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(Slate)   "Dear Prudence: How do I tell my son he's a literal bastard?"   (slate.com) divider line 258
    More: Silly, Berklee College of Music, sex steroid  
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14386 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Feb 2014 at 9:46 AM (37 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-02-06 10:10:35 AM  

poot_rootbeer: 1derful: A selfish woman gets knocked up by a man, and convinces a lesser man to raise someone else's offspring

Fark you, dude.

The man who raised someone else's child for twenty years is clearly a greater man than the dude who creampied someone else's wife and then disappeared.


Yeah, the guy who accepted and loved this child as his own is a saint. The guy who knocks the slut up and runs away, only to come back after the kid is grown and all the hard work of raising a kid is over expecting to be a part of the kid's life is a selfish asshole.
 
2014-02-06 10:11:06 AM  
Well, I'm of the mind many of these are fake, so I'm not clicking.  In answer to the Fark headline, you just tell him.  These things are no longer social stigmas.

Your parents weren't married when you were born?  Yeah, about half of the kids born these days are like that.
Your parents aren't currently married?  Yeah, have you seen the divorce rate?  Same with the majority of your friends.

I think the most important one to tell your kid is if you didn't plan to have him so that perhaps he can learn from your mistake.  I love you, I'm glad you're here but I sure as fark didn't intend to have you when I did.  Here's what I did that ended up with me having a kid.  But don't feel bad, over 1/3 of babies are unplanned.
 
2014-02-06 10:11:25 AM  
I thought it read "liberal bastard" and I was thinking those poor, poor parents.

This is bad too, I guess...
 
2014-02-06 10:12:10 AM  

markfara: This second letter's lots more interesting. Let's comment on that:

Dear Prudence,

I am a teacher at a small community college. I strongly suspect that one of my new students this semester is a trans woman. My problem is that I'm a voice teacher. If I'm right, her larynx has been affected by testosterone, and is functionally male. Even if she's taking female hormones, the voice changes that puberty brings are permanent. For example, she will be reaching her high notes in falsetto, which requires slightly different technique from that used by a cis woman singing in head voice. But even using the word "falsetto" to describe her high notes seems insulting to me, with its implication that she's using a "false" voice. I can't think of a good way to initiate a conversation about this, but avoiding the issue may compromise how much I can help her sing better. Can I go to my supervisor for advice without violating her privacy? And, dear God, what if I'm wrong?
-Finding Her Voice


White diva problems.
 
2014-02-06 10:13:10 AM  
images3.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-02-06 10:13:16 AM  

MasterThief: Son, you'll never be King. Or receive an inheritance. Or be respected by society.

[images.wikia.com image 300x450]

Says you.


gifatron.com
 
2014-02-06 10:14:00 AM  
Well, he's always welcome on the wall. No bastard was ever refused a seat there.
 
2014-02-06 10:14:05 AM  
images.starpulse.com
can't turn a ho into a housewife
hoes don't act right
 
2014-02-06 10:14:11 AM  

minoridiot: From the headline I thought the question would be about a kid being too literal, not about a bastard.


I literally thought the same thing!
 
2014-02-06 10:16:48 AM  

poot_rootbeer: 1derful: A selfish woman gets knocked up by a man, and convinces a lesser man to raise someone else's offspring

Fark you, dude.

The man who raised someone else's child for twenty years is clearly a greater man than the dude who creampied someone else's wife and then disappeared.


That's very noble and all, but in strictly Darwinian terms the non-bio dad is a dead end. Technically, you're supposed to kill the cubs to bring the female into rut so you can pass on your genes.
 
2014-02-06 10:17:58 AM  
I dunno how I could live with my wife if she cheated. Cheated AND got pregnant. Prolly lots of anal, definitely a good morning blow followed by a cup of joe daily.
 
2014-02-06 10:19:09 AM  

Harry Freakstorm: Candygram4Mongo

Wait till he's got the flu. That way, you can call him literally one sick bastard...

Wait until he's got the flu and laying in bed so you can call him a sick, lying bastard.


Winner!
 
2014-02-06 10:21:36 AM  

Loucifer: minoridiot: From the headline I thought the question would be about a kid being too literal, not about a bastard.

I literally thought the same thing!


Lol, me too.  But then I have a hyper-literal kid too.
 
2014-02-06 10:22:28 AM  
Actually, although my previous comment was a joke, it will be interesting to see what changes DNA testing will have on future society. Since women now know that paternity can easily be proven- or disproven- in order to avoid losing their support system they will be more likely to bear children from the possibly less physically imposing or charming male who is however better at tackling responsibilities, and therefore that particular gene- and I believe it is genetic- is more likely to get passed on.
 
2014-02-06 10:23:02 AM  

vudukungfu: gopher321: "Well son, it started off with me being a lying whore..."

Pretty much this.
Mommy's a slut.
Poppa was a rollin' stone.


Great haiku, or greatest haiku?

/not really haiku
//but I like it anyway
///I have three slashies
 
2014-02-06 10:23:33 AM  

marleymaniac: I dunno how I could live with my wife if she cheated. Cheated AND got pregnant. Prolly lots of anal, definitely a good morning blow followed by a cup of joe daily.


Hmm, actually I feel less sad for the husband in the story now
 
2014-02-06 10:24:10 AM  

cynicalbastard: poot_rootbeer: 1derful: A selfish woman gets knocked up by a man, and convinces a lesser man to raise someone else's offspring

Fark you, dude.

The man who raised someone else's child for twenty years is clearly a greater man than the dude who creampied someone else's wife and then disappeared.

That's very noble and all, but in strictly Darwinian terms the non-bio dad is a dead end. Technically, you're supposed to kill the cubs to bring the female into rut so you can pass on your genes.


That's cold.....Soooo cold.
 
2014-02-06 10:25:41 AM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-02-06 10:28:33 AM  

a_feral_duck: poot_rootbeer: 1derful: A selfish woman gets knocked up by a man, and convinces a lesser man to raise someone else's offspring

Fark you, dude.

The man who raised someone else's child for twenty years is clearly a greater man than the dude who creampied someone else's wife and then disappeared.

Yeah, the guy who accepted and loved this child as his own is a saint. The guy who knocks the slut up and runs away, only to come back after the kid is grown and all the hard work of raising a kid is over expecting to be a part of the kid's life is a selfish asshole.


Which says a lot about the character of those Farkers who are bashing the guy that raised the kid, while not saying anything negative about the selfish asshole who ran away from his responsibilities.
 
2014-02-06 10:29:12 AM  

WTF Indeed: "Son, you're a bastard."


Winning!!
 
2014-02-06 10:29:13 AM  

cynicalbastard: Actually, although my previous comment was a joke, it will be interesting to see what changes DNA testing will have on future society. Since women now know that paternity can easily be proven- or disproven- in order to avoid losing their support system they will be more likely to bear children from the possibly less physically imposing or charming male who is however better at tackling responsibilities, and therefore that particular gene- and I believe it is genetic- is more likely to get passed on.


You're getting all deep.
So the unpopular dicks from school will populate the earth? NERRRRDS!
 
2014-02-06 10:29:45 AM  

Nadie_AZ: "Hey son, we are gonna get a pay out as soon as I sue your real dad for all that back child support he never paid. You get half."


And if you belive that one son, have I got a deal on a bridge for you.
 
2014-02-06 10:30:02 AM  

kbronsito: I thought the headline said 'liberal' bastard... which made this a weird because this stupid lying whore shouldn't be criticizing anyone's choices.


100% ditto.
 
2014-02-06 10:30:20 AM  
Lifetime Total Fark subscription will help.
 
2014-02-06 10:31:02 AM  
Wait for Father's Day.  Then say, "Nope - guess again!!"
 
2014-02-06 10:31:14 AM  

a_feral_duck: The guy who knocks the slut up and runs away, only to come back after the kid is grown and all the hard work of raising a kid is over expecting to be a part of the kid's life is a selfish asshole.



upload.wikimedia.org

Darwin says: don't hate the player, hate the game.
 
2014-02-06 10:32:46 AM  
ih1.redbubble.net
 
2014-02-06 10:33:03 AM  
 
2014-02-06 10:33:21 AM  

a_feral_duck: poot_rootbeer: 1derful: A selfish woman gets knocked up by a man, and convinces a lesser man to raise someone else's offspring

Fark you, dude.

The man who raised someone else's child for twenty years is clearly a greater man than the dude who creampied someone else's wife and then disappeared.

Yeah, the guy who accepted and loved this child as his own is a saint. The guy who knocks the slut up and runs away, only to come back after the kid is grown and all the hard work of raising a kid is over expecting to be a part of the kid's life is a selfish asshole.


I'm gonna go with this. The biological father and the mom are the biggest idiots in this story.

I found the following lines from TFA interesting: "He immediately moved across the country. We had some tense conversations about the baby and things ended on a bad note." I wonder if any of those conversations involved abortion or $$$. Also, showing up after the kid is 20, maybe the dude thinks his financial obligations are over.

/that being said, I'd really like to hear the bio father's side of the story.
//maury it is
///slashies for the win!
 
2014-02-06 10:33:56 AM  

AntiGravitas: WHAT? WTH would you put this on a little child? Why did he need to know this as a little boy? Stupid.


It's AMAZING how kids take things as simple FACTS when they are little, without all the angsty bullshiat.  Oh the cat died?  When can we get another one?  Oh, my bio-dad isn't around, good to know, but YOU ARE HERE DADDY!  Lying to little kids is more about the PARENTS protecting their fragile egos and their fantasy world, than the kids.

The older they get, the bigger the surprise and the more roiled up they will probably be about.

/foster parent
 
2014-02-06 10:35:17 AM  
I read that as "Liberal Bastard" Oh, how my deluxe makes me laugh sometimes.
 
2014-02-06 10:36:00 AM  
www.quickmeme.com
 
2014-02-06 10:36:08 AM  

Latinwolf: a_feral_duck: poot_rootbeer: 1derful: A selfish woman gets knocked up by a man, and convinces a lesser man to raise someone else's offspring

Fark you, dude.

The man who raised someone else's child for twenty years is clearly a greater man than the dude who creampied someone else's wife and then disappeared.

Yeah, the guy who accepted and loved this child as his own is a saint. The guy who knocks the slut up and runs away, only to come back after the kid is grown and all the hard work of raising a kid is over expecting to be a part of the kid's life is a selfish asshole.

Which says a lot about the character of those Farkers who are bashing the guy that raised the kid, while not saying anything negative about the selfish asshole who ran away from his responsibilities.


This place has more Peter Pans than Neverland.
 
2014-02-06 10:36:18 AM  
The biological father could just send the kid a letter explaining the situation and containing a few strands of his hair in a sealed container.  "If you're curious who your real father is, just send this in for a paternity test."

That ought to wrap things up, all neat & tidy.
 
2014-02-06 10:36:36 AM  

kbronsito: I thought the headline said 'liberal' bastard... which made this a weird because this stupid lying whore shouldn't be criticizing anyone's choices.


I read it that way too.

/Too many times in the Politics tab for me.
 
2014-02-06 10:36:54 AM  

minoridiot: From the headline I thought the question would be about a kid being too literal, not about a bastard.


Me, too. I was wondering if I missed a letter.
 
2014-02-06 10:37:08 AM  
Dear Desperate,

Your husband is an idiot and should have taken the opportunity to get out when he had the chance instead of raising your bastard child who is a daily reminder that you basically slapped him in the face with another man's dick. Just be honest with your kid and tell him that his biological father is a home-wrecking deadbeat who banged your brains out and then skipped town when he found out your birth control failed, and the man who raised him isn't really a man at all but a pathetic husk of a man who is willing to take sloppy seconds from his own wife. I'm sure it will all work out.

-Prudie
 
2014-02-06 10:38:00 AM  
Being Fark I thought it said "liberal bastard"

I'm not doing well in the reading department this morning.
 
2014-02-06 10:38:14 AM  

cynicalbastard: Actually, although my previous comment was a joke, it will be interesting to see what changes DNA testing will have on future society. Since women now know that paternity can easily be proven- or disproven- in order to avoid losing their support system they will be more likely to bear children from the possibly less physically imposing or charming male who is however better at tackling responsibilities, and therefore that particular gene- and I believe it is genetic- is more likely to get passed on.


Depends how you define tackling responsibilities. If you are just saying they won't cheat on good providers with charming and dominant males it seems you may be seeing a disconnect that isn't really between those things. Attractiveness has been shown time and time again to influence earnings. The same is true of dominance, for every nerdy guy who gets money thrown at him for being brilliant even though is quiet there are 1000 assholes that aren't afraid to ask for raises or kill competitors which leads them to a nice life style, even though they may not be the most talented or responsible.
 
2014-02-06 10:39:07 AM  
To Flush with anger: The smell of his turds would probably kill you where you sat, so he is likely flushing repeatedly to keep the noxious fumes from wafting as far as they would if the stank monster stayed in the bowl.
 
2014-02-06 10:39:47 AM  

draypresct: poot_rootbeer: 1derful: A selfish woman gets knocked up by a man, and convinces a lesser man to raise someone else's offspring

Fark you, dude.

The man who raised someone else's child for twenty years is clearly a greater man than the dude who creampied someone else's wife and then disappeared.

Seconded. One 'dad' passed on the genetics he got from his parents, the real dad passed on everything else.


Thirded.
 
2014-02-06 10:39:48 AM  

mod3072: Dear Desperate,

Your husband is an idiot and should have taken the opportunity to get out when he had the chance instead of raising your bastard child who is a daily reminder that you basically slapped him in the face with another man's dick. Just be honest with your kid and tell him that his biological father is a home-wrecking deadbeat who banged your brains out and then skipped town when he found out your birth control failed, and the man who raised him isn't really a man at all but a pathetic husk of a man who is willing to take sloppy seconds from his own wife. I'm sure it will all work out.

-Prudie


Maybe the husband decided to pretend the boy was his son in order to make life easier for the one who really is his child.
 
2014-02-06 10:40:27 AM  
Could be an idea for a new CBS comedy: "The Whore and the MF'ing Bastard"

Mom: "Son, I'm a nympho slag bag of STD's." (Canned laughter)

Son: "I know, mom, but, can you be a little more selective.  Do you have to do farking hobos, too?" (Canned laughter)

Mom: "OK, I'll try to be better.  You know honey, you're looking really hot, this morning." (Canned laughter)

Son: "Oh, mom!  OK, I guess." (Canned laughter)

Cleaning Lady: "You two make me want to puke!" (Canned laughter)
 
2014-02-06 10:40:31 AM  

poot_rootbeer: 1derful: A selfish woman gets knocked up by a man, and convinces a lesser man to raise someone else's offspring

Fark you, dude.

The man who raised someone else's child for twenty years is clearly a greater man than the dude who creampied someone else's wife and then disappeared.


In theory you are absolutely correct. But I've seen enough real life and Maury to see the kind of person that will pick up the sloppy seconds of a 2nd-class whore. They are men devoid of any real balls. They don't have any real wants or dreams, just whatever the slut tells him to want or to dream. They are hardly real people.
 
2014-02-06 10:41:00 AM  

DragonDerk: a_feral_duck: poot_rootbeer: 1derful: A selfish woman gets knocked up by a man, and convinces a lesser man to raise someone else's offspring

Fark you, dude.

The man who raised someone else's child for twenty years is clearly a greater man than the dude who creampied someone else's wife and then disappeared.

Yeah, the guy who accepted and loved this child as his own is a saint. The guy who knocks the slut up and runs away, only to come back after the kid is grown and all the hard work of raising a kid is over expecting to be a part of the kid's life is a selfish asshole.

I'm gonna go with this. The biological father and the mom are the biggest idiots in this story.

I found the following lines from TFA interesting: "He immediately moved across the country. We had some tense conversations about the baby and things ended on a bad note." I wonder if any of those conversations involved abortion or $$$. Also, showing up after the kid is 20, maybe the dude thinks his financial obligations are over.

/that being said, I'd really like to hear the bio father's side of the story.
//maury it is
///slashies for the win!


Well, there's no reason to assume the slut-mother's story is accurate. The Bio-father could be as big an asshole as she makes him out to be, or she could have forced him out of the picture, made his life a living hell, so he gave up and crossed teh country.  Maybe he wanted to be part of the kid's life, she wouldn't allow it, hence the "bad note"?  And maybe the bio-father found out about some bad genetic stuff going on and wants the kid to be aware of it early on?

All speculation, of course, and the most likely reality is both mom and bio-dad are raging assholes (we know the mom is, in any case).

/but it's prudie, chances are it's made up anyway
 
2014-02-06 10:41:33 AM  
Did anyone read the headline as "liberal bastard"? Because I'd imagine that some people did.
 
2014-02-06 10:41:35 AM  
Another prime example of ignoring the problem until it shows up late one night at your door.
 
2014-02-06 10:41:43 AM  
s3.amazonaws.com

You farking bastage!

/hot
 
2014-02-06 10:43:59 AM  
"Raise your hand if you're NOT a bastard......Not so fast, Little Johnny..."
 
2014-02-06 10:44:27 AM  
"Everyone who is not a bastard please step forward"

"Not so fast son"
 
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