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(Arizona Star)   Woman mounts diarrhea defense in hit-and-run crash   (azstarnet.com) divider line 59
    More: Interesting, Draper's Oro Valley, diarrhea  
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4344 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Feb 2014 at 10:25 PM (10 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



59 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-02-04 08:46:29 PM
Well, she did come back. And she brought gifts for everyone.
 
2014-02-04 09:22:55 PM
Draper drove to a nearby grocery store to use the restroom. While there, she bought the dinner rolls. After leaving the store, less than 45 minutes later

45 minutes to shiat and buy rolls? That must have been some shiat.
 
2014-02-04 09:24:19 PM
This woman wants me on her jury.
 
2014-02-04 09:55:56 PM
Well, that sounds like a crock of...

/margarine
//She forgot the margarine
 
2014-02-04 10:26:55 PM
You missed an 's', subby.
 
2014-02-04 10:27:34 PM
That's a shiatty excuse
 
2014-02-04 10:27:40 PM
So if I'm arrested for a hit and run crash, I should use the defense that a woman mounts diarrhea?

Got it.
 
2014-02-04 10:30:18 PM
People say it's gross, but it's really good on toast.
 
2014-02-04 10:30:31 PM
I love that she likely didn't wash her hands at the gas station and got her diarrhea germs all over the package of dinner rolls, which she then handed off to her church..
 
2014-02-04 10:33:36 PM

The My Little Pony Killer: I love that she likely didn't wash her hands at the gas station and got her diarrhea germs all over the package of dinner rolls, which she then handed off to her church..


seriously threw up in my mouth a little.

i don't believe her anyhow.  she is still disgusting.
 
2014-02-04 10:34:04 PM

OnceMoreWithFeeling: This woman wants me on her jury.


This right here. If my intestines are acting up and you're between me and a shiatter, you'd best watch out because I will bowl you over whether I'm driving or walking with my cheeks clinched up.
 
2014-02-04 10:34:06 PM
They can't really let her off the hook here, but I'm pretty sure her age and degree of befuddlement will be taken into account at sentencing - I do think it is reasonable to ask her to give up the car keys now, though.
 
2014-02-04 10:36:48 PM

The My Little Pony Killer: I love that she likely didn't wash her hands at the gas station and got her diarrhea germs all over the package of dinner rolls, which she then handed off to her church..


NO. JUST NO.
 
2014-02-04 10:38:09 PM
"While I was on my way that's when the accident occurred."

Loaded statement.

------

/I want to commend fark for the "quote" improvement. It's better than nothing.
 
2014-02-04 10:40:02 PM

fusillade762: Draper drove to a nearby grocery store to use the restroom. While there, she bought the dinner rolls. After leaving the store, less than 45 minutes later

45 minutes to shiat and buy rolls? That must have been some shiat.


In her dubious defense, she's 92 years old.
 
2014-02-04 10:41:03 PM

fusillade762: Draper drove to a nearby grocery store to use the restroom. While there, she bought the dinner rolls. After leaving the store, less than 45 minutes later

45 minutes to shiat and buy rolls? That must have been some shiat.


Well she was 92 years old. You have to think about what it must be like to force 3 gallons of raw liquid fecal matter out of an anus that has had that long of a run. With metamucil shavings stuck to foul-smelling death launched into the toilet bowl like a firehose, you have to have some empathy for that woman. I mean it's like opening up a raw wound for her. Consider her ass has to be wrinkly, tiny, and flat with coarse gray hair but her anus has to be like a sunspot of inflammation after trying to squeeze that much unholy filth out of such a tiny hole, it had to be like a tiny throbbing tomato-red donut by the time she was done.

She'd also have to wash her hands and of course pay for everything in pennies at the express counter with her dinner rolls for the potluck.
 
2014-02-04 10:41:15 PM
beta.images.theglobeandmail.com
 
2014-02-04 10:42:25 PM
She's 92. I can't even be mad. But she shouldn't be driving anymore.

Dinner rolls are usually packaged so she probably didn't get them full of germs. Unless she took them out of the package while at church to place them on a tray or something ....
 
2014-02-04 10:43:14 PM
When you're driving in your Chevy and you feel something heavy,....
 
2014-02-04 10:44:57 PM
When you're going to the church, and you feel something lurch....

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
 
2014-02-04 10:49:09 PM
Da Mudbutt is serious business.
 
2014-02-04 10:53:05 PM

AutumnWind: She's 92. I can't even be mad. But she shouldn't be driving anymore.

Dinner rolls are usually packaged so she probably didn't get them full of germs. Unless she took them out of the package while at church to place them on a tray or something ....


I'm drivin' you to the baffroom!
www.lassothemovies.com
 
2014-02-04 10:56:42 PM
MOVE!
Get outta the way. I've got to go to the bathroom.
You gotta move.
I gotta poop!
 
2014-02-04 11:05:34 PM
Hit and runny is more like it.
 
2014-02-04 11:09:09 PM

Weatherkiss: fusillade762: Draper drove to a nearby grocery store to use the restroom. While there, she bought the dinner rolls. After leaving the store, less than 45 minutes later

45 minutes to shiat and buy rolls? That must have been some shiat.

Well she was 92 years old. You have to think about what it must be like to force 3 gallons of raw liquid fecal matter out of an anus that has had that long of a run. With metamucil shavings stuck to foul-smelling death launched into the toilet bowl like a firehose, you have to have some empathy for that woman. I mean it's like opening up a raw wound for her. Consider her ass has to be wrinkly, tiny, and flat with coarse gray hair but her anus has to be like a sunspot of inflammation after trying to squeeze that much unholy filth out of such a tiny hole, it had to be like a tiny throbbing tomato-red donut by the time she was done.

She'd also have to wash her hands and of course pay for everything in pennies at the express counter with her dinner rolls for the potluck.


That, sir, is an opus.
 
2014-02-04 11:10:54 PM

RatMaster999: That's a shiatty excuse


and we are done here.
 
2014-02-04 11:10:56 PM
She's 92. Her last solid BM was during the Johnson administration.
 
2014-02-04 11:13:11 PM

Dr.Zom: Hit and runny is more like it.


+1 should've been in the headline! Lol
 
2014-02-04 11:24:47 PM

Mark Ratner: When you're driving in your Chevy and you feel something heavy,....


Thank you, been waiting for some apropos verses.

When you're ramming a person who jogs while squirting out some runny logs, diarrhea, diarrhea
 
2014-02-04 11:30:30 PM
FTFA " I'm saying my prayers and hoping everything turns out all right. I feel bad she got hurt."

fark you you shiatty old bag
 
2014-02-04 11:30:46 PM
Persis Draper, 92,


All I needed to see.
 
2014-02-04 11:37:44 PM

AutumnWind: She's 92. I can't even be mad. But she shouldn't be driving anymore.

Dinner rolls are usually packaged so she probably didn't get them full of germs. Unless she took them out of the package while at church to place them on a tray or something ....


That would be why I said she got her germs all over the packaging and then handed it off to her church. It doesn't matter if she took them out or not so long as somebody else touched the packaging and then didn't wash their hands before removing the rolls.

/woman mounts diarrhea
 
2014-02-04 11:45:40 PM
Oh, fudge.
 
2014-02-04 11:49:38 PM
When you commit a hit and run, then it's coming out your buns...
It's just a misdemeanor, but it's a nasty Cleveland Steamer...
At the age of 92, you only care about your poo...
 
2014-02-04 11:50:29 PM
May not fully apply to this story, but there needs to be mandatory driver testing for anyone 70 and over. Every two years, renew your license and have to take a road test to prove you can handle standard hazards, like people crossing the street.

I've been in a similar situation, about to blow ballast while trying to drive to a restroom ASAP, but if I hit someone while doing it,no way in hell they'd show pity. Despite what the cops said, I fully believe the only reason they didn't drag her away in cuffs for felony hit and run, is because she's 92.

Need to say goodbye to that driver license.
 
2014-02-05 12:07:42 AM

The My Little Pony Killer: AutumnWind: She's 92. I can't even be mad. But she shouldn't be driving anymore.

Dinner rolls are usually packaged so she probably didn't get them full of germs. Unless she took them out of the package while at church to place them on a tray or something ....

That would be why I said she got her germs all over the packaging and then handed it off to her church. It doesn't matter if she took them out or not so long as somebody else touched the packaging and then didn't wash their hands before removing the rolls.

/woman mounts diarrhea


"Package of" went invisible, but after looking again there it is. I already know I'm defective when it comes to reading.
 
2014-02-05 12:10:01 AM
So a hit-and-run by a 92-year old in Oro Valley, eh?
Yank her license and jail her.

/Gives a shiat.
 
2014-02-05 12:16:23 AM
At the time of the crash, the woman had been attempting to downshift. When she was sliding into first, then she felt a little burst - diarrhea.
 
2014-02-05 12:28:16 AM
That excuse never works. Should have told cops she was on her period.
 
2014-02-05 12:31:14 AM
Wouldn't it have helped her case more if she'd simply shat in the car?
 
2014-02-05 12:31:51 AM
Of course some man is to blame for her diarrhea.  Arrest him, toot sweet.
 
2014-02-05 12:32:33 AM
blog.codefront.net
 
2014-02-05 12:46:26 AM

fusillade762: Draper drove to a nearby grocery store to use the restroom. While there, she bought the dinner rolls. After leaving the store, less than 45 minutes later

45 minutes to shiat and buy rolls? That must have been some shiat.


45 minutes is believable.  I can believe, and understand, this lady's defense.  Not exonerating her, just understanding the urgency.  My mom had nasty radiation colitis.  When she was in a flare-up, 30 minutes on the toilet was nothing.  Not to mention that she had maybe 15 seconds to a minute between abdominal cramp and uncontrollable spilling shiat, and would often just get off the toilet and cleaned up, then get cramps and be back on it for another 30 minutes.

 /colitis is something you'd wish on an enemy, if you want them humiliated and dehumanized
 
2014-02-05 12:52:57 AM
 
2014-02-05 12:54:08 AM
What a bunch of shiat.
 
2014-02-05 12:57:34 AM

Weatherkiss: fusillade762: Draper drove to a nearby grocery store to use the restroom. While there, she bought the dinner rolls. After leaving the store, less than 45 minutes later

45 minutes to shiat and buy rolls? That must have been some shiat.

Well she was 92 years old. You have to think about what it must be like to force 3 gallons of raw liquid fecal matter out of an anus that has had that long of a run. With metamucil shavings stuck to foul-smelling death launched into the toilet bowl like a firehose, you have to have some empathy for that woman. I mean it's like opening up a raw wound for her. Consider her ass has to be wrinkly, tiny, and flat with coarse gray hair but her anus has to be like a sunspot of inflammation after trying to squeeze that much unholy filth out of such a tiny hole, it had to be like a tiny throbbing tomato-red donut by the time she was done.

She'd also have to wash her hands and of course pay for everything in pennies at the express counter with her dinner rolls for the potluck.


mmmmm...well-lubed.

please, go on...
 
2014-02-05 01:14:54 AM
Diarrhea is not from Endor.
 
2014-02-05 01:28:40 AM
Oh, come on.  Getting the shiats while driving to the store to buy rolls has happened to everyone at some point.
 
2014-02-05 01:35:52 AM
No shiat ? Man ! Ain't that some shiat . Well,shiat. It's shiat or Shinola. I don't give a shiat. Don't gimme that shiat. She prob'ly thinks her shiat don't stink.But,you know , when you step in shiat.......
 
2014-02-05 02:09:29 AM

buzzcut73: OnceMoreWithFeeling: This woman wants me on her jury.

This right here. If my intestines are acting up and you're between me and a shiatter, you'd best watch out because I will bowEl you over whether I'm driving or walking with my cheeks clinched up.


FTFY
 
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