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(Daily Mail)   One in five women say they were "deeply disappointed" by their husband's proposal, with most complaining the diamond ring was too small, the proposal wasn't romantic enough and it wasn't done on bended knee before an audience of all her friends   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 235
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6700 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Feb 2014 at 8:21 AM (24 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-02-05 02:37:42 PM
I did end up surprising Mrs. Homely, but there were enough good vibes to make me feel safe about doing so.  We were lying in bed in the morning having a conversation, and I steered it to "What could I say to get you to run away from me?"  After a couple of ridiculous suppositions (I run off with a cheerleading squad, decide to get a sex change, etc.), I proposed.  After the initial surprise wore off, she enthusiastically said Yes.  Then we proceeded to have morning happy time...

This was done with no ring (she knows jewelry better than me), but with the understanding that we would pick one out.  She got what she wanted in a ring, while I got to maintain some sanity (and keep the budget from going sky high).  She loves the ring she has, but also understands and agrees that our relationship is far more than a piece of jewelry.

I suppose that each person has their motivations, but if it is all about "stuff", then you're better off to just write out a check and bid them a good day.  If, however, it is all about something you have between you, then no symbol will ever be enough to truly signify the meaning behind it.  As long as we can look into each other's eyes and still feel the same as (or even better than) we did back then, I believe that we'll do just fine.

4 years so far, plus a little over a year with Little Homely, so I can't complain...
 
2014-02-05 02:53:07 PM

costermonger: I owe that guy a beer.


My son-in-law wanted to propose to my daughter at Jazzfest in New Orleans. We live in NorCal. During the trip, as he was going through security (this would be the spring of 2007) he had the ring in his carry-on. This very large female TSA agent found the ring box, lifted it out of his carry-on, and announced at TOP VOLUME "And what IS THIS?"

She opened it, saw what it was, and then quickly glanced at my daughter who (thankfully) was two or three people down the line and had not quite seen what it was. "OH! CUFFLINKS!" the TSA agent said, and stuffed it back into the carry-on.

My SIL, when telling the story, was "That was the closest I ever came to punching a woman."

I still hold no jury would have convicted him.
 
2014-02-05 03:19:15 PM

ThighsofGlory: Bruce Campbell: ThighsofGlory: Her misery entertains you? You're a catch.

Don'tcha know.  About 2 minutes of misery followed by nothing but elation.  She thought it was as funny as I did.  14 years together so far without anything more than the minor argument that is resolved in an hour or two.

Your lacking in sense of humor probably makes you the penultimate party guest.

I doubt I'll miss your sparkling repartee.


I do have a rapist wit.
 
2014-02-05 03:23:57 PM

scottydoesntknow: CSB:

I proposed to my girlfriend at the Astros-Yankees game at the end of last season. Got it on the Jumbotron and everything.

And the funny thing is, prior to meeting her, I always thought those stadium proposals were stupid. The girl almost never seems interested and there's always the possibility of a 'no'.

But she is a die-hard Yankees fan and I knew what the answer would be. I didn't even tell her I had tickets to the game until two weeks prior. I would've waited longer, but we saw a commercial for the game and she let out a huge sigh that she was so sad she couldn't go.

I was more nervous than I have ever been in my life. Had the ring in my left pocket (at one point she sat so close to me while waiting to leave that she sat ON the ring box) and kept nervously looking around the stadium waiting for the bottom of the 5th inning. Luckily she was so excited about seeing the Yankees that I don't think anything would've distracted her.

The best part was her (and my) entire family were also at the game, one section over and about 30 rows up. We had it planned perfectly so she never saw them. After I proposed and she said yes, I pointed to our family and she just went crazy. She thought we were alone at the stadium and was blown away.

Best night of our lives. Here's a video of it on Youtube. It's not set to public, but I figured I might as well share it here to my internet family: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGToWOZfteI

And guys, if you want to do a proposal at a game, you need to A) make sure she is a BIG fan of a team and get tickets to see that team. And B) MAKE SURE YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER!

/CSB


I was there and remember that.  That's kind of awesome.  Congratulations.

/yay free tickets
 
2014-02-05 03:33:09 PM

tlars699: Fafai: Epic Fap Session: It's also telling that the only judgmental pricks in this thread are the one that insist you must not do anything traditional or chivalrous because it's emasculating and pathetic. There's not much support for the reverse: that you must buy a big ring and make a grand gesture or you're less than a man.

That's not the reverse. Everything you listed here is all in the same 'women are worth more than men by default' camp.

Ant: WTF? If that's truly how you see the world, don't bother getting married, and make damn sure you never have kids!

How about you not tell me what to do? My marriage and my kid are both awesome.

You go on bended knee because she has the baby making prowess, and that is why you honor her.

You want her to have your babies(talk about commitments)? You need to prove your worth to her. That you can provide a good life for the both of you, because here's a completely useless except socially display of wealth.

And a woman's worth (socially/culturally speaking) is automatically derived from the ring, because that's what he bought her commitment with to make babies with him for life; the ring.

You're right, really, it's utter derived nonsense, and for some reason women are supposed to want it this way, even though they are being bribed to make babies.
You are supposed to go on bended knee, but women are worth more than just a ring.

It does not benefit women more to be married. It just makes their social status a bit higher, whereas men get a baby maker(for life) for really absurdly cheap prices.

Seriously. Look at paying someone to be a surrogate mother. You're not even using her eggs, just her womb, and it's 15,000-25,000 for 9 months.



When you look at the long term cost of a wife  (cars, jewelry, pet projects, etc...) that's really not a bad price, just sayin.  Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with my wife, but women are pretty high maintenance most of the time.  If you can budget for a surrogate I think financially you would be better off in the long run.

I'm just trying to be objective.
 
2014-02-05 03:42:41 PM
"MEN! DON'T TRY TO BE CLEVER! The men in these stories were hapless idiots, but SO ARE YOU! They all tried to be original! To think differently! DO NOT DO THIS! Be unoriginal! Think same-ily! The acceptable romantic gestures are in order! Flowers! Dinner! Presents of something she mentioned ages ago and then forgot about! A proposal should be somewhere nice, with a ring, private enough for her to say no if she wants to! Men only get away with any variation on these in Hollywood movies, and that's because the same person gets to write What He Does and What She Thinks About It! You don't get to do that! So stick to the stuff that works! AND ALWAYS KEEP THE RECEIPT!"
 
2014-02-05 03:56:27 PM

Epic Fap Session: This thread will get much better once the Fark Misogyny Brigade shows up to tell their hard luck stories.


Oh, well nevermind then...


/realized years later, a bullet was dodged
 
2014-02-05 03:57:02 PM
sethen320:

When you look at the long term cost of a wife  (cars, jewelry, pet projects, etc...) that's really not a bad price, just sayin.  Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with my wife, but women are pretty high maintenance most of the time.  If you can budget for a surrogate I think financial ...

Given that we are trending towards women having the higher income in the household, methinks you're not truly being serious.

Then again, at this time of that post, neither really was I.
I was just trolling Falai to show how stupid his comment " (ALL) Women want marriage more than (all) men" was.
 
2014-02-05 04:00:16 PM

tlars699: sethen320:

When you look at the long term cost of a wife  (cars, jewelry, pet projects, etc...) that's really not a bad price, just sayin.  Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with my wife, but women are pretty high maintenance most of the time.  If you can budget for a surrogate I think financial ...

Given that we are trending towards women having the higher income in the household, methinks you're not truly being serious.

Then again, at this time of that post, neither really was I.
I was just trolling Falai to show how stupid his comment " (ALL) Women want marriage more than (all) men" was.


I make a substantially my than my wife, so my view is biased.  It was half-trolling I guess.
 
2014-02-05 04:20:14 PM
tlars699:
I was just trolling Falai to show how stupid his comment " (ALL) Women want marriage more than (all) men" was.

It's not like that. If we could measure units of desire and then total up the desire for marriage and then divide that number into men and women then one of three things would happen:

1. men's desire for marriage would be greater than women's.
2. women desire for marriage would be greater than men's.
3. Men's and women's desire for marriage would be equal.

Mathematically speaking, 3 is highly unlikely to happen given any given topic. So the answer is 1 or 2. My money's on 2. I could be wrong, but I can't find any real studies on this. Feel free to provide some of your own. If I'm wrong I'm wrong. But if I'm wrong I'll still opine that it would be better if gender roles were less rigid and more women felt free to propose to men.

And kudos for doing that, BTW. I was in a rush with my last post and the humor in the discrepancy between your own experiences and your belief in the matter struck me more immediately than giving you props for having the courage to propose. I do mean that. You're cool in my book.
 
2014-02-05 04:28:37 PM
csb:  A friend of mine was goin out with one of our friends for a couple years.  Got a good job with her father at a major gas company around here.  Was building a house with cash as he went.  She was getting anxois and wanted a proposal to know that they were going somewhere.  He takes her out of town with a nice ring in his pocket.  Proposes and all that.  Gets back to town and overhears her biatcing to her friends how the ring was to small and the house is taking to long to get built.  This girl used to be one of our punker friends and I never thought she would buy into the hype and would have been happy not having a house payment.  He kicked her to the curb, told her father to "take this job and shove it" and now builds motorcycles for a living and now with a kick a** redhead.
 
2014-02-05 04:42:19 PM

darkjezter: Proposing to a woman in front of an audience has always seemed like kind of an asshole move to me.  It puts her on the spot and makes her too embarrassed to say no.


This.

But if you're an attention whore (as many women and some men are), it probably seems like an ideal way to make everybody look at you.

Women see shiat in movies and think that's how it's supposed to happen in real life. Because they're stupid (the women who think like this).
 
2014-02-05 04:45:14 PM

tlars699: That you do a little song and dance to trick them into thinking "My man really cares about me and wants me to be happy" is small change, so stop complaining.


Missed this the first time around. I find it sad but telling that you seem to think it impossible for a man to get this message across without resorting to trickery.

/and I'm the one with warped views on love and marriage *rolleyes*
 
2014-02-05 05:14:12 PM
It should be done like skyrim.
 
2014-02-05 05:28:44 PM

thurstonxhowell: Had she asked the moment she wanted it, I would have had to say "maybe".


Yes because why teach people that they don't get what they want by asking for it the very moment it occurs to them that they want it. Who would think that teaching them to wait and weigh the pros and cons of making these serious impulse decisions would be to their benefit?
 
2014-02-05 05:55:14 PM

Fafai: tlars699: That you do a little song and dance to trick them into thinking "My man really cares about me and wants me to be happy" is small change, so stop complaining.

Missed this the first time around. I find it sad but telling that you seem to think it impossible for a man to get this message across without resorting to trickery.

/and I'm the one with warped views on love and marriage *rolleyes*


The entirety of jewelry purchasing is trickery and foolishness imo.

Of course, when I meet the right gal if trinkets please her... Well she'll get all the trinkets I can manage.

And hopefully treat my desires for things non-trinket in the same way
 
2014-02-05 05:59:30 PM
What's more important, the proposal or the man proposing?   I'm not trying to bash women in general, because men can be imbeciles too, but I think some women out there have an overly romantic idea of the proposal/marriage in general.  Whatever happened to the fellow loves you with all his heart and has done the best he knows how to?  If you don't like him, don't marry him.
 
2014-02-05 07:26:17 PM

Gary-L: darkjezter: Proposing to a woman in front of an audience has always seemed like kind of an asshole move to me.  It puts her on the spot and makes her too embarrassed to say no.

I've seen it happen at a local sporting event.  Dude comes out on the ice rink with a swagger while the announcer rambles on, pointing out girlfriend's location in the stands.  The guy drops to one knee in a (barf) symbolic act with one hand outstretched.  She shook her head "No" and bailed.

The spectacle would have been complete had there been a a rendition of "Wahh, wah, wah, waaaahhhhhhh" playing over the PA.


I'd say "yes" just to be a good sport and avoid more of a spectacle, but I wouldn't feel guilty if I had to later tell him I didn't mean it. In fact, I'd probably dump the guy after rudely putting me on the spot like that. Actually, I don't even date marriage minded men anymore as I see no purpose for marriage. But, to each his own.
 
2014-02-05 09:46:19 PM
Is  Fafai really working this hard to rail against the inequity of kneeling for a marriage proposal, a tradition has existed since the time when the women would take the man's name, be expected to not have or drop her career or outside interests to raise children that would also bear only his name, and spend her days as an unpaid house servant who, in some states could legally be physically chastised for disobedience?

Kneeling says nothing about the balance of power in a marriage.  It never has and it still doesn't. That depends on the couple.  I always took it more as an equalizing gesture historically, given the above.  Maybe it's now outdated, like taking your husband's name, but it's been around so long that it's just associated with romance so if you like that kind of thing...meh
 
2014-02-05 10:03:16 PM
Hey men....

Don't marry biatches. Marry someone who loves you for who you are. If she criticizes you for everything you do? Dump her. If she doesn't want you to be with your friends? Dump her. If she tries to be your farking mother and not your spouse? Dump her. If you make an effort to propose to her and she says "meh"? Dump her. Not all women are farking psychos. Some of us actually have level heads on our shoulders. For every crazy broad out there, there's another smart woman that's out there waiting for you. If you date a woman that's a complete crazy psycho broad and you marry her, pardon me if I play the tiniest violin during your divorce.
 
2014-02-05 10:55:44 PM
My "proposal" was "hey we've been together for five years, wanna get married?" while laying in bed before sleep.  Not very romantic.  But you know what was meaningful?  My commitment.

/we've been together for more than half our lives and still going
//or; the majority of our lives have been shared together
 
2014-02-06 06:46:00 AM

tiamet4: Is Fafai really working this hard to rail against the inequity of kneeling for a marriage proposal, a tradition has existed since the time when the women would take the man's name, be expected to not have or drop her career or outside interests to raise children that would also bear only his name, and spend her days as an unpaid house servant who, in some states could legally be physically chastised for disobedience?


But see that's all in the past. My wife didn't take my name or drop her career, I do more of the housework since she works longer hours, and while my boy does have my surname I was open to the idea of changing that tradition as well. I said we could talk about alternatives, like if it's a boy he takes my name or a girl hers, for example, but she wasn't interested in that. ...So why should all those historical trends change but not the other way? Because it's 'associated with romance?' Men probably thought the same thing about complete sexual submission of their women at some point. I'm sure many still do.

But mostly it somes back to sexism and protecting women's supposedly super-fragile sensitivities. The biggest argument I've heard in here is "if women ask, men might say no." Yeah god forbid women don't get exactly what they want the very moment they want it. Then there'd really be hell to pay amirite? Boy those wimmins sure are emotionally volatile. Better to let the man risk rejection or else someone might get a frying pan over the head. This is how we are treating women, like they're children who can't handle not getting their way. Also we're treating men like they are less worthy to join in the union. How romantic.
 
2014-02-06 07:44:40 AM

Fafai: tiamet4: Is Fafai really working this hard to rail against the inequity of kneeling for a marriage proposal, a tradition has existed since the time when the women would take the man's name, be expected to not have or drop her career or outside interests to raise children that would also bear only his name, and spend her days as an unpaid house servant who, in some states could legally be physically chastised for disobedience?

But see that's all in the past. My wife didn't take my name or drop her career, I do more of the housework since she works longer hours, and while my boy does have my surname I was open to the idea of changing that tradition as well. I said we could talk about alternatives, like if it's a boy he takes my name or a girl hers, for example, but she wasn't interested in that. ...So why should all those historical trends change but not the other way? Because it's 'associated with romance?' Men probably thought the same thing about complete sexual submission of their women at some point. I'm sure many still do.

But mostly it somes back to sexism and protecting women's supposedly super-fragile sensitivities. The biggest argument I've heard in here is "if women ask, men might say no." Yeah god forbid women don't get exactly what they want the very moment they want it. Then there'd really be hell to pay amirite? Boy those wimmins sure are emotionally volatile. Better to let the man risk rejection or else someone might get a frying pan over the head. This is how we are treating women, like they're children who can't handle not getting their way. Also we're treating men like they are less worthy to join in the union. How romantic.


I don't buy into any of that.  My husband wanted to get married before I did, although by the time he proposed we both wanted to and had discussed it (which is becoming more and more common than "popping the question"), he got down on one knee because he wanted to (I didn't ask and didn't feel strongly either way).  I didn't take his name because he didn't care and clients knew me by my maiden name.  We both work and I do most of the housework and cooking because I'm the better cook and have the more flexible schedule.  We both make silly romantic gestures to each other without thinking about the implications because we both respect each other. If one person, male or female is demanding the other do something they feel is demeaning "because tradition" and "there's hell to pay" if they don't, there's something wrong with that relationship. However, if you're mature adults you can mix practicality and silly traditions as appropriate to make each other happy and not worry about who's on top.

\It's not like I haven't frequently been on my knees for him before or since the proposal/wedding.
 
2014-02-06 07:59:22 AM

tiamet4: Fafai: tiamet4: Is Fafai really working this hard to rail against the inequity of kneeling for a marriage proposal, a tradition has existed since the time when the women would take the man's name, be expected to not have or drop her career or outside interests to raise children that would also bear only his name, and spend her days as an unpaid house servant who, in some states could legally be physically chastised for disobedience?

But see that's all in the past. My wife didn't take my name or drop her career, I do more of the housework since she works longer hours, and while my boy does have my surname I was open to the idea of changing that tradition as well. I said we could talk about alternatives, like if it's a boy he takes my name or a girl hers, for example, but she wasn't interested in that. ...So why should all those historical trends change but not the other way? Because it's 'associated with romance?' Men probably thought the same thing about complete sexual submission of their women at some point. I'm sure many still do.

But mostly it somes back to sexism and protecting women's supposedly super-fragile sensitivities. The biggest argument I've heard in here is "if women ask, men might say no." Yeah god forbid women don't get exactly what they want the very moment they want it. Then there'd really be hell to pay amirite? Boy those wimmins sure are emotionally volatile. Better to let the man risk rejection or else someone might get a frying pan over the head. This is how we are treating women, like they're children who can't handle not getting their way. Also we're treating men like they are less worthy to join in the union. How romantic.

I don't buy into any of that.  My husband wanted to get married before I did, although by the time he proposed we both wanted to and had discussed it (which is becoming more and more common than "popping the question"), he got down on one knee because he wanted to (I didn't ask and didn't feel strongly either way).  I ...


tiamet4: I don't buy into any of that. My husband wanted to get married before I did, although by the time he proposed we both wanted to and had discussed it (which is becoming more and more common than "popping the question"), he got down on one knee because he wanted to (I didn't ask and didn't feel strongly either way). I didn't take his name because he didn't care and clients knew me by my maiden name. We both work and I do most of the housework and cooking because I'm the better cook and have the more flexible schedule. We both make silly romantic gestures to each other without thinking about the implications because we both respect each other. If one person, male or female is demanding the other do something they feel is demeaning "because tradition" and "there's hell to pay" if they don't, there's something wrong with that relationship. However, if you're mature adults you can mix practicality and silly traditions as appropriate to make each other happy and not worry about who's on top.

\It's not like I haven't frequently been on my knees for him before or since the proposal/wedding.


Kneeling is fine so long as it fits the dynamic of the relationship. It shouldn't be the expected standard when proposing is what I'm saying, especially when it's only expected of one gender and not the other. I'm sure everyone will think that their proposal was unique and personal and that they would have kneeled whether it was tradition or not because they were just expressing themselves genuinely but for how many people can that really be true? If the gesture really was based on the personal relationship and not dictated by tradition, then we'd have more women proposing down on one knee or otherwise.
 
2014-02-06 07:59:29 AM

The Precious: Hey men....

Don't marry biatches. Marry someone who loves you for who you are. If she criticizes you for everything you do? Dump her. If she doesn't want you to be with your friends? Dump her. If she tries to be your farking mother and not your spouse? Dump her. If you make an effort to propose to her and she says "meh"? Dump her.


You forgot about the door test.
 
2014-02-06 08:43:57 AM

apotheosis27: danielscissorhands: [cache.reelz.com image 610x355]

THIS.

/I knew I had you favorited for a reason.


Danke schön, herr apotheosis!
 
2014-02-06 09:01:14 AM
Fafai: The bended knee thing is just a farking disgrace. I don't know how any man who did that can ever look himself in the mirror, TBH. Talk about selling yourself short.

Fafai: If you're considering proposing, ask your woman if she thinks the kneeling proposal is romantic. If she finds it romantic, she's totally out of touch with the way the modern world works and you're probably better off dumping her ass. If she says it's dumb, congrats you got a keeper.

Fafai: Kneeling is fine so long as it fits the dynamic of the relationship.

Someone's meds must have kicked in
 
2014-02-06 09:08:01 AM

Epic Fap Session: Fafai: The bended knee thing is just a farking disgrace. I don't know how any man who did that can ever look himself in the mirror, TBH. Talk about selling yourself short.

Fafai: If you're considering proposing, ask your woman if she thinks the kneeling proposal is romantic. If she finds it romantic, she's totally out of touch with the way the modern world works and you're probably better off dumping her ass. If she says it's dumb, congrats you got a keeper.

Fafai: Kneeling is fine so long as it fits the dynamic of the relationship.

Someone's meds must have kicked in


That dynamic pretty much means the guy accepts that his wife is getting the short end of the stick and is being apologetic about historical trends (instead of, say, working to actually break those trends). If that's you, knock yourself out. But there are a whole whack of other people just doing it because they're 'supposed to.' I look down at either option, but people in the first instance are at least being honest with themselves.
 
2014-02-06 09:11:00 AM
Epic Fap Session:
Fafai: Kneeling is fine so long as it fits the dynamic of the relationship.

The question is how often is that the case? Every single guy will claim so. But if that were true these roles wouldn't be so rigid. So my cynicism here is quite valid.
 
2014-02-06 09:53:47 AM

Fafai: Epic Fap Session:
Fafai: Kneeling is fine so long as it fits the dynamic of the relationship.

The question is how often is that the case? Every single guy will claim so. But if that were true these roles wouldn't be so rigid. So my cynicism here is quite valid.


You're over-thinking it.
 
2014-02-06 11:36:38 AM
Witness99:
You're over-thinking it.

Yeah well someone should probably compensate for all the under-thinking that goes on when people just do shiat because 'that's how it's always been done' without any regard to the larger societal implications.
 
2014-02-06 11:53:58 AM
It's easier to look up a woman's skirt from the knelling position. See? Everybody gets something.
 
2014-02-06 12:18:36 PM
Hey,  Epic Fap Session, when your FARK handle inevitably becomes your reality several years into the marriage I hope you remember this thread and reconsider how you feel about your decision to kneel like a biatch at that fateful, magical moment. Good luck!
 
2014-02-06 12:22:27 PM

Fafai: Hey,  Epic Fap Session, when your FARK handle inevitably becomes your reality several years into the marriage I hope you remember this thread and reconsider how you feel about your decision to kneel like a biatch at that fateful, magical moment. Good luck!


You display symptoms of sociopathy.
 
2014-02-06 03:46:34 PM
I see that British women can be shallow, self-serving biatches too.
 
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