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(International Business Times)   Johnny Depp to marry his bisexual fiance on a beach named after his ex-girlfriend   (ibtimes.com ) divider line
    More: Strange, Johnny Depp, Amber Heard, Bahamas, girlfriend, battles, Celebuzz, Vanessa Paradis, bisexuals  
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19288 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Feb 2014 at 11:27 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-02-04 11:48:10 AM  
6 votes:

vudukungfu: Oh, what a lucky man he was.


wait, I thought the wedding was in the Bahamas, not on Greg Lake.

face palmer.
2014-02-04 12:12:39 PM  
5 votes:

cwheelie: vudukungfu: Oh, what a lucky man he was.

wait, I thought the wedding was in the Bahamas, not on Greg Lake.

face palmer.


Emerson bad puns.
2014-02-04 12:36:02 PM  
3 votes:

TheShavingofOccam123: I expect Johnny Depp to start working a lot more. To pay for the divorce.

Trying to save a woman from her lesbian tendencies is the job for more than just a penis.


So, two penises?
2014-02-04 12:18:21 PM  
3 votes:

SonOfSpam: cwheelie: vudukungfu: Oh, what a lucky man he was.

wait, I thought the wedding was in the Bahamas, not on Greg Lake.

face palmer.

Emerson bad puns.



ELP trifecta complete.
2014-02-04 12:07:02 PM  
3 votes:

AngryJailhouseFistfark: Dirtybird971: he's 50, she's 27. and bi? this will be over faster than me sexing up a lady.

No it won't, and here's why:

Johnny Depp is about as open-minded and progressive a guy as you'll find in the Hollywood. He was pals with Hunter S. Thompson. He's tight with Keith Richards. He knows that the world is a strange and terrible place. He's aware of just how weird it can be, and he knows that people must be free to be who they are if they are to find any joy in life. As such, I predict that he will indulge her, plus, and has certainly has the means to do it. If she feels the urge for something, or someone, he will encourage and explore it with her. Because he knows that if he doesn't it will stifle her, foster resentment, and kill the relationship.

There.


You sound like you've spent a very large amount of time fantasizing about being Johnny Depp's girlfriend.

Or, you're Johnny Depp.

Maybe both.
2014-02-04 11:49:39 AM  
3 votes:
He paid $3.4 million for that island, that's enough to do 6.8 chicks at the same time.
2014-02-04 11:36:08 AM  
3 votes:
It's a bit on the nose for him to actually own a Caribbean island. I hope he at least doesn't sail there.
2014-02-04 11:08:25 AM  
3 votes:
Oh, what a lucky man he was.
2014-02-04 12:48:25 PM  
2 votes:

snowybunting: SonOfSpam: cwheelie: vudukungfu: Oh, what a lucky man he was.

wait, I thought the wedding was in the Bahamas, not on Greg Lake.

face palmer.

Emerson bad puns.


ELP trifecta complete.


What an ELP LP trifecta may look like:
coolalbumreview.com
2014-02-04 12:47:12 PM  
2 votes:

Ninja Otter: porcupine tree: SonOfSpam: cwheelie: vudukungfu: Oh, what a lucky man he was.

wait, I thought the wedding was in the Bahamas, not on Greg Lake.

face palmer.

Emerson bad puns.

I knew where this was going... From the Beginning.

Still, you turn me on.

Welcome back my friends to the pun thread that never ends...


I'm just surprised it Tarkus this long!
2014-02-04 12:38:09 PM  
2 votes:

Dirtybird971: AngryJailhouseFistfark

Smartest
Funniest
2014-02-04 12:21:41 PM
ransack.: AngryJailhouseFistfark: Dirtybird971: he's 50, she's 27. and bi? this will be over faster than me sexing up a lady.

No it won't, and here's why:

Johnny Depp is about as open-minded and progressive a guy as you'll find in the Hollywood. He was pals with Hunter S. Thompson. He's tight with Keith Richards. He knows that the world is a strange and terrible place. He's aware of just how weird it can be, and he knows that people must be free to be who they are if they are to find any joy in life. As such, I predict that he will indulge her, plus, and has certainly has the means to do it. If she feels the urge for something, or someone, he will encourage and explore it with her. Because he knows that if he doesn't it will stifle her, foster resentment, and kill the relationship.

There.

You sound like you've spent a very large amount of time fantasizing about being Johnny Depp's girlfriend.

Or, you're Johnny Depp.

Maybe both.


Neither, just a deviant who's learned to stop fighting the urges and accept other deviants and their deviances. It makes life so much more fun. And easier.

while some parts of what you wrote seems true, I don't know how you could possibly know what is in her heart. You completely cut out Ms. Heard from the equation. It's entirely possible this is a marriage "made in Hollywood" like all women who marry Tom cruise.


You're absolutely correct. As a Long-Standing Member of the Patriarchy I'll admit that I did approach this question from the phallocentric cis-gendered position of one on a mission to expand and explore only the exits, not the motivations. Likewise, as someone near Depp's age I immediately associated with his point of view, albeit speculative, that, and we both have a penis. I considered it, also, from having known older, successful men who took younger, "trophy" wives in which there was affection, even shared lust between them, but as they aged, his priorities turned to the Three R's: Rest, Retirement investments,  and Regularity. Meanwhile her interests remained in exploring her sexuality, social recreations, and the like. Too often the husband in these situations will attempt to rein in the wife's interests, thus creating a situation described in The Eagle's "Lyin' Eyes".

It may very well be that she's a gold digger, looking only to capitalize on his wealth and connections in the Motion Picture Industry, and leave him broken hearted, off chasing her professional goals on her own, thus fulfilling The Prophecy.

And you invoked the Tom Cruise Beards. Perhaps this is a merkin for her? I don't know what's the female equivalent? In order to keep her a viable Romantic Female Lead in a predominantly Hetero-Sexural Motion Picture Marketplace it is necessary to have her Enjoined in Conjugal Bliss with the Johnny Depp.

I am Reconsidered, and better for it!
2014-02-04 12:22:21 PM  
2 votes:

cwheelie: vudukungfu: Oh, what a lucky man he was.

wait, I thought the wedding was in the Bahamas, not on Greg Lake.

face palmer.


img.fark.net
Robert Palmer
2014-02-04 12:18:51 PM  
2 votes:

d23: Whatthefark: Amber Heard is the hottest woman out of Hollywood in the last few years. Good Job J.D.

wut?

[www.scarlettjohansson.org image 500x500]

Heard is probably not anti-Semitic though


You do know Scarlett is Jewish, right?
2014-02-04 12:14:18 PM  
2 votes:

Private_Citizen: She may be lesbian, and half his age, but come on - he's private island rich and world famous.

So, sure, she can fake it long enough for her lawyers to accurately assess his assets....


Like her age compared to him, she is only half lesbian
2014-02-04 11:42:57 AM  
2 votes:
Well tis is certainly better than dying in a bathroom with a spike in your arm.
2014-02-04 11:40:47 AM  
2 votes:
he's 50, she's 27. and bi? this will be over faster than me sexing up a lady.
2014-02-04 11:29:02 AM  
2 votes:
I Fark Famous Guys for the Money and Notoriety Beach?
2014-02-04 03:33:37 PM  
1 vote:

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: This was her girlfriend.


was that in the dictionary under "gay until graduation"?
2014-02-04 03:31:33 PM  
1 vote:

Alfonse Gregory: 104 posts and not a single shred of photographic evidence of this alleged bisexual beauty? Fark, I am dissapoint...


static.screenweek.it

This was her girlfriend.
2014-02-04 02:34:45 PM  
1 vote:

Mikeyworld: kaseyfarksdaladies: d23: Whatthefark:

wut?

[www.scarlettjohansson.org image 500x500]


/Would still do her though.

The inverse is more the question...


Of course.

/My Mommy says I'm a catch.
2014-02-04 02:27:55 PM  
1 vote:

dogslobber buttlube: AngryJailhouseFistfark: Dirtybird971: he's 50, she's 27. and bi? this will be over faster than me sexing up a lady.

No it won't, and here's why:

Johnny Depp is about as open-minded and progressive a guy as you'll find in the Hollywood. He was pals with Hunter S. Thompson. He's tight with Keith Richards. He knows that the world is a strange and terrible place. He's aware of just how weird it can be, and he knows that people must be free to be who they are if they are to find any joy in life. As such, I predict that he will indulge her, plus, and has certainly has the means to do it. If she feels the urge for something, or someone, he will encourage and explore it with her. Because he knows that if he doesn't it will stifle her, foster resentment, and kill the relationship.

There.

That is such a stinking pile of dog poo poo that I can smell it through my monitor.  What kind of knucklehead are you anyway?


Oh sheeeeiiit, dogslobber buttlube just straight up dissed AngryJailhouseFistfark!

upload.wikimedia.org
it's on!

2014-02-04 02:13:35 PM  
1 vote:

MeSoHomely: weemonkey: MeSoHomely: cwheelie: vudukungfu: Oh, what a lucky man he was.

wait, I thought the wedding was in the Bahamas, not on Greg Lake.

face palmer.

[img.fark.net image 276x183]
Robert Palmer

[31.media.tumblr.com image 500x374]
Leland Palmer.

[img.fark.net image 183x275]
Arnold Palmer?



miaulario.unavarra.es
Rosie Palmer?
2014-02-04 02:02:17 PM  
1 vote:

ZeroCorpse: LectertheChef: mike_d85: Abe Vigoda's Ghost: d23: Whatthefark: Amber Heard is the hottest woman out of Hollywood in the last few years. Good Job J.D.

wut?

[img.fark.net image 500x500]

Heard is probably not anti-Semitic though

You do know Scarlett is Jewish, right?

Good, someone else said it.  It's still an excuse to keep posting pictures of her.

/She said something horrible and everyone forgot she's Jewish for a week.

Ok, so what did she say that was so horrible and anti-semetic? The Google was of no help in the matter. I know she's got that Soda Stream thing, but there was nothing anti-semetic there.

I think the original complaint was from someone who completely misunderstood the SodaStream situation.

To clear it up:  SodaStream is an Israeli company. They transformed a factory formerly used to make weapons into a factory designed to make soda-making devices, but certain pro-Palestinian organizations are upset because the factory is located on what was once (and remains) disputed Palestinian land. HOWEVER, the factory employs many Palestinians and they're all very happy because they get paid a LOT more than most Palestinian jobs, they get meals and transportation to work, and they get other benefits as well.

Scarlet being SodaStream's spokesperson was offensive to the Palestinian critics of SodaStream because she is Jewish, so it appears that she's just backing her own people in the longest, stupidest holy war on the planet.

Some uninformed Americans took up the cause against Scarlet because they suddenly feel bad for Palestine, despite the fact that on 9/11 people in Palestine celebrated the attacks against us, and the people of Palestine did it again during the Boston Bombings. So suddenly Americans are worried about SodaStream occupying a strip of land that once belonged to Palestine, even though Palestine has made it clear they they consider the deaths of Americans cause to celebrate?

Personally, I think the whole thing is dumb. Even if you feel bad for the Palestinian people, this selective complaining is idiotic and the people protesting SodaStream are technically the anti-Semitic ones. And if you're going to boycott Israel, then you have to boycott all of these things, too, because they are tied to disputed places in the Israel/Palestine brouhaha:

Pampers
Victoria's Secret
Volvo
Intel
Motorola
McDonald's

Among others.

Scarlett Johansson was unfortunately targeted for simply doing her job as an actress. If anything, what she did was  pro-semitic,to the point of pissing off certain pro-Palestine organizations.

And my opinion? I think the whole Israel-Palestine thing is completely stupid, and always has been. They paint it as a holy war, as a struggle of two separate cultures fighting over land they both consider sacred, but what it ultimately comes down to is who lives there, who holds the land, and who does something with it. If land being "sacred" or "holy" had ANY value in the world of real estate and conquest, then the white motherfarkers who took the land in North America should be giving it back to the Native Americans and saying they're sorry. But that doesn't happen here, so I don't see why people here should be so eager to see it happen on the other side of the world, first.

Plus, I really love my SodaStream, and Scarlet Johansson is very nice to look at, and the Palestinians working for SodaStream have better jobs than many Americans, so honestly, it's a non-issue to me.


Oh god just SHUT UP nobody gives a hell damn crap about the stupid soda machines and the Israel and your stupid verbose uninfluental opinions so just still your fingers for five minutes and make the world a calmer place
2014-02-04 02:01:23 PM  
1 vote:

MeSoHomely: weemonkey: MeSoHomely: cwheelie: vudukungfu: Oh, what a lucky man he was.

wait, I thought the wedding was in the Bahamas, not on Greg Lake.

face palmer.

[img.fark.net image 276x183]
Robert Palmer

[31.media.tumblr.com image 500x374]
Leland Palmer.

[img.fark.net image 183x275]
Arnold Palmer?


Quite a bit of this over Ms. Heard, I suspect.
media.screened.com

/not many people know that.
2014-02-04 01:36:35 PM  
1 vote:

Deucednuisance: Ninja Otter: porcupine tree: SonOfSpam: cwheelie: vudukungfu: Oh, what a lucky man he was.

wait, I thought the wedding was in the Bahamas, not on Greg Lake.

face palmer.

Emerson bad puns.

I knew where this was going... From the Beginning.

Still, you turn me on.

Welcome back my friends to the pun thread that never ends...

I'm just surprised it Tarkus this long!


Yeah, it's not exactly brain salad surgery...
2014-02-04 01:16:59 PM  
1 vote:

Sin_City_Superhero: d23: ScarJo isn't new. She's been around since the early 90's. Amber's only been around for about 10 years or so.


well, since she was born in 84 and you found her to be a sex symbol since the early 90's, um, would you like to have a seat over there?

/scarjo is only 2 yrs older than Heard
2014-02-04 01:16:51 PM  
1 vote:
Whar amber heard pics, whar? Is this fark?

/is that you, John Wayne?
2014-02-04 12:45:29 PM  
1 vote:

porcupine tree: SonOfSpam: cwheelie: vudukungfu: Oh, what a lucky man he was.

wait, I thought the wedding was in the Bahamas, not on Greg Lake.

face palmer.

Emerson bad puns.

I knew where this was going... From the Beginning.


Still, you turn me on.

Welcome back my friends to the pun thread that never ends...
2014-02-04 12:38:54 PM  
1 vote:

MeSoHomely: cwheelie: vudukungfu: Oh, what a lucky man he was.

wait, I thought the wedding was in the Bahamas, not on Greg Lake.

face palmer.

[img.fark.net image 276x183]
Robert Palmer


31.media.tumblr.com
Leland Palmer.
2014-02-04 12:21:41 PM  
1 vote:

ransack.: AngryJailhouseFistfark: Dirtybird971: he's 50, she's 27. and bi? this will be over faster than me sexing up a lady.

No it won't, and here's why:

Johnny Depp is about as open-minded and progressive a guy as you'll find in the Hollywood. He was pals with Hunter S. Thompson. He's tight with Keith Richards. He knows that the world is a strange and terrible place. He's aware of just how weird it can be, and he knows that people must be free to be who they are if they are to find any joy in life. As such, I predict that he will indulge her, plus, and has certainly has the means to do it. If she feels the urge for something, or someone, he will encourage and explore it with her. Because he knows that if he doesn't it will stifle her, foster resentment, and kill the relationship.

There.

You sound like you've spent a very large amount of time fantasizing about being Johnny Depp's girlfriend.

Or, you're Johnny Depp.

Maybe both.


Neither, just a deviant who's learned to stop fighting the urges and accept other deviants and their deviances. It makes life so much more fun. And easier.
2014-02-04 12:00:48 PM  
1 vote:

stirfrybry: Just what every husband must want: A wife who says "not tonight, honey, I'm in the mood for something different".

Does he get to watch? Ooooh sounds fun!


images2.wikia.nocookie.net

Wait till the baby is born for all the real fun to start.
2014-02-04 11:58:29 AM  
1 vote:

GavinTheAlmighty: Meanwhile, I married my wife at a golf course named after the local parks and public space commission.

Rich people are weird.


I married my wife at the county courthouse, named for the county.
2014-02-04 11:55:18 AM  
1 vote:
Just what every husband must want: A wife who says "not tonight, honey, I'm in the mood for something different".

Does he get to watch? Ooooh sounds fun!
2014-02-04 11:48:04 AM  
1 vote:

Whatthefark: Amber Heard is the hottest woman out of Hollywood in the last few years. Good Job J.D.


wut?

www.scarlettjohansson.org

Heard is probably not anti-Semitic though
2014-02-04 11:41:53 AM  
1 vote:
50 year old rich man marries trophy wife, got it.  Must make for great conversations around the dinner table...

Yeah, I remember that cartoon on Saturday mornings, I used to watch it with my kid!
2014-02-04 11:40:39 AM  
1 vote:
Meanwhile, I married my wife at a golf course named after the local parks and public space commission.

Rich people are weird.
2014-02-04 11:39:45 AM  
1 vote:

TheShavingofOccam123: Trying to save a woman from her lesbian tendencies is the job for more than just a penis.


d22zlbw5ff7yk5.cloudfront.net
2014-02-04 11:36:27 AM  
1 vote:
That picture!  You so seldom see Depp, where he doesn't look like a circus clown or a wino, and I don't mean when he's in character.
 
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