/put your lips together and blow is about the dirtiest delivered line in cinema.
 
2014-02-06 01:13:13 PM

poot_rootbeer: Nemo's Brother: I've seen enough real life and Maury to see the kind of person that will pick up the sloppy seconds of a 2nd-class whore. They are men devoid of any real balls. They don't have any real wants or dreams, just whatever the slut tells him to want or to dream. They are hardly real people.

You seem to see love as a weakness.

Interesting.


He's clearly been hurt.


/LOL
 
2014-02-06 01:15:33 PM
Mrs. loaba gets a lof of passes. Cheating ain't one of 'em. That's a farking deal breaker.

As for TFA, good man to step up and support the Spawn That Was Not His. After telling the the kid that his mom is/was a lying whore, he should let the kid know that this changes nothing.
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2014-02-06 01:22:06 PM

OhioUGrad: Being Fark I thought it said "liberal bastard"

I'm not doing well in the reading department this morning.


Dear Prudence had to already deal with a letter like THAT from this guy.

img.fark.net
 
2014-02-06 01:26:51 PM
I was told my step father was not my biological father when I was 4, I forgot and because my family never spoke of my biological father didn't again find out until I was 16. I was fine with it, but a lifetime interest in people's reactions in similar situations has led me to realize that every situation is heavily nuanced and each individuals reactions are so varied that any attempt at defining a single best practice is not only futile, but counterproductive to the interests of all parties.
 
2014-02-06 01:32:11 PM

AntiGravitas: FTA:  Dear Desperate, I wish that when your son was a little boy you and your husband had explained his unconventional paternity.

WHAT?  WTH would you put this on a little child?  Why did he need to know this as a little boy?  Stupid.  I did tell my two adopted children where they came from, but that is because they are half-Hispanic and look very different from my two natural born alabaster skinned red-heads.  They WERE going to find out and so we made sure they understood from early on.  But in this situation?  I would NEVER have told the boy as a little tyke.


Because it's medically important? Genetic disorders exist, and family histories exist. If your kid is missing half their genetic history, they need to know that so doctors can check for anything weird.
 
2014-02-06 01:37:11 PM
His parents really thought they would keep him from ever seeing a copy of his birth certificate?
 
2014-02-06 01:41:46 PM

jxb465: His parents really thought they would keep him from ever seeing a copy of his birth certificate?


It seems that the mother and her husband were together when he was born, so I am assuming her husband signed the birth certificate.
 
2014-02-06 01:45:10 PM

jxb465: His parents really thought they would keep him from ever seeing a copy of his birth certificate?


Birth Certificates do not have to list the biological father.  When we adopted our two children new birth certificates were issued with their new names and listing us as the parents.
 
2014-02-06 01:45:47 PM

DROxINxTHExWIND: Whoa, everybody slow down. Calling this woman a "whore" is mysogynistic bullshiat. Just because...

*reads article*

Oh. Nevermind. Carry on.


Still some misogyny here since some Farkers are attempting to make excuses for the bio-father while condemning the mother.
 
2014-02-06 01:48:53 PM
076dd0a50e0c1255009e-bd4b8aabaca29897bc751dfaf75b290c.r40.cf1.rackcdn.com
You have none of me in you. You're just a bastard from a basket.
/Bastard from a basket. BASTARD FROM A BASKET!
 
2014-02-06 01:49:20 PM

AntiGravitas: Birth Certificates do not have to list the biological father.  When we adopted our two children new birth certificates were issued with their new names and listing us as the parents.


Isn't that standard for adoptions?  i.e. once an adoption is complete, the adoptive parents are THE parents (i.e. new birth certificates, etc) and any record to the contrary is essentially flushed?
 
2014-02-06 01:50:46 PM

netweavr: I don't get why you guys are calling the bio-dad a deadbeat. It sounds like he's been consistently trying to be a father the entire time. He didn't break up with her, she broke up with him.


FTA:
I heard sporadically from the "other" man but he never filed for paternity and only requested a few pictures.

Father of the year he's not.
 
2014-02-06 01:54:16 PM

Latinwolf: netweavr: I don't get why you guys are calling the bio-dad a deadbeat. It sounds like he's been consistently trying to be a father the entire time. He didn't break up with her, she broke up with him.

FTA:
I heard sporadically from the "other" man but he never filed for paternity and only requested a few pictures.

Father of the year he's not.



You're also hearing the story from her side only, so odds are it's not exactly Fair & Balanced.

/ and, over the course of 20 years, it wouldn't really be appropriate to be calling every other week -- there'd be a restraining order long before now if he had behaved that way
 
2014-02-06 01:55:57 PM

balki1867: AntiGravitas: Birth Certificates do not have to list the biological father.  When we adopted our two children new birth certificates were issued with their new names and listing us as the parents.

Isn't that standard for adoptions?  i.e. once an adoption is complete, the adoptive parents are THE parents (i.e. new birth certificates, etc) and any record to the contrary is essentially flushed?


Yep.  Then it is up to the parents to decide when, how, and if they tell their kids.  We adopted out of the foster care system and the oldest remembered his birth mother, so we have always been very open and up front about it.
 
2014-02-06 02:04:00 PM
That's as akward as a yi/farrow family renunion...
 
2014-02-06 02:10:59 PM
Y'all are some judgmental people.  Should she have lied, probably not, but in the interest of keeping the family together, her husband was in on it too.  He didn't want the kid to EVER find out that he wasn't the biological father.  Mom seems like she's thought about it at least, but hasn't said anything to the kid because her hubby doesn't want her to.

They should tell him for the medical history reasons, but they should do it in as pragmatic a fashion as possible and not bring all the drama of years gone by into it.
 
2014-02-06 02:14:26 PM

jshine: and, over the course of 20 years, it wouldn't really be appropriate to be calling every other week -- there'd be a restraining order long before now if he had behaved that way


If the guy HAD been that eager to meet his son he'd not have been calling but filing for joint custody. He'd have won too. A restraining order would just have opened the door to that; you can't keep a father from seeing his child unless he's just abusive or outright criminal. Even if the child is the product of an extramarital fling, that father would have the legal right to contact with his child.
 
2014-02-06 02:20:17 PM

lack of warmth: ongbok: EdNortonsTwin: She should just sue him for back child support now - about the time he sees the number$ she can give him the option to vanish forever.

That won't work. Because, from what it sounds like, she never got a support order for the bio-dad, and the kid is past the cut off date for child support, unless it is 21 in their state, she can't now sue for retroactive support. If she had filled a support order before the child passed the cut off date, then she could have sued for retroactive support, but now she is screwed. I know a guy that went through this a few years back.

I have heard of plenty of cases where the mom has sued and won retro child support after the kid is grown.  One case was a coworker who found out her husband cheated on her when he got bit for retro support of a 19 yro son, he had no clue about till the suit.  She was pissed at her husband, but also pissed that the other woman waited 19 years to say anything.  It can differ by state and judge.



I have to wonder. I believe most states, if you are married at the time of the birth, the spouse is on the birth certificate. I'm not sure if you can go after someone else if there is a person listed on the certificate.
 
2014-02-06 02:24:18 PM
www.themartywombachershow.com
 
2014-02-06 02:30:55 PM

RayD8: Harry Freakstorm: Candygram4Mongo

Wait till he's got the flu. That way, you can call him literally one sick bastard...

Wait until he's got the flu and laying in bed so you can call him a sick, lying bastard.

Winner!


Wait until he comes out as gay and call him a magnificent bastard.
 
2014-02-06 02:33:13 PM

poot_rootbeer: Nemo's Brother: I've seen enough real life and Maury to see the kind of person that will pick up the sloppy seconds of a 2nd-class whore. They are men devoid of any real balls. They don't have any real wants or dreams, just whatever the slut tells him to want or to dream. They are hardly real people.

You seem to see love as a weakness.

Interesting.


I don't confuse love for the desire to be loved at any cost. We have all seen that pathetically clingy guy or girl that always jumps from one 'engagement' to another. What they have isn't love. It is a mental disorder rooted in abandonment issues and a low self-esteem.
 
2014-02-06 02:36:39 PM
So while we're on the subject, how *do* you tell your son he's a liberal bastard?
 
2014-02-06 02:40:15 PM
"Dear Prudence: How do I tell my son he's a literal bastard?"

WELL DON'T DO IT THAT WAY!!!
 
2014-02-06 02:40:16 PM

Latinwolf: DROxINxTHExWIND: Whoa, everybody slow down. Calling this woman a "whore" is mysogynistic bullshiat. Just because...

*reads article*

Oh. Nevermind. Carry on.

Still some misogyny here since some Farkers are attempting to make excuses for the bio-father while condemning the mother.


If the bio-father is consistently blocked from access or contact, he would have to spend a great deal of money to level out the playing field that favours the mother's custody.

So the question is: why do you hate poor people?

We only know of his actions and motivations through the testimony of someone who, in seeking advice, has revealed quite enough of her actions and motivations as to cast doubt upon her status as a reliable informant.

And she's a lying whore.

/satisfied?
 
2014-02-06 02:42:16 PM
I read the headline as saying 'liberal bastard' and thought she should tell him with a baseball bat.
 
2014-02-06 02:42:19 PM
img.fark.net
She should expect this response
 
2014-02-06 02:59:07 PM

neongoats: Well kid, I gotta tell ya, being a bastard pretty much meant nothing to me. Of course, I knew my "dad" wasn't my biological father by the time I was about 4. I also stayed up all night that winter and knew there was no such thing as santa.

At least until I was 20 and found out that my grandparents didn't consider me one of their grandkids(me being the oldest one of them) because I was illegitimate. Thanks, you supposedly christian assholes. Glad you're dead.

So basically your mom is a lying, slutty ho bag and should feel bad forever.


Well I'm certainly glad it meant nothing to you......

///Sorry your family sucked/s
 
2014-02-06 03:08:23 PM

baconbeard: So while we're on the subject, how *do* you tell your son he's a liberal bastard?


High five!
 
2014-02-06 03:22:27 PM

ElPresidente: What the bastard's Fark name?


QA. I'm sorry to inform you that I am not your father. Darth vader is your real father.
 
2014-02-06 03:35:31 PM

1derful: A selfish woman gets knocked up by a man, and convinces a lesser man to raise someone else's offspring, and lies to the kid about it, and she's concerned about that kid having his biological father in his life?

It sounds like the bio father is the least repugnant character in this whole situation.


I'd say the man who raised another man's child as his own while the biological father did nothing for 20 years is the good guy. Who is probably going to be rather hurt by all of this.

Showing up 20 years later is selfish. The guy seems like a real asshole - why did he suddenly start caring?
 
2014-02-06 03:45:36 PM

Valiente: Mein Fuhrer I Can Walk: markfara: This second letter's lots more interesting. Let's comment on that:

Dear Prudence,

I am a teacher at a small community college. I strongly suspect that one of my new students this semester is a trans woman. My problem is that I'm a voice teacher. If I'm right, her larynx has been affected by testosterone, and is functionally male. Even if she's taking female hormones, the voice changes that puberty brings are permanent. For example, she will be reaching her high notes in falsetto, which requires slightly different technique from that used by a cis woman singing in head voice. But even using the word "falsetto" to describe her high notes seems insulting to me, with its implication that she's using a "false" voice. I can't think of a good way to initiate a conversation about this, but avoiding the issue may compromise how much I can help her sing better. Can I go to my supervisor for advice without violating her privacy? And, dear God, what if I'm wrong?
-Finding Her Voice

Yaknow, there are some girls who just happen to have unusually low voices - my sister for one. Prof should dispense with trying to force the student into a "female" vocal range. There is no such thing.

[encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com image 200x252][31.media.tumblr.com image 359x439]

Examples of low-voiced women who in no respect sound like men and who, back in their respective days, I would have disappointed mightily several times.

/put your lips together and blow is about the dirtiest delivered line in cinema.

She could sing Bass in a Sweet Adeline Quartet.
 
2014-02-06 03:53:58 PM

ZeroCorpse: The woman made a mess of things by not being honest up-front in every case, but I believe she did it because she was following her emotions and not thinking. I can't really throw any blame around because matters of the heart are not black-and-white. Everyone did what they thought they had to do, given the circumstances. They may have been wrong decisions, short-sighted decisions, or just plain selfish decisions, but being in emotional turmoil can do that to your judgment.



Except for the prt where she was consistantly acting like a lying whore.
 
2014-02-06 04:26:08 PM

cynicalbastard: poot_rootbeer: 1derful: A selfish woman gets knocked up by a man, and convinces a lesser man to raise someone else's offspring

Fark you, dude.

The man who raised someone else's child for twenty years is clearly a greater man than the dude who creampied someone else's wife and then disappeared.

That's very noble and all, but in strictly Darwinian terms the non-bio dad is a dead end. Technically, you're supposed to kill the cubs to bring the female into rut so you can pass on your genes.


That's ignoring the possibility that having a brother raises his biological daughter's fitness.  Sure is nice to have a sibling to help you through a tough patch.
 
2014-02-06 04:26:28 PM

d23: OhioUGrad: Being Fark I thought it said "liberal bastard"

I'm not doing well in the reading department this morning.

Dear Prudence had to already deal with a letter like THAT from this guy.

[img.fark.net image 260x194]


Oh how I love those people! (especially the ones at the grocery stores with American flags on the back of their "too-fat scooter")
 
2014-02-06 05:10:48 PM

ZeroCorpse: ongbok: abhorrent1: Wouldn't she want him to have access to his family medical history?

Look, this is a woman who cheated on her husband, when she got caught she moved out on him and in with her parents and continued the relationship with the other man, then proceeded to get pregnant by the other man, only reconciling with her husband when the other man left, and in my opinion convinced her husband that the baby was his. Now thinking over all of that, do you really think that she is working with a mentality that will have her concerned with her son's family medical history?

She said:
"But I realized it was lust, not love, and told him it was not going to work out."

So your first assertion is wrong. She dumped the other guy, who by her own account believed himself to be in love with her. She bailed on him.
.
.
.
Perhaps her husband was forgiving ...


Hey, hey, hey!
HEY!

This is Fark.  You take that reasonable approach out of here right now!  Don't you know you can take a fact or two and some assumptions and construct a rigid, infallible internet argument so watertight that to assail that argument in ANY WAY makes said assailant a worse person than Hitler?

You need to brush up on your conclusion jump and your knee-jerk reactions.
 
2014-02-06 05:34:07 PM

OhioUGrad: d23: OhioUGrad: Being Fark I thought it said "liberal bastard"

I'm not doing well in the reading department this morning.

Dear Prudence had to already deal with a letter like THAT from this guy.

[img.fark.net image 260x194]

Oh how I love those people! (especially the ones at the grocery stores with American flags on the back of their "too-fat scooter")


Please, it's "cripple cart" or "lard dolly". Too fat is too hurtful!

ronaldrenwick.com
 
2014-02-06 05:55:19 PM

Latinwolf: netweavr: I don't get why you guys are calling the bio-dad a deadbeat. It sounds like he's been consistently trying to be a father the entire time. He didn't break up with her, she broke up with him.

FTA:
I heard sporadically from the "other" man but he never filed for paternity and only requested a few pictures.

Father of the year he's not.


Might be she's crazy/ hot.
 
Displayed 50 of 258 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report