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(International Business Times)   Johnny Depp to marry his bisexual fiance on a beach named after his ex-girlfriend   (ibtimes.com) divider line 28
    More: Strange, Johnny Depp, Amber Heard, Bahamas, girlfriend, battles, Celebuzz, Vanessa Paradis, bisexuals  
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19200 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Feb 2014 at 11:27 AM (42 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-02-04 11:42:57 AM  
5 votes:
Well tis is certainly better than dying in a bathroom with a spike in your arm.
2014-02-04 11:38:19 AM  
5 votes:
Named after his daughter, subby, not his ex.
2014-02-04 11:50:30 AM  
4 votes:
She may be lesbian, and half his age, but come on - he's private island rich and world famous.

So, sure, she can fake it long enough for her lawyers to accurately assess his assets....
2014-02-04 11:36:27 AM  
4 votes:
That picture!  You so seldom see Depp, where he doesn't look like a circus clown or a wino, and I don't mean when he's in character.
2014-02-04 12:18:51 PM  
3 votes:

d23: Whatthefark: Amber Heard is the hottest woman out of Hollywood in the last few years. Good Job J.D.

wut?

[www.scarlettjohansson.org image 500x500]

Heard is probably not anti-Semitic though


You do know Scarlett is Jewish, right?
2014-02-04 11:40:47 AM  
3 votes:
he's 50, she's 27. and bi? this will be over faster than me sexing up a lady.
2014-02-04 01:59:05 PM  
2 votes:

ransack.: Sin_City_Superhero: d23: Whatthefark: Amber Heard is the hottest woman out of Hollywood in the last few years. Good Job J.D.

wut?





ScarJo isn't new. She's been around since the early 90's. Amber's only been around for about 10 years or so.

This is really awesome that the new mobile quoting system redisplays the image instead of just some url in brackets. Props to the fark mobile site dude who designed this, I am really enjoying the new mobile comment layout. Thumbs up to you from a superoldfark, you anonymous low-paid intern codemonkey.

Also, that is the worst photograph of Scarlett Johanssen I've ever seen. It looks like a mugshot.


It's only a bad photo in that we can't see her boobs
2014-02-04 01:20:11 PM  
2 votes:
I'm with Winona Ryder on this subject: The guy traded the mother of his kids for a younger model, and he wasn't entirely diplomatic about it. While that may seem like "success" to some people, I think ditching the mother of your kids for a woman half your age shows a certain level of immaturity. In short, Depp's probably going through a mid-life crisis.

And while I'd admit it's nice to know that one of the more attractive and desired men in America is going through a midlife crisis just like anyone else his age might, it's unfortunate he did it in a situation where kids were involved.

On the other hand, if he and the child-bride are happy, then that's good. If his ex isn't entirely bitter, that's good, too. If his kids are OK with it, that's probably acceptable (though they probably shouldn't have to be put through it, anyway).

However, I hope Amber Heard realizes that she'll be 41 some day, too.
2014-02-04 12:38:09 PM  
2 votes:

Dirtybird971: AngryJailhouseFistfark

Smartest
Funniest
2014-02-04 12:21:41 PM
ransack.: AngryJailhouseFistfark: Dirtybird971: he's 50, she's 27. and bi? this will be over faster than me sexing up a lady.

No it won't, and here's why:

Johnny Depp is about as open-minded and progressive a guy as you'll find in the Hollywood. He was pals with Hunter S. Thompson. He's tight with Keith Richards. He knows that the world is a strange and terrible place. He's aware of just how weird it can be, and he knows that people must be free to be who they are if they are to find any joy in life. As such, I predict that he will indulge her, plus, and has certainly has the means to do it. If she feels the urge for something, or someone, he will encourage and explore it with her. Because he knows that if he doesn't it will stifle her, foster resentment, and kill the relationship.

There.

You sound like you've spent a very large amount of time fantasizing about being Johnny Depp's girlfriend.

Or, you're Johnny Depp.

Maybe both.


Neither, just a deviant who's learned to stop fighting the urges and accept other deviants and their deviances. It makes life so much more fun. And easier.

while some parts of what you wrote seems true, I don't know how you could possibly know what is in her heart. You completely cut out Ms. Heard from the equation. It's entirely possible this is a marriage "made in Hollywood" like all women who marry Tom cruise.


You're absolutely correct. As a Long-Standing Member of the Patriarchy I'll admit that I did approach this question from the phallocentric cis-gendered position of one on a mission to expand and explore only the exits, not the motivations. Likewise, as someone near Depp's age I immediately associated with his point of view, albeit speculative, that, and we both have a penis. I considered it, also, from having known older, successful men who took younger, "trophy" wives in which there was affection, even shared lust between them, but as they aged, his priorities turned to the Three R's: Rest, Retirement investments,  and Regularity. Meanwhile her interests remained in exploring her sexuality, social recreations, and the like. Too often the husband in these situations will attempt to rein in the wife's interests, thus creating a situation described in The Eagle's "Lyin' Eyes".

It may very well be that she's a gold digger, looking only to capitalize on his wealth and connections in the Motion Picture Industry, and leave him broken hearted, off chasing her professional goals on her own, thus fulfilling The Prophecy.

And you invoked the Tom Cruise Beards. Perhaps this is a merkin for her? I don't know what's the female equivalent? In order to keep her a viable Romantic Female Lead in a predominantly Hetero-Sexural Motion Picture Marketplace it is necessary to have her Enjoined in Conjugal Bliss with the Johnny Depp.

I am Reconsidered, and better for it!
2014-02-04 11:39:58 AM  
2 votes:
I love his acting and he owns a pretty biatchin car.  But I get the feeling Johnny Depp is a great actor because he completely lacks social abilities.  My guess is that he likes his privacy because he's realized he's a few math lessons away from being Rain Man and doesn't want to be mocked.

You know, like how James Earl Jones carefully crafts each word because of his former speech impediment?  Like that, but with social interaction.  Therefore he 1 - follows the script, 2 - takes his cues on careful observation, 3 - doesn't inject himself into every role.  Like Dennis Leary.
2014-02-04 03:33:37 PM  
1 votes:

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: This was her girlfriend.


was that in the dictionary under "gay until graduation"?
2014-02-04 02:34:23 PM  
1 votes:
She's thinking...ok, I'm only 27, he's 50...his career won't last that long, so I can milk him for
his money, and when he's over the hill and not making money, I'll only be in my 40's, and can
marry some idiot kid that's making a ton of money.
2014-02-04 02:28:20 PM  
1 votes:
Yawn... Always thought Johnny Depp was a big poseur. He tries too hard to "seem cool". (And, the older he gets the more desperate he appears.)
2014-02-04 02:23:00 PM  
1 votes:
104 posts and not a single shred of photographic evidence of this alleged bisexual beauty? Fark, I am dissapoint...
2014-02-04 02:01:23 PM  
1 votes:

MeSoHomely: weemonkey: MeSoHomely: cwheelie: vudukungfu: Oh, what a lucky man he was.

wait, I thought the wedding was in the Bahamas, not on Greg Lake.

face palmer.

[img.fark.net image 276x183]
Robert Palmer

[31.media.tumblr.com image 500x374]
Leland Palmer.

[img.fark.net image 183x275]
Arnold Palmer?


Quite a bit of this over Ms. Heard, I suspect.
media.screened.com

/not many people know that.
2014-02-04 01:44:04 PM  
1 votes:

LectertheChef: mike_d85: Abe Vigoda's Ghost: d23: Whatthefark: Amber Heard is the hottest woman out of Hollywood in the last few years. Good Job J.D.

wut?

[img.fark.net image 500x500]

Heard is probably not anti-Semitic though

You do know Scarlett is Jewish, right?

Good, someone else said it.  It's still an excuse to keep posting pictures of her.

/She said something horrible and everyone forgot she's Jewish for a week.

Ok, so what did she say that was so horrible and anti-semetic? The Google was of no help in the matter. I know she's got that Soda Stream thing, but there was nothing anti-semetic there.


I think the original complaint was from someone who completely misunderstood the SodaStream situation.

To clear it up:  SodaStream is an Israeli company. They transformed a factory formerly used to make weapons into a factory designed to make soda-making devices, but certain pro-Palestinian organizations are upset because the factory is located on what was once (and remains) disputed Palestinian land. HOWEVER, the factory employs many Palestinians and they're all very happy because they get paid a LOT more than most Palestinian jobs, they get meals and transportation to work, and they get other benefits as well.

Scarlet being SodaStream's spokesperson was offensive to the Palestinian critics of SodaStream because she is Jewish, so it appears that she's just backing her own people in the longest, stupidest holy war on the planet.

Some uninformed Americans took up the cause against Scarlet because they suddenly feel bad for Palestine, despite the fact that on 9/11 people in Palestine celebrated the attacks against us, and the people of Palestine did it again during the Boston Bombings. So suddenly Americans are worried about SodaStream occupying a strip of land that once belonged to Palestine, even though Palestine has made it clear they they consider the deaths of Americans cause to celebrate?

Personally, I think the whole thing is dumb. Even if you feel bad for the Palestinian people, this selective complaining is idiotic and the people protesting SodaStream are technically the anti-Semitic ones. And if you're going to boycott Israel, then you have to boycott all of these things, too, because they are tied to disputed places in the Israel/Palestine brouhaha:

Pampers
Victoria's Secret
Volvo
Intel
Motorola
McDonald's

Among others.

Scarlett Johansson was unfortunately targeted for simply doing her job as an actress. If anything, what she did was  pro-semitic,to the point of pissing off certain pro-Palestine organizations.

And my opinion? I think the whole Israel-Palestine thing is completely stupid, and always has been. They paint it as a holy war, as a struggle of two separate cultures fighting over land they both consider sacred, but what it ultimately comes down to is who lives there, who holds the land, and who does something with it. If land being "sacred" or "holy" had ANY value in the world of real estate and conquest, then the white motherfarkers who took the land in North America should be giving it back to the Native Americans and saying they're sorry. But that doesn't happen here, so I don't see why people here should be so eager to see it happen on the other side of the world, first.

Plus, I really love my SodaStream, and Scarlet Johansson is very nice to look at, and the Palestinians working for SodaStream have better jobs than many Americans, so honestly, it's a non-issue to me.
2014-02-04 01:16:51 PM  
1 votes:
Whar amber heard pics, whar? Is this fark?

/is that you, John Wayne?
2014-02-04 12:38:54 PM  
1 votes:

MeSoHomely: cwheelie: vudukungfu: Oh, what a lucky man he was.

wait, I thought the wedding was in the Bahamas, not on Greg Lake.

face palmer.

[img.fark.net image 276x183]
Robert Palmer


31.media.tumblr.com
Leland Palmer.
2014-02-04 12:27:10 PM  
1 votes:

AngryJailhouseFistfark

Smartest
Funniest
2014-02-04 12:21:41 PM
ransack.: AngryJailhouseFistfark: Dirtybird971: he's 50, she's 27. and bi? this will be over faster than me sexing up a lady.

No it won't, and here's why:

Johnny Depp is about as open-minded and progressive a guy as you'll find in the Hollywood. He was pals with Hunter S. Thompson. He's tight with Keith Richards. He knows that the world is a strange and terrible place. He's aware of just how weird it can be, and he knows that people must be free to be who they are if they are to find any joy in life. As such, I predict that he will indulge her, plus, and has certainly has the means to do it. If she feels the urge for something, or someone, he will encourage and explore it with her. Because he knows that if he doesn't it will stifle her, foster resentment, and kill the relationship.

There.

You sound like you've spent a very large amount of time fantasizing about being Johnny Depp's girlfriend.

Or, you're Johnny Depp.

Maybe both.


Neither, just a deviant who's learned to stop fighting the urges and accept other deviants and their deviances. It makes life so much more fun. And easier.


while some parts of what you wrote seems true, I don't know how you could possibly know what is in her heart. You completely cut out Ms. Heard from the equation. It's entirely possible this is a marriage "made in Hollywood" like all women who marry Tom cruise.
2014-02-04 12:09:10 PM  
1 votes:

TheShavingofOccam123: I expect Johnny Depp to start working a lot more. To pay for the divorce.

Trying to save a woman from her lesbian tendencies is the job for more than just a penis.


www.rainbowshootingrange.com
2014-02-04 11:58:55 AM  
1 votes:

Dirtybird971: he's 50, she's 27. and bi? this will be over faster than me sexing up a lady.


No it won't, and here's why:

Johnny Depp is about as open-minded and progressive a guy as you'll find in the Hollywood. He was pals with Hunter S. Thompson. He's tight with Keith Richards. He knows that the world is a strange and terrible place. He's aware of just how weird it can be, and he knows that people must be free to be who they are if they are to find any joy in life. As such, I predict that he will indulge her, plus, and has certainly has the means to do it. If she feels the urge for something, or someone, he will encourage and explore it with her. Because he knows that if he doesn't it will stifle her, foster resentment, and kill the relationship.

There.
d23 [TotalFark]
2014-02-04 11:48:04 AM  
1 votes:

Whatthefark: Amber Heard is the hottest woman out of Hollywood in the last few years. Good Job J.D.


wut?

www.scarlettjohansson.org

Heard is probably not anti-Semitic though
2014-02-04 11:39:45 AM  
1 votes:

TheShavingofOccam123: Trying to save a woman from her lesbian tendencies is the job for more than just a penis.


d22zlbw5ff7yk5.cloudfront.net
2014-02-04 11:39:26 AM  
1 votes:
Fiancée.  A fiancé is a dude (although, admittedly, the headline still looks like it could be correct)
2014-02-04 11:37:22 AM  
1 votes:
Are you not entertained?
2014-02-04 11:36:13 AM  
1 votes:
I expect Johnny Depp to start working a lot more. To pay for the divorce.

Trying to save a woman from her lesbian tendencies is the job for more than just a penis.
2014-02-04 11:31:58 AM  
1 votes:
Amber Heard is the hottest woman out of Hollywood in the last few years. Good Job J.D.
2014-02-04 11:29:02 AM  
1 votes:
I Fark Famous Guys for the Money and Notoriety Beach?
 
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