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(KSAT San Antonio)   Toothpaste tube bombs are the latest security threat. Hillbillies are free to skip the TSA patdown   (ksat.com ) divider line
    More: Scary, TSA, toothpaste, threats, Homeland Securities, Islamic fundamentalists, home runs, United States House Committee on Homeland Security, Sochi Olympics  
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3664 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Feb 2014 at 8:57 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



70 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-02-05 07:39:59 PM  
TSA banning toothpaste in 3..2...

/Followed by Hudson News selling it on the other side of security at 3x the price
 
2014-02-05 07:55:31 PM  
Semtex: when you really want to blow them away with your smile!
 
2014-02-05 08:01:26 PM  
I've heard rumors around the web lately that terrorists are going to start using explosive devices hidden under their tongues. Since the scanners can't penetrate the skin, they can smuggle these devices past security by just keeping their mouth shut. If the TSA doesn't do something to stem this threat, we could be looking at another tragedy like 9/11.
 
2014-02-05 08:15:14 PM  
We need to leak serious, credible evidence of the vagina bombs and rectum bombs.
All flights will require cavity searches for everyone. 
Starting in first class.
 
2014-02-05 08:59:58 PM  
Who takes toothpaste on a trip.
Or shampoo.
Or a bar of soap.
 
2014-02-05 09:00:33 PM  
And you thought 72 Munich and 96 Olympic Park were bad, this will be epic.  The there's RIO !!!
 
2014-02-05 09:01:33 PM  
I'm starting to think that there is a large group of people that are frightened of their own shadows.

Just because somebody could do something; doesn't mean they will.

/ I'm surprised that they haven't started screening before you enter the airport; farking terrorists could blow up a lot more people if they suicide bombed an airport.
 
2014-02-05 09:02:23 PM  
What, did somebody at DHS finally watch License to Kill?
 
2014-02-05 09:04:39 PM  
Well, the British athletes are free and clear
 
2014-02-05 09:05:18 PM  

wichitaleaf: Who takes toothpaste on a trip.
Or shampoo.
Or a bar of soap.


I do.  Packed safely in the backseat of my car while I'm driving where I need to get.

/Fark flying.
//Gate rape, wallet rape, lung rape.
///Said rape three times.
 
2014-02-05 09:06:47 PM  
"TOOTHPASTE BOMBS! ...have you forgotten about the massive spying yet?"
 
2014-02-05 09:08:18 PM  
I remember Q having a tube of explosive toothpaste for bond. That one with the Mexican televangelist shipping cocain mixed in gasoline.
 
2014-02-05 09:08:25 PM  
Something informative out of San Antonio? Oh, referenced by CNN. Almost as newsworthy.
 
2014-02-05 09:12:19 PM  

wildcardjack: I remember Q having a tube of explosive toothpaste for bond. That one with the Mexican televangelist shipping cocain mixed in gasoline.


That was License to Kill. The Dalton one where he went after the drug kingpin.
 
2014-02-05 09:18:30 PM  
I'm waiting for the anus bomber.  And then we all have to get our asshole fingered at the airport.
 
2014-02-05 09:19:40 PM  

wichitaleaf: Who takes toothpaste on a trip.
Or shampoo.
Or a bar of soap.


I do
 
2014-02-05 09:20:44 PM  

wichitaleaf: Who takes toothpaste on a trip.
Or shampoo.
Or a bar of soap.


I certainly do, you nasty motherfarker!
 
2014-02-05 09:25:18 PM  
Wait until someone swallows an explosive device. Mandatory ex-lax for everyone an hour before the flight.
 
2014-02-05 09:28:03 PM  

El Dudereno: Wait until someone swallows an explosive device. Mandatory ex-lax for everyone an hour before the flight.


No, has to be a digital examination.
 
2014-02-05 09:29:25 PM  
dammit! how am i going to fight the cavity creeps then?
www.fredflare.com
 
2014-02-05 09:30:42 PM  

El Dudereno: Wait until someone swallows an explosive device. Mandatory ex-lax for everyone an hour before the flight.


So we should close the Taco Bells at the airports?
 
2014-02-05 09:31:21 PM  

wichitaleaf: Who takes toothpaste on a trip.
Or shampoo.
Or a bar of soap.


Someone who's going out of the US?
 
2014-02-05 09:36:38 PM  

wichitaleaf: Who takes toothpaste on a trip.
Or shampoo.
Or a bar of soap.


I have special teeth.
 
2014-02-05 09:40:48 PM  

dustman81: El Dudereno: Wait until someone swallows an explosive device. Mandatory ex-lax for everyone an hour before the flight.

So we should close the Taco Bells at the airports?


More like a mandatory Taco Bell meal...
 
2014-02-05 09:42:17 PM  
On domestic flights, why would you bother packing any toiletries? I mean, if they're special or prescription, I can see it.

But there's probably a national-chain grocery or drug store within 5 minutes of every major and most minor airports in the US.

You can buy a new tube of toothpaste.
 
2014-02-05 09:45:33 PM  

PirateKing: On domestic flights, why would you bother packing any toiletries? I mean, if they're special or prescription, I can see it.

But there's probably a national-chain grocery or drug store within 5 minutes of every major and most minor airports in the US.

You can buy a new tube of toothpaste.


You CAN do that. If you have a rental car and the willingness to take the time to do it. Not to mention, unless you're going to be there for a fair amount of time you'll end up throwing out what you don't use. That's a waste of money.
 
2014-02-05 09:46:55 PM  

Propain_az: I'm waiting for the anus bomber.  And then we all have to get our asshole fingered at the airport.


I am so farking glad I'm a pilot. My plane flies slower (and lower) but at least I don't have to be subjected to a mall cop dropout groping me.

/except for international travel
 
2014-02-05 09:47:05 PM  
i651.photobucket.com

"Most people who have a heavily-armed neighbor that constantly rants about "new terrorist threats" (somehow involving underwear, shoes, toothpaste tubes, kids' stuffed animals, mouthwash, etc), would not consider that person a "Patriot," but rather a severely-disturbed psycho who is a danger to themselves and others."
 
2014-02-05 09:47:24 PM  
Is the TSA getting their tips from watching 1980's James Bond?

img.fark.net
 
2014-02-05 09:48:20 PM  

AverageAmericanGuy: I've heard rumors around the web lately that terrorists are going to start using explosive devices hidden under their tongues. Since the scanners can't penetrate the skin, they can smuggle these devices past security by just keeping their mouth shut. If the TSA doesn't do something to stem this threat, we could be looking at another tragedy like 9/11.


Stop. Don't give TSA ideas.
 
2014-02-05 09:50:00 PM  

wichitaleaf: Who takes toothpaste on a trip.
Or shampoo.
Or a bar of soap.


Most hotels stock shampoo and soap in the rooms.  I understand many will give you toothpaste if you ask at the front desk, but I always carry my own because there's no guarantee they'll have it and fark using their brand of toothpaste (even though it's probably mostly all the same anyway).
 
2014-02-05 09:54:41 PM  

OdradekRex: Well, the British athletes are free and clear


The only person I've heard say that brushing your teeth was overrated was not a hillbilly, he was British.
 
2014-02-05 09:55:52 PM  
Give me a break... you're not going to be able to make a bomb of significant power using a toothpaste-tube sized amount of explosive.

/give me my damn water bottle back
//TSA still has caught ZERO terrorists since its existence.
 
2014-02-05 09:57:19 PM  

dustman81: El Dudereno: Wait until someone swallows an explosive device. Mandatory ex-lax for everyone an hour before the flight.

So we should close the Taco Bells at the airports?


And the Qdobas.
 
2014-02-05 10:00:07 PM  

gfid: wichitaleaf: Who takes toothpaste on a trip.
Or shampoo.
Or a bar of soap.

Most hotels stock shampoo and soap in the rooms.  I understand many will give you toothpaste if you ask at the front desk, but I always carry my own because there's no guarantee they'll have it and fark using their brand of toothpaste (even though it's probably mostly all the same anyway).


You realize this is Russia right? Hotels dont have toilets that flush toilet paper or shower curtains because they got stolen for the black market.
 
2014-02-05 10:03:09 PM  

rwfan: OdradekRex: Well, the British athletes are free and clear

The only person I've heard say that brushing your teeth was overrated was not a hillbilly, he was British.


I'll just leave these here.... Bullshiat national stereotypes

OECD graph

I've seen farking terrible teeth, I've been to Kentucky.
 
2014-02-05 10:04:42 PM  

Spiralmonkey: rwfan: OdradekRex: Well, the British athletes are free and clear

The only person I've heard say that brushing your teeth was overrated was not a hillbilly, he was British.

I'll just leave these here.... Bullshiat national stereotypes

OECD graph

I've seen farking terrible teeth, I've been to Kentucky.


flaglerlive.com
 
2014-02-05 10:06:15 PM  

AverageAmericanGuy: I've heard rumors around the web lately that terrorists are going to start using explosive devices hidden under their tongues. Since the scanners can't penetrate the skin, they can smuggle these devices past security by just keeping their mouth shut. If the TSA doesn't do something to stem this threat, we could be looking at another tragedy like 9/11.


The greatest threat to aviation security is the TSA itself.
 
2014-02-05 10:09:39 PM  

Strobeguy: gfid: wichitaleaf: Who takes toothpaste on a trip.
Or shampoo.
Or a bar of soap.

Most hotels stock shampoo and soap in the rooms.  I understand many will give you toothpaste if you ask at the front desk, but I always carry my own because there's no guarantee they'll have it and fark using their brand of toothpaste (even though it's probably mostly all the same anyway).

You realize this is Russia right? Hotels dont have toilets that flush toilet paper or shower curtains because they got stolen for the black market.


Just brush your teeth with vodka like the locals. Or when just sleep with your mouth open and one of the stray dogs will wonder in and lick your teeth clean.
 
2014-02-05 10:13:03 PM  
I guess Tatar is sick of being controlled.
 
2014-02-05 10:14:20 PM  
Man, even crest is getting into the "items you'll now have to buy at the destination" lobbying trend...
 
2014-02-05 10:18:32 PM  
i14.photobucket.com
 
rpm
2014-02-05 10:26:27 PM  

namatad: We need to leak serious, credible evidence of the vagina bombs and rectum bombs.
All flights will require cavity searches for everyone.
Starting in first class.


ftfy
 
2014-02-05 10:29:12 PM  
Stop. Don't give TSA ideas.
 
2014-02-05 10:51:24 PM  
Because of the backlash against the intrusive, illegal, and useless searches, they are now making shiat up.
 
2014-02-05 10:52:43 PM  

Propain_az: I'm waiting for the anus bomber.  And then we all have to get our asshole fingered at the airport.


You usually pay extra for that, don't you?
 
2014-02-05 10:53:49 PM  

wichitaleaf: Who takes toothpaste on a trip.
Or shampoo.
Or a bar of soap.


I do. I use Tom's of Maine because I like the taste of it, and I don't want to use whatever they have at the hotel. And maybe it makes me a hipster or pretentious or whatever the insult of the week is, but I should get to travel with a farking tube of toothpaste if I want because this is theoretically a free country.
 
2014-02-05 10:54:28 PM  
I just had my, admittedly over the limit, tube of toothpaste confiscated today, so I'm getting a kick...

/the TSA screener called me white boy while calling for my random screening.
//apparently geode bookends from the Smithsonian giftrape shop look like bombs
///slashies come in threes?
 
2014-02-05 10:54:40 PM  

The One True TheDavid: Where are the liberals and/or progressives who'd biatch if it were about any other minority group


Y'all got that god-f*ckin-A right, Cletus.

Hurry on now, mind, o' yul miss yer turn!

i14.photobucket.com

HELL YEAH I'll hold yer beer!
 
2014-02-05 10:57:14 PM  
Would this apply to tooth powder? Just go old-fashioned and take a tub of Eucryl.
 
2014-02-05 11:15:53 PM  
The One True TheDavid:

And yes, I just complained about this headline to the mod/amin(s).

Funny, my original post in this thread, that I cited in my complaint to the bosses, has disappeared.

And more anti-hillbilly crap has appeared.

So it's open season on (most) poor, (often) rural, (usually) Appalachian white people now?
 
2014-02-05 11:17:16 PM  

The One True TheDavid: So it's open season on (mostly) poor, (often) rural, (usually) Appalachian white people now?


FTFM.
 
2014-02-05 11:41:11 PM  
Okay. Fine. I get it. So I won't object when somebody insults blacks, Jews, gays, Chinese or whatever. If "hate speech" is okay by most of you I'll get used to it.

Go ahead, post a headline characterizing black city-dwellers as looters or gays as child "recruiters." I'll just sit here on my hands and whistle.
 
2014-02-05 11:45:06 PM  
Wow, I didn't know that toothless hillbillies could get this butthurt.
 
2014-02-05 11:52:53 PM  
And to think I just got finished reading a James Bond 007 "Carte Blanche" novel where he had a hidden camera inside an inhaler.  It was a reboot novel for modern day complete with the original M of the old days, in case you're wondering.
 
2014-02-06 12:00:11 AM  
Hey, Drew do you know how we know toothpaste was invented in Kentucky?
If it had been invented anywhere else it would have been called teethpaste.
www.highlandheightsdental.com
 
2014-02-06 12:03:46 AM  

Propain_az: I'm waiting for the anus bomber.  And then we all have to get our asshole fingered at the airport.


As opposed to the fisting we get at booking time?

Just found an old Southwest email - $34 each way on routes like Spokane-Portland, LAX-Tucson, Baltimore-Buffalo, etc. They're all at least 3x that now, more if you don't want to leave at 6am on a Sunday.
 
2014-02-06 12:10:53 AM  
imagemacros.files.wordpress.com

Just another excuse by the TSA to say "We're keeping you safe.  See?"

I had a tube of toothpaste taken from me when I went from Japan to the US.  The guy seemed agitated, like I was a huge inconvenience.  Oh well.
 
2014-02-06 12:34:44 AM  
Is this a repeat from 2002?
 
2014-02-06 01:05:17 AM  
By the way, I'm of West Virginian descent and live in Kentucky. And I brush my teeth twice a daily (sometimes more), floss every day (sometimes more), use some icky antibacterial dental rinse a couple months of every year, get my teeth cleaned & scaled as often as they'll pay for, take antibiotics (Z-Pak lately) every time it flares up, and etc. etc. etc., and I'm still missing a few teeth with half the rest all crooked & wobbly.

I thought it's not because I'm a hillbilly because I'm poor. Going full-out against chronic periodontitis costs money: I can't afford scaling & root planing every 6 weeks, hell I can't even afford to give up and get dentures.

But obviously I'm mistaken. Clearly in America that only happens to poor Appalachian white people; so when people run away from my jack o'lantern grin they're just jealous because I'm so special. No other kind of people gets to be chosen for this, right? (The KKK is fulla shiat: some frigging "master race" we are. It's too bad I can't wake up tomorrow as a gay Black Jew with a nice pretty smile.)

The dental professor who did my teeth a few years ago told me it's basically a sensitivity to common mouth bacteria that's usually cleared by most people's immune systems, and that the tendency to periodonitits seems inherited. I can tell you that my father and his father, despite their best efforts, had dentures by age 35 (thanks, Dad); they also told me I should keep trying to hold on to what teeth I can because dentures ain't so great either.

Anyway.

At this point I'm almost too drunk to sit up: Heaven Hill Light Rum, $7.20 including tax at the local Rite Aid, is much easier to suck down shots of than toxic-waste-smelling cheap-ass vodka.

But I did a Google search for "treating chronic periodontitis" (linkypoo); those who want to educate themselves about this problem can start with that.

Or you can keep making fun of people with what amounts to a disabling chronic health condition. If you don't think having a hard time chewing is disabling you're welcome to yank half your teeth and try and finish a nice thick steak. (I don't LIKE Ensure with fiber, dammit.)

But Mr. Professor of Periodontics never told me it was a hillbilly thing that nobody else gets. Maybe he thinks I can't handle the truth?


P.S. Okay, I'd still be fat, balding, old & ugly if I were suddenly gifted with beautiful dentition. But at least I'd have an easier time eating somebody's face off, so-called narcotics or not.
 
2014-02-06 01:07:52 AM  
The One True TheDavid:

I thought it's not because I'm a hillbilly BUT because I'm poor.

FTFM.

Ah tol' y'all I been a-drankin'. Pritty soon Ah maht thow up.
 
2014-02-06 01:14:23 AM  

Propain_az: wichitaleaf:

Who takes toothpaste on a trip.
Or shampoo.
Or a bar of soap.

I certainly do, you nasty motherfarker!


I brush my teeth after meals when traveling by plane, train or bus. And before I leave home I shave, shower, use antiperspirant and put on freshly laundered clothes.

So I might be old, ugly, fat, balding and half-toothless but at least when traveling my hygiene is impeccable. Put me in a burka and you'd never know I wasn't a gorgeous 12 year old Japanese pop star.
 
2014-02-06 01:32:02 AM  
If this were a FB thread, we'd have to start a fund to get the David some new teeth instead of just mocking the gap-toothed sumbiatch.

namatad: We need to leak serious, credible evidence of the vagina bombs and rectum bombs.
All flights will require cavity searches for everyone.
Starting in first class.



i1277.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-06 02:11:17 AM  

OscarTamerz: Hey, Drew do you know how we know toothpaste was invented in Kentucky?
If it had been invented anywhere else it would have been called teethpaste.
[www.highlandheightsdental.com image 270x300]


---- DAMN YOU BEAT ME TO IT!!!
(Good to see it though!)
Except I was gonna say West Virginia.
 
2014-02-06 03:10:01 AM  

PirateKing: On domestic flights, why would you bother packing any toiletries? I mean, if they're special or prescription, I can see it.

But there's probably a national-chain grocery or drug store within 5 minutes of every major and most minor airports in the US.

You can buy a new tube of toothpaste.


I've flown places and not rented a car. I've flown places and not had time to go shopping. You can probably get a new suit in any town you need to fly to, but I'd rather just bring my own.

There is no logical reason that people should need to buy new toiletries every time they travel.

We should just post a sign which says "fly at your own risk", and cut out 90% of the security theater. Oh, but planes can be used as weapons. So everyone just signs a waiver before they get on the plane---if the plane is hijacked, the Air Force is shooting it down. Let's face it, noone is hijacking or blowing up any more planes.

If you want to kill 300 people with a bomb, you don't need to get it on an airplane. You can just detonate the bomb while you're in the security line.

One of the nice things about flying from Israel is how much more relaxed the security is here. Not kidding. You don't have to take off your shoes. You don't have to take off your belt. You don't have to get your nuts photographed. You don't need to be patted down. The security lines are shorter and faster. Sucks if you're flying to America though.
 
2014-02-06 03:33:01 AM  

Spiralmonkey: Would this apply to tooth powder? Just go old-fashioned and take a tub of Eucryl.


Suspicious white powder?
 
2014-02-06 06:15:29 AM  

4tehsnowflakes: If this were a FB thread, we'd have to start a fund to get the David some new teeth instead of just mocking the gap-toothed sumbiatch.

namatad: We need to leak serious, credible evidence of the vagina bombs and rectum bombs.
All flights will require cavity searches for everyone.
Starting in first class.


[i1277.photobucket.com image 480x480]


O_o

please tell me that is some sort of joke.
 
2014-02-06 01:22:09 PM  
Whaddaya know, I don't have to rely on decent vodka, a dozen shots of $7 white rum doesn't cause hangovers either. It would've been nice to get more than four hours' sleep, but oh well.

Stock up on popcorn folks: I've got 6 more weeks of winter to drink through. And two antidepressants, fish oil and vitamin D ain't enough pills to swallow maybe there's some antique ephedrine around here someplace. HOO-EE!

But.. Will somebody out there join me in carrying on? It gets kinda lonely being that wackiest Farker ever.
 
2014-02-06 01:26:40 PM  
Had a cousin who lived in a small town in Oklahoma. Who had the blackest teeth ever. Couple of years ago when I saw him, all his teeth were gone. He said he went to the dentist and they removed all of them. He actually said that in a surprised tone of voice. He was 40 then.
 
2014-02-06 02:21:40 PM  
This just stinks to high heaven of folks in the intelligence services either:
1. Making shiat up in a brainstorming session and passing it off as some real threat to further justify the chipping away at our privacy and civil liberties or
2. Exaggerating some compete BS some idiots made up on the internet somewhere in some random forum

Either way..... I'm not buying what they're selling.
 
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