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(Slate)   "Dear Prudence: How do I tell my son he's a literal bastard?"   (slate.com) divider line 258
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14399 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Feb 2014 at 9:46 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



258 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-02-06 11:38:34 AM  

xanadian: vudukungfu: gopher321: "Well son, it started off with me being a lying whore..."

Pretty much this.
Mommy's a slut.
Poppa was a rollin' stone.

Mick Jagger is the father?


No, that would be fb-
 
2014-02-06 11:38:46 AM  
I don't get why you guys are calling the bio-dad a deadbeat. It sounds like he's been consistently trying to be a father the entire time. He didn't break up with her, she broke up with him.
 
2014-02-06 11:40:32 AM  

netweavr: I don't get why you guys are calling the bio-dad a deadbeat. It sounds like he's been consistently trying to be a father the entire time. He didn't break up with her, she broke up with him.


You've been on here since 2005 and you still don't understand how things work?
 
2014-02-06 11:41:20 AM  

baconbeard: netweavr: I don't get why you guys are calling the bio-dad a deadbeat. It sounds like he's been consistently trying to be a father the entire time. He didn't break up with her, she broke up with him.

You've been on here since 2005 and you still don't understand how things work?


There's a huge difference between knowing what's going to happen and understanding why it happens.
 
2014-02-06 11:41:42 AM  

jshine: Mid_mo_mad_man: I would never tell him. The boy doesn't need to know mom was a whore.

Eventually, the biological father would probably tell him on his own.  Given that the son is a 20 year old adult, it's not like the mother can prevent that anymore.  Evading the issue is probably not possible.


Imagine  that Facebook friend request.   "Hi son,...."
 
2014-02-06 11:41:46 AM  
I'd rather be a bastard than a cheating whore, like his mother.
 
2014-02-06 11:42:40 AM  

ongbok: abhorrent1: Wouldn't she want him to have access to his family medical history?

Look, this is a woman who cheated on her husband, when she got caught she moved out on him and in with her parents and continued the relationship with the other man, then proceeded to get pregnant by the other man, only reconciling with her husband when the other man left, and in my opinion convinced her husband that the baby was his. Now thinking over all of that, do you really think that she is working with a mentality that will have her concerned with her son's family medical history?


I don't buy the "she convinced her husband it was his," but I think otherwise you're spot on. This is a woman who, for at least a decent amount of time, lived in an extremely self absorbed manner, not caring what kind of damage she caused to those around her. Not her husband and daughter, who she left. Not her parents, who had to watch their daughter fark up her family and hurt people they (presumably) loved dearly. Not even her fark-toy boyfriend, who she discarded without a second thought. So what makes anybody think she would have the best interests of her son at heart? She didn't have the interests of anybody else in mind at any other point in this narrative.

So yeah, I have no sympathy for this chick. Even if she has done a complete 180 and truly is devoted to her family now, 20 years ago she was a complete train wreck and ought to be down on her knees blowing her husband for having the patience to take her back.

I could probably forgive my wife an affair. Getting pregnant with somebody else's kid, I think we'd be done.
 
2014-02-06 11:42:59 AM  
How about this "Your mom is a farking skank whore."
 
2014-02-06 11:44:58 AM  
This kid will need about 10 years of therapy. Hope they don't have Obummer Care.
 
2014-02-06 11:46:26 AM  

poot_rootbeer: Fark you, dude.

The man who raised someone else's child for twenty years is clearly a greater man than the dude who creampied someone else's wife and then disappeared.


farking straight. "Lesser man" my ass!
 
2014-02-06 11:47:25 AM  

ongbok: in my opinion convinced her husband that the baby was his


I got the impression that non-bio dad has always known.
 
2014-02-06 11:48:09 AM  

kbronsito: I thought the headline said 'liberal' bastard... which made this a weird because this stupid lying whore shouldn't be criticizing anyone's choices.


I thought it did too, then got confused with the article, and headline so thought Subby was trying to be funny.

I need sleep.
 
2014-02-06 11:50:50 AM  
Well, you could write a book ...

img.fark.net
 
2014-02-06 11:51:10 AM  
www.mememaker.net
 
2014-02-06 11:52:23 AM  
Well kid, I gotta tell ya, being a bastard pretty much meant nothing to me. Of course, I knew my "dad" wasn't my biological father by the time I was about 4. I also stayed up all night that winter and knew there was no such thing as santa.

At least until I was 20 and found out that my grandparents didn't consider me one of their grandkids(me being the oldest one of them) because I was illegitimate. Thanks, you supposedly christian assholes. Glad you're dead.

So basically your mom is a lying, slutty ho bag and should feel bad forever.
 
2014-02-06 11:52:37 AM  

Internet Meme Rogers: ongbok: in my opinion convinced her husband that the baby was his

I got the impression that non-bio dad has always known.


It would have been impossible to hide. Incubation of a human fetus being what it is, the husband would have had a solid window (give or take a month) in which he knows when the kid was conceived. Marriages also tend not to implode in nothing flat. Apparently there was no chance the hubby would have thought the kid was his. I would assume she was living with her parents (and maybe this other guy too, she said they had decided to be together, so maybe there was even a time where she was gearing up for divorce proceedings) for a few months at least. So there's probably at least a 2-3 month window, maybe even 6+, where the husband knew that not only he wasn't banging his wife, but this other dude was. There's no way to hide that. Moreover, even if there was "overlap" where they were both doing her, the husband would maybe even demand paternity tests, knowing he might end up getting stuck paying for someone else's kid in a divorce (this is speculation on my part).

But to get his family back together, he takes one for the team (since his wife has been taking one for herself), and chooses to raise this boy as his own.
 
2014-02-06 11:52:55 AM  

Internet Meme Rogers: ongbok: in my opinion convinced her husband that the baby was his

I got the impression that non-bio dad has always known.


I got the impression that was what she wants everybody to believe. I really can see this whole thing from her leaving her husband to reconciling being a period of 2-3 months. So if this whole thing took place within that frame I can see her finding out that she was pregnant, deciding that her best bet would be to go back with her husband, and being able to convince her husband, given the time frame, that he was the one who got her pregnant because the other guy was just a thing that happened a few times and they always used protection.
 
2014-02-06 11:53:54 AM  
WTF Indeed: "Son, you're a bastard Belgian."
 
2014-02-06 11:54:19 AM  
Get this guy to do it.
29.media.tumblr.com
 
2014-02-06 11:54:33 AM  
Why is everyone assuming that beta dad is some saintly figure?

Being present is a pretty low parenthood bar.
 
2014-02-06 11:55:58 AM  
sophrosyne.radical.r30.net
 
2014-02-06 11:58:14 AM  

RevMark: I'd rather be a bastard than a cheating whore, like his mother.


p.twimg.com
 
2014-02-06 11:59:11 AM  

ongbok: Internet Meme Rogers: ongbok: in my opinion convinced her husband that the baby was his

I got the impression that non-bio dad has always known.

I got the impression that was what she wants everybody to believe. I really can see this whole thing from her leaving her husband to reconciling being a period of 2-3 months. So if this whole thing took place within that frame I can see her finding out that she was pregnant, deciding that her best bet would be to go back with her husband, and being able to convince her husband, given the time frame, that he was the one who got her pregnant because the other guy was just a thing that happened a few times and they always used protection.


Possible, but if I were the husband I'd be demanding a paternity test seeing as how this kid was likely conceived during a time when it's not just possible, but certain, that she was banging some other dude. Maybe the husband by then knew they were getting back together and decided to forego it and raise the kid as his own, but that would be a really risky move for him. 

Either way, just not enough data and all of it is from a source that is definitely biased and likely unreliable in her own favor.
 
2014-02-06 11:59:22 AM  

brap: Son after nearly a quarter of a century and now having no legal fiscal responsibility for you, your biological father wants to take you out for coffee.

Feel free to stab him in the eye with a spork.


I was 18 when my parents told me the man that raised me is not my biological father.  My biological father turned out to be some guy I've never met that knocked Mom up and skipped town.  Soon after he wrote me a check to pay for some of my college tuition.  I cashed it, thanked him via e-mail and never spoke to him again.

Personally I don't care about the deadbeat.  He didn't raise me, so as far as I'm concerned he's a stranger to me.
 
2014-02-06 12:00:14 PM  

Kyro: brap: Son after nearly a quarter of a century and now having no legal fiscal responsibility for you, your biological father wants to take you out for coffee.

Feel free to stab him in the eye with a spork.

I was 18 when my parents told me the man that raised me is not my biological father.  My biological father turned out to be some guy I've never met that knocked Mom up and skipped town.  Soon after he wrote me a check to pay for some of my college tuition.  I cashed it, thanked him via e-mail and never spoke to him again.

Personally I don't care about the deadbeat.  He didn't raise me, so as far as I'm concerned he's a stranger to me.


And he has a girl's name for a last name, so f*ck that guy.
 
2014-02-06 12:00:50 PM  

Kyro: I was 18 when my parents told me the man that raised me is not my biological father.  My biological father turned out to be some guy I've never met that knocked Mom up and skipped town.  Soon after he wrote me a check to pay for some of my college tuition.  I cashed it, thanked him via e-mail and never spoke to him again.

Personally I don't care about the deadbeat.  He didn't raise me, so as far as I'm concerned he's a stranger to m



And yeah, Mom was kind of a slut in her youth.  I didn't piece it together until later, but the man that raised me was actually a guy mom dated in a desperate attempt to make my biological father jealous.  They've been married 26 years now.
 
2014-02-06 12:01:28 PM  
The kid has seen his father naked. I'm sure he already knows.
 
2014-02-06 12:01:44 PM  
Liberal Bastard... is that to be considered one verb or two?
 
2014-02-06 12:01:57 PM  
Seems like there is an ever-growing percentage of literal bastards out there.  I bet many of you farkers are bastards and I bet even more of you are physically responsible for the creation of one (or more).

NTTAWWT
 
2014-02-06 12:03:47 PM  
There's no reason to tell the kid at all.

If he needs a kidney or something, there's probably a closer match out there somewhere than using the father's kidney.  Just need to get the mother to donate one of hers (and wash it thoroughly first ;)
 
2014-02-06 12:04:40 PM  

nekom: Biology is just how we formed as babbys.  Your parents are the ones who loved and raised you.  End of story.


That's precious...
 
2014-02-06 12:05:09 PM  
Not sure why there's any hate for the husband.  He took on the challenge of providing the kid with a stable loving home and was apparently successful for it.   People make mistakes in marriages.   He obviously came to terms with the major one by his wife.  That's his prerogative.   He truly became the boys father.    The fact he didn't contribute any genetic material is irrelevant.

The bio-dad doesn't  necessarily deserve as much hate as he's getting.   The woman broke off the relationship and there was a lot of acrimony.   But the bio-dad still showed  some interest in the fruit of his loins even if he wasn't that involved.   We don't really know what steps he took to try and be involved as the story is only told through the woman's mouth.  He may have actually wanted to stay less out of the picture knowing the kid was in a stable environment and not wanting to rock the boat for him.

The woman farked up royally from the beginning.   Literally and figuratively.   She should have been more forthcoming about what happened from an early age.   The chances of her son ever having got to old age and not finding out he wasn't related to his father is pretty remote.   This is 'need to know' information.   For health reasons, he needed to know.   Plus,  she knew the boyfriend still had an interest in his offspring, so she knew that this confrontation would happen.   It is much better that the son knew about it from an early age, and could ask questions.   And yes, he (the son) might have shown an interest in meeting his biological father at an early age.   His parents might not have welcomed having to associate with him again, but that's the penalty of this situation.
She needs to 'man up' and own up to everything.   Chances are if she was a decent human being through his childhood, he will forgive her.   It'll be unpleasant for a while but she needs to deal with it.  She created this situation and should own it.
 
2014-02-06 12:06:12 PM  
All I could think about while reading the article was how much of an absolute coont this lady is. I feel bad for the bro who had to deal with her crap for the better part of three decades.
 
2014-02-06 12:06:30 PM  
Print out the following images and hand them to him

lifestyledezine.com  www.galleryhistoricalfigures.com

Or buy him a CD

www.rasputinmusic.com
 
2014-02-06 12:08:11 PM  

Iszael: There's no reason to tell the kid at all.


It can't really be avoided though.  There's every chance that the real father will contact the son on his own, independently of the mother.  Since the child is now an adult, she can't prevent that.
 
2014-02-06 12:09:17 PM  

AntiGravitas: FTA:  Dear Desperate, I wish that when your son was a little boy you and your husband had explained his unconventional paternity.

WHAT?  WTH would you put this on a little child?  Why did he need to know this as a little boy?  Stupid.  I did tell my two adopted children where they came from, but that is because they are half-Hispanic and look very different from my two natural born alabaster skinned red-heads.  They WERE going to find out and so we made sure they understood from early on.  But in this situation?  I would NEVER have told the boy as a little tyke.


As a bastard child who though someone else was my biological father for the first 9 years of my life, I'm gonna have to go ahead and disagree fully with this.  I felt far more angst over the lying than the knowledge itself, and  I still call the guy I thought was my father "dad", being that he was the one who had a hand in raising me.

Being deceived by a parent for years is far more damaging than...  what, exactly?  Learning that fairytale traditions (which have never really held true) are fairytales?  You're lying to a child about a fundamental aspect of it's existence to make sure your own sensibilities of decorum remain undisturbed, while adding the lesson that the child's beginnings are too shameful to acknowledge.  That doesn't make sense to me and kinda pissed me off at the time.
 
2014-02-06 12:10:31 PM  

jshine: Iszael: There's no reason to tell the kid at all.

It can't really be avoided though.  There's every chance that the real father will contact the son on his own, independently of the mother.  Since the child is now an adult, she can't prevent that.


Yep. She may as well get her story in with her angle on it first before he tells it with his angle. You never want to be the second man in.
 
2014-02-06 12:10:45 PM  
All the sci-fi fans here and no one mentions Sagan's 'Contact?' The book.
 
2014-02-06 12:12:43 PM  
All she has to do is keep her stupid trap shut and let everyone be happy with things as they are. But I bet she won't do this. Why? Because she's a stupid c*nt, that's why.
 
2014-02-06 12:12:49 PM  

DragonDerk: a_feral_duck: poot_rootbeer: 1derful: A selfish woman gets knocked up by a man, and convinces a lesser man to raise someone else's offspring

Fark you, dude.

The man who raised someone else's child for twenty years is clearly a greater man than the dude who creampied someone else's wife and then disappeared.

Yeah, the guy who accepted and loved this child as his own is a saint. The guy who knocks the slut up and runs away, only to come back after the kid is grown and all the hard work of raising a kid is over expecting to be a part of the kid's life is a selfish asshole.

I'm gonna go with this. The biological father and the mom are the biggest idiots in this story.

I found the following lines from TFA interesting: "He immediately moved across the country. We had some tense conversations about the baby and things ended on a bad note." I wonder if any of those conversations involved abortion or $$$. Also, showing up after the kid is 20, maybe the dude thinks his financial obligations are over.

/that being said, I'd really like to hear the bio father's side of the story.
//maury it is
///slashies for the win!



She should just sue him for back child support now - about the time he sees the number$ she can give him the option to vanish forever.
 
2014-02-06 12:13:36 PM  
 FTFA: "He immediately moved across the country. We had some tense conversations about the baby and things ended on a bad note."

There's a lot missing in the mother's self-serving letter, starting with the above line.  In addition:

I heard sporadically from the "other" man but he never filed for paternity and only requested a few pictures.

Your failure to answer the calls and to keep in contact with him resulted in this sorry mess.  So you're at fault on all counts.
 
2014-02-06 12:14:05 PM  

ChipNASA: Begoggle: Also, Fb- is the father

WOW...timewarp.


The miracle of Viagra.
 
2014-02-06 12:16:27 PM  
Good news son, We found another person to help pay for college.
 
2014-02-06 12:20:02 PM  

EdNortonsTwin: She should just sue him for back child support now - about the time he sees the number$ she can give him the option to vanish forever.


That won't work. Because, from what it sounds like, she never got a support order for the bio-dad, and the kid is past the cut off date for child support, unless it is 21 in their state, she can't now sue for retroactive support. If she had filled a support order before the child passed the cut off date, then she could have sued for retroactive support, but now she is screwed. I know a guy that went through this a few years back.
 
2014-02-06 12:21:32 PM  
When my stepson was still small, her and my parents suggested that I adopt him and change his last name.  I balked at the idea of trying to cover up who he is, which I did get support from my fil, because the kid would be the only offspring to carry his family name.  Fil was the only son, and only had daughters, so stepson is the last one carrying the name.

Sadly though, stepson's father won't contact him, and he missed out on meeting his other cousins.
 
2014-02-06 12:26:44 PM  

ongbok: EdNortonsTwin: She should just sue him for back child support now - about the time he sees the number$ she can give him the option to vanish forever.

That won't work. Because, from what it sounds like, she never got a support order for the bio-dad, and the kid is past the cut off date for child support, unless it is 21 in their state, she can't now sue for retroactive support. If she had filled a support order before the child passed the cut off date, then she could have sued for retroactive support, but now she is screwed. I know a guy that went through this a few years back.


I have heard of plenty of cases where the mom has sued and won retro child support after the kid is grown.  One case was a coworker who found out her husband cheated on her when he got bit for retro support of a 19 yro son, he had no clue about till the suit.  She was pissed at her husband, but also pissed that the other woman waited 19 years to say anything.  It can differ by state and judge.
 
2014-02-06 12:27:46 PM  

brap: Son after nearly a quarter of a century and now having no legal fiscal responsibility for you, your biological father wants to take you out for coffee.

Feel free to stab him in the eye with a spork.


Oh, and thank the guy who was your dad even after I semi-left him so I could open my legs guilt-free (but irresponsibly) for your bio-dad and got knocked up. I admit it was lust, and your bio-dad got me so turned on that I completely forgot I wasn't taking anything because I refused to put out for your not-bio-dad.

Jeez, this clam has some ovaries.
 
2014-02-06 12:28:57 PM  

Nemo's Brother: I've seen enough real life and Maury to see the kind of person that will pick up the sloppy seconds of a 2nd-class whore. They are men devoid of any real balls. They don't have any real wants or dreams, just whatever the slut tells him to want or to dream. They are hardly real people.


You seem to see love as a weakness.

Interesting.
 
2014-02-06 12:31:25 PM  

KellyX: Start calling him Jon Snow until he catches on...


Winter came 20 years ago?
 
2014-02-06 12:38:56 PM  

kbronsito: I thought the headline said 'liberal' bastard... which made this a weird because this stupid lying whore shouldn't be criticizing anyone's choices.

I swear I read it the same way! I kept reading all the articles looking for one my dad wrote in!

 
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