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(Slate)   "Dear Prudence: How do I tell my son he's a literal bastard?"   (slate.com ) divider line
    More: Silly, Berklee College of Music, sex steroid  
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14456 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Feb 2014 at 9:46 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-02-06 10:46:04 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-02-06 10:46:59 AM  
So, my brother's best friend has an older brother. Older bro had some rough teenage years. He hung out with the wrong crowd, got into drugs, etc. Eventually, he got caught breaking into a house. After his mom and 'dad' picked him up, his dad decided that it was a great time to tell him that he wasn't really his son. I'm sure the parents should have told him earlier, but man, talk about bad timing. The parents divorced shortly after that, and the dad pretty much also washed his hands of the younger son who was his kid.

Contrast that with one of my best friend's situation. His mom met a great guy when my buddy was 3 or 4 and his sister was a baby. Though he never adopted them, he raised them as his own. At some point, the parents told both kids and they ended up legally changing their names to the dad's last name.
 
2014-02-06 10:50:05 AM  
Tell a story about her own questionable heritage and ask if he wants to go look up the word "uzzard.'
 
2014-02-06 10:53:34 AM  
The part of this some of you seem to be disagreeing on is that a guy say coming into a single moms life and giving her kids a father is rather commendable. A guy who's wife is banging some other dude, then leaves the guy for the fling, gets knocked up by him, and comes crawling back as soon as he bails is another entirely.
 
2014-02-06 10:54:41 AM  
This thread makes me wonder. As a literal bastard, is there any good resource on actual historical restrictions on bastards?
 
2014-02-06 10:56:48 AM  
Wouldn't she want him to have access to his family medical history?
 
2014-02-06 10:57:12 AM  

gopher321: "Well son, it started off with me being a lying whore..."


This. She's a bad person and should feel bad. Not for the extracurricular humping/breeding, but for her utterly selfish desire to avoid difficult but necessary discussions.

The "dad' is almost equally culpable in that he also chose silence, but frankly, he doesn't seem to have a whole lot of spine in the first place.

She should hope his disgust with her doesn't resolve in her finishing her life in the cheapest rat-motel of a seniors' warehouse.

/internet judgement is the best judgement.
 
2014-02-06 10:58:33 AM  
At least these fake advice questions are now properly labeled with the "Silly" tag.
 
2014-02-06 10:59:41 AM  
Also, Fb- is the father
 
2014-02-06 10:59:46 AM  
"Son," she said, "have I got a little story for you...

What you thought was your daddy was nothin' but a...
 
2014-02-06 11:00:35 AM  
How about, "Son, do you know that website 'Fark'? There might be an article you'd be interested in."
 
2014-02-06 11:00:49 AM  

Valiente: gopher321: "Well son, it started off with me being a lying whore..."

This. She's a bad person and should feel bad. Not for the extracurricular humping/breeding, but for her utterly selfish desire to avoid difficult but necessary discussions.

The "dad' is almost equally culpable in that he also chose silence, but frankly, he doesn't seem to have a whole lot of spine in the first place.

She should hope his disgust with her doesn't resolve in her finishing her life in the cheapest rat-motel of a seniors' warehouse.

/internet judgement is the best judgement.


Why shouldn't she feel bad about the extracurricular humping/breeding?
 
2014-02-06 11:03:06 AM  

Begoggle: Also, Fb- is the father


WOW...timewarp.
 
2014-02-06 11:03:34 AM  
Bastard is such a 19th century and older term. Don't call a kid nasty names like that in 2014.
 
2014-02-06 11:04:21 AM  
This would have resolved itself much sooner if the baby was half black. :o
 
2014-02-06 11:05:59 AM  
Whoa, everybody slow down. Calling this woman a "whore" is mysogynistic bullshiat. Just because...

*reads article*

Oh. Nevermind. Carry on.
 
2014-02-06 11:10:07 AM  

uncoveror: Bastard is such a 19th century and older term. Don't call a kid nasty names like that in 2014.


Bart: So, any idea where this bastard lives?
Homer: Bart!
Bart: Well his parents aren't married are they? It's the correct word isn't it?
Homer: I guess he's got us there
Bart: Bastard Bastard, Bastard Bastard, Bastard Bastard.
 
2014-02-06 11:14:26 AM  

asquian: This thread makes me wonder. As a literal bastard, is there any good resource on actual historical restrictions on bastards?


You have to have a license.
 
2014-02-06 11:15:51 AM  
cdn3.whatculture.com
 
2014-02-06 11:16:19 AM  
To steal a line from another farker in another thread, "Sometimes when a man loves a woman very much, they like to see how many friends the woman can handle at one time.  We think you may be the neighbor's kid."
 
2014-02-06 11:16:31 AM  

ChipNASA: Begoggle: Also, Fb- is the father

WOW...timewarp.


Indeed. I had to check out his profile digits too. 5. Not bad.
 
2014-02-06 11:16:32 AM  

DROxINxTHExWIND: Whoa, everybody slow down. Calling this woman a "whore" is mysogynistic bullshiat. Just because...

*reads article*

Oh. Nevermind. Carry on.


You almost had me on that one, dude.


Total disaster--mom's a piece shiat, bio-dad's a piece of shiat, day-to-day dad is noble to love the bastard, yet such a weakling he took back the lying spoo-bucket in the first place.

I would hope he was having an affair at the time so it was a two-way forgiveness, otherwise I cannot imagine putting up with that garbage bag of a female.

/And yes--if the genders were reversed it's the same--if you dislike your spouse, get a divorce.  Don't be a dickhole and sleep around.
 
2014-02-06 11:17:15 AM  
Ain't no bastard
like a literal bastard
cuz a literal bastard
is well-read.
 
2014-02-06 11:20:25 AM  

Kuta: ChipNASA: Begoggle: Also, Fb- is the father

WOW...timewarp.

Indeed. I had to check out his profile digits too. 5. Not bad.


Damn dude...3 digits??

I thought I was good at 93,000 but then again...I lurked for about a year before i signed up and posted.
 
2014-02-06 11:20:30 AM  

H31N0US: [s3.amazonaws.com image 200x267]

You farking bastage!

/hot


You misspelled "fargin."

/You want to get deported to Sweden?
 
2014-02-06 11:22:15 AM  
A graphic might help answer some questions.
d2tq98mqfjyz2l.cloudfront.net
 
2014-02-06 11:22:41 AM  

NickelP: The part of this some of you seem to be disagreeing on is that a guy say coming into a single moms life and giving her kids a father is rather commendable. A guy who's wife is banging some other dude, then leaves the guy for the fling, gets knocked up by him, and comes crawling back as soon as he bails is another entirely.


Eh, that's arguable, people do shiat for family that looks stupid from the outside all the time.

I do think we can all agree, though, that the  father isn't the one that should be worried about the kid's reaction, since it's not really  him that the whole "your mother ran off and tried to have you without a partner to fark your childhood, but I lived you enough to stick around even though there's no blood relation" reflects badly upon.

You can question his judgement, but of the three people involved in the story he's definitely the only one that can still be legitimately considered some kind of role model for the kid.

// In fact, the reason the man is probably telling his wife not to share the story is probably mostly to prevent her from destroying her relationship with their son, not out of any kind of self-interest.  Clearly, he cares, and clearly she has a history of sinking relationships by pulling stupid shiat.
 
2014-02-06 11:24:03 AM  

devilEther: Well, he's always welcome on the wall. No bastard was ever refused a seat there.


Came here for this. Also:

Send him to the Wall, and promise him you'll later tell him the truth.
 
2014-02-06 11:24:10 AM  
So the mom used the bio-dad to force her ex-husband to return, then spurred the bio-dad's attempts to be a father for 20 years?

Now she's acting all upset because bio-dad is still trying?
 
2014-02-06 11:24:26 AM  

asquian: This thread makes me wonder. As a literal bastard, is there any good resource on actual historical restrictions on bastards?


What...like a Wiki-Bastard...or Bastard-pedia?
 
2014-02-06 11:24:35 AM  

NickelP: Valiente: gopher321: "Well son, it started off with me being a lying whore..."

This. She's a bad person and should feel bad. Not for the extracurricular humping/breeding, but for her utterly selfish desire to avoid difficult but necessary discussions.

The "dad' is almost equally culpable in that he also chose silence, but frankly, he doesn't seem to have a whole lot of spine in the first place.

She should hope his disgust with her doesn't resolve in her finishing her life in the cheapest rat-motel of a seniors' warehouse.

/internet judgement is the best judgement.

Why shouldn't she feel bad about the extracurricular humping/breeding?


Because it's hardly unusual and pales in comparison to the Big Lie. Although frankly, she sounds sloppy and careless in general. How hard is it to say "no glove, no love"?
 
2014-02-06 11:24:46 AM  
"Dear Desperate:

You say 'Son, I'm a whore.'

Good Luck!"
 
2014-02-06 11:25:25 AM  

NickelP: They should wash that game of thrones episode with him where they kill all the bastards then say 'son we have good news and bad news! The good news is you don't live in medieval times!'


Now see, I would have pointed at Gendry and said, "see son, that's you!" Then pointed at Arya and said, "and that's your sister." And waited to see how long it took before he made the connection.
 
2014-02-06 11:27:31 AM  
You don't say anything. You affect a look of extreme disgust, point to the door, and spit on the floor.
 
2014-02-06 11:28:09 AM  
I would never tell him. The boy doesn't need to know mom was a whore.
 
2014-02-06 11:29:08 AM  

netweavr: So the mom used the bio-dad to force her ex-husband to return, then spurred the bio-dad's attempts to be a father for 20 years?

Now she's acting all upset because bio-dad is still trying?


Yea, I know! -- the biological father really is an asshole.
 
2014-02-06 11:29:17 AM  

abhorrent1: Wouldn't she want him to have access to his family medical history?


Look, this is a woman who cheated on her husband, when she got caught she moved out on him and in with her parents and continued the relationship with the other man, then proceeded to get pregnant by the other man, only reconciling with her husband when the other man left, and in my opinion convinced her husband that the baby was his. Now thinking over all of that, do you really think that she is working with a mentality that will have her concerned with her son's family medical history?
 
2014-02-06 11:30:15 AM  

Mid_mo_mad_man: I would never tell him. The boy doesn't need to know mom was a whore.


Eventually, the biological father would probably tell him on his own.  Given that the son is a 20 year old adult, it's not like the mother can prevent that anymore.  Evading the issue is probably not possible.
 
2014-02-06 11:30:32 AM  

baconbeard: You don't say anything. You affect a look of extreme disgust, point to the door, and spit on the floor.


The old time ways of doing things, were the best ways!
 
2014-02-06 11:31:01 AM  
Start calling him Jon Snow until he catches on...
 
2014-02-06 11:31:32 AM  
"You know how your dad has been molesting you a lot lately? Well I've got some good news...."
 
2014-02-06 11:31:51 AM  
Subby: "Dear Prudence: How do I tell my son he's a literal bastard?"

You've misspelled "How do I linkbait sites like Fark by filling column-inches with fictitious 'reader letters' that were actually written by the very same person who pretends to be called Prudence?"
 
2014-02-06 11:32:11 AM  
Explain to him that "bastard" isn't a bad word. It's in the Bible! There now, don't you feel better, you little damn-ass whore?
 
2014-02-06 11:32:22 AM  
You can ease the blow by first introducing your son to some figurative bastards.

Start by gently showing your son a tiny figurine of Confucius while playing some soothing music.
 
2014-02-06 11:33:12 AM  

mod3072: Dear Desperate,

Your husband is an idiot and should have taken the opportunity to get out when he had the chance instead of raising your bastard child who is a daily reminder that you basically slapped him in the face with another man's dick. Just be honest with your kid and tell him that his biological father is a home-wrecking deadbeat who banged your brains out and then skipped town when he found out your birth control failed, and the man who raised him isn't really a man at all but a pathetic husk of a man who is willing to take sloppy seconds from his own wife. I'm sure it will all work out.

-Prudie


You sir, have been favorited.
 
2014-02-06 11:34:27 AM  
If the TV shows I watch are any guide, you should kill the bio-dad and avoid capture as long as possible.
 
2014-02-06 11:35:42 AM  
"Son, it turns out those bullies at school were right."
 
2014-02-06 11:36:24 AM  
Is you registered as a Democrat?
 
2014-02-06 11:37:19 AM  

kbronsito: I thought the headline said 'liberal' bastard... which made this a weird because this stupid lying whore shouldn't be criticizing anyone's choices.


It also would have simplified the situation, because liberal bastards just don't accept that they are, so it doesn't matter what you tell them.
 
2014-02-06 11:38:08 AM  

ChipNASA: Kuta: ChipNASA: Begoggle: Also, Fb- is the father

WOW...timewarp.

Indeed. I had to check out his profile digits too. 5. Not bad.

Damn dude...3 digits??

I thought I was good at 93,000 but then again...I lurked for about a year before i signed up and posted.


When Fark started I was working at a tech publishing company so we found out about everything really fast. One of the other editors discovered Fark and said we should check it out. I signed up and didn't really do much here until it became a thing. Met Drew once back in the early days at a trade show. Been hooked ever since though. Obviously.

/get off my lawn
//old poster is old
///yadda yadda yadda
 
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