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(Salt Lake Tribune)   "Utah study will scan brains of returned Mormon missionaries." error, bleeeeep..... CALIBRATE MACHINE ERROR_PATH_NOT_FOUND x69drnk-e932200stoopid23   (sltrib.com) divider line 8
    More: Amusing, Mormon missionaries, Mormons, Utah, missionary  
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3165 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Feb 2014 at 9:00 AM (42 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-02-05 02:22:01 PM  
1 votes:
DeArmondVI:

We had to report our activities for the day nightly to our district leader, who would then relay that info to the zone leader, who would then report it to the assistants to the mission president. We would have weekly district meetings where we would get reamed by the disctrict leader for not meeting quotas, as well as occasional zone meeting where the zone leader would ream us for not meeting quotas, along with multi-zone meetings where the mission president and the assistants to the mission president would ream us for not meeting quotas. Oh yeah, and we would also have a one on one meeting with the mission president every two months in order to be reamed for not meeting quotas.

Did you remember to use the new cover sheet on your TPS reports?
2014-02-05 02:03:09 PM  
1 votes:

HammerHeadSnark: DeArmondVI: An official part of the rules is that missionaries aren't allowed to swim because Satan controls the water. Non missionary Mormons can swim, but because missionaries are super special agents of good, Satan allocates most of his available magic points for water spells on missionaries.

I was in Brazil for the two years I was a missionary, and never once while I was down there did I get to hit up a beach. Thankfully I returned years later as an exmormon and got to find plenty worth enjoying :  D

Well, that's, uh, pretty weird, I guess. Satan working his evil powers in the water and all.

While reading your post it occurred to me that a couple of years ago when Romney was running for president I'd read about "Mormon magic underwear" that they aren't supposed to take off -- and had an interesting way of showering by continuing to stay draped in it, shifting it around so as to never be completely naked. If that is true, I can see how maybe going to the beach might be awkward.

So is the magic underwear story true? Oh, here's this: Temple Garments

Maybe as missionaries they haven't been to the temple yet . . . so nothing special in the underwear department -- yet.


Actually you can't go on a mission until you've been to the temple. It's a requirement. While there are a few literalists who strive to never take off their garments, most Mormons are fine with removing them for three things: recreation, sanitation, and procreation.

What's interesting about the site you linked to, is that the article was written by the More Good Foundation. While I've never heard of the group, the phrase "More Good" has a funny history. When asked what the word "Mormon" meant, Joseph Smith said that it was actually two words from Egyptian: "mon" meaning good, and "mor" which, like its English homonym, means "more." Thus, the word "Mormon" means, quite literally, "more good" in ancient Egyptian.

It is, I'm sure, of no consequence that the Rosetta Stone was not located until well after Joseph Smith was killed. I mean, prior to its discovery people could literally make up anything they wanted when it came to the ancient Egyptian language.

Apparently the More Good Foundation was started by the same guy who started JetBlue. I'm thinking of a JetBlue/Mormon apologist hybrid joke, but I got nothing. Maybe a joke will take flight in my mind a couple of hours down the road.
2014-02-05 01:15:39 PM  
1 votes:

HammerHeadSnark: So, no going to the beach then. Except maybe on Mondays . . . and only then to write home. In Seattle we get missionaries (from Utah, I guess). I don't believe they needed passports to get outta Dodge.

One night abut 8:30 two young guys that I was sure were missionaries asked me about bus service to their home. I pointed out to them that the nearest bus was about three miles away -- up a giant hill and down the other side. After I got home I got in my car and went looking for them to give them a ride . . . they'd disappeared. Miracle? Did someone else give them a ride -- that'd be a miracle, too? Only God knows what became of them.

Thanks for sharing your story. It was interesting. When my mom was in the hospital -- not dying, but some people thought she might be -- some Mormons came and anointed her with oil. She thought that was pretty cool.


An official part of the rules is that missionaries aren't allowed to swim because Satan controls the water. Non missionary Mormons can swim, but because missionaries are super special agents of good, Satan allocates most of his available magic points for water spells on missionaries.

I was in Brazil for the two years I was a missionary, and never once while I was down there did I get to hit up a beach. Thankfully I returned years later as an exmormon and got to find plenty worth enjoying :  D
2014-02-05 11:11:08 AM  
1 votes:

Some Coke Drinking Guy: As an ex-Mormon, who is also an ex-Mormon missionary, I think that is is wonderful that someone is finally doing a serious PTSD study on them.  Being a missionary is an exercise in two years of emotional abuse.  Every second of your day is controlled through a mixture of rules and guilt.  You see, you should be baptizing hundreds of people on your mission, because the church's message is thought to be just so amazing.  Since nobody does this, or even comes anywhere near the official church goals, the blame is naturally placed on the shoulders of every teenage missionary who as ever served, rather than on the message itself.

You see, it is your fault that no one is joining God's one true church.  That time you slept in five minutes past 6am, or didn't get back until a few minutes past your 9pm curfew, you are tarnished, and no one can feel the spirit when you talk.  Oh, and let's not even talk about that time you stayed more than an hour in someones home, or didn't knock on enough doors.  You know you are supposed to knock on enough doors, so that precisely 30 people either invite you in, or tell you to go to hell.  If you only had faith, people would open the door before slamming it on your face, so that you could record them as on official statistic, rather than peep out the peep hole, before ignoring you, which you know does not count.

Then let's not forget that the only thing you are allowed to read, watch, or listen to, are scriptures and church magazine articles, church produced movies that you show to the lonely old or mentally ill people, who are the only ones who will listen to you, and CDs of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.  And if you listen to regular music, take too long in the shower, or leave your companions sight for any reason, other than to use the restroom, the other guy will call the old man who runs the mission, and you will than be forced to listen to a lecture, about how your moral failings are keeping people from joining the church.

Oh, and do ...


Thanks for bringing these memories back up.
2014-02-05 09:33:00 AM  
1 votes:

furterfan: PunGent:  Yeah, the Mormon belief system is weird, but no weirder than most other religions, once you drill down far enough.

As an Ex-mo, I would tend to disagree. their farked up belief system screws up people's private lives. Bishops have private, one-on-one, behind locked door interviews with male and female youth and routinely ask personal questions about masturbation and sexual activity. they take 10% of your income and - as far as I can find out - are the only religion in the world who will deny a parent seeing their children get married, unless the said parents are church members AND HAVE PAID THEIR 10%.

the. only. religion.in.the.world
who will separate friends and family from a wedding ceremony
evil, vile cult


Scientology also does that, so, you know. There's that.
2014-02-05 09:22:11 AM  
1 votes:
Oh yes, so hilarious! They're religious so they must have no brains! I GET IT!
2014-02-05 09:13:53 AM  
1 votes:
Hello do you have a minute to ask me questions that will make me challenge the beliefs that have been brainwashed into me?
2014-02-05 09:10:29 AM  
1 votes:

FLMountainMan: Can we do these headlines with Muslims too?  Or is it just Mormons?


[rolleyes] yah because no one has ever made any derogatory comments about Muslims

/when was the last time a Muslim knocked at your door trying to sell their crazy farked up way of life?
 
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