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(Huffington Post)   Nine historical 'facts' you think are true, but aren't   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 72
    More: Interesting, King Henry VIII, George Washington Carver, bald eagles, Lady Godiva, French artists, Incas, Et tu, Gauguin  
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11837 clicks; posted to Geek » on 05 Feb 2014 at 10:31 PM (29 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-02-05 06:56:16 PM
Who is the mythical "you" that these articles are always addressed to? They should really be titled "Nine things that the author always believed and just found out weren't true, so it's unpossible other people already knew them!".
 
2014-02-05 07:01:02 PM
List fails without Evolution
 
2014-02-05 07:18:30 PM

AntiGravitas: List fails without Evolution


Account created: 2014-01-31 17:24:45 (5 days ago)

Remember when trolls actually made an effort?
 
2014-02-05 07:25:43 PM
Pft.  Not a troll.  Making a humorous comment.
 
2014-02-05 07:30:28 PM

AntiGravitas: Pft.  Not a troll.  Making a humorous comment.


Humorous comments are generally funny to more than just the poster.
 
2014-02-05 07:52:37 PM
"a mistaken image of the ninja introduced by movies and comic books."

pid.bungie.org
 
2014-02-05 08:04:16 PM
This.  This is what happens when you get bought by AOL.
 
2014-02-05 08:04:39 PM

ManateeGag: AntiGravitas: Pft.  Not a troll.  Making a humorous comment.

Humorous comments are generally funny to more than just the poster.


Well, I thought it was pretty funny.
 
2014-02-05 08:19:12 PM

Langston: Well, I thought it was pretty funny.


I have a ball. Perhaps you'd like to bounce it.
 
2014-02-05 09:00:07 PM
I assume because they're not included on this list that I can safely go on believing that George Washington did chop down that cherry tree, that the Greeks did conquer Troy by hiding in a wooden horse, that Columbus did discover America, that the Declaration of Independence was signed on July 4, that Jesus Christ was born on Christmas, that John F. Kennedy did call himself a jelly doughnut, that Paul Revere did warn everybody that the British were coming, that the Emancipation Proclamation did free all the slaves, and that Miss O'Leary's cow did burn down Chicago. Stupid cow.

Hey, but ninjas didn't wear black. That's some real life knowledge there. Awesome article, you go.
 
2014-02-05 09:06:56 PM
#10. Ronald Reagan defeated Soviet communism.
 
2014-02-05 09:07:05 PM

Pocket Ninja: I assume because they're not included on this list that I can safely go on believing that George Washington did chop down that cherry tree, that the Greeks did conquer Troy by hiding in a wooden horse, that Columbus did discover America, that the Declaration of Independence was signed on July 4, that Jesus Christ was born on Christmas, that John F. Kennedy did call himself a jelly doughnut, that Paul Revere did warn everybody that the British were coming, that the Emancipation Proclamation did free all the slaves, and that Miss O'Leary's cow did burn down Chicago. Stupid cow.

Hey, but ninjas didn't wear black. That's some real life knowledge there. Awesome article, you go.


You're just bein' nit-picky
 
2014-02-05 09:52:26 PM

Cagey B: Langston: Well, I thought it was pretty funny.

I have a ball. Perhaps you'd like to bounce it.


I have two. Perhaps you'd like to bounce on them.
 
2014-02-05 10:00:52 PM
Actually ninja did wear black. Just in conjunction with other colors to make an apropriate fashion choice at the time. Mostly, ninja would look the same as any other Japanese doing the same day job. Just that in warfare, they liked to set fires at night and steal documents while the guards put out the fire.
 
2014-02-05 10:15:35 PM
List fails without Obama's Kenyan birth certificate.

See? A lie repeated often enough can become reality in the ears of many.
 
2014-02-05 10:38:19 PM

Pocket Ninja: I assume because they're not included on this list that I can safely go on believing that George Washington did chop down that cherry tree, that the Greeks did conquer Troy by hiding in a wooden horse, that Columbus did discover America, that the Declaration of Independence was signed on July 4, that Jesus Christ was born on Christmas, that John F. Kennedy did call himself a jelly doughnut, that Paul Revere did warn everybody that the British were coming, that the Emancipation Proclamation did free all the slaves, and that Miss O'Leary's cow did burn down Chicago. Stupid cow.

Hey, but ninjas didn't wear black. That's some real life knowledge there. Awesome article, you go.


Hell to the no! He was warning the British about us! Specifically, not to take our arms!
 
2014-02-05 10:50:03 PM

czetie: Who is the mythical "you" that these articles are always addressed to? They should really be titled "Nine things that the author always believed and just found out weren't true, so it's unpossible other people already knew them!".


I don't know about here in the States, but in the UK, "You" is assumed to be "The Man on the Clapham Omnibus".

Pocket Ninja: that John F. Kennedy did call himself a jelly doughnut


The notion that he didn't is technically correct, which is always the best kind of correct.  Also, the dead-on translation is what happens when you surround yourself with Ivy-Leaguers and run things by the State Dept.

I much prefer the variation most presidents now use in that sort of situation: "We are all people of..."
 
2014-02-05 10:52:05 PM

thamike: This.  This is what happens when you get bought by AOL.


I remember when the Straight Dope was briefly an AOL feature (anyone else remember the droll animated brain?), and some of these myths were deflated by Cecil himself.

Or, maybe only #9. But Cecil was there doing it long before the Internet, I tells ya.

/lawn
 
2014-02-05 10:53:18 PM

Pocket Ninja: that the Emancipation Proclamation did free all the slaves


It did.  And it made for great press.

It's a shame that everyone forgets that Lincoln was a railway lawyer (it's also a shame that we've forgotten what a railway lawyer was); he was an expert in contract law, so he drafted a document which freed all the slaves.[1]


[1]in the States currently held to be in "rebellion" and as a bonus he got to chose which ones those were, I believe.
 
2014-02-05 11:02:20 PM
2. George Washington Carver invented peanut butter

Ohh shiat. The Illuminutty must be freaking out right now.

images.wikia.com
 
2014-02-05 11:06:48 PM
Ninjas don't have to wear black because they've been in your pocket all along.
 
2014-02-05 11:11:34 PM
Ok, the van Gogh thing was half-assed. "Well, it wasn't his WHOLE ear, and he might not have been the one who cut it off, but we're not sure."

Why not "Napoleon was super-short"? That's a bit of bullshiat that still seems to have traction.

/Answer: Because your site sucks.
 
2014-02-05 11:12:56 PM

scottydoesntknow: 2. George Washington Carver invented peanut butter

Ohh shiat. The Illuminutty must be freaking out right now.

[images.wikia.com image 251x201]


I love that episode so much...

/I thought it was a magic backpack!
 
2014-02-05 11:14:33 PM

LordJiro: Ok, the van Gogh thing was half-assed. "Well, it wasn't his WHOLE ear, and he might not have been the one who cut it off, but we're not sure."

Why not "Napoleon was super-short"? That's a bit of bullshiat that still seems to have traction.

/Answer: Because your site sucks.


Well the stupid thing to me was that the opening paragraphs included 9 "wrong things you believe" and the second paragraph was, "So let's try to settle the score."

Then they went with 9 other things.
 
2014-02-05 11:17:57 PM

Iczer: scottydoesntknow: 2. George Washington Carver invented peanut butter

Ohh shiat. The Illuminutty must be freaking out right now.

[images.wikia.com image 251x201]

I love that episode so much...

/I thought it was a magic backpack!


That's one of my go-to episodes for anyone who hasn't watched the series. It's just hilarious all the way through.

/Count me out. I gave up sleuthing when the "Case of the Missing Bike Horn" turned into a double-rape homicide
 
2014-02-05 11:21:40 PM
What is this a rejected Cracked article?

I knew 1,2,3,7,8 and 9.  4 I never really considered anything other than a legend, 5 still seems ambiguous and is entirely irrelevant to everything, and 6 is basically just saying "But aside from all the things he did that you remember him for in the first place, Henry VIII wasn't always that way."
 
2014-02-05 11:25:15 PM

Dwight_Yeast: Pocket Ninja: that John F. Kennedy did call himself a jelly doughnut


The notion that he didn't is technically correct, which is always the best kind of correct.  Also, the dead-on translation is what happens when you surround yourself with Ivy-Leaguers and run things by the State Dept.

I much prefer the variation most presidents now use in that sort of situation: "We are all people of..."


He called himself a jelly doughnut much in the way that someone who says "I am a New Yorker" has just called themselves a magazine.
 
2014-02-05 11:35:39 PM
Carver did not invent peanut butter?   Well shoot, that kills a third of the stock Feb PSAs.
 
2014-02-05 11:37:29 PM

Pocket Ninja: I assume because they're not included on this list that I can safely go on believing that George Washington did chop down that cherry tree, that the Greeks did conquer Troy by hiding in a wooden horse, that Columbus did discover America, that the Declaration of Independence was signed on July 4, that Jesus Christ was born on Christmas, that John F. Kennedy did call himself a jelly doughnut, that Paul Revere did warn everybody that the British were coming, that the Emancipation Proclamation did free all the slaves, and that Miss O'Leary's cow did burn down Chicago. Stupid cow.


Well, be fair.  Given what we know about ancient Troy, we can't rule it out.  We also can't rule out the possibility that the war was won by Ancient Aliens.  About all we *can* say about Troy was that the war probably happened.

/My pet factoid that's not on the list?  Columbus proved that the world was round.
 
2014-02-05 11:38:11 PM
Also, I thought the whole "ninjas wear black" thing came from traditional Japanese theatre, where the stagehands wore black outfits, and since the audience was effectively trained to disregard the stagehands they often dressed character ninjas up as stagehands to shock the audience with their stealth when they revealed that they were characters in the play.
 
2014-02-05 11:54:12 PM

ManateeGag: AntiGravitas: Pft.  Not a troll.  Making a humorous comment.

Humorous comments are generally funny to more than just the poster.


I laughed on the inside. Perhaps you didn't get it?
 
2014-02-05 11:56:48 PM

ManateeGag: AntiGravitas: Pft.  Not a troll.  Making a humorous comment.

Humorous comments are generally funny to more than just the poster.


I thought it was funny. Lighten up Francis.
 
2014-02-06 12:03:39 AM

AntiGravitas: List fails without Evolution


I funny'd you.

And [welcometofark.jpg]
 
2014-02-06 12:37:59 AM

doglover: Actually ninja did wear black. Just in conjunction with other colors to make an apropriate fashion choice at the time. Mostly, ninja would look the same as any other Japanese doing the same day job. Just that in warfare, they liked to set fires at night and steal documents while the guards put out the fire.


You are the first person I've met that knows the proper plural of ninja other than myself.
 
2014-02-06 12:44:11 AM

neuroflare: doglover: Actually ninja did wear black. Just in conjunction with other colors to make an apropriate fashion choice at the time. Mostly, ninja would look the same as any other Japanese doing the same day job. Just that in warfare, they liked to set fires at night and steal documents while the guards put out the fire.

You are the first person I've met that knows the proper plural of ninja other than myself.


static3.wikia.nocookie.net

Master Splinter knew. "You are ninja, all of you."

/Ha, I made a funny!
 
2014-02-06 12:53:09 AM
When the first this it lists is that a work of fiction is a work of fiction, you know the rest are going to be a farking joke.
 
2014-02-06 12:58:36 AM

AntiGravitas: List fails without Evolution


shoulda gone full holocaust
 
2014-02-06 01:07:28 AM

Dwight_Yeast: so he drafted a document which freed all the slaves.[1]


[1]in the States currently held to be in "rebellion" and as a bonus he got to chose which ones those were, I believe.


That's the whole point being made. The Emancipation Proclamation, by its own terms, exempted slaves in areas held by the Union at the time of its proclamation. This included not just Union slave states like Missouri and Maryland and Kentucky, but also the several counties in and around New Orleans, for example, which were already held by the Union army.

It wasn't until the ratification of the 13th Amendment, shortly after the end of the war, that slavery was actually abolished throughout the United States.

This is indeed something of a quibbling technicality, but if asked why slavery is illegal in the United States today, the correct answer is the 13th Amendment, not the Emancipation Proclamation. I'm not sure what the point is supposed to be though, since Lincoln did help push the 13th Amendment through Congress, even if it wasn't ratified until a few months after his assassination.
 
2014-02-06 01:22:15 AM

ManateeGag: AntiGravitas: Pft.  Not a troll.  Making a humorous comment.

Humorous comments are generally funny to more than just the poster.


Most comments here are only funny to the person who posted it, what's your point?
 
2014-02-06 01:33:31 AM

AntiGravitas: Pft.  Not a troll.  Making a humorous comment.


Ya, you are a brand new addition to fark who went straight to totalfark on day 1.

fark off troll.
 
2014-02-06 01:37:40 AM

andrewagill: Pocket Ninja: I assume because they're not included on this list that I can safely go on believing that George Washington did chop down that cherry tree, that the Greeks did conquer Troy by hiding in a wooden horse, that Columbus did discover America, that the Declaration of Independence was signed on July 4, that Jesus Christ was born on Christmas, that John F. Kennedy did call himself a jelly doughnut, that Paul Revere did warn everybody that the British were coming, that the Emancipation Proclamation did free all the slaves, and that Miss O'Leary's cow did burn down Chicago. Stupid cow.

Well, be fair.  Given what we know about ancient Troy, we can't rule it out.  We also can't rule out the possibility that the war was won by Ancient Aliens.  About all we *can* say about Troy was that the war probably happened.

/My pet factoid that's not on the list?  Columbus proved that the world was round.


That one and "Francis Drake defeated the Spanish Armada".
 
2014-02-06 01:37:52 AM
Churchill2004:

That's the whole point being made. The Emancipation Proclamation, by its own terms, exempted slaves in areas held by the Union at the time of its proclamation. This included not just Union slave states like Missouri and Maryland and Kentucky, but also the several counties in and around New Orleans, for example, which were already held by the Union army.

It wasn't until the ratification of the 13th Amendment, shortly after the end of the war, that slavery was actually abolished throughout the United States.

This is indeed something of a quibbling technicality, but if asked why slavery is illegal in the United States today, the correct answer is the 13th Amendment, not the Emancipation Proclamation. I'm not sure what the point is supposed to be though, since Lincoln did help push the 13th Amendment through Congress, even if it wasn't ratified until a few months after his assassination.


The history that Lincoln was an abolitionist who preserved the republic through the civil war and brought about the end of legal slavery in America requires people south and east of a certain line to realize that their great great grandfathers supported legal slavery in America... in a trecherously violent fashion... it's easier for them to think that Lincoln was a tyrant who didn't give a fark about slavery and the civil war was about states rights... even if their own declarations of secession almost unanimously referenced slavery... and usually the fugitive slave act... which put them in opposition of states rights and in favor of slavery.
 
2014-02-06 01:46:19 AM

neuroflare: doglover: Actually ninja did wear black. Just in conjunction with other colors to make an apropriate fashion choice at the time. Mostly, ninja would look the same as any other Japanese doing the same day job. Just that in warfare, they liked to set fires at night and steal documents while the guards put out the fire.

You are the first person I've met that knows the proper plural of ninja other than myself.


I know a lot of Japanese words.
 
2014-02-06 01:48:15 AM
'Motto - Rebellion to Tyrants is Obedience to God. '

I could see the tea baggers using that.
 
2014-02-06 01:50:49 AM
About the only thing I learned from that was Godiva was a real person and not a character from some antique voyeur porn.
 
2014-02-06 02:03:18 AM

electricjebus: requires people south and east of a certain line to realize that their great great grandfathers supported legal slavery in America..


I'm from Arkansas. I'm white. You want to know what color the Civil War uniform that my grandmother still has is, in the small rural west Arkansas town in which she lives? Union blue. From Missouri. We came south *after* the war, as the original carpetbaggers. So try telling her this line about what our great-great-grandfather did or didn't do, just because we sound like Bill Clinton or Johnny Cash when we talk.

You factor in how many people have moved around, and how relatively few people in the US population of today even had direct ancestors who lived on this continent in 1865, and then the fact that secession didn't even have majority support in large chunks of the South at the time, and this little trope is conclusively false even if it was at all appropriate to judge somebody for what their great-great-grandfather did. Which it isn't. 

If you really want to go there, a good chunk of the men whose faces are still printed on our money owned slaves. Washington, Jefferson, Jackson, Madison. I don't say that to defend the Confederacy- I wouldn't and don't do that, at all- but just to point out that you don't hold Americans as a whole to the standard you're demanding of Southerners. 

tl;dr: You're not helping with this "Admit your that all of your direct personal ancestors were evil people!" stuff. 

electricjebus: and usually the fugitive slave act... which put them in opposition of states rights and in favor of slavery


The history of state-level resistance to the Fugitive Slave Act- I highly suggest anybody read about the Joshua Glover case in Wisconsin- is actually a great point in favor of "state's rights", or federalism to use the more proper and accurate term. The Federal government was not and is not always on the side of minorities.
 
2014-02-06 02:30:23 AM
History is fun.
img.fark.net
Even though we know dinosaurs survived the flood (on Noah's Ark) we don't know if Jesus ever rode them. But he probably did!
 
2014-02-06 02:41:56 AM

neuroflare: doglover: Actually ninja did wear black. Just in conjunction with other colors to make an apropriate fashion choice at the time. Mostly, ninja would look the same as any other Japanese doing the same day job. Just that in warfare, they liked to set fires at night and steal documents while the guards put out the fire.

You are the first person I've met that knows the proper plural of ninja other than myself.


So they're kinda like moose, then?
 
2014-02-06 03:47:45 AM
Churchill2004:

I'm from Arkansas. I'm white. You want to know what color the Civil War uniform that my grandmother still has is, in the small rural west Arkansas town in which she lives? Union blue. From Missouri. We came south *after* the war, as the original carpetbaggers. So try telling her this line about what our great-great-grandfather did or didn't do, just because we sound like Bill Clinton or Johnny Cash when we talk.

You factor in how many people have moved around, and how relatively few people in the US population of today even had direct ancestors who lived on this continent in 1865, and then the fact that secession didn't even have majority support in large chunks of the South at the time, and this little trope is conclusively false even if it was at all appropriate to judge somebody for what their great-great-grandfather did. Which it isn't. 

If you really want to go there, a good chunk of the men whose faces are still printed on our money owned slaves. Washington, Jefferson, Jackson, Madison. I don't say that to defend the Confederacy- I wouldn't and don't do that, at all- but just to point out that you don't hold Americans as a whole to the standard you're demanding of Southerners. 

tl;dr: You're not helping with this "Admit your that all of your direct personal ancestors were evil people!" stuff. 

The history of state-level resistance to the Fugitive Slave Act- I highly suggest anybody read about the Joshua Glover case in Wisconsin- is actually a great point in favor of "state's rights", or federalism to use the more proper and accurate term. The Federal government was not and is not always on the side of minorities.


Right, I'm addressing the people who think that the civil war was about states rights, which isn't necessarily the south today... which by the way is less segregated than the north is today.  Are you really old and had a grandmother who served in the civil war *there were some women, in fact the first American woman to win a medal of honor served in the civil war* or did your grandmother inherit the uniform? Not that it matters, I doubt she could have disagreed with my assertion that the civil war was about slavery.  Before the civil war there were decades of guerrilla warfare on the issue of slavery and preceding the civil war called bleeding Kansas, in fact the Battle Hymn of the Republic comes from the song John Brown's Body and is a reference to the conflict and his later raid on Harper's Ferry, and a Missourian would have known about it.

I'm American, I don't hold people responsible for the sins of their fathers unless the sons and daughters claim that they weren't sins.

The federal government absolutely wasn't in favor of minority rights leading up to the civil war, flying flags upside down as a means of political protest comes from the buildup to the civil war when US marines escorted a slave out of Boston to return him to the south.

My point is that the people defending the confederacy today can't say that the confederacy was fighting for states rights, as they specifically mentioned the fugitive slave act in the secession.
 
2014-02-06 04:57:26 AM
 
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