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(Sun Sentinel)   Man decides the best solution to curb complaints about his constant masturbation is to start a fire   (sun-sentinel.com) divider line 80
    More: Florida, complaints, Hillsborough County Jail, flammable liquids  
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4372 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Feb 2014 at 4:55 AM (46 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



80 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2014-02-05 08:45:16 PM  
Gahhhh! A little warning would have been nice...
 
2014-02-05 08:47:31 PM  
gobbledygeekbtr.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-02-05 08:55:14 PM  

Tellingthem: Gahhhh! A little warning would have been nice...


No shiat! Someone used real-life Photoshop on that dude!

/ Kai's Power Goo FTW?
 
2014-02-05 09:05:48 PM  
friction burns
 
2014-02-05 09:22:37 PM  
I think this guy has... issues

/and more than one kind
 
2014-02-05 09:25:26 PM  
He didn't start the fire.  It was always burning while his hand was churning.
 
2014-02-05 09:31:27 PM  
Came for Arseface.
 
2014-02-05 09:33:23 PM  
... in his pants!!!
 
2014-02-05 09:35:24 PM  
How sour was that lemonade?
 
2014-02-05 09:35:53 PM  
I always thought you had to rub TWO sticks together to do that.

<i>Haskins, who's disfigured from when he shot himself in the face ... </i>

This guy really has trouble with where he shoots.
 
2014-02-05 09:38:34 PM  
If I looked like that, I'd masturbate in front of a window, too.  It's probably the only way he can pretend someone will ever love him.
 
2014-02-05 09:40:46 PM  

farkingismybusiness: [gobbledygeekbtr.files.wordpress.com image 631x236]


Beat me to it :)

/the greatest story ever told...
 
2014-02-05 09:43:39 PM  

Primitive Screwhead: farkingismybusiness: [gobbledygeekbtr.files.wordpress.com image 631x236]

Beat me to it :)

/the greatest story ever told...


share?
 
2014-02-05 09:52:57 PM  

ekdikeo4: Primitive Screwhead: farkingismybusiness: [gobbledygeekbtr.files.wordpress.com image 631x236]

Beat me to it :)

/the greatest story ever told...

share?


Preacher
It's not for everybody but I'll never read a better comic nor story that grabbed me by the cojones from the first to last page.
 
2014-02-05 10:29:49 PM  
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2014-02-05 10:47:15 PM  

Solid State Vittles: He didn't start the fire.  It was always burning while his hand was churning.


data1.whicdn.com
 
2014-02-05 10:56:32 PM  
Done in two.
 
2014-02-05 11:15:46 PM  
Give butt-face a permanent place to jerk off. A small room with heat and hot water and an internet connection and leave him alone.

It's the only thing keeping him from killing himself.
 
2014-02-05 11:39:46 PM  

jaylectricity: Give butt-face a permanent place to jerk off. A small room with heat and hot water and an internet connection and leave him alone.

It's the only thing keeping him from killing himself.


I kinda get the feeling we passed that point at least once

/maybe not with great results
 
2014-02-05 11:58:51 PM  
Jesus, that poor bastard. Can you imagine going thru life looking like that?
 
2014-02-06 12:46:39 AM  
i.imgur.com


Are you employed, Mr. Assface? Surely you don't go out  looking for a job dressed like that, do you?"
 
2014-02-06 05:06:10 AM  
I clicked on the article expecting Matthew McConaughey's mugshot and left with a big sad.
 
2014-02-06 05:07:26 AM  

Solid State Vittles: He didn't start the fire.  It was always burning while his hand was churning.


Look me up, when you get to hell. I've been invited to the Captain's table, and I'd be honored if you'd be my guest.
 
2014-02-06 05:07:46 AM  

fusillade762: Came for Arseface.


Gross.
 
2014-02-06 05:09:26 AM  

Primitive Screwhead: ekdikeo4: Primitive Screwhead: farkingismybusiness: [gobbledygeekbtr.files.wordpress.com image 631x236]

Beat me to it :)

/the greatest story ever told...

share?

Preacher
It's not for everybody but I'll never read a better comic nor story that grabbed me by the cojones from the first to last page.


This ^
 
2014-02-06 05:10:13 AM  

ekdikeo4: Primitive Screwhead: farkingismybusiness: [gobbledygeekbtr.files.wordpress.com image 631x236]

Beat me to it :)

/the greatest story ever told...

share?


It's a fantastic series. If you want it, I can email you the entirety.
 
2014-02-06 05:20:00 AM  
www.trbimg.com
is he from whoville?
 
2014-02-06 05:23:00 AM  
If I looked like that I'd wear a Bane mask at all times. And do the voice. Actually that doesn't sound too bad, as long as I can masturbate or in the alternative start fires.

Have we started the fire?
Yes, the fire rises.
 
2014-02-06 05:24:05 AM  
If he smokes afterwards, he's trying too hard.
 
2014-02-06 05:29:51 AM  
I don't normally recommend this, but maybe this guy should give it another shot. In the face.
 
2014-02-06 05:30:39 AM  

John Buck 41: Jesus, that poor bastard. Can you imagine going thru life looking like that?


Shot himself in the face. My sympathy is limited.
 
2014-02-06 05:30:41 AM  
Its pretty safe to assume that with a face like that, he won't be earning any top shelf toilet merlot.
 
2014-02-06 05:32:12 AM  
static2.wikia.nocookie.net
Hell, if I was disfigured like him, I would probably be a (more of a) chronic masturbator myself. He's already living a self-imposed life sentence for this actions.
 
2014-02-06 05:34:47 AM  
*clicks on link*

i.chzbgr.com
 
2014-02-06 05:35:55 AM  
Just a pyromaniac....
What do you want, what do you need?

/I want rock'n'roll, yes I do
//long live rock'n'roll
 
2014-02-06 05:47:58 AM  

Prophet of Loss: Hell, if I was disfigured like him, I would probably be a (more of a) chronic masturbator myself. He's already living a self-imposed life sentence for this actions.


No offense, but this guy obviously had problems before. Now he's a menace. He really should just finish the job. Otherwise he's just gonna freak out kids and be miserable anyway.
 
2014-02-06 05:51:12 AM  
i1.ytimg.com
 
2014-02-06 06:07:45 AM  
Let's see, shot himself in face, masturbates in inappropriate places, starts fires, this guy is the perfect example of someone who needs to be sent someplace that can keep himself and others safe from himself.  Just so long as the Catholic church isn't running the place, everything should be fine.
 
2014-02-06 06:22:09 AM  
If I had written that article, I would've omitted the paragraph explaining his disfigurement. Just leave the readers with nice tall cup of WTF?! for the day.

/that fella's got a face like an arse
 
2014-02-06 06:30:00 AM  

jaylectricity: Give butt-face a permanent place to jerk off. A small room with heat and hot water and an internet connection and leave him alone.

It's the only thing keeping him from killing himself.


He has (had, he burned it down) a place. All they asked of him was to close the door and the curtains.
 
2014-02-06 06:33:46 AM  

Tellingthem: Gahhhh! A little warning would have been nice...


Oh, for fark's sake. It's not like they showed him before the reconstructive surgery.

/Precious snowflakes, the lot of you.
 
2014-02-06 06:50:07 AM  
lulzindustries.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-02-06 06:53:20 AM  
Hey, it's Trashcan Man.
 
2014-02-06 07:02:11 AM  
Well, it worked.
 
2014-02-06 07:17:32 AM  
This is what we get for closing all the old mental hospitals.  Now the insane are all over the place.
 
2014-02-06 07:27:22 AM  

Spaghettiows: This is what we get for closing all the old mental hospitals.  Now the insane are all over the place.


I hear he was due for a Section 8 though.  He was just waiting for the paperwork to clear Division.
 
2014-02-06 07:38:35 AM  
img.fark.netimages4.wikia.nocookie.net

You just watch yourself. We're wanted men. I have the death sentence on twelve systems.
 
2014-02-06 07:44:47 AM  
When your good at furiously rubbing sticks
 
GCD
2014-02-06 07:51:37 AM  
If it was a hot chick, there would be no problem with her masturbating wherever she damn well pleased.
 
2014-02-06 08:35:13 AM  

Jesus McSordid: John Buck 41: Jesus, that poor bastard. Can you imagine going thru life looking like that?

Shot himself in the face. My sympathy is limited.


Yeah, I know. But still...
 
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