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(Sun Sentinel)   Man decides the best solution to curb complaints about his constant masturbation is to start a fire   (sun-sentinel.com) divider line 80
    More: Florida, complaints, Hillsborough County Jail, flammable liquids  
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4379 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Feb 2014 at 4:55 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



80 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2014-02-06 09:05:17 AM  
Well, don't they teach you in Boy Scouts that you create a fire by rubbing a stick or two?
 
2014-02-06 09:09:55 AM  

Spaghettiows: This is what we get for closing all the old mental hospitals.  Now the insane are all over the place.


Yeah, but it saved a few million bucks so we could give rich people tax breaks, so it's all good.
 
2014-02-06 09:11:21 AM  

RobSeace: [img.fark.net image 398x498][images4.wikia.nocookie.net image 290x406]

You just watch yourself. We're wanted men. I have the death sentence on twelve systems.


ever since watching the voice actor panel reading star wars, i can't read that quote without hearing paul lynde...
 
2014-02-06 09:11:21 AM  

RobSeace: [img.fark.net image 398x498][images4.wikia.nocookie.net image 290x406]

You just watch yourself. We're wanted men. I have the death sentence on twelve systems.


/thread
 
hej
2014-02-06 09:11:48 AM  

Some Coke Drinking Guy: Let's see, shot himself in face, masturbates in inappropriate places, starts fires, this guy is the perfect example of someone who needs to


... run for governor.
 
2014-02-06 09:15:12 AM  
Just sad.   Poor farker has more issues than National Geographic.

Guy probably need to be institutionalized somewhere where he can jerk it all day long without anybody hassling him about it.
 
2014-02-06 09:16:46 AM  
And this is why we need legalized prostitution. This guy has got to be pent up as hell.
 
2014-02-06 09:26:51 AM  

robohobo: ekdikeo4: Primitive Screwhead: farkingismybusiness: [gobbledygeekbtr.files.wordpress.com image 631x236]

Beat me to it :)

/the greatest story ever told...

share?

It's a fantastic series. If you want it, I can email you the entirety.


Not sure about him, but I'd love to have it!

/thanks in advance
//EIP
 
2014-02-06 09:29:44 AM  

some_beer_drinker: [www.trbimg.com image 398x498]
is he from whoville?


I don't know why, but your comment made me laugh out loud. Bravo.
 
2014-02-06 09:55:13 AM  
*clicks link*
Does he get credit for putting it out?

/Window seat. Scotch. Neat.
 
2014-02-06 10:00:14 AM  
We had a high school girl who tried to commit suicide with a shotgun after finding her boyfriend kissing someone else at a party.  She failed and she looks like this guy now.  It is quite disturbing to run into her at the grocery store.
 
2014-02-06 10:19:37 AM  

GanjSmokr: We had a high school girl who tried to commit suicide with a shotgun after finding her boyfriend kissing someone else at a party.  She failed and she looks like this guy now.  It is quite disturbing to run into her at the grocery store.


The level of fail that one has to achieve to not be able to kill oneself with a shotgun blast to the head is of epic proportions.
 
2014-02-06 10:29:37 AM  
img.fark.net
s2.quickmeme.com
 
2014-02-06 10:59:05 AM  

Some Coke Drinking Guy: Let's see, shot himself in face, masturbates in inappropriate places, starts fires, this guy is the perfect example of someone who needs to be sent someplace that can keep himself and others safe from himself.  Just so long as the Catholic church isn't running the place, everything should be fine.


This article really made you think of the Catholic Church when there were so many other sources of humor?

If the church is that close to the front of your mind I think you really want to stop in. I promise everyone will be nice when you do.
 
2014-02-06 11:16:46 AM  
img.fark.net        static2.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-02-06 12:16:45 PM  
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-02-06 12:55:52 PM  
I really am freaked out by this dude... clearly he has SERIOUS mental health issues . I think he belongs locked up somewhere for his safety as well as the publics ...SWEET JEEBUS  he has a scary face ...
 
2014-02-06 01:04:17 PM  
To hell with telling young boys that beating off will make you blind and grow hair on your hands.

SHOW THEM THIS PICTURE
 
2014-02-06 02:13:38 PM  
Now we know why he masturbates.
 
2014-02-06 02:44:02 PM  
Sources say his face has NOT been pixellated to protect his identity..
 
2014-02-06 02:44:28 PM  
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
 
2014-02-06 03:16:05 PM  
I've always wondered.  What is the best way to kill yourself with a pistol?  Against the temple?  In the mouth pointing up?  In the mouth pointing back?  Under the chin?  Up the anus?

I'm not suicidal but it seems like it would be a good thing to know just in case I am in the terminal stages of some awful disease.

/This guy obviously did it the wrong way.
 
2014-02-06 03:32:14 PM  
Where did he stick the gun when he shot himself in the face?  Up his right nostril?
 
2014-02-06 04:15:35 PM  
only the Mormons can save him from his ungodly habit
 
2014-02-06 05:32:47 PM  

Fark Against the Machine: I've always wondered.  What is the best way to kill yourself with a pistol?  Against the temple?  In the mouth pointing up?  In the mouth pointing back?  Under the chin?  Up the anus?

I'm not suicidal but it seems like it would be a good thing to know just in case I am in the terminal stages of some awful disease.

/This guy obviously did it the wrong way.


When I was younger, our house was robbed by a guy who ate a gun in the mouth pointing up.  Ruined a lot of his face, but not as bad as this guy.  Also, a guy who held some hostages a while back around here had tried the temple, same failure.  My guess is that when you're shaking that bad and part of you doesn't want to, you might miss.  So anything where you can't back out at the last instant.
 
2014-02-06 07:49:36 PM  
i.chzbgr.com
 
2014-02-06 07:55:57 PM  
This also came to mind (odd that no one beat me to it):

www.finearttips.com

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-02-06 08:19:32 PM  

kling_klang_bed: This also came to mind (odd that no one beat me to it):


I thought Full Metal Jacket was one of the funniest movies I've seen.
 
2014-02-07 12:23:25 AM  
Bitter beer face
 
2014-02-07 03:50:14 PM  
It wasn't him, it was his evil twin.
 
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